Chapter 29 Alar #2
“Right.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “By the same token, my mother could have called and demanded to speak with me, which would have exposed me. The fact that she didn’t also speaks volumes.”
Codric arched a brow. “Saying what?”
“I don’t know. Perhaps the letter didn’t come from her but is a trap.”
“No one knows we are here.”
I wasn’t sure about that. “We covered our tracks well and traveled under assumed names, but we might have been followed.”
Codric looked doubtful. “We would have noticed a tail. Anyway, I think you should consult Kailin. After all, she's at the center of the prophecy. She might have a feeling about what you should do."
I nodded, even though the thought of relying on intuition was foreign to me.
When I showed the letter to Kailin later in our room, she read it carefully, frowning even more than Codric.
"Is your father really sick?"
"Maybe. I don't know. This is my mother's handwriting, which lends some credibility to the claim, but it wouldn't be the first time she's done things like this for him. It could also be a forgery.”
I explained my suspicions about the timing, the vague wording, and my father's history of manipulation, but I didn’t mention the phone call my mother could have made and hadn’t. As long as I didn’t mention it, Kailin wouldn’t think of suggesting that I request to call home.
I couldn’t do that. The moment my identity became common knowledge, I would be kicked out of the academy and sent home for sure.
"Why would they fake your father’s illness?" Kailin asked.
"To get me home. Away from here."
"Away from me?"
"He doesn't know about you," I admitted. "I didn't write about you in my letters, and I'm certain we don't have spies in the Citadel, not Elurian ones, anyway. The converts are Sitorian-influenced. He knows I'm training to be a dragon rider, but he never thought I would actually make it this far."
I was so glad I'd refrained from mentioning Kailin in my letters home. If I had, the summons would certainly be about separating me from her.
"Perhaps Codric wrote to his family about me?" Kailin suggested.
"He didn't. I told him not to."
The hurt expression on her face was like a dagger to my heart. It was obvious why I had kept her existence from anyone back home, but seeing her reaction made me question that decision.
"Using a fake illness as manipulation is awful," she murmured. "It's flat-out lying."
Lies were the most grievous offense to the followers of Elu, but I had a feeling she wasn't as appalled by that as by the implications of why I hadn't told anyone back home about her.
"It's politics," I said. "It's all about manipulation and leverage and using whatever tools you have."
She put the letter down and took my hand. "What do you want to do?"
"Stay. Bond with a dragon. Be with you."
"But what if he dies and you didn't go? You'd regret it forever."
"But if I go and it's fake, I'll miss everything that matters, and I'll be so angry at my father that I'll probably never speak to him again.
I probably won't be allowed to return, and then what happens to the prophecy?
" I pulled away and stood, pacing our room.
"The Council would find reasons to keep me home. "
"You need to talk to Saphir."
"And say what? I think my father might be faking an illness to manipulate me, but I'm not sure."
"He might have insight. Or at least grant you leave if you need it."
I shook my head. "I'll write back and ask for more information."
"How long would that take?"
"Two weeks for the letter to get there. Two more for a response. At minimum."
The option of making a phone call weighed heavily on my conscience, but I simply couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was a bad son.
"So, past the Day of Volition," Kailin said.
"Past everything."
Kailin came to stand in front of me, stopping my pacing. "Could you ask for leave to visit after the bonding?"
"I can try, but it will be even more difficult then.
As a rider, I'm an asset to Elucia and to its enemies.
I'd have to be escorted by a large security force.
My father could send a platoon to meet me at the transportation hub, but I don't think General Lesten will approve it.
Not with the security situation right now—Elusitor converts, the attacks.
They won't risk sending a newly bonded rider into potential danger. "
I sighed. "If I'm wrong about this, and he's on his deathbed, then I'm a terrible son who chose dragons over his dying father."
"Oh, Alar." Kailin wrapped her arms around me.
I held her tight, breathing in the scent of her hair, feeling her still too-slim body against mine. But it was solid and familiar, and I never wanted to be away from her. This was what mattered. Not political games or family manipulation. This.
"You're not a terrible son," she said. "You're in an impossible position. There's no good choice here."
"There never is with my father."
We stood entwined in each other for a long time, until I eventually felt steady enough to sit at the desk and compose a response.
The letter took three drafts. I needed to sound concerned without being panicked, caring without being manipulated, firm without being cold.
Dear Mother,
I received your letter about Father's illness. I'm very concerned and would like more information. What kind of illness is it? What is the physicians' assessment?
I cannot leave the Citadel immediately as I'm in the middle of crucial training, but if Father's situation worsens, I will request leave to visit home.
Give Father my regards and tell him I'm praying for his quick recovery.
—Love, Alar
I showed it to Kailin.
She read it carefully. "It's good. Caring but cautious."
"I feel like I'm choosing myself and what I want over my family."
"You're choosing your future, and possibly the future of Aurorys." She cupped my cheek. "According to the prophecy, our world needs you here."
"When you put it like that, it's an easy choice. I have to stay."
I wished the decision were as easy as I made it sound. To potentially save Aurorys, I might be betraying my family. To honor the prophecy, I might be abandoning a dying father.
On the other hand, I couldn't make decisions based on potential manipulation. If I jumped every time my father pulled a string, I would spend my whole life dancing to his tune.
I sealed the letter and set it aside to be sent with the next mail delivery. Two weeks until it could reach home. Two more weeks for a response.
By then, the Day of Volition would be over. I would either be bonded to a dragon or I wouldn't, and I would have to live with whatever consequences followed.
"Come here." Kailin pulled me toward the bed. "Let's just lie in each other's arms for a little bit."
"That's an offer I can't refuse."
I let her hold me, her fingers running through my hair, her heartbeat steady against my ear. For a few moments, I could pretend that nothing existed beyond this room, beyond us.
But outside, the world kept turning. Letters traveled across continents. Fathers plotted. Prophecies waited to be fulfilled.
And in two weeks, everything would change.
I just hoped I was making the right decision.