Chapter Fifteen
Four Weeks Later
After a week of downtime in Boston—wandering the halls of the Museum of Fine Arts, stealing kisses beneath the towering dinosaurs at the Museum of Science, and losing ourselves in the history of the Freedom Trail—we found a different kind of magic at Fenway Park.
The roar of the crowd, the scent of popcorn and hot dogs in the air, the crack of the bat—it was all intoxicating, but nothing compared to the energy of the past six nights.
The band played their hearts out on that stage, right there at Fenway, giving everything they had to the fans, who grew louder, rowdier, and wilder with each show.
And now, standing on the edge of their final performance in the USA, it hits me—this is it. Their last show. The end of an era. And I don’t know if I’m ready to say goodbye to the States.
Sia, Anna, and I are always at the side of the stage, our own little support squad, watching as they play.
Colt insists I stand where he can see me at all times, just like the other guys do with their girls.
His persistence drives me crazy. I’d love to be down by the stage, feeling the pulse of the crowd, watching them perform up close.
But he swears it’s too dangerous, so I stay put, not because I agree, but because it matters to him.
And, if I’m honest, there’s something about the way his eyes find mine between songs, like I’m his anchor in the chaos, that makes it a little easier to stay right where I am.
After every concert, Colt walks to me, kisses me passionately, and picks me up, twirling me in a circle.
Every. Single. Time.
It’s a ritual.
A tradition.
He’s always so amped after a show.
It’s easy to see how much music and performing mean to him.
Since this was the last show in the States, the band is throwing a ‘last hurrah’ party in the penthouse. And judging by the noise coming from next door, it’s already in full swing.
Colt’s not here. He’s in another strategy session with Rob. They’ve been having a lot of meetings and discussions, working through plans with the other band members during the day before the concerts, which means I’m left alone quite a bit.
It’s hard not to feel a little down when I’m by myself. Maybe even homesick. I miss Princess Sophia and my parents, even if Daddy can be an overbearing ass. He still calls me often, but our conversations always end the same way.
Me—frustrated.
Him—disapproving.
And eventually, me hanging up.
The problem?
My being here is something we will never see eye to eye on.
A part of me knows I should feel guilty about walking away from the life I was supposed to have, but I don’t. Because for the first time, my eyes are open to all the possibilities that life has to offer.
It’s been three months since I agreed to go on tour with Colt, and every day, my feelings for him grow stronger. I know I sound like a broken record, but not being official with him still stings. Everyone knows we’re together, but somehow, it’s not enough for me.
Maybe it’s how I was raised—you meet, you date, you’re in a relationship, you get engaged, you marry. Simple. Predictable. Secure. But life outside my father’s expectations isn’t so black-and-white. Things are looser, more undefined, and I need to learn to be okay with that.
Lying on the bed, I let out a long exhale, staring up at the plain white ceiling, debating whether to call Joseph for an update on Princess Sophia. But before I can even reach for my phone, the door to the suite swings open and Colt walks in, wearing a huge grin.
“You’ll never guess what Rob got for us?” he says loudly and rushed like he’s excited. I sit up and raise my eyebrows as he sits next to me. “An interview with Rolling Stone magazine. Can you believe it?” He takes my hands in his and squeezes tightly.
Even though I am excited for him, I can’t bring myself to show it.
I’m too tired.
And, for some reason, too gloomy to care.
I smile because that’s about all I can do right now. “That’s great news, babe.”
Colt looks at me, creasing his brows. “What’s wrong?” He reaches up and brushes my cheek with his finger.
I sigh and lie back on the bed. “I think I’m homesick. I miss my dog and my bed, and I’m so sick of living out of a suitcase.”
He swallows hard, and I know that look before he even speaks. “Do you want to go back to London?” His voice is reserved, and he lowers his head.
I rest my forearm over my eyes. “I do. But I don’t want to leave yo—”
“Dee, I don’t want you here if you’re unhappy,” he interrupts.
I move my arm from my face and look up at him. He weaves slightly while clearing his throat, and the excited glimmer in his eyes from before has faded.
“Colt, I want to be wherever you are. I’m sorry. It’s just a bit of homesickness. I’ll be fine. I promise. I’m happy here with you. Nothing makes me more content than watching you on stage, rocking out like the rock god you were born to be.”
He pauses and exhales. “Are you sure? Because I don’t want you to be unhappy, Dee.
I know I’ve been caught up with Rob and the guys, sorting out all this new stuff for the band, but it’ll get better.
I’ve been so wrapped up in everything that I haven’t stopped to think about how it might be affecting you.
” He hesitates, then takes a breath. “You want to go home, don’t you? ”
His question makes my eyes scrunch tight, my forehead crinkling.
“I’m just feeling a bit down tonight. You’ve been busy with band stuff, and I get it…
it’s important, and I would never ask you to change that.
But I miss you.” I let out a heavy sigh, knowing I sound like a broken record, but I can’t stop the words from spilling out.
“You won’t commit to me, and I’m starting to feel like maybe I don’t belong here.
I don’t…” Another sigh, this one shakier.
“I don’t know. Colt, do you even want me here? ”
He flares his nostrils. “Of course, I want you here, Dee. You’re my inspiration, my muse. I love… I love having you around.” He hesitates, looking away. “But I don’t want you to stay if you don’t want to be here. And from what I’m hearing, you most certainly don’t.”
“Look, let’s not make any rash decisions. Let’s sleep on it and see how we feel in the morning. Like I said, it’s probably just homesickness,” I say, trying to ease the tension.
Colt drops his chin to his chest and exhales loudly before standing. He tugs his jeans down, undressing in silence, then slides into bed without another word.
Guilt sinks into my chest. I feel horrible for hurting him.
But the truth is—I’m not happy right now.
This new normal is harder to adjust to than I expected. I’ve left so much behind.
Do I really want to go home?
Can I even leave him like this?
I don’t know where these feelings are coming from, and I hate it.
I slip under the covers, and for the first time since I met Colt, I fall asleep without his arms around me, and the distance between us feels heavier than the silence lingering in the room.
***
As the dim light makes its way to my eyes, I feel like I’m floating.
Someone is humming, but I don’t know the song.
My eyes flicker open and shut as the dim light and humming wake me fully. Looking at the empty space beside me, I hear the humming again and follow the tune toward the end of the bed where Colt’s sitting with his back to me.
I look over at the clock—five in the morning. “Colt?”
He turns and smiles. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.”
“It’s fine. What are you doing?” I rub my tired eyes.
“You’re my muse, my inspiration, and I was lying in bed, and the words just kept repeating in my mind, so I had to get them down.”
I scratch my head and yawn. “What are you on about?”
He smirks, and that bright spark is back in his eyes. “This song, Dee, it’s about you.”
I’m completely awake now.
Mouth open like a fish out of water.
Eyes wide.
“Y-you wrote a song about me?”
“Yeah,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck and looking at me with worry lines creasing his forehead.
I’m genuinely shocked and bewildered. “Um… wow! Can I hear it?” I ask quietly.
He smiles brightly, stands, and fetches his guitar.
When he sits back on the end of the bed, I crawl my way behind him, placing one leg on either side and holding him in a monkey vice grip.
I rest my chin on his shoulder as he tunes his guitar, and a wave of excitement surges through me, waiting to hear the words he’s written for me.
“Okay, so it’s a work in progress, but this is what I have so far. It’s a slow rock ballad,” he informs me, and starts to sing.
She came into my life one night,
And I’ll never be the same.
Her green eyes shone bright,
It was such a delight,
Now, I burn an eternal flame.
I got swept away by her like never before,
And I swear that she’s the one,
I can’t let her know how much I don’t want her to go,
You’re my obsession, but I think we might be done.
Am I off my rocker to let her go?
Why can’t I tell her that I need her so?
Her hand in mine when we intertwine,
Sends a chill down my spine every time.
I need you now more than I ever will,
Will you stay by my side,
Forever… until the end of time?
The end of time.
There have been others before,
But they never compare,
To your dazzling beauty ‘n’ your complexion so fair.
The one before you came,
She hurt me real bad.
And I was broken inside, confused, lonely, and sad.
And I hate her the most for making me this way,
So now I can’t say what I meant to say.
I got swept away by you like never before,
And I swear that you’re the one.
I can’t let you know how much I don’t want you to go,
You’re my obsession, but I think we might be done.”
Am I off my rocker to let her go?
Why can’t I tell her that I want her so?
Her eyes are the most amazing green.
The way she moves her hips turns me into a fiend.
I need you now,
More than I ever will.
Will you stay by my side,
Forever… until the end of time?
The end of time.
How does the story end?
Will I ever know?
I hope she knows that I care about her so.
I want her to stay, and I hope she does.
Until the end of time.
The end of time.
The end. Of. Time.
I will wait for you,
Till the end of time.
He strums the song’s ending, and I can’t help the tears that form in my eyes. I sniff, and Colt turns to look at me.
I’m overly emotional.
How can I go back to London after that?
I had an inkling that maybe he had his heart broken before me, and that’s why he’s so closed off. But this? This is a light bulb moment for me.
It has nothing to do with him not wanting me and everything to do with him not wanting to end up broken again.
Tightening my arms around his, I hold on to him, closing my eyes as the tears steadily fall.
“Dee, I didn’t mean to upset you,” he says, placing his guitar on the bed and turning in my grip to face me.
I wipe my eyes. “I’m not upset, Colt. These are tears of joy. That was beautiful. I can’t believe you wrote that about me.”
He takes both my hands in his. “And I meant every word of it, Dee. I don’t want you to leave me, baby.
I know I’m not the easiest man to have a relationship with.
My past, in so many ways, has fucked up the way I think and feel.
It defined me. Macy fucked everything up.
She fucked me up. I was so sure that I’d never feel for another woman the way I felt about her.
It’s why I avoid the ‘relationship thing’ because I can’t allow myself to fall for someone like I fell for her just so that person will rip my heart out and stomp it again,” he says, caressing my cheek.
“So that’s it then, you’ll never open yourself up to another person?” I ask, all my ecstatically happy emotions suddenly draining away, and a somber pain like nothing I have ever felt creeps into my chest.
He shakes his head emphatically. “No, that’s not what I’m trying to say, Dee.
What I am trying to say is that somehow, you’ve worked your way in, and I know I’m falling for you, but the thought terrifies me.
And you saying you might leave to go back to London has brought back memories of Macy and how I fell for her, and how she left me.
I won’t handle it if you leave me, Dee. Please don’t leave me… ”
Tears fall freely down my cheeks, and he wipes them away as I lean into him and hold him tightly. “I’ll never leave you, Colt. Not until the end of time,” I sing-song, making him chuckle.
“So…” he wipes fresh tears from my cheeks, “… you like it then? The song?”
“I’m in love with it, Colt. And… I’m in love with you.” I decide to say it, even though it may just scare him off. I bite my bottom lip, but he scrunches his eyes shut.
Instant, crippling fear flows through me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I was ju—”
His lips crash into mine mid-sentence, and his hands fist my hair in a vice grip as he pushes me down on the mattress.
With his elbows on either side of my head, his body pins me to the bed while I claw at his back, needing him closer.
His tongue collides with mine, and he takes control of me passionately.
Lying my arms back, I watch the heat in his gaze, then his hands find my wrists, pinning them on either side of my head in the way I love.
“And now I’m going to make normal love, to my normal…” he pauses and swallows hard like it’s difficult for him to say.
I look into his eyes and smile, trying to reassure him of my love.
“I’m gonna make normal love… to my normal… girlfriend,” he says, letting out a long, slow breath and swallowing hard.
Oh. My. God! Did he call me his girlfriend?
I smile so brightly that my cheeks hurt. “And I’m going to make love to my…” hesitantly, I ask, “… boyfriend?”
He exhales on a shuddering breath and nods, and with that, I lose myself kissing him forcefully as he grinds his rock-hard cock into me. I don’t even care that he hasn’t told me he loves me back. He let me call him my boyfriend, and that’s one giant step in the right direction for me.
A direction toward me spending until the end of time with my rock god, Colter Slade.