Chapter 35
MORGAN
I hate this. Trapped on the balcony, snapping this stupid chair into tinier and tinier pieces.
I should be showing Jamie the night of his life.
If I were stronger, I would be.
But I’m not.
The optics, I’d told myself. That’s why it was critical to be careful with Jamie. Like I said to him, I’m not a good person.
But the only thing the beast and I can agree on is that I don’t want to hurt Jamie. And I believe that claiming him will hurt him so fundamentally that the beast actually halfway agrees. So, we’re at an impasse.
The beast quiets slightly as Jamie’s scent dissipates, but my skin still crawls. There’s no telling what will happen if I smell him again.
I’m afraid. Not just of what losing control means for Jamie, but of what it means for me.
Control is the foundation of my life.
Without it… what even am I? Everything falls apart.
My mind goes to what Jamie saw in the data. In my data.
Perfect compliance for over fifteen years.
I haven’t missed a single dose.
It makes perfect sense that there would be slip-ups in our study cohorts. We’ve discussed it before. I’d just never considered the significance.
Gia’s words taunt me. He’s not just any omega.
It’s true.
That’s what scares me most of all.
How badly I want him, specifically.
I’ve never wanted anybody like this before.
My glare slides up to the full moon, and I swear I can feel it on my skin, feel it pushing me towards rut.
I don’t know whether these feelings are mine or the moon’s, and I hate that.
I try to visualize taking another omega, any omega, but my mind fills with Jamie.
If you were both betas, do you really think that there would be no chemistry?
Fuck.
There’s no knowing for sure.
And it doesn’t really matter.
Because we’re not both betas.
He’s an omega, and I’m an alpha, and other alphas may make excuses, but I’m better than that. I’m responsible.
The door of the suite clicks, and my ears rotate towards the soft sound. The impending shift has made my pointed ears longer and even more sensitive than usual.
“Welcome back,” I say towards the glass, knowing Jamie’s equally sharp hearing will compensate for the barrier.
He lifts up a paper bag. “I got the stuff.”
“Are you going to tell me what it is?”
He bites his lip. “Not yet.”
Fuck, he’s cute when he’s coy.
“Careful,” I sigh.
“I wanted to check… check that you still want… this.”
“Of course I do.” God, he has no fucking idea. “But I need you to tell me your plan. I know myself better than you do.”
He nods and reaches into the bag, pulling out a posture collar made of thick, hard leather that spans chin to shoulder, complete with padlock.
“Very clever,” I breathe. Too clever. “Was this your idea or Eileen’s?” I know she helped him—sourcing something this specific so quickly has Eileen written all over it.
“M-mine.”
“Naughty omega,” I purr. “Where did you get that idea? Do you like kink?”
He shivers. Gives a tentative nod.
“I don’t think even you can bite through it,” he says.
“And the rest?” I tilt my chin towards the bag.
“So I can, um… warm up…”
Too fucking clever by half. “Oh, you know right where you want it, don’t you?”
He squirms and mouths, “Yes.”
I lean back and take a deep breath. “Okay. Here’s the deal.
I want you to go do your best to tire yourself out.
To get it out of your system. If you fall asleep in there, I’ll be very proud of you.
But if you really can’t… if you come back out into the living room…
that collar had better be on and tight and locked, do you understand me?
Because I am not going to be able to control myself. ”
He nods.
“I won’t be able to slow down, or change angles, or stop halfway. It’s going to be all or nothing. The odds of you getting manhandled and bruised are very high. Got it?”
His eyelids flutter. Fuck, I’m about to shatter this glass. I sigh a bitter laugh. “Oh, you are hopeless.”
“I understand,” he says, mustering confidence. “I really do.”
My voice is quiet. “You need to understand that if I break you, I won’t forgive myself.”
“I know,” he says, pressing a hand against the glass. “You won’t break me.”
“Now, go get it out of your system,” I say with a tilt of my head towards the bedroom door. “And I’ll see you in the morning.”
He folds the collar in his lap and nods. “I’ll do my best.” The words are as sincere as ever.
Jamie disappears into the room.
That was close. Way too close.
I thought I could manage the scent trigger… but everything about Jamie triggers me.
I lean back in the intact deck chair, closing my eyes and counting my breaths. Each exhale brings me another hair’s breadth back from the edge.
Jamie is safely in bed with plenty to keep him occupied. I’ll spend the next few hours getting myself back under control. Then, I’ll make sure everything else goes according to plan.
A singular sound lances straight to my primal core, shattering everything—Jamie’s moan, clear even through two doors and the glass.
Fuck, he wasn’t kidding when he said he was loud.
The beast knows why.
He’s calling out for an alpha. He needs it. He needs me.
Pain crackles down my spine. The beast is so close to the surface.
A tolerance break, Jamie said. Maybe that would work for another alpha. But I’m too far gone. If I let the beast out again, it might never go back.
Another loud moan finds my ears, and my skull tingles as my skin goes tight.
I might not get a choice.