16. Veronica
“Eliza!” I call after her. Damn, she is fast. My lungs are almost empty of air from trying to catch up to her. I push past other patients as I rush down the hall. “Wait up!”
I don’t miss the way her body stiffens when she hears my voice, and even though she is probably terrified of me threatening her, she stops walking. Eliza doesn’t turn around to acknowledge me. It isn’t until I’m standing in front of her that she truly acknowledges me.
“You told me to leave you alone,” she reminds me in a quiet tone.
“Yeah, I know, and I meant it, but I wanted to ask you questions.”
“About what I admitted in the group session?”
With a shrug of my shoulders, she rolls her innocent, multicolored eyes. “Call me intrigued. Honestly, by just looking at you, I didn’t think you had it in you.”
“That’s what they all said.”
“The voices or...” It’s a valid question. At least I thought it was, but the way Eliza is looking at me right now shows me it was, in fact, not a good question.
She huffs out a breath of annoyance. “Do you have to be so insensitive?”
“Have you met me?” I stare at her dumbfoundedly, then realize that if I keep this up, acting this way, I won’t get through to her. To fake a friendship. The word makes me internally cringe. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have asked like that. I’ve just never met someone who has...”
“Issues like mine?”
“When you put it like that, yes.” I nod slightly. “I’m curious, that’s all. If you don’t want to answer any of my questions, then that’s fine.”
It’s not fine at all.
Eliza looks me over, wondering if I am being true to my word. Luckily for me, I can throw on a pretty great mask to get people to do what I want.
“Can I sit with you at lunch tomorrow?” she asks. It’s a bargain—sitting with me at lunch to get answers.
On the inside, I am groaning and saying no, but on the outside, I’m still smiling. “Sure. Hell, you can sit with me for breakfast, too.”
The only reason I even offer this is because I want the answers sooner. I can’t wait until lunchtime to talk to her. I’ve seen movies where people hear voices in their heads, but never in my life have I met one. My suggestion seems to lighten her mood; a wide smile spreads across her lips.
“Okay!” She grins from ear to ear. This woman is acting like I gave her a million dollars. “You can ask your questions then. I’m exhausted, though, and would like to go back to my room.”
“No problem,” I state. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
One more smile, and she leaves me standing in the hall feeling victorious. She wasn’t part of my plan in any shape or form, but if it’s going to make Leo happy to see me trying, then she’s part of my plan now.
As I watch Eliza walk away, I sense a presence coming up behind me. Without looking, I know who it is. The air becomes thicker, and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up as I cast my gaze down the hall.
Eliza has disappeared from my sight, leaving me with the rest of the patients from group therapy who are spilling out of the cafeteria and the person who is standing close behind me.
“What was that about?” Leo questions my motives with the shy Eliza.
“I’m taking your advice,” I answer, still keeping my eyes ahead. “I will attempt to be friends with her.”
“Really?” He sounds surprised, and the shock in his voice has my head turning to meet his stare.
“Yes.”
“Why all of a sudden? You threatened her just the other day.”
“That? Don’t take it personally. I do that to a lot of people.” Shrugging my shoulders, I say, “I figured it would be nice to talk to a person who isn’t my doctor or an inanimate object.”
He chuckles softly at the mention of my journal. “This doesn’t have anything to do with her story, does it? I noticed how fascinated you were by it.”
“I thought you said I wasn’t paying attention.”
“You were when Eliza was speaking. After that, you zoned out,” he points out.
“Watching me the entire group session is creepy, Leo.” A flirty smile plays on my lips, my hands tucked behind my back.
“I was observing. I wanted to see how you did in a group setting.” Why does he always have to be professional?
“And? How did I do, doctor?”
Leo’s tongue slides out to run along his bottom lip. “You’re not made for groups.”
“Does this mean I don’t have to go back?”
“Not if you will keep pulling stunts like you did during it.” His eyebrow shoots up, making me smile.
“You mean the sex talk? Oh, yeah, I’d bring it up all the time.” Letting out a long, exaggerated sigh. “Guess I shouldn’t go back then. Damn. Too bad.”
Spinning on my heel, I walk down the hall when I hear him speak. “Where are you off to?”
His question makes me pause in place. My eyes that were on the light brown wooden floor lift, a smirk appearing on my face. Facing him, I allow the smirk to stay there.
“I’m off to my room. Would you like to escort me to make sure I get back safely?”
His mouth twists as he bites the inside of his cheek. “I’m sure you can manage to get back all on your own. I’ll see you tomorrow, Veronica.”
Before I can spit back a smart remark, he is walking away. I wish I could follow him back to his room because maybe, just maybe, if I made it all the way there, Leo would invite me in.
With that thought running through my mind, I imagine all the things Leo would do to me in the privacy of his room. I’m on autopilot as I make my way back to my room.
The images of him between my legs or buried deep inside of me cloud my vision. Thankfully, I know most of these halls like the back of my hand.
The idea of being blindfolded pops into my already daydreaming mind. I think I want Leo to do that to me, too. By the time I step into my room, I’m buzzing with arousal. I’m wet between my thighs, wanting to be touched so badly by someone other than myself.
It’s the time of the night when the guards are ushering the rest of the patients to their bedrooms, but I’m a step ahead of them. I close my door, knowing they will come by to check if it is locked.
A small window is framed in the metal door for them to check on us without having to risk opening the door, but once the guards do their rounds, they won’t return.
Why would they? We can’t escape our rooms since the locks are on the outside. If a patient escapes, well, then they must be Harry fucking Houdini. It’s impossible.
Trust me, I’ve tried.
Muffled footsteps sound in the hall, the thickness of the metal separating me and them blocking out most of the sounds. At this point, I’ve climbed into my bed but haven’t laid down just yet.
A face peers into the window, checking to make sure I’m where I’m supposed to be. Giving him a small wave of my fingers, he tightly nods his head in approval, then stalks off.
I don’t move until I see the shadows of him passing by again underneath the door. Once the coast is clear, I shove off my sweats, and the underwear that hits the floor is soaking wet.
Never has a man-made me like this. I could never only think about a man and get aroused. Hell, it was difficult when a man touched me to get this way. Unless they knew what they were doing, which was only a few.
With my back against the wall, I spread my legs, letting my hand travel across my stomach and to the top of my thigh. I’m teasing myself. I move as slowly as I can to see how long it will take until I give in.
I like to test myself, but tonight, I’m finding it almost difficult. The pulsing between my legs is growing needier. I’m panting before even touching myself.
Closing my eyes, Leo enters my mind, remembering how he touched me in his office over my sweats. How he called me “Vee” and the dark tone he used while talking dirty to me. Remembering the rasp in his voice sends shivers down my spine, and I can’t hold out any longer.
My hand finds its way between my legs, my fingers brushing lightly over my clit, causing my back to arch off the wall. A quiet moan escapes me at the final feeling of pleasure. My fingers dip lower to gather my arousal before circling my clit again.
In my mind, Leo speaks, “Does that feel good?”
I swear, it sounds like he is in the room with me. I don’t dare open my eyes, though, because he isn’t there, and I don’t want to be ripped away from this fantasy.
Nodding my head, I bite my lower lip while my finger moves faster. “So good.”
“Fuck, Vee. Look how wet you are for me.”A loud moan escapes my lips at the thought of him using that name again. “Do you wish it were my fingers touching you?”
“Mhm.” I hum out, unable to form any other words.
“I want your fingers inside of you. Can you do that for me? Pretend they are mine, fucking you.” That’s the way I want him to speak to me. I hope when the day comes, it is exactly like that.
Obeying his voice in my head, I push two fingers inside of me and gasp at the sensation. His hands are larger than mine. His fingers are much longer, meaning this feels nothing like it would if Leo were here fucking me, but it will have to do.
I push them deeper, only to pull them out and sink them back in. I’m panting, picturing Leo on his knees in front of me, his fingers dipping into my pussy.
“What a good girl you are, Vee.” The praises go straight to my head, and I thrust my fingers into me faster. “Doing exactly as you’re told. Fucking yourself like a whore.”
“Oh my...” I’m not going to last long. Not with his voice in my head. The words I am conjuring up—wishing he was speaking them.
“Come for me,” he demands. I shove my fingers as deep as they can go, holding them still as the tips curl. I hit my G-spot repeatedly until I’m spilling over the edge.
My already closed eyes squeeze shut tighter, sending tiny stars into my vision for only a second. This was the first time I imagined him actually speaking to me. This was also the first time I came this hard from pleasing myself.
Once I come down from my high, I remove my fingers and clean them off with my tongue. Sighing with relief, I finally lie down and attempt to get comfortable on the lumpy mattress.
I’m so worn out from what I just did that it doesn’t take me long to fall asleep.
I dream of my sister. Another first for me.