Chapter 3 #2
“What if this is what Nereus was talking about? What if this is the choice I have to make to save everyone?” I rub my neck.
“Not fucking happening,” Jayden snarls.
His arms tighten around me. Holding on to me as if he can keep me here with him.
I pat his arms, letting him know that I’m here.
He doesn’t have to worry about me going anywhere.
I still can’t shake the fact that this could be what Nereus was talking about.
If I choose them and let the queen enact her stupid revenge on me, is that what he’s worried about?
“She thinks she has the upper hand. She doesn’t. We will stop this. She didn’t even say she would give Hermes back his item of power or that she would end this stupid war. She just said she will not destroy it. You can’t trust her,” Raven says.
“She’s scared of you,” Kira says. “She wants to take you out so she can win the war against Zeus.”
“I don’t know.” I sigh. “I can’t see you guys hurt when I could have stopped it by sacrificing myself.”
Jayden spins me to face him and cups my cheeks in his hands. “No, fucking no. You’re not sacrificing yourself for something that isn’t even guaranteed.”
I shake my head and turn to the Hermes kid. “We need a healer. Zeke needs a healer to make sure he’s okay after what just happened.”
After I tell him that, I rip myself away from Jayden and race from the room in a panic.
They can’t stop me from sacrificing myself if it might save them all.
I just can’t let anyone hold me when I’m being selfish.
Because when it comes down to it, I don’t want to sacrifice my life for everyone else. What kind of person does that make me?
As soon as I’m away from Jayden, I transport to my dorm room and collapse on my bed. That’s when I allow the tears to fall. I could save everyone else but I wouldn’t be around to enjoy life with my friends.
I’m wallowing and I know it but how do I leave them to save them? Especially Jayden. He won’t allow it. He will chain me up before he lets me sacrifice myself. He could see me, though. He’s the son of Hades. He’s one of few who can go to the underworld.
We could still be together in the Isles of the Blessed. We could save the world and make sure no one has to die.
“Don’t,” Jayden says as he materializes from the shadows onto my bed.
“Don’t what?” I sniffle.
“Don’t rationalize becoming a martyr for us all,” he growls.
“I’m not.” I glance away from him.
“Yes, you are. You’re thinking that if you let her end you, we can still be together in the underworld.
I can read it on your face. No. Don’t you remember how much you hated it there?
Even in Elysium. You hated the way they were basically shells of themselves.
We can’t have a life like that. You will never be the same. ”
“How do you know that’s what I’m thinking?”
“It’s written all over your face that you would leave me to save me. That’s not fucking happening, baby. You’re mine. You can’t belong to the underworld. No.”
“It’s not up to you, Jayden.” I sit up on the bed and glare at him.
“It’s not? If I have to chain you to the bed to keep you from doing this, I will, Beth,” Jayden roars.
“You will do no such thing. If I do this, I’m doing it for you. I’m doing it to save you all.” I throw my hands up in the air.
“You can’t choose me, my love.” His voice is a hoarse whisper and for the first time I notice the tears in his eyes.
Fuck. Even talking about the possibility of this is wrecking him.
What would it do to those I love if I actually do it?
Tears burn the backs of my eyes as I think of the possibilities.
They would eventually move on with their lives, though, and it would be because of my sacrifice that they even had lives to move on with.
“Why can’t I choose you? I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to let her win. But if comes to it… If it comes to sacrificing myself to save all of you, I would be a coward not to.” I shake my head, the first tears trailing down my cheeks.
Jayden drops to his knees next to the bed. “We fight for each other, right? That’s what we do. Don’t give up now when there is no promise that we won’t all die in this war anyway.”
“It’s not giving up if there’s a possibility of saving you all,” I whisper.
“It’s only a possibility, though, baby. She didn’t give you any reassurances that we would be safe. Can you really sacrifice your life and then find out later it was all for nothing?” He presses his forehead to my leg and breathes deeply through the pain.
“Do you think I would make a decision like that lightly, without all the facts? Jayden, I haven’t decided to take her deal. It’s too soon and emotions are too high to come to a conclusion.”
“That fact that you’re actually considering it is what hits me, love. She won’t live up to her end. She doesn’t give a shit about honor. Do you remember the way she mocked you for being noble?” He shakes his head. “Don’t even consider it. We’ll find another way. We always do.”
“What if that way ends up getting you killed?” I cry. “I can’t take it, Jayden. I can’t live with myself if something happens to you. I almost lost you and it fucking broke me. I’m still having damn nightmares about it.”
“You saved me when I nearly died and the island wasn’t even real. I would never leave you willingly or ask you to choose me over the godsdamn world. I’m telling you now. She’s lying because she knows it’s the only way to get what she wants. You can’t do this.”
I kiss the back of Jayden’s head as tears silently stream down my face. If it comes down to an impossible choice, I can’t guarantee I’ll choose the way he wants me to. I’ll give Hera what she wants if it means no one else dies for me.