Chapter 30
I fell in love three times in the last year.
First, with Ben. The guy who was right there in front of my face the whole time.
The man I said wasn’t my type, but I thought I didn’t deserve him.
I had already developed strong feelings for him, and the night we told his kids about the baby, I saw him lead his family with sensitivity, honesty, and love.
I knew I was in it for life. It just took my head a little bit to catch up to my heart.
And then a little longer for my mouth to tell him the words he needed to hear.
Then, I fell in love with his girls. We have had hiccups along the way.
I had to find my place in their lives, but it has filled such a missing piece for me.
Taylen started calling me “mama” when I moved in.
She has become my best little girlfriend.
She adores having a woman around to help her with her hair, clothes, and other girly things.
Ben doesn't have to wear nearly as much makeup as before. Ben goes back and forth between feeling grateful for the relationship we have and heartbroken that she didn’t have that sooner.
I still catch him getting misty-eyed when we are together.
Linden has had some ups and downs, but I think they are just the normal aches and pains of life changes and getting older.
She seems to be finding her place in the world.
We have developed a strong relationship, and sometimes Ben inserts himself between us, so we don’t forget about him.
He’s adjusting to not being the only adult in their life.
It’s been best for everyone, but it still takes time.
Brooklyn still calls me Cassie and makes it clear, often, that I am not her mom.
She gets upset with the situation sometimes, but we have found some middle ground that works for us.
Some days she is hot, some days she is cold, and each day brings a new challenge.
Recently, she mentioned to me who she has a crush on, so I think that got me into her circle of trust. I will likely be back out of the circle of trust, soon.
I don’t know how to parent a teenage stepchild, but does anyone, really?
We just do the best we can, make mistakes, apologize, and start over.
My favorite part of parenting a teenager has been the quiet looks between Ben and I.
Neither of us knows what is going on or what to do.
It’s like I always pictured, having a secret, silent language with the person you are doing life with.
Who knew you could get pregnant with one child and wind up with four kids, all different ages?
Never in a million years would I have envisioned my life ending up this way.
I couldn’t have dreamed that big. They have been an incredible addition to my life, one I’m not sure how I lived without before.
I can barely even remember what it was like to be single and living alone.
There are times when life is overwhelming, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
On April 10th, 2022, I fell in love again.
With a little boy named Finn. I didn’t know how I would have room in my heart for this baby with all the love I had for his dad and his sisters.
The second I held him in my arms, our family felt complete.
He looks like a mini version of Ben, with tiny little blond curls on the back of his head that he definitely got from his mama.
He is the sweetest little boy. I am so grateful for Ben’s persistence in getting me into his bed, this unplanned pregnancy, and also the Super Sperm.
If I thought seeing Ben be a dad before was attractive, watching him fall asleep with a tiny baby in his arms has brought things to a whole new level.
I bet a lot of women say this about their partners, but he is the best dad.
I thought it before, and I know it now. There isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for our family.
I am so deeply in love with him, that I wake up every day next to him and find myself in disbelief of how my life has changed.
How lucky I am. How things could change in a year.
Thank God for that meddling old lady across the road. I don’t know how much of what happened was a result of her actions or from pure luck, but I am grateful. She helped me open my eyes so I could have everything I’ve ever wanted.
But, please don’t tell her I said that.