Chapter 16 #2
Connak forced a smile. That’s what worries me. “Think of it as training,” he said instead. “Gather what you can before I send more Blades. There have been rumors of shadows. I want to see what they know before I brief Tristian.”
Danek tilted his head. “Shadows? Like the ones of Fire Storm?”
“That’s what you’re going to find out.” Connak adjusted the strap on Danek’s shoulder. “Stay in the alleys. Rooflines, if you need them. Listen more than you look. The older districts with cracked stone and loose shutters are where you’ll find looser tongues.”
“And if I find something?”
“Come back,” Connak bit. He caught Danek’s shoulder, fingers tightening. “Not after you investigate. Don’t interfere. Return immediately.”
Danek met his eyes, the humor fading. “You don’t want a fight?”
“I don’t want attention,” Connak said. “If you’re seen, we lose our leverage next time we need intel.”
Danek nodded once, then he turned and dove into the water, summoning the wind to carry him the seven miles across the channel until his form vanished into the haze.
Connak stayed where he was long after. Danek was strong.
He trusted he could do this mission. He would have to if he wanted Danek to take over the Blades one day.
As he turned to leave, a familiar call tickled the back of his mind.
His heart fluttered at the feeling. He meant it when he told Kienna he’d still be there if she loved another, but it ate at him how easily Danek professed his love, as if it were that simple.
As if there wasn’t life-binding magic between them.
His and Kienna’s circumstances were far more complicated than love.
He pulled Kienna into his mind, letting the heat of her presence warm him.
Her glacial blue eyes appeared first, followed by her honey-bronzed skin. Connak would wrap his hands deep into her hair if he could, but he restrained with half a smirk. “You can’t seem to stay away.”
She squinted with a curve to her lips. “Are you still mad about Vaerin’s shadows?”
His hand brushed her cheek before he could stop it. “I was never mad.”
Kienna’s eyes floated up until they found his.
She smelled sweet like honey, a scent he’d recognize for the rest of his life.
It wrapped around him with a wave of sadness as he wondered if she could love him.
Danek would do anything for her for the sake of it.
Connak would do anything for her because they were woven together by stupid prophecies, and their lives depended on it.
That meant enough to stop him. But the way she started looking at Danek like he was something more…
Then there was the more complicated matter of Tristian to consider.
His fingers almost tightened on Kienna’s cheek.
Instead, Connak slid his hand to his side, pushing the fractured feelings away.
They weren’t his. He noted this, despite how hard it was to keep emotions at bay. “How is your woodcarver?”
“Much better. I need help building a ship. Tislin said you could send some Blades?”
Disappointment gripped him. Though flattered that she came to him to ask for help, it wasn’t on her own accord.
Had he been trying too hard? Had he pushed her further than she was ready for?
He didn’t think so. He took great care in how he presented things to her, giving her information when her mind was truly ready.
Regardless, he was losing her, and he couldn’t pinpoint why…
except maybe her nightmares. He’d seen her in the dungeons a few times.
Those were the nightmares she pushed him out of purposefully.
“I never apologized to you,” he said, his chest sinking as he realized the misstep.
Kienna took a step back, searching him. “For what?”
Desperately, Connak’s eyes bounced between hers. “You must know, I did not mean to put you in the dungeons in River Storm. I made the wrong choices, and it got you hurt. I am incredibly sorry.”
Her lips parted, a furrow etching across her forehead.
She scanned him multiple times, as if deciphering a long-lost clue that hadn’t been revealed until now.
Her eyes glossed over as they shifted to keep tears from falling, but her mind darkened.
Connak felt it in his own as he tried to hold the pieces together before they shattered them both.
Kienna crossed her arms. “Can you send Blades to help or not?”
“Kienna—”
“Please, Connak, I don’t want to hash that out—”
“Hash it out!” he snapped. Before he could control the anger flowing into his veins, he lashed out and slammed his fist into a tree, pain searing his knuckles. “Fuck!” His hand went to his forehead to try to regain control, to push Kienna’s emotions away before they unraveled his mind.
He didn’t want her to pull away anymore.
She needed to let him help her. Whether or not they liked it, their tether was never going away, and he’d be damned if he lived in a world where she didn’t at least trust him.
His hands shook, and emotion tugged in his throat.
“I will always be on your side, and I will always try to make this right. I’m not your enemy, so please, stop treating me like it. ”
Kienna stepped forward, fury burrowing in her as darkness in her eyes illuminated the scowl.
“Don’t you dare talk to me about enemies, Connak.
I don’t even know how long I rotted before he let me out.
You could have disappeared before they caught you, but you wanted to piss with the king. So, fuck you.”
Connak’s throat bobbed. He made many mistakes with Kienna, ones he could never rectify. He feared that much before he broke the wall to River Storm. This only confirmed it. He stared into the distance, a bleak silence encompassing their minds in static.
“You’re right, Kienna,” he said softly, daring to look at her. “You will always be right when it comes to my mistakes. I have made many.” He paused, anger dissipating within them. “I’ll send the Blades.”
He pulled away. They needed space. Kienna needed to heal, to have herself back where she could process how she felt without him in her way, reminding her of all the things that led her here.
He desperately wanted to help her, but she’d never learn to trust who they were to each other until she could understand why he was put there in the first place.
He couldn’t be the one pushing her trust. She had to do that on her own, and he couldn’t make it any better for her if he were constantly absorbing her anger and reflecting it.
Connak placed a ward over his mind, something he thought he would never do, and forced Kienna from his.
It created a void that begged to be filled by her presence.
He was rejecting his duty, his purpose. He imagined what she’d feel.
Would she be as empty and scared as he was, or would she be relieved?
He wasn’t truly severed from her; their tether kept them intact.
It only placed a wedge between them, blocking each other out.
It would be removed as soon as he let go of the ward.
For now, Connak would have to trust that Tislin would keep an eye out for her and handle it with his life.
“Commander.” Danek’s voice cut through the rush of the river and the screaming of the void, sharp enough to jolt Connak fully back into himself.
“That was fast,” Connak said, already scanning the waterline. “What did you see?”
Danek leaned closer, lowering his voice. “Shadow weapons.”
Connak stilled, growing cold in his calculation.
The word settled heavily in his chest. “Alright,” he said quietly.
He turned, already pulling the next steps into place.
“I’ll send Tislin. I want to know where they’re coming from and what they can do before we act on this.
” His jaw tightened. “For now, let’s get some Blades and regroup in Dove Port. ”