Chapter 3
Lord, help me get through this day.
Ellie picked up the gossamer wedding veil from the dressing table, one side of her mouth curling up into a sentimental smile.
Her baby was getting married today. It was hard enough to believe her precocious daughter had grown into a strong, smart woman.
But a wife? That was surreal, and it made her heart ache in a glorious way.
It also made Ellie ache to have Mac by her side.
It had been eleven years since she’d walked out the door, taking their three kids with her.
Eleven years of making it on her own, of being a single mother, the sole financial provider, the everything for those kids with nothing left over for herself.
And ninety-nine days out of a hundred, she was good with that.
She’d made the only decision available to her that provided a stable home life for her children, and they were the most important people in her life.
But that one day out of a hundred, she could weep for how much she missed him, and today—of all days—was it.
Ellie knew in her heart that if there hadn’t been any children, she would have stayed by Mac’s side through it all, would have strapped herself into his car as he drove himself off the cliff he’d been skirting since returning from the Navy.
Her soul had been sewn to his like two sides of a seam, and ripping that apart had left a terrible wound in its wake.
She’d done it for the children, and she would make the same choice again, given that same set of circumstances. But that didn’t mean she had to like it, didn’t mean she’d gotten over him, didn’t mean he’d left her dreams or her mind or her heart—not one bit.
And what about Turner?
She cursed under her breath. Why did he have to go and propose, for God’s sake? What had possessed the man?
But even as she asked herself these questions, she knew the answer.
If she was being completely honest, she’d suspected he had feelings for her for the last several years, and she’d selfishly kept him in her life anyway.
He’d become a dear friend. It was nice to have a man around to talk to, to take on the projects she couldn’t do, and she enjoyed his company, she truly did.
But marriage?
How could she marry someone else when she still remembered the good times, the way it felt to be in Mac’s arms?
Just last night, she’d dreamed they were making love, and it was as if he’d truly been in her bed once more.
Her traitorous heart cared nothing for reality, clinging to the memory of her husband as if he hadn’t been lost to her for more days than she could count.
Ellie was instantly filled with shame. Turner wanted to marry her, and she was still dreaming about her louse of a husband. It was her own fault for failing to take another lover, her body’s physical need for a man focusing on the only one she’d ever welcomed inside her.
Her gaze slipped from the veil around her face and shoulders to the yellow dress she wore.
Her favorite color, the cut flattering her ample curves despite the demure style of the gown.
She was far more mother-of-the-bride material than the bride herself, and she slipped the comb from her hair, gently lifting the veil from her body as she remembered Turner’s offer.
Turner had been there for her, every step of the way. Been there for the kids, too, stepping in and damn near being part of the family. Now he was walking Shonda down the aisle.
But for a moment last night, she could see how much more he could become.
A lover to warm her bed and hold her closely in the darkness, a husband with whom she could weather the storm of life.
She’d been alone for so long, struggling for everything she’d achieved without her partner by her side.
What would it be like to have one again?
And if he didn’t stir the same passion inside her as Mac once had, then surely it was because she was older now.
Wiser. More jaded. No one could live up to the memories she had of being a young bride, a wife eager for her husband’s affection when he came home on leave.
That was the stuff of delusion, and Ellie wanted delusion no more. She already knew where that led.
She’d worked so hard for her independence, waitressing to put herself through nursing school.
She’d become financially secure, had put the kids through college, and had even planned for her future.
But as Turner’s wife, she’d have the one thing that had eluded her since leaving Mac in France—the kind of stability and support one can only have as part of a couple.
And she wanted it, badly.
She sighed heavily and ran her fingers down the tulle of the veil. Shonda was going to make a beautiful bride.
Her sweet girl, the oldest of Ellie’s three children, now a grown woman in love, ready to start her life as a wife and mother.
Shonda and Marshal had been engaged for several months when Shonda found out she was pregnant, and nothing could have made Ellie happier than the promise of her first precious grandchild.
Time was marching on, life blowing by like a brisk breeze on a glorious beach-filled day.
She sighed heavily and placed Shonda’s veil back onto the dressing table, her eyes scanning the room for a clock. She frowned. Where was Shonda? She’d put her dress on already, but not the veil, and hadn’t returned from the bathroom. The ceremony was starting in less than an hour.
She poked her head out the door, seeing her son near the back of the church. “Lewis, go find your sister,” she called.
“She left.”
“What do you mean, she left?”
“About twenty minutes ago. I figured you knew.”
No, she didn’t know. “Left to go where?”
He shrugged.
“She’s supposed to be here!” Ellie went back to the dressing room and called her daughter, but the girl didn’t answer.
Ellie checked her location in their family finder app, but Shonda had turned off her location permissions.
Suddenly, her daughter’s cold feet seemed far more ominous than they had last night.