Chapter 12 #2
“That’s not ready enough,” he said. “Unzip your dress.”
She reached for the side zipper and undid it. The fabric gaped away from her body but still covered her. She ignored it as she tried to climb on his lap, needing his cock inside her now.
He stopped her with his hands on her waist. “Take your dress off.”
“Jay, we don’t need to draw this out. I want you inside me now.”
“No,” he told her, his tone serious. “I want to take my time with you tonight, Aly. Do what I said.”
His firm voice excited her that much more and she frantically ripped at her own clothing trying to get the dress off. Her arms got tangled in it and Jay helped her free herself. She was naked except for the lacy demi-bra she wore.
“Straddle me.”
She did as he ordered, climbing on his lap. He lowered his head and kissed the full globes of her breasts, which were bared by the demi-bra. His hands slid down her back to her buttocks and he drew her forward so that she rode the edge of his cock.
Her grip on his shoulders tightened and she tried to shift around to bring the top of his erection to her opening and get him inside her, but he wasn’t going to be rushed.
One of his hands slid up her back and unfastened her bra. The straps loosened and he used his teeth to pull the fabric away from her breasts. She felt the tip of his tongue on her areole, stroking it until her nipple tightened. Then she felt the warmth of his mouth on her nipple as he sucked on it.
She reached between them and took his cock in her hand and positioned him exactly where she needed him. She thrust herself onto his cock, driving him deep to the heart of her. She rocked her hips back and forth while he continued to suckle her.
He tore his mouth from her breast and looked up at her through half-closed eyes. His hands came to her hips and he began to thrust harder and quicker. She lost control of their embrace as he tilted her head toward his and slipped his tongue teasingly into her mouth as he came inside her.
She shuddered as her own orgasm overtook her.
She kept on riding him to prolong her orgasm and then collapsed against him.
She relaxed, tracing the lines of his pectorals and drawing a heart over it.
She closed her eyes trying not to let her emotions get the better of her, but she knew the truth as soon as he looked her in the eye.
She loved him.
She wanted to say it but knew better than to say anything. She was still too afraid to trust herself or him.
India’s words came back to haunt her. Where was the passion that she was using to embrace life? How was Jay ever going to know that she needed him to stay until she told him?
“Jay?”
“Shh...don’t talk,” he said. He lifted her, stood and walked down the short hall to her bedroom. He set her on her feet in the doorway of the bathroom, and she watched as he went to her garden tub and slowly turned on the taps.
“But I think there is something I need to say.”
“I’m sure there is, but there is something magical going on between us right now and I don’t want it to end. I want this one night, Aly. Is that okay?” he asked.
She nodded. She wanted it, too. She wanted to pretend that this was a world she’d never been in before.
That all of her dreams were coming true with this man.
She gathered candles from under the sink as he filled the tub with water and her rose-scented bubble bath.
She lit the candles and set them on the edge of the tub.
Jay lifted her into water that was the perfect temperature and then climbed into the tub and sat down behind her.
She lowered herself gently into the water and settled back against him.
His arms were around her and she rested her head once again on his chest. She felt his big arms around her and knew that falling in love with Jay hadn’t made any of her problems disappear.
He was still a man at a crossroads, and who knew what path he was going to choose?
But for tonight she didn’t regret falling for him.
He had mended her broken heart and given her back some of the romantic dreams he’d stolen from her.
He slowly bathed her and she felt tears sting the backs of her eyes as he treated her so tenderly.
Jay was a rough man through the life he’d lived but tonight with her he was as gentle as any man could be and he’d found his way right back into her heart.
JAY DIDN’T ALLOW HIMSELF to think beyond this night. He’d had a few experiences in his life that he kept protected in his memory. Most of them involved this woman and he didn’t want anything—not even himself—to mar this night.
She was special to him. More so than he’d realized when he’d come back to San Diego looking for answers. Now he had those answers and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Alysse was the only woman in the world that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
And if life were as easy as television shows and Hollywood movies made it seem, that would be all it would take for them to commit themselves and spend the rest of their days together.
But this wasn’t a TV show or movie and he knew that despite his good intentions he’d never be the man that Alysse needed.
She knew it, he suspected, but because they’d spent so much time with each other she was probably thinking, as he was, that there was some way to make the magic last for them.
But the truth was there was no elixir that would cure him of his past. No potion that would make his shattered soul whole and no real chance that he’d be able to live in this cute little suburban house with Alysse for the rest of his days.
The water was starting to cool, so he stood up and climbed from the tub, drying himself off quickly before helping Alysse.
He dried her carefully from head to toe, lingering over her entire body because he’d never have enough of touching her.
He dreamed of her skin and the softness of it when they were apart.
“Why are you treating me like I’m made of glass?” she asked.
He wasn’t sure what to say. Didn’t know what was the right or wrong thing and looking into her amazing blue eyes he settled for the truth. “To me you are the most precious thing.”
She swallowed hard and then threw herself into his arms and he held her close, breathing in the floral scent of her skin. He closed his eyes and tried to figure out a way he could keep Alysse without shattering her dreams for the future.
But he’d seen the way she’d looked at Lucien and India tonight. He knew she wanted a relationship like that and he couldn’t give that to her. He just wasn’t that kind of man.
He found her nightshirt on the hook behind the bathroom door and put it on her before leading her to her bed.
Once they were both settled beneath the covers and she was nestled close against his side, cuddled up on his chest, he felt her relax.
She put her hand over his chest and kissed him right there over his heart.
“Thank you,” she said.
“For?” he asked. He didn’t think he’d done anything for her that she didn’t deserve. Alysse had given him gifts that he’d just taken blindly before he recognized how much she meant to him.
“The best day,” she said. “I have spent the entire day with you and it wasn’t at all what I expected.”
“It wasn’t?”
“No. You were everything I ever dreamed you would be. I thought this morning that we were headed for a breakup tonight but the day turned around, didn’t it?”
Her words were like a dagger to him. He couldn’t give her days like this. Today had almost been the end of him because he’d felt too much. Men who had this much to lose never made it back.
“Today was nice,” he said. “But it wasn’t anything too special.”
“It was to me. No one—not even my dad—has ever given me a day like this. You made me feel like a princess and not the little-girl kind.”
“What kind then?” he asked her.
“Like a woman who can have it all. You were my white knight today. It was perfect.”
She was killing him. She was unable to contain her excitement, and he knew that was because she’d started caring for him again.
And he didn’t want to—hell, he wasn’t going to let her down again. So if that meant that he had to stay here with her for the rest of his life then he’d do it. He didn’t know how he’d do it but he’d figure it out.
For that smile he’d move the world.
“Why are you watching me like that?”
“Like what?” he asked.
“Kind of sad and sort of...scared almost,” she said.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “And I don’t know about being any knight. My armor is tarnished. Can’t you see that? There is nothing hero-like about me at all.”
She gently kissed him on the chest. “Everything about you is heroic.”
He knew she was wrong. Still, he stayed where he was and held her as she drifted off to sleep. He was surrounded by Alysse and it was the closest thing to heaven that he knew he’d ever experience in this life or the next one.
Her breath stirred the hair on his chest and, as her sleep deepened, she snored softly and even that tiny imperfection just made him love her more.
He held her as close as he dared so he wouldn’t disturb her, and he felt the way he had back in that Vegas hotel room—afraid of her and for her.
Afraid to be the man she clearly needed him to be because he wasn’t sure he really had it in him.
He’d never in his life wanted anything more than he wanted to keep Alysse with him. But he knew just as surely as the desire formed inside him that he would hurt her, and he couldn’t live with himself if he did that.
He tried different scenarios in his head, trying to figure out how he was going to be able to keep her safe and keep her in his arms at the same time, but there wasn’t one that would keep her happy.
As the first fingers of dawn crept across the room he loosened himself from her hold and slid out of her bed. He found his clothing in the living room and dressed quickly, getting a hard-on from remembering the sexy dance they’d shared here last night.
And from the memories of their wedding night. He picked up his leather jacket, which she’d kept from the morning balloon ride, and the picture of the two of them that the pilot had taken fell out. He stooped to pick it up and then stood staring at them. He looked too hard for her.
She deserved that white knight she’d always wanted. A man who could love her and not worry about her leaving. A man she didn’t have to worry would leave her. And if he didn’t walk out this door today, Jay knew there was always a chance that he’d be taken from her life by war.
He had no other training and even if he worked with Lucien there was no guarantee that he’d be back home with Alysse every night. He’d promised her mother that if he couldn’t ensure Alysse would be happy with him, he’d get out of her life and never come back.
At the time he’d hoped to find a way to stay with her but now it seemed there wasn’t a way. And he knew exactly what he needed to do. But it was harder this time.
Last time it had only been lust between them and this time he had started caring for her, and that made each step he took heavy and hard.
He walked to the door that overlooked her backyard and remembered standing there with her at the pond and feeling maybe a little hope for the future. But he’d been kidding himself since the moment he’d returned here.
He was truly a loner and he only knew how to be comfortable in his own skin when he was on a mission in the field with his scout next to him. He liked the world through the view of his scope. It was safer that way. He could control everything when he was looking through the sight.
He knew that his life would always be gray after this, but it was better than attempting to be someone he wasn’t and failing miserably.
Better than trying to make things work with Alysse and breaking her heart again, only worse because he’d seen the real woman this time, not the girl on vacation.
He slowly turned and looked around her living room before walking through it toward the door.
He had hoped to find answers here and he guessed that he had. He’d hoped that maybe this time he could make their ending different. He knew he was the one who was leaving, but he also knew it was just a matter of time before Alysse knew that he couldn’t be the man she wanted him to be.
He’d got to the foyer when he heard the creak of the bedsprings and knew he could either run out the front door as he had before or wait and confront her. And he wished he were a stronger man, but he reached for the front door, undoing the deadbolt and turning the handle as quietly as he could.
“Running again?”