28. Leo
Today is the day Veronica comes back.
Dr. Bennett went to retrieve her, but not before stopping by my office to announce she and I will have a session. Relief flooded my body, knowing she was no longer down there.
He had informed me that the last time she was sent down there, she hadn’t wanted to talk to her doctor about her time, which drove her even madder. He assumed with how I’d gotten past the first layer of her toughened skin. I might get her to talk about it.
Straightening the notepad on my desk, I place the recorder neatly next to it and inhale a deep breath as I wait for her arrival. I sit back in my chair, an elbow resting on the arm with my fingers covering my lips.
My leg is bouncing because of the nerves of seeing her again, but before I spiral into a full-blown anxiety attack, there is a quiet knock at my door.
“Come in!” I call out in a calm tone.
The door opens, revealing Edith, who smiles sadly at me. Next to her is Veronica.
She has on a gray crewneck with matching sweats. Her hair is freshly wet, and the curls are perfect ringlets. Her eyes stay trained on the floor as she walks into the room, Edith shutting the door behind her. Veronica flinches at the sound at first but then finds a seat in her chair.
She is messing with her thumbs and keeping her eyes down as if she doesn’t want to look at me.
“Veronica.” Her name leaves me hushed, afraid that loud noise might startle her and cause her to freak out. The sound of her name came out so quietly that I don’t think she heard it. Although, the brief pause in her fidgeting hands tells me she did.
She stays silent, not answering me. With my heart racing, I gently approach her from my chair. Crouching down, I tilt my head to the side to get a good look at her face.
“Veronica?”
Those brown eyes snap up, and she turns to face me. Dark circles are painted under her eyes, but they aren’t from lack of sleep—they’re from not eating. Her entire face appears thinner. While her eyes hold my gaze, she offers a soft smile as if to say she is fine.
“How are you, Leo?”
“I’m... I’m alright,” I answer. “I should be asking you that.”
“I’m good.” She nods, finally sinking back into the chair.
“Veronica, you just went through a lot. You’ve lost weight,” I point out. “Didn’t you eat down there?”
“I said I’m good, Leo.” She snaps nastily.
“And I don’t believe you.” I bite back, then place my hand on her knee. “In this office, behind closed doors, you don’t have to pretend. Not with me, Veronica. You can be real with me.”
She sucks in a harsh breath at my touch and words. The brim of her eyes lined with tears. One escapes, and she doesn’t wipe it away. Her eyes fall to her lap before she rolls her shoulders back to compose herself.
“What are we going to talk about in this session?” She finally focuses on me.
“I was thinking we could discuss what broke out between you and Ruby.”
“Ruby? That’s her fucking name?” She scoffs. “I don’t want to talk about that.”
“Then we don’t have to talk about it. We will, though, at some point.” I lick my lips. “Why don’t we talk about your time in solitary.”
“No,” she answers flatly.
“It would be good for you to talk about it.”
“Why? Because in the past, I didn’t talk about my experience, and it fucked me up even more?”
“I’m here to help you, Veronica. I can’t do that if you don’t talk to me.” My hand runs nervously through my hair.
Helpless. That’s how she’s making me feel.
“You want me to talk about it?” she asks, shooting forward in her chair, causing me to stand up. Her eyes follow my movement. “Fine! Let’s talk about my delightful vacation in solitary. Do you want to start off by explaining how I had to spend my time in complete and utter darkness? Which, by the way, doesn’t normally happen. The light comes on day three, but lucky me, the bulb had died, and the lazy piece of shit guard didn’t feel like fixing it.”
My jaw clenches. A whole damn week with no light? I didn’t realize she’d be left in the dark at all. I figured it would have turned on once I shut the door.
“Or we can talk about how the only thing to keep your mind from driving you absolutely insane was to sleep! Which is hard to do in full silence, but I managed.” She removes her arms from the chair, standing up. Her chest touches my body, and Veronica lifts her hand, finger tapping at her temple. “You start to see shadows in the dark. Figures that are there to haunt you! And let”s not even get started on the whispers you hear from those shadows because it’s so damn quiet! It’s almost as bad as hearing the other patients screaming!”
The hand on her head drops to her side as she inhales a deep breath through her nose. My eyes dip to her chest, which is moving frantically while her breathing is out of control.
“Or we can talk about how you basically starve yourself because you have no appetite because of the sheer fear and sadness that overcomes you!” She choked on her words, holding back the tears that desperately need to be released. “Is that what you want to talk about?”
My lips part, the sadness and fear that she felt down there seeping into my skin. I reach my hand forward, brushing my fingers against the back of her hand. She shakes her head, backing away from me.
“Don’t you dare try to comfort me.” She holds her finger up to stop me from getting closer. I ignore it. I keep moving forward, backing her into a wall when she tries to push me away. “You could have helped me not be sent down there.”
“You know I couldn’t.” My hand comes up, wrapping around her wrist, which is on my chest. Peeling her hand off of me, I bring it to my lips. “I had no say in what they would do to you.” Gently, I kiss each of her knuckles, and her breathing stutters. “It’s okay to let it all out.”
She shakes her head, trying her best not to give in to her sadness or the frustration that is built up inside. “I can’t.”
“Yes.” I pause the movements of my lips, letting her hand go and staring deeply into her beautiful eyes. “You can. Don’t hide from me, Vee.”
Suddenly, she gasps for air and sinks down to the floor. Bringing her hands up to cover her face, her shoulders shaking uncontrollably. The tears flow the same as a waterfall, fast and hard. The sounds of her sobs are echoing around the office.
I hate seeing her like this. Not just as my patient but as a person. What does that say about me? That I would feel bad for a woman who murdered someone who is clinically insane—I hate that she’s sad.
I drop to my knees, pulling her hands from her face and cupping her head in my hands. I use my thumbs to wipe away the never-ending tears.
“It’s okay to show emotions when you’ve gone through a difficult time,” I inform her. “You don’t always have to be so tough.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry that you went through all of this. I can’t sit here and say I understand your feelings because I don’t. I can’t even imagine what you felt when you were alone.” Her eyes produce more tears at my words. “But please know that I am here for you, Vee. Always.”
She quickly raises her eyes at the sound of the nickname I’ve used twice now. The only other times were when we were intimate with each other. This is still intimate, just in a different way.
The rise and fall of her chest slows, and I watch her mouth fall open. Her tired eyes scan down to my mouth.
With my hands still holding her face, I kiss her without thinking. I want to comfort her. And by kissing her, I’m doing that.
As soon as our lips make contact, I sense the stress and new emotions leave her. Veronica’s body relaxes against the door as I deepen the kiss, my tongue pushing past her lips for a taste.
A taste I hadn’t realized I had been missing until now. This kiss differs from the others. Those were frantic, messy, and heated. This one was raw, desperate, and full of emotions.
This is what she needs right now, and I’m thankful I can give it to her.
Breaking the kiss, she brings her eyes up to mine. “How do you always know the right things to say?”
“It’s what I went to school for.” I tuck her hair behind her ear, smiling. “Next time you want to argue with me when I try to tell you something, remember what you just said.”
She lets out a laugh paired with a soft grin. God, I missed that too. “I didn’t say you are always right, Leo. Just in these moments. What you say helps, and I truly appreciate it.”
“I’m just happy I can be there for you.”
Veronica takes a deep breath. “Are we back to our normal schedule now?”
“Sort of,” I answer. “I have to move one of your days to make room for Ruby.”
She rolls her eyes. “I still can’t believe they gave you another patient. You were hired specifically for me.”
“I know…”
“She commented on you being her doctor before I fought her,” she states. “The look in her eyes told me how attractive she thought you were. She teased me about it.”
“Veronica ,” I gently squeeze her leg. “You know that I’m not going to do anything with her other than have normal sessions, right?”
“How am I supposed to believe that? I mean, look at us.” She gestures between the two of us. “You said it would never happen, but look where we are.”
“You’re different,” I admit. I should stop there, but I can’t. Either it’s because maybe it’s something she needs to hear right now to feel better, or it”s because I truly mean it deep down.
“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. The moment I saw you… it was like this energy was pulling me towards you. I couldn’t fight it. I knew I was screwed when it came to you.” I let out a small laugh. “I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay away.”
Her breathing calms a bit. “But you don”t want me like that anymore.”
I sigh. “It’s not that I don’t want you, Veronica. Trust me, I do.” I take her hand in mine. “I want you so fucking bad it’s driving me insane because I know I can’t have you.”
Her hand rises to meet my face, the touch lighting a fire inside of me. “You can have me.”
“No, I can’t. Not in the way I want.” I shake my head. Why am I admitting this to her? Why the hell am I feeling this way about her?
“Maybe one day, I’ll get better enough to leave this place,” she says softly, sounding hopeful. “And when that happens, you can have me the way you want.”
“No offense, but it will be a while before you can leave this place.”
Her face twists as if I just drove a knife into her heart, but then she nods. “I know.”
Removing her hand from my face, I plant a kiss on her palm. “If it makes you feel any better, my sessions with Ruby are strictly in the common room. You’re the only patient allowed in my office.”
She smiles slightly. “That does make me feel a little better.”
“Yeah?” I kiss her skin again. “What else would make you feel better?”
As soon as I ask, I knew I shouldn’t because a devilish smile forms on her face.
“For us to continue the other things we do in our sessions.” I open my mouth to turn down the idea, but her finger meets my lips. “I understand your job would be at risk, I do, but I’d never tell a soul. And I get you say you can’t have me the way you want me, whatever that entails?—”
“It means that if circumstances were different, I’d want to date you.” Did I really admit that? Yup. And my mouth won’t shut up. I’m going to blame it on the fact that it is something she needs to hear to feel better.“I’d want to take you on dates and let you meet my family. It’s fucked up, isn’t it?”
“But that’s if I weren’t your patient, right?” I nod. “So we can’t do those things. Who cares? We can still have fun. You are the first doctor I actually like. You make me feel seen, heard, and safe. I don’t want to lose that. This would stay a secret.”
“I don’t know, Veronica.”
“Please, Leo.” She knows how much I love it when she begs. “We will be super careful with how we go about this.” Her head lowers, but then she lifts those magical eyes at me. “I need you to feel better.”
“Fuck”s sake,” I whisper. Don’t do it, Leo. Don’t you dare give in to this temptation. “Do you even realize the effect you have on me?”
“I’m seeing it.” She grins, knowing she’s getting her way. “When can we start our other sessions?”
Her finger traces my jaw before finding its way down to my shirt collar. “Not today. This session is about over, and I can’t keep you any longer than I need to.”
“Pity.” She fake pouts.
“I’m glad to see you’re in a better mood.” I smile before standing up.
“That’s what you do to me, Leo.” I extend a hand to help her back to her feet. “You make me feel better.”
My eyes leave hers to glance at the clock on the wall. “Our time is up.”
“Okay. I’ll see you next time.”
While I watch her walk out of my office, I can’t help but feel the uneasiness spread throughout my body. Getting myself involved with her is the dumbest thing I can do next to admit that I might have actual feelings for her.
This will not end well.
Ruby and I are having another session in the common room. I’m not sure why I decided to hold these meetings here and not in the office.
It could be because Veronica and I defiled my office with all the dirty things we have done there. It makes me think that if anyone were to spend enough time there, they could sense the activities that took place.
Across the table, Ruby’s mouth is moving. She is answering a question that I had just asked. A question I don’t have a memory of asking. The words come out of her mouth but never reach my ears. I’m too distracted. What is going on with me?
“Dr. Madden?” Her voice finally enters my ears, and I blink away the distracting thoughts.
“Hmm?” I hum, eyes meeting her concerned ones. “I’m sorry, Ruby. I was in my head. That was very unprofessional of me.”
“That’s okay. You’re allowed to have off days, too.”
“It’s been an off week.” I force a laugh, knowing not to speak any further on the matter. “You were saying?”
“I’ve never thought about killing someone before that guy,” she states.
“Why him?”
“I don’t know. Something just... came over me, I guess.” Her eyes fall. “Deep down, there was this feeling inside me that he wasn’t a good man.”
He wasn’t. I looked into the guy because I was curious. He had done some jail time for domestic violence. “How did you get the gun?”
“I carry it illegally.” She smirks. “Never know when you might have to defend yourself. Or others in this case.”
Before I can say anything else, the door to the common room swings open, causing Ruby to lose focus on me. Her stare shifts to the right of me, eyes flooding with fear. Furrowing my brows, I turn just a little to see who entered.
Veronica passes the empty chair she normally sits in, which is waiting for her. When she passes us, her eyes flick to mine for a second before she reaches the piano. Sitting on the bench, Veronica raises her hands to the keys, and the soft sound of music fills the room.
“Uhm , Dr. Madden?” Ruby’s voice pulls my attention away from the woman I can’t seem to stay away from. “Is it okay if we end our session early?”
“Of course.”
She says nothing else before she scoots the chair back with a screech and leaves me. With my eyes remaining on the table, I don’t even hear the door shut behind her over the melody that Veronica is playing.
Turning off the voice recorder, I gather my things from the table and make my way over to the piano. She senses my presence and feels me standing behind her, but she doesn’t stop.
“I didn’t know you could play,” I state over the music.
“Took lessons when I was a kid,” she responds, still moving her fingers elegantly over the keys. As she does this, she slides to the left, making room for me. “One of the many extracurricular activities my parents attempted to put me through.”
Setting my belongings on top of the piano lid, I take my seat next to her. “It’s lovely.”
“Thank you.” Her lips curl into a smile. “Did I interrupt your session?”
“Honestly, yes.” I’m just now listening to the song she is playing, realizing I recognize it. Bringing my hands to meet the keys, I play alongside her. “She is afraid of you.”
“Good.” That warm smile that was placed on her lips for me turns wicked. “She should be.”
“Veronica, I need you to promise me something.” I look over at her while still keeping up with the music.
“Last time you asked me to promise you something, it didn’t work out.” Her doe eyes finally meet mine.
“Promise me you’ll stay away from her, okay?”
“What do I get out of this?” A playful grin appears on her face, matching the tone in her voice, and I drop my gaze to the piano.
Out of my peripheral vision, I take in the patients in the room. Where are they? Are they close enough to be listening to the conversation? Luckily, no one else is by us. Plus, with the two of us playing the piano and how quiet we are talking, if anyone were by us, I’m not sure they’d hear.
“What is it you want?” I watch her body perk up at the question, now staring directly at the side of my face. When I glance over at her, I can see the lust dripping off of her, which makes my heart race.
“If I listen, really listen to you, and leave her be...” Her right-hand inches closer to mine, her pinky gently brushing against me. Her voice goes to a whisper. “I want you to finally fuck me.”
The feeling of her finger and her words make me mess up the song. Clearing my throat, I pick up where I left off, leaning into her a little. “Be a good girl, and then I could do that for you.”
Veronica wasn’t expecting my answer. I know this because, this time, she’s the one messing up the song. Then, she stops playing altogether. Her lips part as her wide eyes dart down to my mouth. If we were in any other situation, any other place, I would kiss her.
“Are you going to keep playing?” I gesture my head towards the keys. “Or are we done?”
She swallows hard before she goes to say something. Stopping my fingers, the sound of the music pauses as I feel someone standing behind us.
“Hello, Dr. Bennett,” I state with my eyes trained on Veronica. I slowly leave her gaze to look back at the man behind us.
“Dr. Madden.” He nods curtly. “Hello, Veronica. The song the two of you were playing sounded wonderful.”
“Thank you.” She smiles up at him.
“Dr. Madden, I was wondering if I could steal you for a moment?”
“Yes, of course.” I stand, grabbing my things. Dr. Bennett turns to leave. “Ms. Rollins, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yes, sir.” She bites her bottom lip, and Jesus Christ. Her calling me that and biting her fucking lip makes me want to bend her over this piano right now.
I push those feelings aside, not allowing them to take over as I follow behind Dr. Bennett to his office. Once we are inside, he immediately goes over to his desk to open a folder, and when I approach, I notice a bunch of numbers on the sheet of paper.
“I understand you went to school for psychology, but your resume said that you also minored in business. Is that correct?”
Rolling my lips together, my hand rubs the back of my neck. “Can I be completely honest with you?”
He nods.
“I only took a couple of business classes in college. I thought it would help me if I ever wanted to open my own practice, but I never understood any of it.”
“Then why put it on your resume?” he asks me curiously.
“Thought it would help me look smarter.” I laugh sheepishly.
“Dr. Madden, you are very smart! There is no need to lie to get a job,” he reassures me with a chuckle. “It’s not like business was the reason we hired you.”
“I’m glad.” I let out a breath of relief. “I may be of no help, but my friend back home went to school for this type of stuff. I’m sure that he will be able to help.”
“Talk with him about looking over these numbers, and let me know if he is interested.” He waves his hand over the paper. “All of this just doesn’t seem right to me. Something is off. I need a second pair of eyes to look over it. If he could come up this weekend, that would be fantastic.”
“I’ll call him today and let you know.” Myles is gonna give me so much shit for not talking to him. “Oh, and sir? I was wondering if it would be okay for me to take some time off at the end of the month. It’s my mother”s birthday, and I haven’t seen my family in a while.”
His confused eyes turn bright. “Of course, Leo! Whenever you need a getaway, let me know. In the meantime, we will set Veronica and Ruby up with doctors.”
“Thank you.” I nod appreciatively. There”s no need to tell him that filling my spot for Veronica isn’t going to work. He already knows this.
Once Dr. Bennett dismisses me, I enter the hall and make my way toward the bedrooms. I manage not to run into anyone on the way back and thank God because my mind is flooding with the questions that Myles would ask that I must avoid.
I know he wants details, but it seems unfair that I’d let him in on the secrets between Veronica and me when she can’t talk to anyone about it.
Who the hell am I?
Standing in the middle of my room, I stare at Myles’ name on the screen. Why am I this nervous about calling me best friend? Rolling my eyes, I tap on his name. It only took two rings for him to answer.
“Well, well, well, would you look who it is.” I can’t tell if he is actually angry with me or not. “Was getting worried one of the girls shanked you.”
“This isn’t a prison, Myles.” I don’t hold back the laugh.
“Doesn’t mean they can’t get ahold of something, sharpen it, and make it into a shiv.” He sighs dramatically. “Here, I assumed my best friend died at the hands of a psycho patient.”
“You know, you should have joined the drama club in college. You would have done well.”
“Oh, shut up. What, I can’t fear for my friend”s life?”
“You can, but I’m fine,” I reassure him. “I have a lot on my plate right now. I took on another patient.”
There is a pause, a beat of silence before Myles says, “When you say take on, do you mean?—”
“Jesus, Myles.” I pinch the bridge. “Not in that way.”
There goes me, hoping he wouldn’t bring up my awful habits. But who am I kidding? Myles thinks with his dick 99% of the time.
“I”m just checking. I think you can handle only one crazy pants at a time,” he states before his tone becomes more playful. “How’s that going, by the way? It”s been a long time since we last talked, and I’ve been missing hearing all the dirty details.”
“Unlucky for you, that’s not the reason I called.”
“Oh yeah? Then why’d you call?”
“I need a favor. My boss needs some insight on the business side of the asylum. I told him you went to school for that type of shit. He was wondering if you could find the time to make a trip up here?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Great. He is excited about this offer but not about coming up for business. “Yes. I most definitely can make the trip. When does he need me?”
“This weekend,” I respond as I bring the tip of my shoe to the back of my other one, pushing the leather until the shoe slips off my foot.
“That should be fine. This is going to be great!” He beams. “Not only do I get to see my best friend, but I get to see his little plaything.”
“Myles!”
“Oh, hush, Leo!” he dismisses me. “It’s been a while, but I remember our last conversation. You said you weren’t going to let anything happen even though I told you otherwise. Which I’m sure you held up on your word, right?”
Silence fills the room, and my heart beats rapidly. I’ll lie. Yeah, and then he’ll drop it. “Yeah. I kept my word.”
“Okay,” he answers sarcastically. “Whatever you say, man. Just remember that I know you and can’t wait to meet the lucky lady. Tell boss man I’ll see him this weekend.”
Before I can respond, the line goes dead. That son of a bitch hung up on me!
Sighing, I toss my phone on the bed. This is a bad idea. Myles meeting Veronica will not end well. He has no filter on his damn mouth, and she will say whatever comes to her mind. It’s a disaster waiting to happen.
Panic rises in my chest at the thought of him slipping up to Veronica or to anyone else, for that matter. If he says anything about it to her and she tells him the details, I’ll never hear the end.
I fall back onto my bed, staring at the smooth ceiling while I sense a panic attack forming in my chest. My mind is all over the place with different scenarios that might happen this week.
All of them end terribly.