Chapter Thirty-Three
There’s knocking on my door, but I can’t muster the energy to answer.
I’m on the floor where I collapsed after he left me, and I have no idea what to do.
I’ve never felt such pain as I feel right now.
I’m lying motionless on the carpet, gasping for air like I’ve been punched in the ribs, my fingers clutching desperately at my chest as if I can hold my shattered heart together with sheer will alone.
The tears fall too fast, too heavy, so relentless they burn tracks down my skin. I swear, I’ve cried out everything I have. There can’t be anything left.
But still, the sobs come.
Still, the emptiness spreads.
I don’t know how long I stay on the floor, but the knocking has stopped, and even though I know he is next door, I can’t help but feel like I am a million miles away from him, and I always will be.
I watch the sunshine on the wall as it fades and then reappears.
It’s been light for maybe half an hour.
BANG. BANG.
Someone is pounding on my door.
“Dee? Dee, if you’re in there, you have to open up,” Anna calls out.
I stay on the floor.
I don’t fucking care.
I can’t say anything.
Because nothing comes out but a muffled gurgle anyway.
“For God’s sake, Dee, open the fucking door. It’s Colt, and he’s in a bad way. The ambulance is nearly here. Dee, Dee, please,” Anna says. “Dee, he’s overdosed. We’ve only just found him, and he doesn’t have a pulse.” I hear her sob.
BANG. BANG.
Where my heart was racing, it has now stopped.
When my heart thuds back into motion, the pain is enough to jolt me upright.
I scramble to the door on all fours and reach up to flip the lock.
Anna pushes the door open and walks in. Her face is red from crying, and she looks distraught.
She puts out her hand, and I take it so she can pull me up and outside.
“Dee, it doesn’t look good,” she advises.
There’s yelling and screaming coming from next door. I hear it as two paramedics run past my door with a stretcher.
Everything flashes before my eyes.
But I can’t comprehend what’s happening.
Anna takes my hand and pulls me down to the penthouse.
I can’t even feel myself walking. It’s more like I’m floating.
We move into the penthouse, and I see a paramedic pounding on Colt’s chest. He’s pale, really pale, and there’s white foam coming from between his lips.
The other paramedic clears Colt’s mouth with his fingers and places a mask over it, pumping air into him.
His chest rises and falls, but there’s no movement from Colt.
Am I in a dream?
I have to be because what I’m witnessing right now cannot be happening.
Everyone’s yelling as the paramedics work hard on Colt, but nothing seems to bring him back.
Maybe this is how it was always supposed to end.
Maybe he is better off.
Maybe I’d be better off if I just went with him.
A hand rests on my shoulder, bringing me into the here and now.
Suddenly, all the noise is ringing in my head, and I can’t stand it. I block my ears with my hands, and the only thing I can think of that might drown out the noise is to sing.
So, I scrunch my eyes and sing the first song that comes to mind.
Am I off my rocker to let her go?
Why can’t I tell her that I need her so?
Her hand in mine when we intertwine,
Sends a chill down my spine every time.
I need you now more than I ever will,
Will you stay by my side,
Forever until the end of time?
The end of time.
“Dee, Dee, stop singing and open your eyes,” Anna yells in my ear, and even though it’s covered by my hand, I can hear her.
I open my eyes to watch the paramedics strapping Colt to the stretcher, and his chest is moving up and down on its own.
I let out a gasp of air and remove my hands from my ears.
I run to his side and caress his cheek, relief flooding my veins.
I’ve never felt so much joy as in this moment.
“Dee,” he mumbles.
“Colt, I’m here. I’m right here. Don’t leave me,” I beg as the paramedic pulls the stretcher up and starts to wheel him out of the penthouse.
Holding his hand, I walk alongside the stretcher to the elevator. Colt’s eyes are opening and closing before he has a chance to see anything. He’s making strange noises, and I can hardly see from the tears forming in my eyes.
“Is he going to be okay?” I ask the paramedic, and he looks back at me.
“We need to get him to the hospital and let the doctors take care of him,” he replies in his foreign accent.
I have no idea what that means. Does it mean he will be fine, or something’s really wrong?
We ride the elevator down, and he’s rushed outside to a waiting ambulance.
I stand back, and Anna holds on to me while they put him in the back.
“I should’ve known he’d do this,” Anna says through a sob.
Johnny walks over with Sia and Dingo.
“Has anyone rung Hux?” Dingo asks.
Everyone shakes their heads.
“Right, I’ll do it. Maybe it’ll wake him up and scare him into rehab along with his idiot brother,” Johnny states, walking off and pulling out his cell.
The ambulance is about to close the doors, so I let go of Anna and rush over. “Can I come with you?” I ask, and the paramedic nods, gesturing for me to get in. I look back at Anna, and she dips her chin, letting me know I’m doing the right thing.
Thankfully, the trip to the hospital is short, and before I know it, we’ve arrived and been taken into the emergency room.
Doctors come in quickly, telling me to wait in the waiting room, saying something about administering drugs and cooling his body temperature.
I don’t know what that’s about because it is happening so fast that my brain can’t keep up.
The nurse comes in and walks with me to the waiting area. It’s not long before the rest of the band, minus the other Slade brother, show up.
Anna rushes to me. “What’s happening?”
“I don’t know, something about cooling his temperature and administering some drug or something or other. I don’t know, Anna. I don’t…” I can’t finish my sentence before it all becomes too much for me, and I break down.
“They’re working on him. He’s alive, and that’s a good sign, right, Johnny?”
Johnny nods. “Yeah, he’ll be fine, Dee.”
Hours pass while I pace the waiting room floor.
Finally, a nurse calls us in, but says only two can visit at a time.
I don’t give anyone else a choice, walking straight past her and to his bay.
I don’t even wait to see who the other person is who will be accompanying me.
When I reach him, he’s still wearing his oxygen mask and is completely out of it.
I pull out a chair and sit beside him, holding his hand. “Oh, babe, what’ve you done to yourself?”
I look up to see Johnny looking down at his best friend, and his face tells me everything he’s feeling.
“I’ll… ah… go and speak to the doctor and see what he says, yeah? I’ll be right back,” Johnny stutters and walks off. I look back at Colt, moving a strand of hair from his forehead, then lean down to kiss his cheek. He stirs slightly but doesn’t wake.
“I’m here, babe. I’m not going anywhere until you tell me to,” I whisper in his ear and lean my head against his cheek. My heart’s racing—all I want is for him to wake. I don’t even care if, when he finally wakes, he wants me to leave. I will, but I want to know he’ll be okay first.
If he’s okay, I’ll be okay too.
Johnny walks back in with a smile. “Doc says he’s going to be fine. He might be a bit groggy for a while, but he’ll make a full recovery,” Johnny states, walking over to me and lifting me in a bear hug. I let out a kind of laugh-squealy thing.
“He’s gonna be okay?” I’m just checking I heard correctly.
Johnny places me on the floor and holds me at an arm’s length.
“He’s gonna be just fine now that you’re here.
The doc did say to be aware that while he’s in here, he’ll be going through detox, so he might be grumpier and moodier than normal.
But Dee, if you love him like I know you do, then you have to stay and fight.
You have to help him get better and ignore his outbursts and all the nasty shit he might say because…
I know how much he needs you. I know how much he loves you because you were all he ever talked about while you were gone. ”
“He doesn’t love me, though, Johnny, he told me last night. I’ll stay to help him get better, but once he is, I’m done. He doesn’t want me here. He more than proved that last night.”
“Dee, he does. That was the drugs talking. Trust me, when he sobers up, he’ll be beyond happy knowing you’re here.”
I exhale and nod.
I hope it was just the drugs talking.
Because I don’t know how I’ll survive if Colt tells me he doesn’t want me.
Again.
***
Hours pass, and eventually, Colt is moved from the emergency department to his own private room. We’re all here, waiting for him to wake.
Hux finally showed up and, well, looks terrible.
He hasn’t stepped further than a foot inside the room.
I guess he feels guilty because without him and Jared, Colt would never have been around that crap, and this absolutely would not have happened.
I can’t look at Hux, and I’m not the only person in the room who seems to be livid with him.
There’s small talk, but I’m not really listening.
I’m too busy focusing on Colt’s rising and falling chest to join in.
His hand tightens in mine, and I squeeze it back in response.
I hold my breath as his eyes flutter and slowly open.
He looks around the room and then at me.
I smile and don’t bother to fight the tear that slowly trickles down my face.
“Hey,” I say, catching everyone’s attention. They all look at Colt, and he moves his free hand to hold his head. He groans slightly but doesn’t take his eyes off mine.
“It’s okay. You’re in the hospital, but you’ll be fine, babe,” I say, leaning in and stroking his cheek.