Chapter Thirty-One
I was an utter fool. And there is no fool like an old one.
This was a man who aroused feelings in me I hadn’t felt in a long time, not since I was much younger. And the desire I felt now was so much more complex than that raw emotion that had driven me as a teenager. It wasn’t just a need for sexual release. I desired true intimacy with Rodrigo.
Neither of us had the bodies of young people. But intimacy wasn’t only about the body. There had been an episode of an old television show—something with teachers and Burt Reynolds—that had stayed in my mind. In it, one of the other characters, a skinny balding guy with glasses, had to take over teaching sex education.
He was awkward and embarrassed. But the thing he came up with stuck with me. He told those young teens that the greatest sexual organ was the mind. He was trying to get them to understand the respect that was required when engaging in sex, even if it was the fumbling around of teenagers who had no idea what they were doing.
But now I knew he was right in ways far beyond what the television screenwriters had tried to indicate.
What I desired with Rodrigo was far more than physical contact, although I wanted that too. No, I wanted a relationship where our minds and hearts were totally engaged along with the physical aspects.
And in my heart, I knew it was possible with him.
Then why couldn’t I just tell him I was coming back? Was I waiting for a sign from God or something?
“Crap! Ouch!” I stuck the finger that I’d pinched into my mouth. Then I got up too rapidly, smacking my head on the bottom of the RV. Damn these small spaces.
“You okay?” Diane asked, bringing out some of the trash she and Liz had found. They were in charge of going through all the inside storage units, cleaning them out, and restacking things.
“I will be,” I told her.
My sisters had been very good about refraining from talking about Rodrigo or asking me what I was going to do. I was grateful.
With my head and finger down to a dull throbbing, I went back to work. Although I was being a bit overzealous with the maintenance I was doing, we were headed off into large stretches of nothing, and breaking down was an experience I could live without.
~ ~ ~
By mid-afternoon, Liz called it quits.
“We’re not leaving until Monday,” she said. “That gives us three more days to get everything done.”
“But what if something needs fixing, and I need to search for parts?” I asked.
“Kathleen, you’re beginning to sound like an old lady. What if … what if …” Liz said.
“It’s because she is an old lady,” Diane said.
“I’m younger than you are,” I shot back.
“Maybe chronologically, but not in spirit.”
“Oh,” I said. “Here we go again. Just because I’m not leaping into bed with Rodrigo doesn’t mean I’m an old lady. I’ve got principles. That’s all.”
Liz shook her head. “That’s not it at all.”
“Definitely not,” Diane agreed.
“I’m not sure even you know what’s stopping you,” Liz said.
I didn’t have a comeback for that.
“I’m taking a nap. Then a shower. Then we’re having cocktails,” I said and walked away.
Fortunately, I’d done enough physical exertion that I fell asleep quickly. But my dreams were vivid. I was racing across the plains on Star’s back, trying to chase a distant figure on a black horse. I knew I needed to catch up.
And I knew I never would unless I changed something. What I needed to change remained elusive. The road forked a few times, and I always urged Star to the right-hand fork, even though she wanted to go left. I was determined that I was right.
By the time I woke I hadn’t caught up to the person on the black horse.
With a sigh, I banished the dream. It didn’t really mean anything.
After showering, I mixed up a batch of gin and tonics. My sisters were already outside, under the awning. The day had turned warm with a hint of the stronger summer heat to come. The humidity made the air feel heavy.
As I settled in, Liz looked over and opened her mouth to say something .
“Don’t,” I said.
“I just want you to be happy.”
“Then let me be.”
“You are one stubborn woman.”
“I’m Irish,” I said. “Comes with the territory. Besides, you’re one to talk. How many years—no, decades—did you hide your paintings from me?”
“That was …”
I glared at her.
She shrugged.
I opened my book and drank some G&T. Soon I was caught back up in the gritty world of drug runners and the people who tried to bring them to justice.
A faint noise that seemed out of place penetrated my consciousness. My sisters must have heard it too, because they looked up from their books. Wasn’t that horse’s hooves clopping on the pavement?
I put down my drink and book and waited.
A horse, flowers attached to the mane and a floral ring around his neck, nosed around the corner. Rodrigo, sitting proud in a polished saddle with gleaming silver, was himself decked out in a black suit with silver trim. His boots shone from a vigorous polish, spurs jangling from the heels. A large felt sombrero sat upon his head.
Behind him, just as flamboyant with flowers and trim, Star followed.
My heart was in my throat.
He dismounted, and I stood up and walked to him. Vaguely, I was aware of my sisters following.
“Mi dulce, Kathleen,” he said. “My sweet, sweet lady. I know I said I would wait until the end of March for my answer, but I miss you every moment. I know you care for me as much as I do you. You’ve told me that. I want to spend time with you, the rest of my life if you’ll let me.”
He handed me a soft leather folder. Then he handed me the reins to Star’s bridle.
“I’m making you a commitment,” he said. “I want you to come back and give me … give us … a chance. Star is my promise that if we can make it work and when the time is right, I’ll ask you to marry me. Please accept my gift and my love.”
Diane pulled the folder from my hand and scanned it.
“The horse,” she said. “He’s giving you the damn horse. ”
“Let me see,” Liz said. After a moment, she added, “Oh my god, he is.”
All I could do was concentrate on his dark eyes while he waited for an answer.
I could do this, couldn’t I? All the man wanted was for me to spend more time with him. That was it.
Except it wasn’t. Because if I came back, I’d have no choice. I was already half in love with him. More time would complete the job.
Star plodded over and nudged my arm.
There was laughter, and all of a sudden I became aware that a crowd was gathering nearby.
“Yes,” I finally said. “Yes, I’ll come back.”
His moustache quivered as he smiled.
“Thank you,” he said, then leaned forward to kiss me.
I was quick to respond.
The laughter turned to hoots and clapping.
I could feel my stubborn old Irish face redden.
“Care for a ride?” he asked.
“I’d love it,” I replied.
Making my way to Star’s side, I maneuvered myself into the saddle, then followed Rodrigo from the park. I had no idea where we were going, but out of there was good enough for me.
He led me a short way down the road to an entrance to a nature preserve. I hadn’t realized this was here, but Diane had mentioned something about going to a green space to take pictures. This must have been what she meant.
The path was wide enough for us to ride side by side. We rode quietly, a blanket of contentment wrapped around us. It was a glorious Texas day. The birds were having lots of conversations, and I could see all kinds of critter tracks.
At one point a creek arched close to the trail. Rodrigo stopped, suggesting we water the horses.
For the first time since I’d promised to come back, we had a moment to ourselves. We stood face to face. He ran his fingers down my cheek.
“I’m already in love with you,” he said. “I didn’t think it was possible to fall in love that quickly, but it happened. Maybe it’s because I know how short life can be at this point. We need to grab our happiness while we can.”
I nodded.
“I’m so glad you’ve agreed to come back. I wish you didn’t have to leave,” he said.
“I know,” I said. “It would be easier. But I think it’s for the best. I never thought I would meet someone at this point in life. After Michael, being alone was all I could dream about. Marriage didn’t bring me the happiness I’d thought it would.”
“We have the chance to reinvent it. Neither of us had the best, but now we can create the relationship we want to have.”
“Does that mean I can have cereal for dinner?” I asked.
“Absolutely. As long as we can have our meal in front of the television if we want.”
“Sure.” I grinned.
“I’m also going to put a hot tub by Juan’s house once I move in. I don’t know about you, but the idea of a long soak after working sounds good to me.”
A wicked thought appeared in my head.
“Is that a clothing optional hot tub?” I asked.
“Well …” He kissed me.
It was a kiss that went on for some time.
When it was over, we remounted the horses.
“You don’t have to give Star to me,” I said. “I’ll come back anyway.”
He shook his head vehemently. “The horse is yours. She’s always been yours, really. She claimed you. But …” He raised a finger. “I’m hoping you’ll allow me to breed her.”
“I’m sure we can come to a suitable arrangement,” I said.
He laughed, and we started back the way we came.
When we reached the RV park, I slid off Star. “Now I’m going to be gone for a while,” I told her. “But Rodrigo will take good care of you. And I’ll spoil you rotten when I get back.”
Star nickered. Whether or not she understood me was up for grabs.
“Stay for dinner?” I asked. “Liz is cooking, so you’ll be safe.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t stay. I have to get the horses back. The RV park let me bring them in here for a little while, but they didn’t want it to be too long.”
“Okay,” I said, disappointed. “I understand.”
“It won’t be long,” he said. “We’ll talk. I’ll tell you how my move to Juan’s house is going, and you’ll let me know about your trip, okay?”
Tears welled in my eyes. It felt like I was leaving part of my heart behind .
“It will be okay,” he said and pulled me close. He held me tight for a few moments, then stepped back. “I love you,” he said. After a soft kiss to my lips, he got on his horse and rode out of the park.