Chapter 26
Ralph’s funeral was at noon.
Wyatt had driven home from Florida in a sleep deprived stupor while Teslyn slept on the seat beside him and Ivy did the same in the back.
Guilt was a living force inside that vehicle, Wyatt imagining Ralph was in the cab with him, talking to him, telling him what went wrong on Warsaw Mountain.
Wyatt cried and begged for his friend’s forgiveness, second-guessed his decision to go to Teslyn and wishing to God he could have been in two places at once.
They reached Atlanta at daybreak, Wyatt telling Teslyn truthfully that he needed to do this alone.
He’d gone to the hospital first, and–though Jax had warned him–he was not prepared for the extent of Hawk’s wounds.
The bruising on his face was garish, virtually no skin remained its natural color, and Wyatt wondered about the rest of Hawk’s body.
He sat by his friend’s bedside, and Hawk turned heavy-lidded eyes toward him. “It went bad, Bulldog.” Hawk squeezed his eyes shut, his mouth pulling down hard at the corners. “It went so fucking bad.”
Emotion clogged Wyatt’s throat, and he bowed his head in an attempt to control it.
But there was no stopping a flood, and tears spilled onto his cheeks.
He needed to hear the details, needed to know everything that went down, wanted to share what Hawk had been through so he could take even the smallest bit of weight from the other man’s shoulders. “What happened?”
Hawk recounted the first portion of the mission for which they’d so heavily prepared. “We moved into the storage area as planned, but instead of the cargo we were expecting, five of Steele’s men ambushed us. Ralph didn’t stand a chance.”
Wyatt absorbed every detail of Ralph’s death, feeling each description as an emotional blow.
Hawk was determined to get vengeance. “You mark my words, Bulldog. I’m going to kill that bastard Steele with my own two hands.
But first I’m going to make sure he suffers just as bad as Ralph and me. You watch.”
Wyatt was sure Hawk would do it, and he hoped his friend would wait for an officially sanctioned HERO Force mission instead of taking matters into his own hands. He hoped, but he wouldn’t bet on it.
He was still worried about it when he got to the cemetery, and he made a mental note to discuss it with Jax. The last thing the team needed was a member on a rogue mission for revenge, no matter how justified the cause.
Wyatt got out of his car and joined the group of mourners gathered graveside, Hawk’s description of the scene at Steele’s mansion playing in a loop in his mind. He stood apart from the other members of HERO Force, unable to hear anything but Jessa’s cries for her husband.
Guilt clawed at him. How could he go on after this? How could he do his job, be part of this team of men who relied on each other to stay alive?
He stayed there as the other mourners cleared away, the area growing still and quiet as mist fell from the sky.
A deep voice came from behind him. “It’s not your fault, Bulldog.”
Wyatt turned, knowing exactly who that voice belonged to.
Ian Rhodes stood with his hands in his pockets, looking as comfortable in a dark suit and tie as he did in camo and khakis.
Heavy scarring marred his brown skin, reminding Wyatt of the price the other man had paid in service of his country.
“Razorback.” Wyatt looked around them, taking in the empty cemetery. “Were you here for the service?”
“I was.” He gestured toward a winding road in the distance. “Jax told me you were assigned to the Steele mission in Colorado with Hawk. He said Ralph went in your place when I asked you to help Teslyn.”
The cemetery must be so quiet at night.
Quiet and cold.
Wyatt shook his head to clear it, forcing himself to focus on Razorback as the other man moved to his side, staring out over the rows of graves just as Wyatt was doing. “You kept her safe,” said Razorback. “Her and the little sister. You did a good thing.”
“Stop trying to make me feel better. Ralph wasn’t prepared to go on that mission, and he died because of it.”
“Then I’m the one at fault here. I’m the one who sent her to you, who expected you to drop everything and help her, no matter what. And you came through for me. You did exactly what I knew you would do. Does that mean I wanted Ralph to die?”
“Of course not.” Wyatt hung his head. He knew what Razorback was doing, but Wyatt didn’t deserve to feel better, just as Ralph hadn’t deserved to die.
“But you didn’t know what you were asking.
You didn’t know exactly who needed my help, the specific mission I would need to give up, the practice and preparation that had gone into it.
But I did. I knew, and I chose to leave them anyway. ”
“And if the situation had been reversed? If Ralph had gotten called away at the last minute, would you have filled in for him?”
“You know I would’ve.”
“And if you’d gotten hurt filling in for Ralph,” Ghose closed the distance between them and pointed a finger at Wyatt’s chest. “If you’d gotten killed, would you be sittin’ in the hereafter for all eternity, thinking the fault belonged to anyone but you?”
Wyatt rolled his eyes, their surface stinging with tears he struggled to keep in check. He would never place the blame for a botched mission on anyone but himself. “That’s not the question.”
“Then what is?”
“How could I do something so terrible, so awful, so devastating to the lives of so many people, and not even see it coming?”
Razorback’s mouth formed a flat line. “You realized you aren’t in control. That bad shit happens to good people. That sometimes it doesn’t matter how good you are, or how hard you’ve prepared, or even if you’re smarter than the bad guys.”
That was it, the truth in Razorback’s words crystalizing every emotion Wyatt was feeling and making him see them in a different light. Ralph’s death had exposed Wyatt’s humanity, his vulnerability, his weakness. “If Ralph could die like that, so could I.”
Razorback walked past him and looked out over the cemetery. “It’s a hell of a lot easier to believe you’re alive because you deserve it, isn’t it? That all those other people are dead because they screwed up, because they weren’t prepared, because they didn’t know their enemy like you did.”
Razorback shook his head. “For me, it was Tel Aviv. We were trying to rescue eleven people being held hostage by a terrorist group. Eight of us went on that mission, but only five of us returned. Strong, talented soldiers, every one of those men.”
Wyatt stared at the open grave, a pile of fresh dirt beside it and the casket already lowered into the ground.
Its polished wooden surface was marred with several handfuls of dirt.
He moved to the pile and scooped a handful of cool earth into his palm, then threw it on top of Ralph’s casket.
It wasn’t going to be easy, but Wyatt knew he needed to embrace life, not turn away from it.
Goodbye, friend.
Razorback and Wyatt walked away from the grave and back toward their vehicles, the men sharing a hug before Razorback got in his car.
Wyatt nodded at a stunning woman in the passenger seat, the resemblance to Razorback unmistakable. “You must be Vanessa.”
“And you’re Wyatt. Teslyn told me you really saved the day. I’m so glad you two got to know each other.”
Razorback furrowed his brow and looked from Wyatt to Vanessa and back again.
She ignored him, focusing her attention on Wyatt. “Remind her for me, we still need to do a girls’ weekend when she finds a new place.”
“I will,” Wyatt said, amused when Razorback raised an eyebrow before driving away. Teslyn had clearly been speaking to Vanessa about their relationship, and that pleased him to no end.
He took one last look over his shoulder.
Each of us gets one life.
Ralph had his, and I have mine.
I choose to live it.
He felt Ralph’s presence behind him on the hill, and knew that his friend would approve. And though Wyatt didn’t know exactly how the rest of his life would play out, he was absolutely sure of just one thing. He wanted Teslyn–and Ivy–to be a very big part of it.