Chapter 16
16
After the stress of this morning, I’d happily spend all evening lying in corpse on the kitchen floor. Or I would if Chrissie didn’t keep reaching across to prod me.
‘Stop it, I’m still Namaste-ing.’
Chrissie bounces up into easy pose, flicking her mop of amber curls up into a no-nonsense ponytail en route. ‘No time for that. The babysitter can only hold back the chaos for another hour, max.’
I don’t like the sound of the babysitter. Tonight must be about more than yoga, if it couldn’t wait for Chrissie’s husband to be available.
‘Katia intimated we need to have “a talk”.’ Chrissie encloses the last bit in finger quotes.
My sigh is deeper than any of my attempts at ujjayi beathing. This is why you should never employ a hyper-empathizer. ‘Because she thinks I’ve been weird?’
‘Since Monica’s party, yes.’ Chrissie turns up the eye contact. ‘She’s worried Tony Garratt’s upset you.’
I put my hand over my eyes. ‘No, no, he hasn’t.’ Let’s hope Katia’s restricted herself to sharing that theory with Chrissie, who is my oldest friend and a vault worthy of Fort Knox.
‘I assumed not. The pair of you looked decidedly lovey-dovey when I turned up.’
I sneak a look at Chrissie through my fingers. She appears intensely amused. Having this conversation horizontal, I’m at a definite disadvantage. I reluctantly ease myself up until my legs are long, and my arms are out behind me, stretching out the tension that’s magically reappeared in my shoulders. ‘We’re not that either.’
‘So, what is going on?’ Chrissie’s in full interrogation mode, leaning forward, chin on her hands. ‘Come on, Genie, you might as well say. Otherwise I’ll have to tell Katia I failed, and you know what that means.’
‘Her mum.’ I shudder. Katia’s mum has borderline adopted me, which is lovely, and not just because it gives me priority access to the best rum cake in the Midlands. But when it comes to obtaining confidences, Reenie doesn’t pull her punches. ‘All right, all right. I give in. It was sort of Tony, what was preoccupying me, but not the way Kat means.’
Chrissie makes the sympathetic, tell-me-more noise she learnt at medical school.
‘He’s needed extra attention, while he’s still settling in.’
Chrissie snorts. ‘I can’t think of a single situation where that man wouldn’t require extra attention.’
I throw a yoga block at her. ‘Don’t be mean. And anyway, it wasn’t any trouble. He just needed someone to joke around with, really.’
‘And you were happy to oblige, I take it?’ Chrissie’s back to trying not to laugh. She knows me far too well.
‘More than happy.’ I grimace. ‘But it got a bit out of hand, and he kissed me at Monica’s and…’
Chrissie pulls a sympathetic face. ‘And it wasn’t a good kiss?’
‘No, it was amazing. But I got sort of panicky afterwards. And I thought he was angry with me over it, but he found Roudie when he went missing today, and he was nice about it, so I don’t think he is. Angry, that is.’ It seems me talking about Tony is as chaotic as me thinking about Tony.
Chrissie’s started frowning. ‘Why were you panicky? Did he do something else?’
‘No. Of course not.’
‘OK. Good.’ Chrissie’s relieved-big-sister smile disappears. ‘So, what was it?’
My fingernails have become incredibly interesting.
Chrissie clears her throat. ‘Come on, Genie, spit it out. I’m on a babysitter deadline, remember.’
When I meet her eye, she gives me the look she uses on the rare occasions her children misbehave.
‘Well, HR finding out wouldn’t be great.’
Chrissie makes an impatient noise. ‘We both know so long as the two of you don’t advertise it, they won’t come looking.’
That’s true. Their standard operating procedure even if they do think something’s advertised is an official warning, then no action unless it gets ugly, in which case their back’s covered if they need to fire you. But fraternization is the least emotional reason why getting involved with Tony is a bad idea. I’m not letting it go without a fight.
‘That’s easy for you to say, you’re not on Monica’s hit list.’
‘Monica won’t care if you screw Tony Garratt, so long as you don’t do the same to your budget line.’
‘Except it’s an easy excuse, isn’t it? To get rid of me.’
‘I’ve told you before, you’re overly paranoid about that. So come on, be honest. What’s the real issue?’
I scrunch up my face. ‘It’s so embarrassing.’
‘I spend half my life treating half-naked, emotionally stunted young men. Embarrassment is no longer in my emotional repertoire.’
I bow my head. ‘I might’ve got a bit, well, scared he’d be disappointed. With how I look, and stuff.’
Chrissie laughs, proving she made the right decision, choosing sports medicine over psychiatry. ‘So, despite Garratt spending the entire evening tripping over himself he was so keen to touch you, you managed to persuade yourself he wasn’t all that attracted?’
‘Don’t say it like that, like I’ve got zero self-esteem. I’m being a realist. He’s an actual superstar, I’m dangerously close to a groupie. I mean, ask Gavin. He used to be quite snippy about how enthused I’d get, watching Tony play.’
Chrissie’s mouth becomes disapproving. ‘Gavin used to get snippy about a lot of things, as I remember it. And Genie, I know you’ve done a lot of work since the divorce. But I can’t help thinking you’ve focused on your appearance, when it’s the inside that needs attention. I mean, honestly, if you don’t think you’re worthy of Tony Garratt, there must be an awful lot that still needs to be repaired.’
I jerk back. Chrissie’s always blunt, but she doesn’t usually take it that far.
Chrissie shuts her eyes for a second. ‘I’m sorry, Genie. That came out harsher than I intended. I’ve just had it up to here with Garratt.’
‘How do you mean?’ I ask quickly.
‘Oh, you know.’ She waved her hand in exasperation. ‘He doesn’t want a consultation with a know-nothing provincial medic like me. All I’m good for is delivering the treatments he’s had before. The ones the best doctors prescribed. He’s a nightmare. And not just with me. He’s the same about physio, nutrition, conditioning, everything.’
I can see how that could grate, but surely she can see what’s behind it? ‘Don’t you think that’s to be expected, though? It was such a huge risk, coming here. Tony was always going to take a while to trust how we do things. And if he wants input, that’s not all bad, is it? At least he’s talking to you.’
‘I’m not sure barking orders counts as talking.’ Chrissie’s literally digging her heels into her mat.
It’s my turn to snap. ‘Then you need to fix that, sooner rather than later.’
Chrissie narrows her eyes at me. ‘Do you know something I don’t, Genie?’
‘Nothing specific. But after training, Tony’s always looking to sit, or lean against something. It’s crossed my mind he’s suffering from some kind of injury that he’s ignoring.’
‘And you don’t think he’d say, if there was an issue?’
I see-saw my head. ‘Maybe, maybe not. He’s so keen to prove he’s back at his best, you know how they are.’
Chrissie nods quickly. ‘OK, I’ll try to get to the bottom of it. The last thing I need is him hiding an injury. But I can’t help noticing we’ve stopped talking about you.’
Damn. I was hoping she’d forgotten. ‘I don’t know there’s much more to say. We kissed. I went weird. That’s the end of it.’
‘Except it’s not, is it? Or he wouldn’t have been here when I arrived, doing… Actually, Genie, what was he doing?’
‘Fixing the fence.’
She grins. ‘Are you serious? Do you call him when you’ve got odd jobs that need doing, or does he show up on the off chance?’
‘Neither. And it wasn’t for me. It was for Roudie. Tony walks him sometimes, he wanted him to be safe.’
Chrissie shrieks with laughter. ‘I’m sorry, Genie. I’m not buying it. There’s no way Garratt’s the Bob the Builder type. Have you cast a spell on him? Or…’ She leans forward, eyes wide. ‘Are you blackmailing him? You always do know all their secrets.’
‘Stop it. It’s not funny.’ I pout.
Chrissie freezes. ‘Sorry, Genie. Isn’t it?’
‘No. I knew the helpfulness was weird. But I’ve been trying to pretend it wasn’t.’
Chrissie tilts her head, like a bird tackling a particularly tricky feeder. ‘Is it creepy helpful?’
‘No, it’s not like he expects something back, or anything like that. But I don’t understand why he’s doing it.’
‘Well, I think it’s quite obvious. He’s looking for more than a hook-up.’
It’s my turn to laugh.
‘No, hear me out. When you freaked out, he didn’t disappear, did he?’
‘No, but he definitely backed off.’
‘But Genie, what else could you expect? And it sounds like the minute he got a chance, he was straight back here, chomping at the bit to do DIY. No man does that for a one-night stand. As for walking the dog, well, my actual husband absolutely wouldn’t, which is why my poor children are stuck with goldfish. Garratt’s serious, he’s got to be.’
Actually, she’s right. Tony was serious today. Or serious for him, anyway. And when he said he’d missed me, underneath the teasing, that sounded serious too. ‘It’s possible, I suppose.’
Chrissie comes closer to a squeal than any woman of forty should.
I’m her last single friend and my dating life doesn’t produce many squeal-worthy moments, so I feel bad, bursting her bubble. But I’ve gone cold all over. Because I think I know now why he’s bothering with me, when I’m so far from picture perfect. ‘That might not be a good thing.’
Chrissie scrunches her brows together. ‘But the other night, at Monica’s, you seemed to be having so much fun.’
I slump, cancelling out the postural improvement promised by our online yoga teacher. ‘I was. But how he was today, and before really, I don’t think he’s been looking for fun. More the opposite, actually.’
Chrissie looks like I’ve thrown cold water over her. ‘Explain.’
‘He’s trying so hard to put last season behind him. And I’m the perfect accessory for a player out to prove they’re a professional, aren’t I?’
Chrissie looks at me, like she’s got no idea what I’m getting at.
‘A nice low-key girlfriend. Someone who knows the industry, who’ll support his goals. But that won’t last. Once he can feel he’s back on top, he’ll be dying to move on to someone more exciting.’
‘You think he’s that calculating?’
I shrug. ‘No, not consciously. But it’s what players are like, isn’t it? They do whatever they need to perform. It’s who they are.’
Chrissie crawls across to my mat and puts her arm around me. ‘I can see why, doing what you do, you think that. And I wouldn’t normally advise getting involved with a serial womanizer with an ego the size of the Nou Camp. But when I saw you and Garratt laughing in the corridor the other day, he looked so delighted with you, I almost liked him. And do you know who it reminded me of?’
I shake my head.
‘Gary King.’
‘I do miss Gary.’
Chrissie strokes my hair. ‘I know you do. And I used to think it was such a shame you were both married. The pair of you always seemed to be having an absolute ball. So if there’s a chance of something similar with Garratt, don’t you think you should at least try being open to it?’
I try to remember the last time Chrissie was wrong, and I genuinely can’t.