4. Leo
Saying goodbye to Myles was harder than I thought. Ever since we were in college, we have spent no time apart. We were attached at the hip.
Wherever he went, I followed, and vice versa. I’m not one of those men who hides his feelings regarding the important people in my life.
I never understood why men couldn’t express their feelings for their guy friends. It’s not that big of a deal to show you care about someone important in your life.
Especially when he’s been the only family I’ve had for the past couple of years. My parents live deep in the suburbs; I rarely see them or my sister, except if it’s a FaceTime call. Those are scarce.
Don’t get me wrong, I have a great relationship with my parents and sister, but the importance of my job and how often the patients need me have made it more difficult to keep that relationship strong.
After Myles and I said our final goodbyes, I shoved my suitcase into the Uber trunk and sat in the back. The driver is an older guy; I’m unsure if he has any hair hiding under the trucker hat he is wearing.
It’s weird, though. He is the last type of person I’d ever find behind the wheel of an Uber.
The radio is country music, loud enough for me to understand the words but soft enough that it isn’t overbearing. The tip of my finger taps against my slacks, a nervous tick I can’t get rid of as the city disappears behind us.
My phone sits in my lap, the screen black, urging me to call my mother. Now’s a good time to reach out and get her updated on my life. Maybe talking to her will calm my nerves. It always used to help when I was younger.
If I ever felt anxious, she would take my mind off anything troubling me by reading my favorite story or singing my favorite song. Sometimes, we would garden or hike in our backyard, surrounded by massive trees. It was like our own personal state park.
The phone rings three times before she answers. “Sweetie! I was just thinking about you!”
“Hey, mom.” The tapping of my finger picks up its pace.
“My sweet Leo, how are you? And don’t you dare lie to me. I can hear it in your voice that something is bothering you.” Her voice goes from cheerful to stern in a matter of seconds.
“That’s not the reason I called you.” I attempt to assure her of my intentions for the phone call, but I’m only lying to both of us. “I miss you.”
“And I miss you, but if you called me because something is wrong, then spit it out. You could call me to tell me the sky is blue, or you murdered someone?—”
“Mom!” My tone is hushed as the word comes through clenched teeth. The driver peeks at me through the review mirror and then focuses his eyes on the road.
“Oh, honey, all I’m saying is that I don’t care about the reason for your call. Hearing your voice is the only thing I care about.” Guilt sinks into my chest. I should call her more than once every few months. “What’s going on, Leo?”
“I won’t be coming home for Christmas.” I rush the words out, my face pinching in agony as I await her response. Before she utters a single word, I announce, “I got a new job.”
“That’s great! Not that you won’t be making it to Christmas, but that you got a new job! You aren’t working at that fancy doctor”s office anymore? I thought you loved it there.”
“I loved it there. My boss believed I was destined for bigger and better things, so without telling me, he sent my resume to...” I check to see if the driver is paying attention. Even if he was listening in, it’s not like I have to hide what my new job is. I mean, he knows he is driving me to the asylum. “Another place where a patient needs my help more.”
“I’m not sure if I should be mad at your boss or not. He shouldn’t have gone behind your back, but it is good that you will help a patient. And that they believe you can help this person is amazing!” I can envision her proud smile on her face. “This seems like a great opportunity, Leo. Why are you worried about the change?”
“This patient differs from those I’ve worked with at the office. The place they are sending me to has high-risk patients, and it could be dangerous.”
“Should I be worried?”
“No, everything will be all right.” I repeat the words Myles spoke yesterday, even if I don’t believe them.
“Honey, I know this situation you are going into is scary. It’s brand new territory and all new experiences. Change can be difficult, but you will power through it like you do everything else. Your boss was right. You are destined to do great things. That’s how your father and I raised you. We wanted you to learn that nothing is outside of your reach and that you can do anything you set your brilliant mind to. This new place is fortunate to have you on their team. Don’t let the situation you are set in go to your mind, sweetheart.”
Exhaling a deep breath, my head falls back to the headrest. “I needed to hear that.”
“I know you did. That’s why you called.” She chuckles. “Call me whenever you need to. Your father and I miss you so much. As do your sister and nephew.”
“I miss you guys, too. I promise to call more often, and I’m sorry about Christmas. I really am. Tell Carter I am going to bring him the best present ever.” I intend to keep that promise.
“I’m not sure you can compete with Santa, Leo. According to Carter, Santa brings the best presents.”
“It looks like I will have to outshine the jolly old man.” I say with a genuine laugh. “I’ll keep you updated on the new job.”
“I can’t wait to hear all about it.” Pride lives in her voice. “Now, I’ll let you go, but don’t wallow in the thoughts running around in your mind, okay? And reach out to your sister. She misses you, too.”
“Okay, I will. I love you.”
“I love you too, Leo. More than all the stars in the universe.” Sadness litters her voice as she speaks the last few words, and it breaks my heart. The first time she said that to me flashes into my mind.
We are lying on a blanket in the grass—one of the quilted blankets Mom had made with her crafting friends. Our backyard is perfect for stargazing. With the back porch lights off and the lack of streetlights, you can see almost every star in the dark sky.
I had an awful day at school. I was ten and didn’t have many friends. I got teased for being a loser—that’s what the kids called me. When Mom found out, she planned this special night for us—only us—not my dad, not Chloe,just me and her.
She packed my favorite snacks, knowing they would cheer me up. We lie on our backs, focusing on the twinkling dots above our heads. “There are a lot of stars in space.”
“There are.” She nods in agreement. “Just think about all the ones that we can’t see—all the ones beyond the stars that blanket our sky, the stars outside our galaxy.”
I never thought about the number of stars. We learned about some of it in school, but at my age, it wasn’t something I thought about often. “Millions. That’s how many stars there have to be out there.”
My mother smiles, turning her head to face me. “Billions.”
“Wow.” My voice is a whisper full of amazement.
“You are special, Leo. Just like the stars that shine brightly in the night sky.” She grasps her hand in mine, holding it tight. “Don’t let those kids at school get to you because they are wrong. You are the most incredible boy and will do great things in your life.”
“You have to say that because I’m your son.”
“I’d tell you that even if you weren’t.” That truth makes me smile. “Do you know how much I love you?” I shake my head at her question. “I love you more than all the stars in the universe.”
I blink, my eyes widening. “Mom, that’s a lot of stars.”
“I know.” She squeezes my hand. “It’s a lot of love.”
Tears prick the corners of my eyes.I have to figure out a time to see them soon. I press the end button, blinking multiple times to get rid of the tears.
My eyes became focused on the scenery outside the window. I’m not sure when the clouds rolled in, but the sky has darkened to a shade that matches my mood.
Trees whip by us as we drive at what feels like 70 mph, but I’m sure the driver isn’t going that fast. When my eyes shift towards the front of the car, I glance at the speedometer, seeing that he is only going fifty.
Snow pelts the windshield, causing the man to turn on the wipers. A storm springs upon us out of nowhere, one that I’m sure will turn into rain and melt the snow away, while I head to the darkest place I’ve heard of.
I did research not only on Veronica but also on the entire place. The asylum has multiple wards, depending on the patient”s risk.
Unlucky for me, Veronica is a patient in Ward B. It may not seem like an awful ward, but I’ve read that she has spent time in the worst. Does that mean she got somewhat better? I’ve never dealt with someone at this level of risk.
Will I even be able to do it? My mother”s words echo in my mind, and I close my eyes and inhale to calm myself.
“I didn’t mean to listen in on your conversation.” The thick southern accent makes my eyes flutter open, and I find the driver”s eye bouncing between the slick road and me in the mirror. “You’re going to be a doctor at Black Lake?”
“I am.” I re-situate myself in the seat. He can’t be from Seattle with that accent. “You’ve heard about it?”
“There isn’t a soul who hasn’t heard of Black Lake.” He chuckles. “The craziest of crazies get sent there.”
That doesn’t help my anxiety.
“And you still agreed to drive me out here? It’s a two-hour drive, and you know what that place holds.”
“The drive ain’t terrible.” He shrugs his shoulders. “You only get a glimpse of the building from the road, but the small spots you see are incredible. After hearing stories, it’s fun to imagine what the hell goes on in that place.”
“Stories?” My interest has peaked, which is probably not for the best. “What stories?”
His gray eyes slide to mine in the mirror. “You sure you want to know?”
“It’s most likely not a good idea, but I guess it wouldn’t hurt to learn what I’m getting myself into.”
“All right then.” He clears his throat, gripping the steering wheel tighter as the snow transforms into rain and pelts the windshield. Perfect timing. “A buddy of mine used to work there. He was a janitor. He saw multiple fights break out and said that a patient killed a nurse before.”
“Lovely.” I swallow hard, my heart racing at the thought of what these patients are capable of.
He can sense the nerves in my voice. “Take nothing I say too seriously. They are just stories. You never know. It could be sunshine and rainbows in that place.”
“Guess I’ll find out.”
“You sure will.” He nudges his chin forward, gesturing ahead of us. “Because we are here.”
Shit. That was the quickest two hours of my life.
“We will see the building for the first time together.” The old man grins as he pulls to the end of a driveway.
A tall cast-iron gate stops us from entering the premises. Two festive wreaths, full of leaves and large red and green baubles, hang on the fence.
The car idles in front of the gates; the driver rolls down his window as rain hits the interior of his vehicle. There is a black box with a small button attached to a black pole to the left. He presses it and waits for something.
“How may I help you?” An older woman”s voice filters through the box. It comes out full of static, but not distorted enough for us to misunderstand her.
“I’m here to drop off one of your new doctors,” he states.
“What is the name of the doctor?” She questions for security purposes. They aren’t going to let a random man through the gate.
The driver glances over his shoulder for my name. “Dr. Madden.”
He repeats the name to the woman, and a buzzing sound shoots from the box and into the car. The gates before us slowly open, creaking creepily with every inch they move.
When the car has enough space to go through, the accelerator is pressed, and we are driving forward.
Large weeping willows line each side of the black, paved drive, their branches dangling down and lashing out from the wind that picks up. It is something you’d see out of a movie—incredibly picturesque and almost unreal.
The amazement only grows when he slightly turns, the large brick building coming into view. The bricks are dark, maybe because of the rain, but they appear black, which makes me think the rain has nothing to do with it.
Black bricks for Black Lake? Fitting.
The black pavement, filled with fog, loops in front of the building. In the middle of the pavement, a cast stone fountain with three tiers sits. It has three different-sized circular moldings, the top one smaller than the bottom. Perched on the very top of the fountain is an angel reaching towards the sky.
As we get closer to the structure, the angel looks anything but happy. There is a tiny frown on her dirt-gray face, as if what she is reaching out for is too far away.
My body jerks forward as we come to a stop, the man shifting his car into park before blowing out a breath. “Well, this is not what I was expecting.”
I turn my head to the right to take in the large building. On either side of the wide stairs sit two Christmas trees decorated with colorful ornaments and white lights.
The colors of the lights and decorations burst to life against the dark brick. They have been placed nicely at the bottom of the wide stairs that lead up to the door.
“Me neither,” I say, answering his earlier statement.
Before I can register what I’m doing, my hand meets the door handle, swinging it open. The rain has become a drizzle as I round the back of the car to grab my belongings from the trunk.
Letting the door fall shut, I readjust the strap of my duffle bag over my shoulder and squeeze the handle of my suitcase.
I hear the car”s window behind me roll down when I step forward. “Good luck in there.”
Swallowing, I head up the stairs. The driver wastes no more time lingering in his car. The place must spook him because the screech of his tires is prominent through the quiet air.
The vast oak door is now in my vision; my leg shakes with anticipation as another black box pulls my attention.
The white button calls my name, begging me to press it, but when I lift my finger, it only hovers over the circle before I force myself to move. A ringing tone hits my ears before the same woman”s voice enters the speaker.
“How can I help you?”
“Hi, my name is Dr. Madden.” Somehow, my voice remains calm despite the way I am freaking out internally.
“I’ll buzz you right in!” She is too happy for someone who works in an asylum.
Instantly after the words leave her mouth, the zapping noise sounds and the door unlocks. I wrap my hand around the knob and twist it, pushing it open. I enter the asylum lobby; the lighting is dimmer than I imagined.
Same with the cream-covered walls. I assumed everything would be white and too bright to look at. Gaping at the sight before me, the door slams shut behind me, causing my body to flinch.
Fuck, I’m on edge.
To my left is a leather couch; a woman in gray sweats and a matching shirt lounges with a book. Her eyes lift to meet mine, widening at the sight of me. Being polite, I smile at her before adverting my gaze to the right to find another woman sitting in a chair against the wall.
She is also reading but stops when she feels my presence. Their eyes burn into me, and I watch as one looks at the other and arches her brow.
“Dr. Madden!” It’s different from hearing it in that small box, but I know it’s the same lady who buzzed me in. An older woman with white hair and glasses sitting on the bridge of her nose is smiling wide at me. Making my way to the desk, which doesn’t have any protective glass between her and the patients, I flash her a convincing smile. “We have been expecting you!”
The words send a cold chill down my spine. I can still sense the eyes of the patients behind me, and sure enough, when I check over my shoulder, they are still staring at me, although one has her eyes on my ass.
“Don’t mind them.” The old woman pulls my attention toward her. “A young man as attractive as you hasn’t stepped foot in this place in... well, forever. Be prepared to be gawked at.”
“Thanks for the warning.” A laugh escapes me to make light of the situation.
“You are welcome. My name is Edith Strum. You can call me Nurse Strum or Edith, whatever floats your boat.” She types a few things on the keyboard before she taps the top of what looks like a small camera. “If you can look here and give me a smile, we will get your badge all set up.”
Doing as she says, I stare straight into the camera and put on my best smile.
“Wonderful! If this gig doesn’t work out for you, you could be a model with a face like yours.” She sends a wink my way, and I can’t help but laugh.
“I’ll keep that in mind, Edith.”
The sound of something printing takes over the silence, and soon, she hands me a white, rectangular card.
“This is your badge. It will get you in-and-out of wings. Ensure you keep it on you at all times and in a place where a patient can’t swipe it off you.”
“Okay.”
“Why don’t we make sure it works? Then I’ll take you to your room before you meet Veronica. After your meeting, I’ll show you to your office.” She emerges from behind the desk.
Edith is short, standing at five-foot-one compared to my six-foot-one. Her hair is almost all gray—a few strands holding on to their natural color. I really hope that she doesn’t insert herself in any altercations. She’d get squashed.
Reaching the door that leads deeper into the asylum, I follow her, but my eyes find the girls sitting in the lobby.
“Don’t worry about them. You need this card to get past the front door, too. Plus, those two are in Ward A. They aren’t at risk of running. They are allowed out here.”
“Good thing you have a camera out here, just in case.” My head gestures to the black camera up in the corner above us.
Edith follows my gaze and huffs out a laugh. Her eyes peer around me before she tells me in a quiet voice, “All the cameras here are fake. With how many employees we have, Dr. Bennett didn’t see the point. The patients, however, don’t know the cameras aren’t real.”
The way she looks at me is almost like a warning: “I won’t say a thing.”
She nods before asking me to swipe my card. I do, and the red light immediately turns green.
“Perfect! Sometimes, these things can be tricky, and you might have to swipe them more than once. If you do that and it continues to give you more trouble, you can type in the code. Dr. Bennett will provide you with that.”
“Sounds good.” Edith enters through the doorway first, allowing me to follow behind her. She takes us down the empty hall until we come upon another door. She does the honors of opening it and leads us a couple of doors down.
“This wing is where the nurses and doctors stay while they work. We offer boarding for the staff if their commute would be too long for day-to-day travel. Patients are not permitted down this wing.”
“Got it.”
Edith stops before a closed door. “This room will be yours for the duration of your stay. Once you get settled in, return to the lobby and find me. I’ll take you to meet Veronica.”
“I thought I would meet with Dr. Bennett first,” I state as I loosen my grip on the suitcase handle.
“He has a meeting this morning and asked me to introduce you to Ms. Rollins.” She pushes her glasses up her nose. “I’m sure you had a long drive and would like to relax.”
She walks down the hall with one last smile, leaving me alone.
It had only been ten minutes since Edith left me, and the speed I unpacked was probably a world record. I should have put things neatly in the drawers, but my nerves got the best of me.
The bedroom they set me up with is more than I expected. There is a nice queen-sized bed against the back wall in the middle of the deep blue paint.
A long dresser sits to the left of the bed, holding all the belongings I packed, while the tall armoire holds my button-ups and slacks—I don’t want them to get wrinkled and have the other doctors and nurses here think I’m unprofessional.
She mentioned she would take me to meet Veronica after I settled in. What I should have done was take my good old time.
I should have been getting to know my bedroom, maybe even inspecting every intricate detail while I was here, but I had to get this meeting over with. Then maybe I can go back to normal.
I freshen up in the bathroom, which I wasn’t expecting to be so nice. The stand-up shower with emerald-tiled walls and beautiful tiled flooring is paired with the same marble color on the vanity.
If I didn’t know I was at an asylum right now, I’d think I was at an extravagant hotel.
Splashing water over my face to cool myself down, I pick up a white cotton bath towel and pat my skin dry. My eyes lift to meet my reflection.
The five o’clock shadow has been shaved from my face; my hair is styled into a wavey mess on the top of my head, a single hair dangling on my forehead. No matter how hard I try, I can’t get it to stay with the rest of my hair.
Oh well, it’s the least of my worries.
Green eyes stare back at me through the mirror; if I can see the panic in my eyes, so will the patients. Inhaling a deep breath through my nose, I exhale long enough until all the air is out of my lungs.
“It’s going to be fine.” I remind myself before pushing off the counter and leaving my room.
The walk back to the lobby is easy to remember since I take a left out of my wing, and then the door to the lobby is on the right. When I go through, Edith is alone now; the two patients have gone elsewhere.
“That was quick!” Edith states when I round the corner and come into view.
“I unpacked most of my stuff. Figured I would get this meeting out of the way.” Shit, did that come out arrogant?
“Eager, are we?” She looks at me through her small, rimmed glasses.
“If I’m being honest, I’m pretty nervous.” I rub the palms of my hands together.
“You’ll be fine, Dear!” Edith waves off my worry. I wish it went away with her words, but it is still in my mind. Walking from behind the front desk, the old woman gestures for me to follow her.
Back out of the same door I had just come through, we passed the wing to the employees” rooms and continued straight. We turn left and then a sharp right, bringing more patients into my sight.
They are all standing around the hall, talking in groups. It’s almost like a scene in a school hallway, except everyone is wearing the same attire, only different colors.
On our right is a closed door with the words “cafeteria” plastered on the window. A couple more steps down the hall and we reach an open door.
“This is the common room. Veronica enjoys sitting in here most of the time,” Edith voices next to me. “I’m going to let you approach her alone. She doesn’t like to be crowded.” The woman”s smile is sweet; positivity pours from her expression like she is trying to help me. “She’s right over there.”
I follow where her finger points and am met with a woman who can’t be much younger than I am. She is wearing gray sweats that cinch at the ankle with a white crew neck.
Her hair is full of wild curls, somehow maintained, given that she is locked up here.
Her pale skin appears delicate and flawless, and her body has no markings other than the freckles that litter her skin. She seems to be writing in a journal, her hand moving effortlessly across the paper, but she abruptly stops the movement.
It is almost like she can sense me staring at her; my breath hitches when her eyes leave the book to meet my gaze. Big, brown eyes glare back at me.
The freckles scattered over her arms also cover her cheeks and nose. We hold eye contact for a moment. As I let out a long, silent sigh, her face changes from a blank stare to a wicked grin.