Chapter 10
October
The first week of October is always the Cedar Falls homecoming football game, and I’ve been looking forward to it all week.
Anything to temporarily relieve me of thoughts of Jonah and Ryan .
. . and Wes. I have a full car as we make the drive from Pembroke to Cedar Falls.
I was able to convince my mother to let Annica and Dani come stay for the weekend, but I had to sweeten the deal.
Asher and Charlie sit snug in the back seat with Dani in between them.
Annica plays with the aux in the front seat.
Wesley is back to avoiding me after our kiss last week, so when I put in the group message saying I had two extra seats if anyone wanted to come witness my sister become Cedar Falls royalty, I knew he wouldn’t reply.
I texted Asher separately asking him for this favor, knowing my mom would be too busy fussing over any boys I brought home to care about making backhanded comments to Annica and Dani.
He agreed only because I still have the admission from Wesley about the business that he so desperately wants, and I said I’d tell him at the end of the weekend if he could stick it out in Cedar Falls for two days.
Charlie wanted to come because Dani was going and after that I had my four not-so-willing volunteers.
Of course, there’s another reason I’m bringing them back here with me. There’s another eulogy page I’m looking to track down.
“How much longer?” Asher asks from behind my seat. “Your driving is making me sick.”
“Why did you invite him again?” Annica says from beside me.
“As a distraction,” I say. Annica turns around to glare at Asher for no good reason, and he flips her off in return. “Can
you two not?”
“I have to pee,” Dani says.
I sigh. “I have a car full of children.”
I can’t help but think of Jonah when I’m in town. Especially as the band and decorated cars go by with the homecoming court
nominees atop them smiling and waving. I once sat on the back of one with my and Jonah’s names written on the side. I tear
up when Claire’s car goes by and she has a big smile on her face. It’s enough to take away the thoughts of Jonah for now.
I look around at my friends and even Annica looks like she’s having a decent time as she claps along to the fight song that
the Cedar Falls High band plays. When all the cars have passed, we walk down the street behind them to the high school, where
the parade stops.
“What are we doing after the game?” Dani asks.
“Yeah, what’s the bar scene like over here?” Charlie says after.
“We have a dinner reservation in North Winwick at nine p.m.,” I say.
I already made plans for after the game.
I just didn’t mention it so that no one could object.
The next eulogy in my journal after Ryan’s belongs to a man named Marco St. James.
Marco recently opened up an Italian-style restaurant in North Winwick called St. James and we will be visiting the fine establishment this evening.
Just because Tristan didn’t receive a copy of his page doesn’t mean the rest of them didn’t.
I just need to see that Marco is alive and well.
Actually, I don’t care if he’s well, just alive.
“What’s North Winwick?” Asher asks as we walk through the gate of the football field.
“It’s a city just on the other side of Cedar Falls. We’re one of the little towns that border it. Anything fun is in North
Winwick,” I explain.
Annica asks, “And what’s the restaurant?”
“It’s called St. James. Trust me, you’ll love it.”
“Sounds fancy,” she says.
“Exactly.”
People whisper as we walk through the aluminum bleachers, no doubt making comments about me and what I get up to at college.
The people of this town thrive on drama so when I got arrested, it was enough fuel to light a wildfire of gossip. Sometimes
I wonder if my mom and Don were more upset about the fact that I did it or that now the whole town talks about it.
My friends pick up on the stares and the whispering. Annica and Dani have been here with me before, so they know how it works.
“Sloane is like a local celebrity here.” Annica smiles as she gives snotty waves to the gossipers. “They’re obsessed with
everything she does since it’s so fucking dreadful and boring to live here.”
“Annica,” I scold, but can’t help the twitch of my lips as they form a smile.
Charlie and Asher get really into the game, yelling at refs for bad calls and cheering on the boys. They mention at least
ten times in the first half that they both used to play on their high school teams. When halftime rolls around it’s time for
the crowning. The band goes out onto the field, separating to make a walkway for the court. They start to play a slow song
and the court begins to be announced from the booth above the bleachers. Don walks Claire out down the field and it reminds
me to do a quick look around the bleachers. Our dad did not show. I wonder if Claire is trying to find him in the crowd. I
stand up and whistle for her when they announce her and her activities in the school, which is a long list. She’s the last
one to walk and all five girls are now standing on the field next to their dads while last year’s homecoming queen stands
in the middle with this year’s crown. The whole town is quiet as the drum roll starts. All I can hear is the pulse of my heartbeat
in my ears, louder than the drum.
They announce Claire’s name as the winner, and I swear I black out for a minute. I’m screaming and running down from the bleachers
and onto the track with my mom and Sofie. I take a million pictures on my phone as they crown her homecoming queen and I wait
not so patiently as they take photos on the field. When she walks toward the track, I run to pick her up and spin her around
before our mom can even hug her. I don’t care if she’s embarrassed. I’m on an adrenaline high and I can’t remember the last
time I was so excited about anything.
When I walk back up into the bleachers, out of breath from screaming and laughing and jumping, my friends all stare at me wide-eyed.
“Wow,” Charlie says. “Now I feel like I underreacted when my sister won homecoming queen last year.”
“I thought we might have to call a priest for an exorcism the way you just jumped down the bleachers,” Asher adds.
Annica laughs. “Tomorrow there will be a rumor that you did a line of coke before the game.”
“Wow,” I breathe, still reeling from the excitement, “let’s go celebrate.”
We trade the crowd and stadium lights for an intimate table with a single lit candle in the middle.
“Oh, you were right: This is fancy,” Annica says with a content grin.
“Did you guys hear that?” I say. “Oh, never mind, it’s just my wallet crying.” I regret to say I did not look at the menu
prices before coming here, but can you really put a price on your own sanity? I just need to lay eyes on Marco and I’ll feel
better.
The waiter approaches our table and I realize it’s a guy I went to high school with. “Oh, Dalton, hey!” I say, standing up
to hug him.
“Wow, hi, I haven’t seen you in so long,” he says. “How have you been?”
“Oh, you haven’t heard?” Annica says. “She’s been the worst.”
“Don’t listen to her.” I laugh. “I’m jealous you work here. You must make great tips.” I can’t imagine how much money I’d
make in a night if Cantine’s prices were this high.
“Honestly, yeah, we’ve only been open for two weeks and my rent is already covered for this month,” Dalton says. “Did you move home? I can put in a good word for you with the boss—he’s super chill.”
“Is he hot too?” Annica asks.
We ignore her.
“I didn’t move home, no, but is he here by chance? The owner?” My heart thunders in my chest and I start to look around Dalton
to see if I can spot him.
“Yeah, he is. He usually comes by each table after the meal to see how it went, so you can give your compliments then . . .
and see what he looks like,” he pointedly says to Annica. “Anyway, what can I get you guys to drink?”
Three seventeen-dollar cocktails later, I thought seeing Marco in person would bring me some relief, but as Dalton leads him
to our table I feel my palms start to sweat and my leg begins to bounce nervously. Marco has that same golden-hued skin tone
Adrienne has, no matter the season. His wavy dark hair is slicked back, and with the scruff on his face he looks like a man
in a cologne ad. Annica’s mouth drops open slightly at the sight of him and I resist the urge to kick her under the table.
“How was everything this evening?” he asks. Marco looks us over, one at a time, as he says it. When his eyes land on me, there’s
not even a flicker of recognition in them. He either really doesn’t remember me or is going to pretend not to. Suddenly I
don’t think I have the courage to ask about the note.
“It was amazing,” Annica drawls.
“Yes, so good,” Dani follows with emphasis.
The boys mumble a “good” and a “great,” then they all turn to me, expecting me to chime in.
“I—” I don’t have words. “I have to use the bathroom.”
I quickly slide out of the booth and scurry off toward the restroom. Fuck, fuck, fuck. My friends rush in behind me.
“Are you okay? Are you sick?” Dani checks me over.
“I thought I’d be relieved to see him, but he doesn’t even recognize me,” I say.
Annica is confused. “Who? The chef?”
“Yes! Marco, I dated him the summer before sophomore year, remember?”
“You dated him?” Annica says. “The Italian god standing out there who looks like he just stepped out of a painting?”
“Yes,” I say back, annoyed. “Why is that so hard to believe?”
“It’s not, it’s not,” Dani says quickly. “He just also looks really old? Like not really old but, like, too old for us—you
know what I mean.”
“Accomplished,” Annica says. “She means he looks too accomplished for you.”
“Thanks,” I say. “You guys really don’t remember? I dated him all summer, his dad was in the NFL, and they had a second home