Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
“You showed him a house? Like a real, live house? To move into?” I hated the squeak in my voice.
“Did you just squeak?” Carrie asked.
“Absolutely not.”
“She did,” Ernie piped up. “Kind of disgusting, if you asked me.”
“Nobody asked you.” I shoved my hands onto my hips and squinted at him “Go inventory the earrings in the back.”
“There are hundreds. That’s just mean.”
“Separate out the silver from the gold-plated.”
Ernie held up his hands in surrender. “Okay, you didn’t squeak.”
I smiled in satisfaction. “That’s what I thought. Go wrap up today’s outgoing orders instead.”
He gave me a salute and headed to the backroom.
“I thought you had Darla and Wendy doing the shipping,” Carrie said.
“It’s winter break, they’re touring some colleges that have good cheer programs. They want scholarships. God bless them. Chloe and I were softball girls.”
“I was on the pregnant-at-sixteen-plan,” Carrie laughed. “But I wouldn’t change it for the world.”
“Damn, with your four hellions running around, I sometimes forget about Tracy. Is she enjoying the Navy?”
“She’s deployed in Guam right now. She’s loving it.”
“That’s good. You should have me come babysit again. You know how much I enjoy it.”
Carrie lifted an eyebrow. “The last time you babysat, we came home at midnight, all the kids were still up, and they were bouncing off the walls because of the sugar high they were on.”
“In my defense I didn’t realize that sodas would affect them that badly.”
“How about the chocolate molten lava cakes you ordered with the pizzas that you served them at nine o’clock?”
“Who ratted me out?” I demanded.
“Who do you think?”
“Jill. She’s a rule follower. Carrie, you’ve got to work on that.”
“I like rule followers,” Carrie said. “I would prefer it if none of my kids got pregnant or got someone pregnant while they were in high school. Just saying.”
I tilted my head and grinned. When I thought back to my high school days, I realized just how foolish and lucky I had been. “You’re right. Following rules is important.”
“Now, I came in for something specific.”
“Ah, you came to spend money, not just to tell me that Adam was planning to stay in Jasper Creek. I’m honored.”
“Zoe, you have the best stuff. I never look online anymore, or if I do, it’s your website.”
I couldn’t help the smile that crossed my face. I worked damn hard on my store. It was my baby.
Shit. Make that: it was my pride and joy. No talk of babies.
I had to go visit Chloe again. She’d been calling. I’d only been over there one time, and I’d only stayed twenty minutes. If I wasn’t careful, Chloe would tell my sisters that she was worried, or worse yet, hurt. Then my sisters would start hounding me.
“Zoe?” Carrie snapped her fingers in front of my face. “Honey, you there?”
I gave her a wry grin. “Sorry, thinking of a new vendor we’re going to be displaying. Got lost.”
Carrie gave me a deep look. “You know you can talk to me any time, don’t you?
” Her voice was quiet. “I never talk about this, but I was days away from giving Tracy up for adoption. My parents said they would support me either way, but my high school boyfriend had left the picture, and Mom and Dad were subtly pushing for adoption because they thought my life would be easier. It was a really emotional time for me. Just because I ultimately kept Tracy, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t understand some of the angst and heartache you’re probably going through. ”
It wasn’t like Carrie and I were best buddies or anything. Not like my sisters, or Angelica, but she was outside the family. I’d been onloading a lot on Angelica.
“Maybe we can get coffee sometime,” I heard myself saying.
“Name the time and place.” She gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Now show me the new stuff.”
I'd called ahead, which was how I knew I was in trouble. Chloe couldn't keep the excitement out of her voice; she practically vibrated through the phone line. In no way shape or form did she say anything to make me feel guilty, but I felt like shit anyway.
First things first, I looked around my store. We had plenty of things that would work. I knew we did. Why couldn’t I think of anything?
I took a deep breath. Settle. You can do this. I walked to the back wall where the baby stuff was. Easy.
First, a soft baby blanket in pale yellow that Emma Mae Jackson had crocheted. Then I snatched three onesies that June Crawford specialized in, the kind with the funny sayings that Ernie claimed were beneath us, but always made him chuckle when he unboxed them. I grabbed some bibs she’d made, too.
Ooooh. On the top shelf, I spotted a giraffe Nancy Smith from Clarksville had made.
It was small enough to fit in a newborn's hand, and so soft I wanted to press my face into it. Into the basket it went. I put the basket on the floor, cleared out some space on the eye-level shelf, and put the three remaining giraffes there. They’d sell like hotcakes.
I got one of our baskets that could do double duty for throwing little toys in, then I arranged things in it like I’d seen Leslie do. She was the best at that. But there was no way it was getting a bow. A girl could handle only so much.
Zarek answered the door holding Olivia, which I was not prepared for.
"Hey," he said, stepping back to let me in. He looked tired. "Chloe's grabbing a quick nap. Olivia had her up most of the night."
"I can come back—"
"No way. She’ll be up soon. Anyway, I’m betting it’s Olivia you really want to see." He gently took my arm, and I let myself be pulled into the house.
I looked around and laughed. Almost every surface was covered with baby paraphernalia.
Zarek looked at me. “I know, right? She’s taken over.”
There was a burp cloth here, bibs, empty baby food jars there. Totally not the Post household.
We settled on the couch, and Zarek shifted Olivia in his arms with a practiced ease that I adored and envied. Mostly. Mostly adored.
"You want to hold her?" He read my mind.
"No," I said. "I'm good."
Zarek looked at me for a long moment. I had absolutely no idea what my face was doing, but whatever it was, it betrayed me completely, because he leaned forward and transferred Olivia into my arms before I could lie again.
She was already bigger. She stared up at me. Her eyes were brown like mine, like Chloe’s, like every Avery before her. I bent my head and breathed her in, that magical baby smell, warm and milky. I just sat there for a long while, drinking in the uniqueness of Olivia.
Zarek was silent, God bless the man. I don’t know how long I held her. It was wonderful.
Then, with the air of a man who had been patient long enough, he said, "You and Adam were pretty tight-lipped about the delivery."
I kept my eyes on Olivia. "Were we?"
"Mm. It must have been rough."
"It wasn't too bad," I said. "His four-year-old son provided a lot of comic relief."
"I've had to deliver two babies," Zarek said. "In the field. Both normal deliveries, thank God, and it was still one of the scariest things I've ever done. Both of those women were in serious pain, Zoe."
I smiled down at Olivia's sleeping face. "Being quiet wasn't really an option. James couldn't turn the volume up on the Minions movie without risking permanent hearing damage, so I had to keep it together."
Zarek blinked. "The Minions movie."
"He was very invested. And then in the middle of everything, he wanted to know if babies came out of a lady's belly button."
“You made that up.”
“I wish I had that good of an imagination. It was all him. Adam told him something, I can’t remember what. I was a little preoccupied."
"I can imagine," he managed, still laughing. "How long did it take? Do you know?"
I thought about it. The snow and the dark and the way time had done something strange, stretching and compressing all at once. "I don't really know," I said honestly. "It felt like a long time, but it probably wasn't."
He nodded slowly. Then he was quiet for a moment, and when he spoke again his voice had changed entirely.
"Zoe." He stopped. Cleared his throat. "I don't have the words.
I've been trying to find them since the night she was born and I still don't have them.
" His voice broke on the last word, just slightly, and I watched two tears track quietly down his face.
He didn't wipe them away. "Thank you. From everything I am. Thank you for giving me my daughter."
My throat went tight.
I felt her before I heard her—a warmth settling onto the cushion beside me, a familiar weight leaning gently into my side.
"I already loved you to the moon and back," Chloe said softly, close to my ear. "Now I love you to the stars and back."
And that was it. That was all it took.
We were both crying before she finished the sentence. Chloe pressed her face against my hair and I turned into her, the two of us close in that way we had always been, that went way back to being little girls sharing a bedroom, the way that didn't need explaining.
Olivia, apparently sensing that the emotional moment needed punctuation, began to fuss. Then escalated. Then announced her displeasure to the entire neighborhood at full volume.
"She's hungry," Zarek said, already on his feet, lifting her gently from my arms. "I've got her."
He disappeared toward the kitchen, and Chloe and I pulled each other close in the sudden relative quiet, still crying, still laughing, holding on like we always did, friends, sisters, our other’s half.