Chapter 2
two
RYLEE
“I visited Carter’s grave yesterday,” Trinity, one of the members, started, a small smile pulling at her lips. “I know it’s a tiny step—”
“That’s a huge step, Trinity,” Rylee assured, nodding and holding a warm smile on her lips. “Major.”
Rylee remembered the first time she visited Lennox’s grave after his funeral.
It was much sooner than Trinity. His gravestone had not been placed yet since the soil was unstable.
But it was the spot they’d lowered him into, so she knew he was there.
And she’d always remember the clench in her chest, the weight of the silence. It wasn’t a small thing.
Trinity released a little laugh then inhaled a deep breath. “I haven’t been to it since the funeral two years ago.”
Rylee nodded once more.
“But something in me said, just go, Trinity. You know?”
“I know all about that little voice,” Eden, another member, voiced. “Once it starts, you can ignore it but for so long.”
“Until it becomes all you can hear,” Rylee added.
And everyone released a variety of reactions, all in agreement.
It was a cold Sunday morning in Brooklyn, but the temperature in the Cobble Hill bookstore’s basement was warm and cozy.
Between tall shelves of books lining every wall, the windowless room felt more like a safe haven than anything or anywhere else.
Which was Rylee’s goal.
Candles flickered on intentionally placed small tables. Their soft glow mingled with the scent of vanilla, old books, and paper cups filled with coffee or chamomile tea that lingered like special guests in the air.
It was familiar and a signature of The Hope Collective meetings.
It was Rylee’s contribution to the community of people who had lost partners and spouses to brain aneurysms. They’d meet every other week in the bookstore’s basement, sit within the circular armchair layout Rylee intentionally created at the guidance of her therapist, Liz Peters, who popped in on the group every so often.
And the group members would speak their truths.
Share their experiences on how they were coping with their losses, offer up resources that helped them on their lifelong healing journeys they never knew they would ever have to embark on.
Tears were shed. Comfort was given. It was a safe space.
The group members often thanked Rylee in tears for putting the group together, stating that without it, they weren’t sure how they’d go on.
But what they didn’t know, and that she often told them, was that they were as much help to her healing as she was to theirs.
“Anyone else wanna share something?” she asked, her beautiful brown eyes moving about the space, landing on everyone present.
“Yeah,” the deep voice emerged to Rylee’s right. “I do.”
And when she glanced that way, her eyes came to rest on another group member. Yusuf Baldwin.
Yusuf had joined not long after his wife, Parris, passed. She’d had a surgery that had gone wrong, one he hadn’t wanted her to take. Grief clung to him like a second skin back then, and he credited the group for helping him to not only cope with the loss but to continue on with life.
“Please, Yusuf, go ahead.”
Yusuf smiled, then ran his hand down the top of his head.
“So… umm…” He chuckled nervously. “After I’m done here, I’m going to stop by my girlfriend’s place to let her know about a trip I’ve got planned.”
Rylee smiled at that, her deep dish dimples dotting her cheeks.
She remembered the day Yusuf returned from a trip to Hawaii, one he took to spread his wife’s ashes. He not only returned happier, he’d brought back a souvenir that was life-changing… a new relationship.
“So as most of you know,” he started, “when I flew to Maui in 2023, to spread my wife Parris’s ashes, I met someone.”
Everyone nodded.
“And… things have been great since then,” he added. “She’s amazing and is so understanding of my heart and my love for Parris.”
Rylee crossed her legs to lean more in Yusuf’s direction.
“So, this trip we’re going on, which will be the first trip we’ve taken together since Hawaii, isn’t just a trip.”
Rylee’s brows wrinkled as she tilted her head to one side.
“I’m gonna ask her to marry me.”
Everyone in the room gasped or released sounds of enthusiasm.
Rylee’s jaw simply dropped.
“What?!” she whispered, a smile soon tugging her lips up. “Shut up.”
The room erupted in laughter, Yusuf joining in.
He nodded, his face completely brightened by the huge smile now taking residence on his lips. “Yeah.”
All Rylee could do was clap in that moment, and the rest of the group members joined in.
“Thank you.” Yusuf pressed a hand to his chest. “I appreciate you all, sincerely.”
The applause gradually faded.
“This group,” he continued, his hand still to his chest as he closed his eyes briefly. “It really saved me.”
Tears pricked the corners of Rylee’s eyes as she mirrored him, pressing her hand to her chest.
“Honestly?” he chuckled. “I didn’t think love was in the cards for me. I thought Parris was it, and I thought I’d be fine with that, you know?”
The group members replied with nods or verbal agreements.
“But…” He gestured around the room. “You all encouraged me to fulfill her final wish, and I remember being so mad at y’all for that.”
Everyone laughed softly.
“And if I would’ve ignored you all, decided that I wanted to continue to hang on and not honor Parris’s wishes, I don’t think I would have met my girl, Clarke.
I don’t think I would feel like life had any meaning or incentive to go on.
Because beyond wanting to start a life with her, I just want to keep living.
And I hope for anyone else here who was feeling like I was feeling, that you get to here, too.
” He nodded. “Not aiming for a new relationship, but just finding that desire to live again.”
His words settled on Rylee’s heart.
This is exactly what she meant when she explained that she healed just as much in their group meetings as they did by simply sharing their stories and experiences.
She was one of those people who had found love again. The only difference is that every time she felt herself moving out of the life of grieving Lennox, it scared her.
Made her feel like she wasn’t honoring his legacy.
The promise she made to him.
That she would wait… until they were together again.
After more group members shared their stories and what they’d been experiencing since the last group meeting, it was time to wrap up.
There were hushed voices as everyone collected their things to head out.
As soon as everyone was up and out of their seats, Rylee was heading for Yusuf.
Close, she playfully punched him on his arm, and he laughed.
Yusuf had become someone like a brother to Rylee. Her most stubborn group member who refused to open up his first few visits to The Hope Collective group meetings.
Rylee tried everything to get him to share his story. He’d show up every other week and just sit silently, visibly holding a lot on his heart. And when he finally opened up, Rylee took a liking to him and his love for his wife, Parris. It reminded her a lot of her love for Lennox.
“Now, how you just gonna drop something like that in here?!”
Yusuf tipped his head back and laughed, his beautiful smile brightening the room.
He was happy, and Rylee noticed this happiness the day he attended the meeting after his trip to Hawaii.
“Yusuf, what?”
“I know.”
“This is amazing,” she whispered, taking him by his biceps. “So amazing!”
Group members made their way around Rylee and Yusuf, saying their goodbyes with promises to see them the week after next.
“So… how did you get here?” She threw her hands up. “I know you didn’t go into details during the meeting, and I hope you don’t mind sharing—”
“You know I don’t mind sharing any of this with you, Rylee.” He nodded toward her. “You’re one of the reasons I’m even considering this to begin with.”
She made an exaggerated pouty lip expression. “Aww.”
He chuckled, pushing his hand into his jeans pocket.
When he pulled it out, he brought in his grip a ring box. A beautiful royal blue velvet square.
He flipped the lid, and Rylee’s eyes grew at the sight of the diamond tucked in the slit.
“Oh, my God,” she expressed low before looking up at him. “It’s beautiful.”
“Like her,” he agreed, his attention fixed on the stone. “She picked it.”
“She picked it?!”
He nodded. “I rented out a jewelry store months ago for her to window shop. Told her that I wouldn’t ask her then, but I did want to make sure when I did, she loved the ring and it fit.”
“Genius.” She smiled.
Rylee inhaled a deep breath and let it out through her mouth.
“How do you know?”
Yusuf was returning the ring box into his pocket when he refocused on her.
“How do you know when you’re ready?” she added. “I’m not trying to make you second-guess anything. I’m asking for myself… and maybe being a little selfish, if I’m honest.”
He snorted a laugh.
“Because I’ve been in my relationship, as you know, and he’s perfect not just on paper but just period.”
“Yes, I know. You tell us every meeting.”
She giggled. “But like… I don’t know if I will ever be ready for this step, so please tell me. How did you know? Are you not a little scared?”
Hesitant?
She doesn’t ask that extension to her question out loud.
“Oh, I’m terrified, Rylee. Look at my hand right now.” Yusuf held out his hand, and it was shaking a little.
And as simple as it was, seeing that was somewhat of a relief.
“Even just the thought of asking Clarke is scary,” he continued. “When I proposed to Parris, to me, that was it. I felt like I’ll never have to get down on one knee again, nor would I want to. Forever. Period.”
Rylee bobbed her head up and down. “Right.”
“But then I met Clarke,” he said. “And after a short time, I realized she was amazing, too. She wasn’t Parris, and that was perfect, because Clarke was herself.
And me not constantly trying to find Parris in life when she’d already died was a step that was hard to take.
But Clarke…” He shook his head in awe. “She makes me look forward to new days. She understands my past, understands how it is a part of who I am, my story, and she accepts it all. She loves it all. So…” He shrugged this time.
“I want this. And even though it’s scary, I’m willing to do it scared with her because I know there’s something beautiful on the other side of what scares me. ”
“Yeah,” Rylee whispered. To him. To herself.
“Well, go ahead,” she told him, pressing a hand to his arm. “Go to Clarke and tell her about this amazing trip that will be better than she’ll imagine. I’m so happy for you, Yusuf.”
She extended her arms, and Yusuf leaned into a hug with her, holding her tight.
“Thank you, Rylee,” he told her, pressing a kiss to her cheek.
And she smiled at that.
“Thank you,” she said, holding him tightly.
She pulled away from the hug, smiling. Because deep inside, something cracked open… not in pain, but in possibility.
Could she get to this place, too?
Could she stop waiting… and start living?