Chapter 19
—Moira—
Tislin stirred tea for the millionth time.
He said the herbs would be good for the baby and keep Moira strong as she continued to progress.
The fact that he even thought about her at all in this way warmed her in places that made her blush.
She pressed her hands to her cheeks and brushed her spiraled hair out of her face.
He was handsome. She never thought she’d find herself so drawn to a man like him, but here she was.
Maybe the darkness of his shadows made him more mysterious.
Or maybe he treated her the way she wished Rhior had.
Rhior only married her because of the baby.
She knew it, yet the guilt still engulfed her when she looked at Tislin this way. She was, in fact, still married.
“Here, Sunbeam,” he said, pushing the cup toward her.
Moira lifted the cup and took a sip, then hummed as she exhaled. The hints of peach were warm and sweet, softened by the smooth black tea beneath. “It’s your best yet.”
He smiled, a rare sight. His expression was usually caught between constant observation and following the whispers, so when he did, Moira made sure to notice. He had the most perfectly straight teeth hiding behind his thin lips.
“Moira,” he said. She pouted as he called her by her name and not Sunbeam. It was how she knew he was about to shift to something more serious. “I must leave for Alverton today and then straight on to Holbeck.”
“Connak can’t send anyone else?” she asked, her brows weaving together.
“No.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “Alverton is hostile. That is why the bridge is guarded day and night. He requires my expertise.”
He meant the shadows, of course. They were always dancing around his feet and sometimes within his hands.
Tislin never talked about them, granted, Moira never asked.
She wanted to respect his privacy. The mystery kept her heart guarded as much as his.
Instead, she asked, “What’s going on in Alverton? ”
“Weapons production for King Vaerin, we assume.”
Moira tilted her head. “He can produce weapons in River Storm. Why does he need Alverton for that?”
“He is but seven miles from his enemy. Easier to gather weapons along the road than bear their weight the whole journey.”
“Should we be worried?” Moira lived in a bubble in Dove Port.
She never stopped to think that the war could continue to follow them.
Her cheeks flushed at her own naivety. Of course, war resumed around them all.
King Vaerin took each of them for a purpose, and they walked around this realm like they were entitled to it without the consequences of the king.
“Connak and I are working tirelessly to ensure your safety.”
Moira knew he meant the collective “your,” but she let herself believe the handsome, follow-the-wind Commander of the Blades and the mysterious, sexy Shadowmaster were only concerned about her.
She’d never truly want it that way—to leave the others behind—but she could pretend for a moment to warm her heart.
Still, Tislin’s duties bothered Moira. “Do you use the shadows to do it?” Her gut told her not to ask, but she could see the way they pulled him. If he came back any less of himself because of it, she’d be devastated.
Tislin placed his forefinger on her chin.
Her eyes closed instinctively as she leaned into it.
He smelled like a controlled burn of sweet cedar.
Worn leather clung beneath it with the hint of the air right before a storm.
Moira adored the smell of a storm, a wave of desire pulling her.
She wanted to curl inside Tislin’s arms and remain there.
“Tis.” She turned her chin toward him. “These shadows. Can you get rid of them?”
She expected him to react harshly. He never did with her, which was why she knew she loved him. The thought nearly stopped her heart.
“Alas, my Sunbeam, the shadows are a part of me. I took them on when I was young—a bargain struck to keep my brother alive.”
“Tristian?” Moira’s eyes scanned his.
“A Shade killed my mother while our father was away. Tristian fought as best he could until it rendered him unconscious. I offered it a deal instead.”
Questions swarmed Moira’s head. Surely the Shade was not in Trinity. Where did they live as boys? She wanted to know everything about Tislin and realized she knew so little. Fear lurched at her. “What deal did you make with a Shade?”
Tislin smiled softly, one that did not warm his features this time. “It is not a deal you need to concern yourself with, Sunbeam.” He glanced toward the window as a loud yelling erupted. “I must go. I’m to meet Connak at the shipyard, then I’m off. I’ll see you in a few days.”
Moira lifted her hand before he could turn, placing it on his cheek.
His skin was soft, the way she’d expected it to feel.
As her fingers brushed against him, the darkness of his eyes faded a little, almost as if the shadows recoiled.
She would remember that for later in case she needed to find him in the darkness.
“Be safe,” she said, then turned before she could let the kicks in her womb send her spiraling into a vision she couldn’t bear to see.
—Kienna—
Ash asked Kienna to check on the ship and to make sure Fenlo and the gang were faring well with at least twenty Elvish Blades in their space.
She wanted to say no, to beg him to do it himself because the minute she stepped out of the workshop, the bubble would pop, and her fury would burn.
Kienna went anyway—for him. She went cautiously, deciding how she’d react if she saw Tislin or Connak.
Her main concern rested on Connak, but Tislin surely knew who Ash was.
There was no way a man of the shadows would lack those secrets. Her fears were confirmed when she saw half of an erected ship. Danek was near the chaos, hoisting planks to the Blades with wind. Connak and Tislin were near Fenlo and Harn, looking at a blueprint and pointing near the top of the ship.
Kienna’s nose wrinkled, fists curling.
Ease yourself, Little Flame. Your hands are orange.
Even through the gloves, a flickering orange flame pulsed.
She tried to pull it back, but they resisted.
Kienna tugged her gloves down to ensure the charm remained on her wrist. It was snug to her skin, holding back a powerful pulse of hate-fueled energy.
She pulled the gloves up and decided she’d be revealing more than her anger today.
“Hey!” she yelled, storming toward Connak and Tislin.
Ruva followed her. And we’re causing a scene.
Connak and Tislin both turned. Connak handed the blueprint back to Fenlo before Kienna reached them. She pushed her glowing hands into both of their shoulders. Small flames took hold of their vests, and both men swiped at the fire.
“What the hell, Kienna?” Connak asked.
“How dare you?” she screamed, pushing them again. She could tell they had no clue what she was talking about. It didn’t matter. By now, the Blades had stopped working. The breeze carrying Danek’s planks slowed to a stop.
“I’m sorry?” Connak asked. “I don’t know what I’m sorry for, but apparently my apologies don’t make a difference.”
Kienna fixed her eyes, her anger, her fury on him. She was equally pissed with Tislin, but she and Connak had left things so uncomfortable that it was easier to pick back up where they had started. Plus, there was the discomfort of him pulling out of her mind and leaving a void within her.
“Don’t be a smartass.” She slammed her fist into his chest again, then gritted her teeth. “You begged me to trust you, and then you withheld secrets! What else are you hiding?”
Tislin reached for Kienna’s wrist, then studied her hands, though he didn’t say anything about them. “Why don’t you tell us what this is about, and we can speak on it more civilly?”
Kienna let out a dry, bitter laugh. “What if I let him die, hmm? Before I knew who he was? What if I gave up and he died?”
Connak’s shoulders sank a little. “The woodcarver?”
“Of course, the woodcarver. Unless you were expecting me to uncover something else?” Kienna was so at peace with Ash, glad to have found him. Pulled from the shadows. Maybe it was Connak who kept pulling her back.
No, Little Flame. He’s always helped you.
They keep LYING, Ruva!
Guiding.
“We’re entangled in politics heavier than you realize. Tristian is—” Tislin cut himself off, shaking his head. “We will get you the answers you need, but we must tread carefully, or it may cost us all our lives.”
“What does Tristian have to do with any of this?”
Connak and Tislin shared a side glance.
Are we mad at the dreamy soldier, too?
Kienna’s eyes drifted to the ship. She crossed her arms, hiding the flames that continued to dance on her palms. “I don’t know if I can forgive you.”
“He didn’t know, either,” Connak said. “It’s not like we could have thrown you both together in the state he was in. It had to come naturally.”
“The fact that you can’t even trust me with the information is why I can’t trust you either. This thing—” Kienna pointed to hers and Connak’s minds, “It’s a curse. And as far as I’m concerned, you shutting it off was for the best.”
Kienna turned and stormed off. Ruva whined behind her, following, nonetheless.
You didn’t mean that.
Yes, I did. It’s you and me, Ru. And Ash now. It’s for the best.
Ruva huffed. And Moira.
Kienna flicked her eyes as she stomped up the hill into the city. Yes, of course, Moira, too.
And Danek.
Yes, Ruva, I get the point.
And Elowen. And this city. And Tislin and Connak, too.
Kienna groaned, curving her way past their apartment.
She couldn’t go back there. The ship would be a glaring reminder of this whole day.
She wanted to go back to Ash, but her hands wouldn’t stop glowing, and she needed space to be angry.
She couldn’t be angry with him, only grateful. Kienna wanted to be angry.
She stepped toward the river’s edge and stared out at the rushing water.
With nothing else left to do, she screamed, letting the flames fly from her palm.
They were weak, barely holding, but still flared enough to scorch a hole in her gloves and a patch of grass before flickering out.
When she was done, she sat on the ground and stared idly as the river flowed.
Kienna expected Connak to come. When Tislin sat next to her by the river, relief overcame her. She and Connak were not getting along, and the constant flood of emotion made her magic unstable. Even her charm couldn’t hold it back.
“We spoke, and you are right. You deserved to know Calder was your grandfather, though we truly could not have told you.”
Kienna remained quiet. She didn’t have any more energy to keep fighting them.
“What else would ease the weight of your confusion?”
She exhaled sharply. It was a question she had never considered long enough to know.
What did she genuinely want to understand about her world?
What would ease the fact that her parents died at the hands of her uncle, who then imprisoned her behind a barrier?
The words jumped from her lips, “Who am I?”
Tislin’s face dropped. He pursed his lips. “I cannot answer that. Not because it is hidden, but because it is yours to uncover and decide.”
“I hate the name Kalyra.” It was all she could think to say in that moment, as if her name was all it took to identify who she was. But wasn’t it? Kalyra meant that she accepted her Elvish heritage. Kienna meant…what? She accepted King Vaerin’s choices for her?
Tislin’s lips curved up despite this. “Well, that is a start. But you must know, it is a name given as a birthright.”
Kienna scanned the Goldmere as far west as she could. “I don’t care about birthrights. I left River Storm for freedom.”
A silence sat between them, which only frustrated Kienna. Why wouldn’t they acknowledge her ability to make her own decisions?
“I’m leaving for a while.” Tislin stood. “A Blades mission.”
“Tislin.” Kienna rose quickly. She didn’t know what she was doing or why, but all her sitting around, doing nothing, was driving her insane. “Can I go, too?”
He tilted his head. “Connak won’t—”
“I want to be free, Tislin. Connak doesn’t own me.”
No, Little Flame!
Tislin’s shadows grew with the darkness as he contemplated her request. This would put him in a very hard spot, dealing with Connak afterwards. Kienna didn’t care. She had things worth fighting for in her life now, and she didn’t want to sit idly by as she watched others fight against evil.
“I usually work alone,” he said, his gaze drifting off. “But I’d say we owe you a lifetime’s debt.” He turned. “We leave now. Hold on, and whatever you do, don’t let the shadows touch you.”