Chapter 4 Silas
SILAS
Ipeel out of the cul-de-sac, punching the steering wheel repeatedly as I floor the gas pedal to get away from there. From that house. From the two of them together like that.
She’s right. I don’t belong there. I know it. I’ve always known it. But for her to say it? It stings.
Ethan is a little fucking cunt. He’s not worth the time of day. I know that, too. He’s certainly not worth the upset he causes, but the motherfucker can get under my skin, and that’s the thing I can’t fucking stand.
There was a part of me once, a long time ago, that had thought there was something to salvage in the kid. That I should try. Living in the same house as them, I saw what went on. The things Sly did, the way he kept order. But there’s nothing to salvage. He is his father’s son.
Flakes of snow float down from the sky, melting the instant they hit my windshield. Winter has arrived in Sinistral.
I don’t have to be here for it. I can go anywhere I want. Do anything I want to do. Why the fuck I come back, I never know, but I can’t seem to fucking stay away. Even after years pass, I always come back. Even knowing there’s a chance I’ll run into Ophelia. Hell, maybe that’s the reason I do it.
This time, though, is different. This time, I’m here to take from Sullivan Fox.
At least that’s what I keep telling myself. Truth is, Horatio doing the about-face on that plea deal that leaves everything to Sly, it stinks, and for some goddamn reason, I can’t seem to mind my own fucking business when it comes to Ophelia Hart.
I get to the turn that leads into town. Contrary to what I insinuated to Ophelia and her asshole fiancé, the only thing waiting for me at my hotel is a bottle of whiskey.
I consider for all of a second before I change my mind and swerve left out of town.
Screams of horns chase me as I cross double lanes and cut off three cars.
It’s late. I probably shouldn’t be heading to the cliffs with the weather coming in, but I’m here, and wouldn’t I be a hypocrite if I condemn Ophelia for not visiting her dad when I’m just an hour away and don’t visit Mom?
I mean, major difference. Mom’s dead. But it’s kind of the same thing, right? If there’s one thing I have always sworn to myself, it’s that I will not be like my father. He is a hypocrite, a liar, a thief, an adulterer, and I’m sure I don’t know the half of it.
I push the SUV to its limit along deserted, dark roads that will soon begin to curve along the rocky cliffs of Maine.
Truth is, their engagement bothers me. Ethan is a piece of fucking shit. Can she not see that? I’m guessing she hasn’t told Horatio yet. I can imagine how he’s going to take it.
I don’t know how Sly did it, how he got Horatio to take that deal and absolve him so Sly came out smelling like a fucking rose. All I know is that he had a hand in what happened to Horatio Hart because it all stinks.
I wonder if this was his plan from day one.
Weasel his way into Hart’s company, then steal it out from under him.
But why would he want Ethan to marry Ophelia?
For that matter, why pay for her schooling, her housing, and give her a room in his home?
Because Sly, like his nickname, is a cunning man, and he does nothing out of the goodness of his heart. Hell, he has no heart.
Ophelia has nothing. Her inheritance vanished overnight when the feds seized the money in Hart’s various bank accounts. The girl doesn’t have a penny to her name. So why this engagement between Ethan and Ophelia?
Maybe they’re in love, my traitor mind taunts.
Fuck no! She doesn’t love him. She can’t. And Ethan Fox is no more capable of love than his father and mother are. Fucking family of sociopaths.
Why then?
Why do you care?
There it is again. My fucking head fucking with me.
She isn’t like them. She can’t be. She can’t have changed so much from the awkward, kind little girl who grew into an insecure, kind teenager. Or am I blind when it comes to Ophelia Hart? Has she grown as cold-hearted as them?
Barbie.
It’s the hate name I gave her. I was angry. I am still fucking angry. But the thought of her being like them? I can’t stand it.
Yet she’s wearing his ring on her finger, isn’t she? Doesn’t that tell me all I need to know? What happened between us didn’t matter, not to her. I need to forget it. Forget her. She isn’t worth it. When the fuck am I going to get that through my head?
A car comes down the narrow lane, high-beams glaring, honking their horn when I take the turn too tight and too fast.
“Fuck you!” I yell even though he can’t hear me. I keep going, although I do slow down. I’m being stupid. I don’t want to kill anyone tonight.
Well, Ethan Fox maybe.
I look out the window at the dark water of the Atlantic below.
The moonlight is all but gone now with the clouds that rolled in carrying snow, but I get glimpses of black water now and again.
This was my mom’s favorite drive. She’d have me bring her here every weekend toward the end.
I’d bundle her up under so many blankets you could hardly see her and drive, and she’d just watch the views and smile.
Smile like the world hadn’t dealt her yet another shitty card. Smile like she wasn’t dying.
The memory of it chokes me up, and I draw a tight breath in. Esmerelda Cruz was a good woman. She deserved better than for the asshole Sly Fox to father her bastard son. Ethan was right about me. He only spoke a fact. But calling her a whore? No, man. No fucking way.
I take the final turn, realizing I don’t have anything to lay at her grave. She won’t mind. She’ll be happy to see me.
The road grows narrower as I ascend higher and higher, my headlights the only source of light.
They don’t put guardrails or streetlamps here.
I slow to go off road and there, in the distance, I can just make out the dim red light that burns in the small chapel.
It’s all but forgotten but for Father Emiliano and his sister, Lourdes, caretakers of both the chapel and the cemetery.
I park the SUV near the short, warped wooden gate and climb out. I grab my scarf from the passenger seat and knot it around my neck, not bothering with a coat, and walk through the gate. The snow is thicker now, landing on my face and hair and skewing my vision.
When I get to the chapel, I open the door, which is always unlocked, and enter. It’s only remotely less cold inside. I take a moment to glance at the altar, at the golden crucifix there. Mom loved it. All of it. I’m not remotely religious, but she never stopped believing.
I grab my wallet out of my pocket, don’t even count out the cash but put the wad of it in the locked offering box before lighting a candle for Mom. It can’t hurt.
I take a moment, my throat doing that thing again, making it fucking hard to swallow. To breathe. It’s the only lit candle in the place. Apart from Father Emiliano and his sister, no one comes here anymore. I try not to think about that, about her being alone up here, and walk back outside.
I go to the edge of the cliff to the stone marking Mom’s grave. It’s a kneeling angel, wings spread wide, head tilted down, watching over her. She always said angels were everywhere, watching out for us.
The fact that Sly Fox was my father did not support her claim, but she’d shush me any time I said it. Any stray feather she found on our doorstep, she’d pick up and keep, telling me an angel had visited our front door.
I still have every one of those feathers tucked away at home.
I bend to brush away snow that’s settled over the carved letters of her name and there, on the knees of the angel, is a pristine white feather. I pick it up. She’s an angel now too, watching over me. It’s what she’d say.
I pocket the feather and harden my heart by remembering her life.
Esmerelda Cruz had the misfortune of meeting Sly Fox when the cleaning service she worked for sent her to fill in for one of his regular staff. She was a beautiful woman, my mother, with her long dark hair, olive skin, and those black eyes.
She was also barely seventeen.
Knowing Fox like I do, I can guess it took just one look at her for him to decide he would have her.
Period. The end. It didn’t matter that he’d ruin her.
The adulterer was engaged to Mira when he decided to take my mother to his bed.
She was ten years younger than Mira Fox, but she was clever—cleverer than he expected, is my guess, because when she got pregnant, she didn’t run away or disappear, like he wanted.
She stayed put and made him pay in exchange for not announcing the fact that he’d bedded and impregnated an underage girl.
If anyone had any doubt I was his son, all they had to do was take one look at me.
I hate the fact, but it is that. Every time I see my eyes in any reflection, it’s like Sly Fox is looking back at me.
The wind picks up.
“All right, all right, Mom. I’ll stop.”
I stand still for a long, long minute, and I hear my mind reciting a prayer she taught me when I was little. It’s not conscious, but there it is. When I’m done, the wind grows quieter, quiet enough that I imagine I can hear the waves crashing far below.
“I miss you. I hope you’re okay wherever you are,” I tell her.
I turn to go, my throat closing again. I walk back to the SUV, take a deep breath, and get in before heading to The Sinistral where in my penthouse suite, Cecilia will have ordered a bottle of whiskey to be waiting for me.
I will drink every last drop and forget having seen Ophelia.
Forget having held her, even for a moment.
Forget how she felt in my arms. Forget the single tear that fell from her eye.