Chapter 4
Chapter Four
JAY DIDN’T BELIEVE in luck. He’d seen too many guys with four-leaf-clover tattoos leaving in body bags to think that there was anything in this world that could influence his fate.
He’d kind of always known he made his own luck and sitting across from Alysse on the beach with the waves crashing on the shore.
..well, it was about as lucky as he’d ever felt.
Tonight he’d realized how little he knew Alysse and that had maybe been why he’d left.
Perhaps that panicked sweat he’d woken up in the last morning he’d been in Vegas had had nothing to do with her large family and the expectations she had for him, and everything to do with the fact that he didn’t really know her outside of that king-size bed they’d shared.
He wanted to believe that. Truly, he did. But at the end of the day he’d taken one look at the sweetly sleeping woman and known deep in his soul he was going to hurt her. So he’d done it the quickest way possible. Got it over with and got out.
But then that damned IED had changed his life. And now he was back trying to carve something from the past that he should never have given up. It wasn’t as simple as reliving what they’d had because they couldn’t go back. He wanted to know if he could have the life he’d never experienced with her.
“So tell me about your near miss,” she said in a careful tone.
Alysse was the prettiest girl he’d ever known.
He’d seen beautiful women before but there was something about her that had drawn him from the moment their eyes had met.
And sitting across from her now, he was still enamored with her.
She had mellowed toward him during dinner, though he knew he was still on the hot seat and she’d walk away from him without looking back.
“There’s not much to tell. The logistics of it won’t matter to you. Just know that I was lying in the sand, sun in my eyes and for a minute I thought I was dying. In that instant it came to me that I had no one. It sharpened all of my desires and all of my ideas of what life was about.”
She reached over and rubbed her hand down his arm, taking his fingers in her grasp and squeezing them gently. “I’m sorry you were alone.”
He nodded and looked away. Even though the sun had started to set, he’d kept his sunglasses on so she couldn’t read his emotions or see the fear he knew was in his eyes. She was too good for him, he thought, the way she was upset about him being alone even though he’d tossed her aside.
“It’s my own fault.”
“Yes, it is,” she said. “So you almost died and thought you needed someone to mourn you?”
“Nah. I almost died and I thought, Really, man, this is all you want out of life?” Faced with his own mortality, he’d acknowledged he wanted more than what he had. Yet he wasn’t too sure what he’d do with more if he got it.
The one thing he was sure of was that Alysse was the key to understanding that. She truly was the only woman he’d spent more than one night with. But he wasn’t about to tell her that. She was looking skeptical enough about his entire proposition.
“What answer did you find?” she asked.
“I haven’t. But the last time I was happy outside of the Corps was with you, so...”
“I can’t believe you,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re back here hoping for something.”
“That is what I said,” he reminded her gently.
She withdrew her hand from his.
He looked away and then pushed his hands through his hair.
He’d rather face an entire unit of well-trained guerillas than this woman.
The fact that he was still scared of her after all this time made him realize that there was more to Alysse than sex.
He wanted more from her than physical pleasure, though that was still a big part of why he was here.
“I get that you are afraid to trust me, Alysse. I know that I don’t deserve the slightest kindness from you—”
“Don’t. Don’t say things like that because you make me want to feel sorry for you,” she said. “And that’s not right.”
He stepped toward her. “Let’s go. I need to get away from here. I feel exposed.”
She nodded. He saw her long hair blowing in the wind and he had the feeling that he’d said the wrong thing. But at this point there was nothing else he could say.
“I can’t...I’m not sure I can do much more tonight. I guess you can call me tomorrow,” she said backing away.
He knew he had to let her go. At least until he figured out what he wanted from her and for her, as well as how to have peace in the future.
But that wasn’t about to happen tonight. He knew better than that. “Can I give you a ride home?”
“No. I have my car,” she said. “Thanks for dinner.”
“Hey, I’m not about to let you treat this like some casual date. I want to know what you are feeling.”
“Feeling? I have no idea what I feel at this moment. I’m scared and nervous and excited. I don’t have any idea what will happen next and I’m not entirely sure that I’m not making a stupid decision because...well, because I never actually got over you, Jay.”
“That’s good,” he said, feeling more confident than he had since she’d arrived on the beach.
“I’m glad you think so. But you are here to sort out your life and I already have one. One that you didn’t want to be a part of.”
“We don’t know that. This second chance—”
“Is for you,” she said. “It’s not for me and I have to remember that. I’m not going to let you hurt me again.”
The very last thing he wanted was to hurt Alysse, but he wasn’t about to let his chance—his chance at...what?—go. He had no idea what she going to be to him, though his gut said she was his golden ticket and a man didn’t get too many of those.
“I get that,” he said. “Thanks for staying for dinner.”
“You’re welcome,” she replied, making ready to leave. Then he noticed the Sweet Dreams bakery box.
“Dessert!” he said. That was the excuse he’d used to get her down here and maybe now it would be reason enough for her to stay. He could only hope so.
“Dessert?” she asked.
“We haven’t had whatever you brought for us yet,” he said. “You can’t leave until we have dessert.”
With an almost sad look on her face, she pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head and he saw her pretty blue eyes. Saw the pain and fear she’d alluded to earlier and he knew he was a goner. He was never going to be able to make an unbiased decision where she was concerned.
He was alive but not well and he wanted to take care of himself and find out if he had any chance at life, a real life, but he wasn’t going to be able to put himself before her.
“Please,” he said at last, because any other words were beyond him.
She blinked and then nodded. “We have to get past this.”
“I know,” he said. “You’re afraid I’m going to hurt you and I’d rather die than do that.”
“You can’t be vulnerable to me,” she said slowly. “If you are...we will both lose.”
“This isn’t about winning,” he said, closing the gap between them and pulling her into his arms. “This is about...”
She tipped her head back and put her hands on his shoulders. Going up on tiptoe she leaned up and brushed her lips over his. Then she slowly opened her mouth and her tongue sneaked out to touch his and he melted.
He forgot that he didn’t want to screw this up and went with his gut. And his gut said this woman belonged in his arms. She belonged with him.
ALYSSE KNEW SHE’D MADE a huge mistake by coming here.
She’d already been in a “romantic” mood, thinking that this Marine was going to make a gesture that would win back his woman.
Being the woman in question...well, a cupcake wasn’t enough, but sadly Jay was.
He was the guy she’d been waiting for and now she found she was ready.
Her control of the kiss lasted briefly and then Jay’s hands were on her hips and he pulled her off balance and into him.
She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and was overcome with an emotion that was embarrassing.
She felt the sting of tears so abruptly she stopped the kiss and rested her head on his shoulder.
It had been too long. She took a deep shuddering breath. She refused to cry. But she couldn’t help it when he slid one hand up her back to her neck and rubbed her shoulders.
“Ah, Aly. I’m so sorry.”
“Me, too,” she admitted, the truth finally revealing itself. Jay wasn’t someone she could be casual about, as he’d said. If she couldn’t walk away now and not look back, she was never going to be able to do it.
She might want to pretend that she had some say over her emotions, but truthfully she didn’t, not where he was concerned.
He tipped her chin up, looking down at her with those big dark chocolate-brown eyes of his and he kissed her. His hands framed her face as his mouth moved over hers with the confidence and surety she remembered.
But then his tongue slid against hers and she stopped thinking. She just let her feelings take over. Shivers spread down her spine. Her breasts felt full and needy. She shifted her shoulders to rub against him and he moaned deep in his throat as he widened his stance so that his hips cradled hers.
She felt the nudge of his cock as he hardened and she moaned a little as he rubbed himself against her.
She was alive and nothing else mattered to her in that moment. Jay’s hands were under her shirt and sliding over her back. His big calloused hands caressed up and down her spine until she was arching against him, trying to get even closer.
He lifted her off her feet and took a few steps before sitting down on the closest chair. She straddled him and looked down at him, smiling.
“I want you,” he said. He took the tip of his finger and drew it down the center of her throat and then caressed the skin where her neck and throat met. It was a particularly sensitive spot for her and she shuddered with awareness.
“I can tell,” she said, rocking her hips over his
erection.
“I never could hide the way you make me feel,”
he said.