Chapter 27 #2
I nodded. I know he loves me, I can feel it in every interaction; the way he treats me; the way he looks at me.
He wears his heart on his sleeve, so this revelation is not a surprise.
I have become quite accustomed to being adored by him and am not sure I can live without it.
There is still a lot to take in. How quickly my life has changed, and how many people I will be adding to it.
“I know you do, Ben. You're very good at showing people how much you love them.” I paused and tried to figure out how to continue. “I’m also nervous about our situation accelerating things too quickly, but what I feel for you is strong and feels like forever. I just want to be cautious with my heart, because life has changed so much. One little baby has me on the road to living with a man and being a stepmom to three kids. It is a four-for-one deal I did not anticipate.”
“No pressure. I just wanted you to know.”
“You never make me feel pressured; you make me feel loved and happy.”
He leaned over again to kiss me and ran his finger tips down my cheek, my neck, and to my chest.
“You wanna come over?“ he asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, while taking a long, sweeping look at my body in the bathtub. My stomach has definitely started to protrude, and I won’t be able to keep this a secret in the neighborhood much longer. Especially since the girls know.
“No offense, but I want to sleep. And that has nothing to do with anything that happened today. I'm just nauseous and exhausted. I’ll come over tomorrow night. Promise.”
“Okay. Don’t worry. I don’t give up easily on things I want.”
Ben kisses my forehead and heads out of the bathroom to go home. I listen for my front door to close and sigh. I have major butterflies in my stomach and a crazy smile on my face. I love him, too. And I will tell him, soon.
Grass Daddy AKA Baby Daddy: What are you wearing?
Me: More than I was last time you saw me. A tank top and underwear.
Grass Daddy AKA Baby Daddy: Ugh, so hot. Come over.
Me: You just asked me to come over an hour ago, and I declined due to nausea and disinterest.
Grass Daddy AKA Baby Daddy: I know. Just checking to see if your status has changed. I’m obsessed with you.
Me: Thank you for being obsessed with me. I promise to come over tomorrow night and not be nauseous. Wishful thinking. I’m manifesting success.
Grass Daddy AKA Baby Daddy: I’m manifesting a boner thinking about it.
It took less than twenty-four hours for Taylen to spill the beans to Widow Jenkins.
How did I know WJ found out? I’d say it was the moment she busted through my door with no advanced warning, stomped up to me, and pointed at my abdomen. I was working, but it became clear rather quickly that work was no longer a priority.
“Are you shitting me right now?” she demanded.
“Whatever do you mean, Emilia?” I responded, going for a sweet, demure pregnant lady so she wouldn’t be mean to me.
“YOU’RE PREGNANT! AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME! I found out from a toddler!”
“Hey, you need to settle down so you don’t upset the baby. What did she say?”
“She said. “I’m going to be a big sister, so I'm NOT the baby anymore.”
I smiled to myself, because that’s adorable.
“Spill it right now, before I scream,” she screamed.
“Okay, okay. Yes, I’m pregnant. It wasn’t planned, obviously, and we just told his kids yesterday. No one else even knows except Ben, my sister, and the girls. I was going to tell you eventually. Probably.”
“When are you even due?” she asked.
“April.”
“APRIL! That's hardly any time to plan a baby shower. Are you and Ben going to get married? Or will this be a bastard child you're bringing into the world?”
“Rude. We are still figuring things out. As of right now, we know we want to be together, and we’re having a baby. The rest we will figure out. It’s still pretty new.”
“I’ll say. I’m going home to do the math, or you can just spare me the effort and tell me when this happened.”
“I think I’ll let you do the math.”
She harumphed at me and then, in a shocking twist of events, bent down to give me a hug. Widow Jenkins is about as snuggly as a cactus on most days. Of all of the shocking things that have happened in the last couple of months, this really threw me.
She pulls back, and I can see some tears in her eyes. She whispers, “I can’t believe I’m going to be an aunt.”
“You’re going with Aunt, huh? Not an honorary grandmother?”
“I’m too young to be a grandmother.”
This earns her some serious side-eye from me. WJ never had children. If she did, she would most likely be a grandma several times over at this point.
“I’ll let you get back to work. And whenever you want to thank me for setting you two up, I’ll be ready to listen.
I hope this is a lesson to you that the life decisions I make on your behalf are well thought out, and you should quit trying to fight me on everything,” she says as she walks out the door.
On Christmas Eve, we spent the whole day at Ben’s house with the girls.
We baked and made a special meal. We opened presents and read Christmas books.
It was just how I pictured a family would spend a special holiday together.
We even invited Cora over for supper. The girls are obsessed with her, and she seems to be weakening in her resolve to abstain from developing a positive relationship with any child.
Ben and the girls got me a rocking chair for the baby’s room as a Christmas gift, which brought me to tears.
After the girls were asleep, Ben and I worked together to clean up some of the mess from the day.
I planned to stay the night and had been doing so occasionally to start working on the adjustment of living together.
It was going great, and I was feeling very at home with all of them.
I actually was feeling excited to move in and be a part of this family.
Brooklyn was still having ups and downs with the situation, but there have been more good days than bad.
We had to realize that with her age, she was also dealing with a lot of teenage hormones, grief, and huge changes.
It was quite normal for her to get agitated by something one of us said and find a door to slam.
We learned not to follow her, let her have her space, and she usually resurfaced in a couple of hours with a better attitude. Baby steps with the teenager.
As we were finishing up, Ben grabbed my hand and pulled me into a hug. I felt him take a deep breath.
“I need to say something,” he said gently in my ear.
“Today brought up a lot of big emotions for me. Spending time together, like a real family. I could see our future, and I’m so excited for us.
But, I’m nervous. We have talked a lot about logistics, and we have a plan, but you haven’t really told me how you feel.
I’m nervous you don’t feel the same way. ”
“Ben,” I interrupted.
“Wait, just let me finish. I need to get this off my chest, okay?”
I just nodded for him to continue.
“I don’t want you to see me with this baby and fall in love with this life and settle for me if you don’t want to be with me.
I don’t want us to be together because of our circumstances or because of our baby.
I love you, Cass. I’ve had a great love story, and I was happy with that being it for me.
I never believed I would be so lucky as to fall in love again.
You're everything to me. But I don’t want to feel like you’re settling for me. ”
I pulled back from him slightly, my now protruding belly getting in the way of getting too close.
“Ben, I have been waiting for you. For almost forty years, I have been waiting for someone to choose me, accept me, and love me unconditionally. I’m sorry that it took me so long to see you.
I wish I had believed I deserved someone like you and not wasted so much time thinking your life was not right for me.
You are the reason your life is so beautiful.
You are the reason that I want to be a part of it.
I can’t wait to have this baby with you, but it’s not the only reason I love you.
I’ve been waiting for you, and here you are.
I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you that.
I would want to be with you, no matter the circumstances.
I love you, and I hope you feel as loved by me as I do by you. ”
Ben looked down at me, tears running down his face as they often do. “I do. I just needed to hear you say it. I want to hear you say it every day for the rest of our lives, if that works for you.”
I snuggled back into him and said, “That sounds perfect.”
And it was perfect. Despite some of the challenges and the fast-forwarded trajectory of our relationship, things felt perfect.
It’s a boy.
It felt like time was flying, and it was already time for a twenty-week ultrasound. The excitement of finding out the gender was too much for either of us to handle, so we had to find out. We both said we didn’t care what we were having or have a preference.
When we arrived at our doctor’s appointment, we were better prepared than last time. I wasn’t on the verge of crying or barfing at a moment’s notice. Ben was giddy.
The ultrasound tech came into our room and started doing standard measurements. The baby was starting to look like a real baby instead of a blob, which was reassuring. Ben was sitting in a chair next to the bed, his head on my shoulder, watching the show.
After a few minutes, I started to get antsy.
“Are we going to be able to find out the gender today?” I asked the ultrasound tech.
She replied, “We will definitely try! The baby has to cooperate, but I'll see what I can find.”
After a couple more minutes, she paused the screen and asked, “Are you sure you want to know? It’s the moment of truth.”
“Yes!” we replied simultaneously.
She pointed at the screen and said, “See these two dots right here? You’re having a boy!”