Chapter 8 #2
“Yes,” she said, surprised at the breathless quality of her own voice. She also wanted something that she was afraid to believe he could give her. She wanted his heart. “I’ve thought of nothing else since I saw you shirtless on the beach. You have a very tempting body, Jay.”
“Then take me,” he said.
She did want to take him, and yet at the same time learning about his past had made her afraid to really use him. Jay was more vulnerable than she’d realized. It was silly, because he seemed so strong and indestructible that it had never occurred to her he could be hurt.
“I will,” she said. But she promised herself she would do her best to protect his heart, too. Because hurting Jay would only result in wounding herself.
She took his hand and led him up the lighted path of her small bungalow to the front door. She fumbled for her key and almost dropped it.
“Nervous?”
“Silly, huh?”
“Not so silly. We aren’t strangers anymore.”
That struck her. They’d married and divorced but hadn’t really known each other. The impact of what she was doing held her still.
“I’ll go,” he offered.
If he left she’d never see him again—she knew it. And she had to ask herself if she was going to hide away from life on the off chance that she might get hurt or if she was going to live it.
“No. Stay.”
Jay smiled then, a real smile, and she felt that flood of emotion rushing through her again. He stooped, picked up her keys and handed them to her. She turned to put the key in the door lock and he came up behind her.
His hands were on her waist, his mouth on her neck dropping gentle kisses that stoked the flames of desire burning through her and convinced her she’d made the right decision in inviting him in.
She finally got the door open and they stepped into her foyer. Jay closed the door and leaned back against it. He stood there for a moment surveying her and her lovely house. He crossed his arms over his chest, his expression unreadable, and she wondered what he was thinking.
“Nice place,” he said at last.
“Thanks.”
There was awkwardness between them that hadn’t been there before and she wondered if it was because in her mind this had all changed. She had admitted to herself how much she cared for him. There was no going back.
“Come here, Aly. Make me believe I fit in your world.”
She took a step toward him and he pulled her into his arms. She held him closely, burying her head in his shoulder and inhaling his unique scent—the saltiness of the sea that clung to his clothes and hair, the earthiness that she always associated with Jay.
He kissed her passionately and slowly, as if they had all the time in the world.
Then she felt him caressing her back, his hands roaming up and down her body, loosening buttons and zippers until they could slip underneath and touch her naked skin.
She shuddered. Oh, she’d missed his touch. She gasped as he spanned her waist with his hands and lifted her off the ground so that she was more fully pressed against him.
She pushed her hands under his shirt, rubbing his chest to tease him. Then he drew her closer still.
“Oh, Jay,” she said, knowing her heart was in her voice.
He swallowed hard and she saw a brief hint of emotion flash in his eyes before he kissed her.
In an instant, their tender moment became one of white-hot lust. His mouth was on her neck, one hand on her breast and the other between her legs. She was shaking and on the edge of her climax in seconds.
His hand left her breast and she heard the sound of his zipper being lowered and then felt his hot cock between her legs. He turned her around, though she wanted to see his eyes, hold his face.
Behind her, he guided her hands to the door and then touched her intimately to test her readiness. She felt the tip of his cock and shifted backward to urge him inside. He’d aroused her; she wanted him, there was no doubt. And he didn’t waste another second before he thrust inside her.
He tweaked her nipples and then reached lower to fondle her clit as his hips pumped faster and harder.
Blind desire consumed her.
But still the questions sped through her brain, still she wanted to see him.
Suddenly, she felt the intense contractions of her body as her orgasm began and his hands quickly went to her hips and to pull her into each of his thrusts. He sent her over the edge into a climax that made stars dance in front of her eyes.
He thrust once more, then twice again before his hot release came. Falling forward, he rested his head between her shoulder blades. She stood there until her breathing slowed and he slipped his arms around her waist and held her.
Eventually, he pulled away from her, but took her in his arms. “Bedroom?”
She put her hand on his jaw as she saw the haunted look in his eyes. For the first time she understood that he had no idea how to deal with the emotions she’d elicited in him.
She pointed down the hallway. She wanted to pretend she was just using him for sex, but when he came into her bedroom and lay down beside her, she knew it wasn’t just sex.
He might have been unable to face her when they’d made love earlier, but now he cradled her in his arms, cuddled her close and made her feel as if he wasn’t ever going to let her go.
She focused on his lightly hairy chest rising and falling until exhaustion claimed her and she fell asleep.
It felt like a fantasy. She knew that this time with him wasn’t real.
She had to remember that, she thought, as she drifted off.
JAY DIDN’T SLEEP as he held Alysse in his arms, but he did enjoy having her naked body pressed to his side. She snored softly in her sleep and he couldn’t for the life of him remember holding her this way in Vegas. If he had it hadn’t been as important as it was now.
He knew he’d played into her thought tonight that she was using him for sex. She wasn’t. No matter what Alysse told herself she didn’t have it in her to use anyone, least of all someone she cared for.
He knew that if he were a better man he’d walk away. He wasn’t exactly sure why he didn’t, except that when he was with her, despite his indecision about the future, he felt okay.
He stroked her hair and glanced at his watch, knowing he should go. She had to get up early and she might not want him to spend the night.
But he was reluctant to leave. He didn’t want her to wake up alone and think he’d abandoned her again. Damn, he was trapped. But it was the sweetest situation he’d ever found himself in. He felt his pulse slow and his eyes grew a bit heavier.
He rolled to his side, pulled her closer and drifted off to sleep.
His dreams were dark and disturbing. He found himself back in Afghanistan, lying in cover, waiting for his target.
He saw the dust rising in the east as a caravan of fast-moving SUVs headed toward him.
He glanced at his scout and it was Alysse calling out the coordinates of the wind and the trajectory.
And instead of lying down in cover she was standing next to him in her chef’s jacket and hat.
What the hell was she doing here? Alysse should never be in the battle zone. Damn. This was a huge mistake.
“Get down,” he yelled. Rolling at her legs, knocking her to the ground so that she didn’t present as large a target. She popped her head up and he pushed it down before tucking her underneath him. “It’s dangerous.”
“You were supposed to protect me,” she spat.
“I’m trying,” he said. But he knew they’d been spotted and heard the convoy stop below their position. She wasn’t listening to his orders. She was putting them both in harm’s way and he had no way to save her.
“Stop smothering me.” She struggled against him and he felt the whiz of a bullet flying past his head. He grabbed her more firmly, keeping her in place underneath him.
“Stop moving or we’ll die,” he ordered. God, he couldn’t let anything happen to her. He didn’t want Alysse to die. He wanted her safe and happy.
He had to get her out of here. He wrapped his arms around her and scanned the area. He’d roll them down the hill to the safety of a small copse of trees.
“Jay?” she asked, her hand on his shoulder. “Wake up.”
“What?” he asked. The dream faded away. He was in Alysse’s bed, on top of her. She had her hands on his chest and lightly pushed against him. Dammit, he weighed at least a hundred pounds more than she did and he was crushing her.
“Sorry,” he said, quickly rolling off her. He sat up and put his feet on the ground. With his head in his hands, he took several deep breaths.
“Are you okay?” she asked, gently touching his back.
“Yeah. I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” he said.
“That’s okay. Do you want to talk about it?
” she asked, pulling on a nightshirt and moving around to sit next to him on the edge of the bed.
She wrapped one arm around his shoulders and he didn’t want to let her comfort him.
He’d scared her and jerked her out of sleep.
He didn’t deserve this, but he sopped it up.
He needed her. And that was scary because as Alysse had said in the dream, he was supposed to be her protector and he had no idea if he could do that.
“Um...no, I don’t want to talk about it,” he said. Hell, the last thing he wanted was to relive a single second of that nightmare.
She glanced over at the clock and he saw that it was nearly 3:00 a.m. “I guess I should head out and let you go back to sleep.”
“That’s not necessary. I have to get up in about an hour anyway,” she said.
He was still shaking a little and the effect of the dream was hard to dismiss. He had thought that he’d simply be able to waltz back into her life, answer a few questions for himself and then move on. But that wasn’t the case.
“How about I cook for you?” she suggested. “I know it’s early but we didn’t really eat last night.”