Chapter 7
7
We’re halfway down the oak-lined drive before Tony says anything else, and when he does, he’s unusually hesitant. ‘Look, I hope we do get on. But did I take it too far in there?’
‘You mean the bed thing?’
‘Yeah.’
‘No, if I’d been offended, I wouldn’t have joined in joking around. But I’d avoid that sort of thing with the younger female staff. Just in case, you know?’
He could brush it off and pretend easing the car round the gentle sweep of stone-grey gravel requires too much concentration to reply. Instead, he keeps staring out of the windscreen but nods quickly, face solemn. ‘Don’t worry, I get it. I don’t wanna make no one feel uncomfortable. And I know, times have changed and all the old-school banter and stuff, it’s dying out.’ He sounds distinctly wistful, but he rushes to add, ‘Not that I’m saying that isn’t a good thing.’
I lean back in my seat, and maybe it’s how luxurious the leather feels, but suddenly, I’m saying something I really should keep to myself. ‘Don’t you think, sometimes though, it’s all getting a bit serious?’
There’s a shout of laughter. ‘Didn’t have you down as a rowdy one. But yeah, I do, I’m afraid.’
Realizing I’ve just made myself sound like the sort of woman who could be seen to be letting other women down, I try to walk it back. ‘I mean, obviously, it’s good that we’ve stopped thinking it’s OK for female staff to get casually sexually harassed from time to time, or that the academy kids have to learn to take a bit of bullying, or…’
Tony interrupts. ‘Yeah, course. And looking back, some of the stuff, it went way over the line. But I dunno, sometimes, it feels like it’s gone a bit far the other way, you know? Like I came up through a couple of real old-school dressing rooms, so I get I’m more of a dinosaur than most. But it didn’t do me no harm, cleaning boots, getting the piss taken out of me by the first team, all that.’ He glances at me again, and you can see in his face the teenager that he must’ve been, equal parts bravado and determination. ‘And you and me, we’re about the same age, I’m guessing?’
I’m three years older, but I don’t feel the need to point it out. ‘Close enough, anyway.’
‘So, you’ll remember, how it used to be easier to have a real laugh about some of this stuff?’
‘We certainly did.’ It might just be that we’re physically close, but I feel like there’s a connection that wasn’t there before. Even if it’s only that, in a game where thirty is dangerously close to retirement, we’re both feeling old. It makes me more confiding than I’d usually be with a player. ‘I loved that side of working at the club when I first started. At home everything was always educational, always serious. But here the culture was completely different.’
Tony pulls a face. ‘Is that code for fucking terrifying? The stories ’bout this place back in the day are pretty legendary.’
‘Well, by the time I started, Monica had been in charge long enough, and most of the worst excesses were over, but there were a few of the old guard left. And I was a bit of a frightened little rabbit to begin with, but you know Gary King?’
‘Yeah, I do. Your captain at the time?’
‘Umm, that’s right. Gary took it on himself to teach me my job, including how to give as good as I got. And one day I just felt like I fitted in.’
Tony’s eyes flicker away from the windscreen for a second. ‘That was a bit of a novelty, was it?’
I’m taken aback that he can tell. ‘Maybe, yes.’ He doesn’t say anything, and since I don’t want to sound like I’m wallowing, I smile brightly. ‘So, I’m proud we’re more careful these days, and much more diverse and inclusive too, and I think it’s a big part of why we got successful. But sometimes, I know I shouldn’t admit it, I do miss Gary ranging round my office after training, telling dirty jokes.’
Tony glances round at me and smiles, not the usual grin but something quite soft. ‘I get that, cos I like having a playmate and all.’ The smile becomes conspiratorial. ‘And I reckon I could make a reasonable job of subbing for Gary, if you’re interested?’
I’m not sure that’s a good idea, but apparently my mouth disagrees, because I’m saying, ‘That sounds fun.’
‘That’s me, the fun guy.’ He’s stopped smiling and when he looks at me next, it’s like he’s doing mental arithmetic. ‘It makes sense actually, Gary having an influence. Cos your approach to player care, it’s a bit non-standard?’
That hits a nerve. ‘Is it? I mean, I don’t exactly know what other clubs do, it’s always a bit secretive. And there are training courses now, but I tried one and every session made me want to vomit, it was so management speaky. But no one’s ever complained, so I’ve kept doing what I’ve always done.’
Tony shakes his head. ‘Oh, I’ve no complaints. It’s just Gary’s always been big on man-management, and you’re kind of the same. Like player care guys I’ve worked with before, they’d be busy giving me a rundown of house stuff, what day bin day is, all that.’
I jump in quickly. ‘Oh, you don’t need to worry about that. I’m going to get you an excellent cleaner.’
He laughs. ‘I’m sure you are. But what I mean is, your version of helping me settle is less fixing to get my car valeted on set days, more kidding round, then telling me personal stuff, cos you reckon I’m lonely, right?’
I’m mortified again, unsure how to react. I guess maybe I do. ‘Are you? Lonely?’ I keep my voice easy, but this might be it, the thing that’s stopping him settling at Covenly. And this is the ideal way to talk about it, with him having brought it up. Tony stares straight ahead and I pretend to do the same while keeping half an eye on his profile.
There’s a longish gap, then he twists his mouth and sighs. ‘Honestly? Yeah, a bit, I guess. Does that make me sound pathetic?’
I shake my head. ‘No, not at all. It’s pretty standard when players come on their own.’
‘Only they’re like nineteen-year-olds, aren’t they? Guys my age, they normally have a wife and kids in tow.’
‘That doesn’t always help. What I meant more was players often bring someone along, at least in the early days, to soften the transition. Even if it’s just somebody that’s worked for them for a while, or a friend that’s at a loose end. You could try that, see if it helps?’
‘Yeah, only like I said, I’m cutting ties.’ He drums his first finger against the steering wheel.
I deliberately relax my body, so what I say next won’t sound like criticism. ‘But Tony, do you mind me saying, trying to do everything on your own, it might not be the best approach? In the long term anyway.’
‘How do you mean?’ he asks, and there’s a warning in his voice.
‘Well, you come across as naturally social, someone who gets their energy from being…’
He half smiles. ‘Centre of attention is the phrase you’re looking for?’
‘Perhaps. But that’s not a bad thing, if you can turn it to your advantage. And obviously, I’m not saying spend every night in a club or anything like that, but…’
‘Find something to feed my massive ego?’ He smiles properly this time, so I think I’ve avoided crossing a line.
‘No, something that lets you be you, instead of fighting it.’ I want to stroke his hand, resting on the gear stick. I focus on keeping my voice gentle. ‘Because if nothing else, what you’re doing now seems to make you hard work for the others.’
‘You had complaints?’ he asks quickly.
‘No, but I get the impression some of them find you the tiniest bit intimidating.’
He shrugs with one shoulder. It’s less smooth than most of his movements, so I think he’s already aware of what I’m telling him, and a touch ashamed he hasn’t done anything to change it. ‘Well, they’re kids, aren’t they? Like the average age in the dressing room, it might as well be a creche.’
I smile, but keep my voice cajoling. ‘I’m not saying you’ll end up lifelong friends, but a bit of mentoring, a few war stories, they’d love that. And it might make it more fun for you too?’
He sighs. ‘I could probably manage a bit more arm-round-the-shoulder stuff, I suppose.’
‘That’d be nice.’
‘Yeah, maybe.’ That would be more encouraging if his tone wasn’t quite so suggestive of a condemned man.
I really, really want to put my hand over his now, but I channel that into making my smile as warm as I can. ‘Oh Tony, there’s no need to sound so miserable. Give it a week or two and it’ll start to feel like home, and if it doesn’t, we’ll find another solution.’
‘I reckon you’re overestimating your powers.’
There’s a roughness to his voice, and his hand is tense on the steering wheel. I wait, not sure if he’s upset with me or himself. At the gates, I expect him to rush back onto the road. Instead, Tony kills the engine. His eyes are fixed on cows grazing in the field opposite and he’s back to looking like a kid again, the bravado gone. I get another of those images that have been pushing into my mind all afternoon. Only instead of the shirt-ripping, hands-all-over-him kisses that kept popping up at the lodge, it’s me pulling him in and kissing his hair. But obviously, any sort of kiss would be deeply inappropriate, so I make myself statue still, trying not to intrude into something he’s not ready to share.
After a minute or so, he puts a hand to his forehead and drags his fingers down his face. When he twists to me, there’s a smile, though not a particularly happy one. ‘Sorry, Genie. I didn’t mean to get snappy or weird or whatever.’
I shake my head and say softly, ‘It’s all right. It’s normal, you know? For this to be an adjustment.’
He shrugs. ‘I guess, only this, it’s not all new, you know? Some of it, I brought with me. So, like, don’t worry ’bout it, OK? There’s no point you putting a ton of effort into something I don’t reckon’s fixable.’
I decide now is the moment to become brisk. ‘Oh no, we won’t give up. I like a challenge. Do you have hobbies?’
‘What, like golf?’
I nod.
‘No.’
‘Thank God for that.’
He looks at me questioningly. ‘This would be so much harder to solve if you were boring,’ I explain.
That seems to do the trick, because he sits back and laughs. ‘Yeah, I reckon I was right, I’m definitely gonna like you.’
‘Well, that’s a start in the building of social ties, isn’t it?’
‘Did you learn that one on your training course?’ He’s teasing now, so we’re definitely back on track.
‘I did, yes. And although the phrase is obviously awful, it’s not a bad idea in terms of settling in. So, are you in a hurry to get back?’
He runs his fingers over the gradient of his fade, tracing down to where his dark hair merges into stubble. ‘To the hotel? No, the reverse.’
‘Come and meet the man in my life then.’
He wrinkles his eyebrows together. ‘If I’m honest, love, I’m not sure we’re likely to hit it off.’
‘You might be surprised. He’s quite adorable.’