Chapter 22
Brett stared out the rain-spattered windshield of the Jeep, its headlights illuminating a wall of evergreens dancing in the storm. “Turn left at the light,” he directed Mac.
His head was filled with thoughts he didn’t want to think about.
Grace at the cabin, waiting for him with the boys.
The sweet and irresistible look in her eyes that told him she was feeling all that he was and more.
The past three years of his life since returning from the SEALs.
The way he’d let the people he cared about slip through his fingers like so much sand.
They were nearing Joni and Luke’s house, and a bitter taste had settled in his mouth.
He’d been to their house before—a summer barbecue came to mind—but he was crossing a threshold he’d been unable to traverse since coming home from his last tour of duty.
Regret filled his chest, making it hard to breathe.
He could see the scene like it was yesterday, a volleyball net strung across the backyard, music in the air. He’d spiked the ball at Joni, her quick movements throwing it right back at his face. She’d been merciless in her victory, smiling widely and laughing loudly.
Luke had lifted her off the ground in celebration. They were perfect together, those two, and now they were gone.
How could he open himself up to the possibility of something real with Grace when he hadn’t even been able to let Joni and Luke back into his life?
He wasn’t okay anymore, wasn’t capable of the kind of commitment true caring required.
Yet Grace would be sharing his bed tonight, a vortex of temptation and emotion he would not be able to control.
He’d kissed her cheek—the desire to do it more intense than he could ignore.
He was telling himself he needed to stay away from her while simultaneously pulling her tightly against his side.
It was as if he needed her nearness to deal with this deep dive into his past, his regrets, his fear for the future. And none of that was fair to Grace.
You’ll just have to stay away from her.
That was the only respectable thing to do, no matter the clear invitation in her stare back at the cabin. They had chemistry, all right, but chemistry couldn’t make him a better man than he was. It couldn’t erase what years in the military had done to him. Couldn’t change who he had become.
“End of the street. Yellow ranch on the right.” He pushed his thoughts away as they pulled up in front of the house.
They cleared the property, making sure no one was in the house or on the grounds before taking a look around.
Mac started in the kitchen as Brett scanned the living room with his flashlight.
Life, interrupted.
A large red sectional framed a square coffee table. Signs of new parenthood were scattered around the room. A playpen. A changing table tucked into a corner. A tiny blue blanket on the arm of the couch, a green pacifier.
His throat clenched. Joni and Luke should be here with their boys, raising them, changing their diapers in the night. He thought of the paternity test he’d taken just hours before and wondered again how he fit into this scene.
He pivoted on his heel and headed toward the office he’d seen when clearing the house.
It was a small room, the oversized desk and chair filling it to the brim.
He sat in the chair, knowing instantly it was Joni who primarily used the space.
The desk had a photo of the twins in an elaborate frame, a cup full of colored pens and markers, several small geodes, and a gleaming hunk of pyrite.
Joni loved her rocks.
An employee ID badge from Lamont Scientific sat on the desk, and he pocketed it.
A wide-screen computer monitor was pushed back against the wall, but a quick search revealed no computer.
He picked up an amethyst geode, rubbing his thumb along the sharp ridges of the crystals, letting them scrape his skin.
He kept the geode in his hand as he searched through the drawers, his eyes scanning the labels on a long row of files.
Electric bills.
Mortgage.
Someday.
He narrowed his eyes, pulling the curiously named folder out of its nesting place.
Inside were several ultrasound images of who could only be Toby and Theo.
A birth announcement. He flipped past it, his heart suddenly stopping in his chest. There, in the folder, was an envelope addressed to him.
His own script was scrawled beside his address.
RETURN TO SENDER.
He’d never even opened it.
A small sob escaped his mouth and he covered it, regret a living, breathing presence in that space. This envelope had sat on his kitchen island for nearly a week before he’d written on it in a beer-induced spell of self-pity and rage.
He could feel Joni’s presence standing over him as he opened the envelope. It was a birthday card with a stupid dog joke—two dogs sitting at a bar—that was so like her, like him, like their friendship had been, that it hurt. He opened the card and a folded paper fell out.
Dear Brett,
Happy birthday to the best friend who ever lived. I miss your face more than you could know. I hope you read this and know that you are loved no matter what happened over there, no matter how you are today. You are loved, and we both miss you.
Luke and I have started a family. We have beautiful twin little boys named Tobias and Theodore—Toby and Theo for short.
I have you to thank for them. When you gave me permission to use your sperm, you allowed Luke and me to create the family of our dreams despite his infertility.
I know you were told the sperm was unusable, but I discovered a way to fix it, and Toby and Theo are proof it works.
They’re yours, Brett. You’re their father—well, you and Luke.
I’m picturing you reading this and freaking out.
I tried calling to talk to you before we went through with it, but you wouldn’t take my calls, so I had to use my best judgment.
I decided the world would be a better place with more Brett Champion in it.
It is, you know. It is so much better.
Luke and I don’t have much family left. We wrote a will, and we’ve named you the boys’ guardian in case anything happens to us. Don’t worry, we plan on living a long, long time! But just in case, I wanted you to know the boys exist and might need you someday.
They might need you even if we’re still around.
Think about it. Think about how much we love you, how much we want you to be a part of our lives and the boys’ lives.
It must have been pretty bad over there.
You left the States as my best friend, and you never came back to me.
I wish I could say I don’t forgive you for that, but you know I do.
I just want you to be able to live a happy life, undaunted by your demons.
There’s good in the world, if only you can find it.
Loving you always,
Joni
He was crying, tears flowing silently down his cheeks, the weight of his mistakes bearing down on him like Atlas’s burden.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, the words filling the small space.
“I wish I could take it back. I wish I’d opened this letter when you sent it to me.
I wish I could have seen your face, could have seen you with Toby and Theo. ”
He folded the letter back up and placed it inside the card.
“I’ll make sure they find a good family.
You don’t have to worry.” He tucked the card into the envelope.
“I mean, you might have to worry a little, but I’m going to try my best.” He wiped his tears on his bicep, feeling suddenly lighter, more free.
An image of Grace appeared in his mind. He shook his head as if Joni had suggested Grace was part of the solution.
“I don’t think I get to keep her, but thanks for the vote of confidence. ”
“Champ!” called Razorback from a distance. “Come quick, I found something.”
Brett tucked the envelope into his back pocket and jogged down the hall, finding Razorback and Mac standing on opposite sides of the kitchen table, an open copy paper box between them, each man leafing through a thick binder.
“It was tucked in the rafters in the garage,” said Razorback. “Looks like printouts of Joni’s notes. Her experiments and findings.”
Brett stepped forward and picked up a third binder from the box, scanning the documents inside.
Percentage fertilized. Genetic modifications.
Sample size. Research implications. He closed the binder and put it down, then picked up the lid of the copy paper box.
In Joni’s script was written, NATURE-CAGE. “What the fuck is nature-cage?”
Razorback turned the box to face him. “You’d probably have to read these papers to figure that out, if it has anything to do with the papers at all. I swear, Jackie has boxes in our attic that have labels that don’t correspond to anything in the boxes.”
Brett remembered the file in the office labeled Someday. It wouldn’t make sense to anyone who didn’t know about and understand her relationship with Brett. There was an equally good chance they’d never figure out the meaning of nature-cage.
He turned to Razorback. “I need you to go through these and figure out exactly what she was working on. The science and who it may have threatened. There’s a good chance something in this box got Joni and Luke killed.”
And put my sons in danger.
The words were on the tip of his tongue. He lifted his chin and met Mac’s stare. It was time to stake his claim, to own the truth that would define him for the rest of his days. “The boys are mine. Joni left a note. I am the twins’ father.”