Chapter 5 Alar
ALAR
"The deepest divide between two people is not expressed in numerical values.
Its magnitude is defined by the cultural landscapes and social realities they occupy."
—From 'Between Nations: A Study of Cultural Divides'
By Ambassador Kieran Thrace
After Ravel had said his goodbyes and Dylon had escorted him out the door, the atmosphere in the room shifted, becoming tense. I felt Kailin's mother's eyes on me, weighing and measuring in that way mothers do when they're about to ask uncomfortable questions.
"Do you have a room reserved at the Pilgrim's Lodge as well?" she asked me in a carefully neutral tone.
I opened my mouth to respond, but Kailin put her hand on my thigh to stop me. "Alar will be spending the night with me."
Jayron's fork paused halfway to his mouth. Milly's eyes widened. Jaida chuckled, the sound part amusement and part acknowledgment.
"We're a couple." Kailin found my hand and clasped it. "We're not officially engaged yet, but we're in love, and our relationship is solid. If you are uncomfortable with us sharing a room under your roof, we can secure a room in the lodge."
I'd stopped listening after she'd dropped the word engaged.
It had hit me like a kick to the gut. It wasn't that I didn't want it, because I did. In my mind, we'd already promised ourselves to each other, but things like an engagement and a wedding were not in our future.
"Kailin," her father said. "That's…"
"I could stay at the lodge," I offered quickly. "I grew up in a different culture, so I didn't realize that what Kailin offered would make you uncomfortable. I have the deepest respect for your daughter and your family, and I will abide by your rules."
Kailin shook her head. "We are together, Alar. If you go, I'm going with you."
Milly and Jayron exchanged one of those wordless conversations that long-married couples perfected. A raised eyebrow from her, a slight shoulder shrug from him, a pursing of lips, a tilted head. An entire discussion in gestures I could only partially decode.
"That's…" Jayron began but stopped when the door opened, and Dylon walked back in.
It took him all of one second to realize that something monumental had shifted in the room. "What happened in the two minutes I was gone?" He looked from one face to the next.
"Your sister has just informed us that her Elurian boyfriend will be sharing her bed," Jaida said with the bluntness of a woman who'd lived too long to bother with euphemisms.
Dylon's eyebrows shot up, and he turned to me with what I could only describe as The Look, the universal older brother expression that promised bodily harm if I hurt his sister, but there was also humor in his eyes and a warmth that surprised me.
He hadn't witnessed us together as our friends had, he wasn't familiar with the dynamics of our relationship, so he couldn't approve or disapprove of it.
Perhaps for him, it was enough that the Dragon Force command seemed to have not only accepted us as a couple but actively encouraged our relationship.
I had a feeling that the shaman was the one behind the initiative, and it had been he who'd convinced the high brass to arrange for our joint vacation.
"I have no problem with that," Dylon said. "But we like things to be official in Elucia, so I suppose we should start planning an engagement party."
There it was again, and my throat suddenly felt so dry that I reached for my glass of water and downed its contents in one go.
"It's too early for that," Kailin said. "We can't have an engagement party without Alar's parents, and they can't travel to Elucia.
We'd have to go to Eluria to celebrate with them, which we can't do because we are both in the Dragon Force Academy.
We would never get permission to leave for so long.
" She cast me a sad glance. "Have you given any thought to how you're going to see your family? "
The shift of focus was a sobering one. Unlike other Elurians, my parents—the King and Queen of Catonia—could theoretically secure an invitation for a state visit to Elucia, and I could ask Saphir to arrange a secret meeting with them, but I couldn't marry Kailin without my father's permission, which he'd never give for a match with a commoner and a non-Elurian.
We could get married in Elucia without my family attending, but that was not how I imagined my future with Kailin. I would never make her feel like she was a dirty secret that I was hiding from my family.
The future I'd been dreaming of, a life with Kailin that was open and acknowledged, suddenly seemed as distant as the stars.
"You look pale, young man." Jaida's sharp eyes missed nothing.
"What's troubling you? Your family won't approve of you marrying an Elucian?
" She leaned forward, her gaze penetrating.
"You have Elucian blood in you or you wouldn't have been found gifted and accepted into the Dragon Force. Surely they are aware of that."
I struggled for words that weren't lies but wouldn't reveal the truth of who I was. "It's a complicated situation. I'm sorry, but I can't elaborate."
The words tasted foul in my mouth. Here I was, sitting at their table, eating their food, planning to share their daughter's bed, and I couldn't even give them the courtesy of honesty about who I really was.
Kailin's fingers tightened around mine. "We're not in a rush to make things official. Once we bond with dragons, we'll become immortal and have all the time in the world to plan the details." She cast me a small smile. "Besides, Alar hasn't even proposed yet."
"You're the only one for me, and you know it." I meant it from the depths of my soul.
In my mind, Kailin was a queen in all but title. One day, she would emerge as the powerful shaman she was destined to become, and when that happened, all of Aurorys would recognize her true worth, not just her fellow Elucians.
She would no longer be a commoner, and my parents would have to welcome her.
They would realize that their youngest son had found an extraordinary partner and forged a powerful alliance with Elucia.
After all, they had always wanted my brothers and me to marry princesses of neighboring territories to strengthen the Elurian Federation.
With that goal in mind, my marriage to Kailin would be the most beneficial.
Dear Elurion, what if she thought that I was with her because of that?
I'd fallen for Kailin long before I knew she had any powers, and I loved her for who she was, not for what she could do for Eluria or me. She must know that.
Besides, the scenario I'd just created in my mind would never happen.
This wasn't a fairy tale, and my parents would never accept an Elucian and a commoner, no matter what her abilities were.
It wouldn't even matter if our union were hugely beneficial to Eluria because the council would just use it as a pretext to depose my father.
Kailin could be my paramour, no more, and even that would be frowned upon.
Jaida's snort pulled me out of my gloomy thoughts. "You younglings may have all the time in the world, but I don't. I want to dance at my granddaughter's wedding while these old bones can still manage it."
Pain flickered across Kailin's face.
Grief for the mortality of those she loved, perhaps, or worry about promises that might prove impossible to keep.
"You'll dance at Kailin's wedding." I met Jaida's eyes. "I promise."
The words hung in the air like a vow, but I had no idea how I'd keep that promise.
Jayron let out a sigh. "We are not prudes, and Kailin is an adult. You're welcome in our home, Alar. But—"
"If you're going to threaten him, Dad, I'm leaving the table," Kailin warned.
Jayron chuckled. "I was just going to say that I expect him to help with the dishes. House rules—everyone contributes."
"I'd be honored," I quickly said.
"See?" Jaida said approvingly. "The boy has manners.
That's a good start." She pushed herself up from the table with surprising vigor for someone who'd just claimed her bones were old.
"Now, who wants tea? We have celebrating to do.
It's not every day we learn that our granddaughter is a hero and has found herself a handsome young man to build a life with. "
As Milly and Jaida bustled about preparing tea, Dylon and Jayron began clearing plates, and Kailin rose to help them.
I caught her hand. "Thank you," I murmured, low enough that only she could hear me.
"For what?"
"For having my back."
She knew what I meant, but she didn't seem deterred by all the obstacles I could see in our way. "As Gran likes to say, nothing worth having is easy." Her warm blue eyes met mine. "You're the only one for me, Alar. We will make it work."
"Stop making moon eyes at each other and help," Dylon called from the sink. "Put the leftovers away."
"Moon eyes?" Kailin tugged on my hand. "I don't make moon eyes."
"Yes, you do," Dylon said. "And it's disgusting. Adorable, but disgusting."
With everyone helping, the cleanup took minutes, and as we sat back at the table to drink our teas, Milly turned to me. "Do you have any siblings, Alar?"
The question caught me off guard. "Four older brothers."
"Four!" She looked delighted. "How wonderful. I hear that many Elurians choose not to have children at all, and those who do have only one or two."
"That's true and unfortunate," I admitted. "I'm lucky that my mother wanted a daughter and kept trying for one. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been born."
She smiled. "Are you close to your brothers?"
"We were closer when I was younger. I was the baby, so they tolerated me following them around, but our lives have taken us in different directions."
That was understating it considerably. Arlen was being groomed to rule. The twins lived for court intrigue and social climbing. Avren had found his place in the military. And I was the spare who'd gone chasing dragons, literally and figuratively.
"That happens with siblings," Jayron said sympathetically. "But family is family. I'm sure they miss you. Dragon riders serve for life, so if you make it to the bonding ceremony and get chosen, you are never going home."
I swallowed hard. "I'm well aware of that, and I have made peace with it even before applying for the pilgrimage. I just hope my commanders will have mercy on me and give me longer leaves of absence so I can travel back to Eluria to visit my family."
Dylon shook his head. "I doubt that. That will be too much of a security risk."
My hackles rose. "What do you mean? How can I be a risk after the bonding? I will become an open book to my dragon."
Dylon put his teacup down on the table. "First of all, we all learn to block so our dragons don't have free access to every thought we have, and they do the same.
But I didn't imply that you were a security risk because you were not trustworthy.
Traveling to Eluria after becoming a rider is like painting a big red target on your back and inviting every Shedun and their sympathizers to grab you in order to extract information from you. "
I hadn't considered that, and my mood plummeted. It seemed that Codric and I would have to resign ourselves to never seeing our families unless I came out and announced who I was and why I was training to become a rider.
Chicha must have sensed the sudden ache in my heart and hopped into my lap, pushing her tiny head against my hand. As I started stroking her soft fur, the pain eased a little.
I would find a solution, a way to bridge that seemingly unbridgeable divide, and until then, Codric and I would have to make do with letters and occasional phone calls.
"To all of us, doing our best with what we have." Jayron raised his teacup in a mock toast.
We all raised our cups, including Jaida.
"Now then," Milly said, "about these sleeping arrangements—"
"Mom, we've covered this," Kailin bristled.
"I was just going to say that there are fresh linens and extra blankets in the hall closet." She cast me a smile. "The nights here can be chilly for someone who is used to milder weather."