Chapter 14
Grace’s stomach was lodged in her throat.
The conference room had a wide window that overlooked Central Park, patchy clouds stretching over the cityscape and obscuring a deep orange sunset.
She paced as she explained her promise to help Brett with the children, their subsequent illness, and exactly where she’d been the past few days.
“I don’t understand what’s happening here, Grace.” John stood several feet away from her in a jacket and tie, his brow drawn low. It was a good face, one she’d long since determined to love, but in this moment she would have done anything to make him stop looking at her.
“I should have called you back. I texted. I’m sorry you were concerned, but we needed to have a conversation and I wanted to have it in person.”
“You took off with your neighbor without even letting me know. I was worried sick, especially after what happened in the lounge. Do you know how concerned I’ve been?”
She was in the wrong. She knew it, yet the ease with which he forgot the extenuating circumstances of her departure stuck in her craw. “I told you at the hospital I didn’t want those kids to go to Brett, but you shrugged me off. I wanted your help. I didn’t want to argue with you.”
“They’re babies. Champion’s custody was only temporary.”
“You wouldn’t listen.”
“You were being unreasonable.”
“I was being honest. I told you it was important to me, important enough for me to take matters into my own hands to make sure he’d be able to care for their needs.”
“Just because you had a bad experience in foster care does not mean a few days with Brett Champion would do these children eternal harm. You know better than that. It’s just a gut emotional reaction.”
“Yes, but it was my reaction! You claim to love me, but you didn’t care that it was important to me. That I was upset.”
“I’m not always going to agree with you. That’s a fact of life.”
“But you didn’t respect my feelings.”
He crossed to her, his face calm despite his words. “And what about my feelings? I love you, Grace. I was going to ask you to marry me that night.” He reached into his pocket. “But you missed dinner.”
She knew what he was reaching for, and she couldn’t bear to see the ring.
She put her hand on his arm, stilling the movement.
“Don’t.” Emotion threatened to overwhelm her, but she needed to get the words out, needed to right this wrong so they could both move on with their lives.
Tears filled her eyes as self-loathing filled her soul. “I made a mistake.”
He cocked his head. “Did something happen between you two?”
“No, no.”
Not technically, anyway.
She would spare him the details, the fuzzy gray area between right and wrong where she’d been living these past few days.
She hadn’t betrayed this man, not really.
Her attraction to Brett had thrown her life into sharp relief, forcing her to recognize all the feelings she’d never had for John.
The gentlest approach now was to focus on what was important in that equation—the fact that she didn’t love him and would never be his wife.
Her hand moved to the lapel of his jacket, and she ran her fingers down the crease.
Her eyes burned with the threat of tears.
How could she do this? Say the words that would break a good man’s heart, a man who didn’t deserve anything of the kind?
“It’s not Brett. It’s me.” She took a trembling breath in and met his eyes.
“I don’t want to marry you, John. I don’t love you the way you deserve to be loved by your wife. ”
He took her by the arms. “You’re traumatized. The attack in the lounge. The children’s illness. You aren’t thinking clearly.”
“I’m thinking more clearly than I have in a long time.”
The silence stretched out between them. His arms dropped to his sides, releasing her. “You need time to sort this out.”
“It’s not going to change my mind.” He looked so dejected, and she hated herself thoroughly. “I’m so sorry.”
It was better this way, better than ruining his life by chaining him to a woman who didn’t love him, who wasn’t right for him and never would be.
His eyes were suspiciously glassy. “You’re serious.”
“She’s out there, you know. A woman who will love you more than you could know. More than me. More than anyone.”
He reached up and cupped her cheek. “I thought I’d already found her.”
She took his hand from her face, giving it a squeeze before letting it go. “No. I’m sorry, John.”
He nodded, putting his hands in his pockets and straightening to his full height. “I’m sorry, too.” He turned and walked out of the room, taking her guilt and her misgivings with him.