Chapter 21
21
My afternoon is consumed by the monster that is my to-do list, and it’s not until Kat and Sky have left that I get a chance to hunt through my deleted emails. Had I somehow deleted one before even reading it? Even if I didn’t spend ninety per cent of my time thinking about Tony, we’ve three weeks until our first European away match. There’s no way I’d have missed a hospital visit for the player who lifts our midfield from solid to sublime.
Only it seems I did, because there it is: Sanchez, Wite, Garratt. The names are even followed by player numbers, because Gavin’s a stickler for detail. This has to be my mistake. And sure enough, here’s my email, asking Kat to list Wite and Sanchez at an alternative location.
So yep, entirely my fault. Gavin’s right, I am useless at forms and paperwork. For half a second, I’m tempted to pretend it never happened. But the manager is big on players owning their errors, so I’ll have to do the same. WhatsApp seems like the least humiliating option:
To: Sanchez, Tony, Leon Wite, Gavin
I wanted to let you know, I checked the information given to me by Dr Harrison. All 3 of you were listed as missing training. I was at fault and I can’t apologize enough. I’d like to reassure you that Player Care takes the whereabouts protocol very seriously, and if you’d like to be kept updated as to whether you’re listed as at an alternative location, let me know and I’ll have Katia message you directly.
17.52
Sanchez replies:
I will message Katia about updates.
17.53
So I’m not trusted even to talk to Katia. That’s upsetting but understandable.
Leon sends a smiley face and:
Kat can message me anytime but I don’t need updates on that
17.59
That’s quite baller for someone with two years left in the academy. Must keep him away from LeMar.
No reply from Tony, which I get. However kind he was in front of other people, he’s got to be furious over this. But as I’m putting my coat on, my phone pings with a private message from Tony. I steel myself to read exactly how incompetent I am, but he actually says:
Don’t beat yourself up. I’ve screwed up the whereabouts stuff a few times over the years myself. It’s why you get 3 strikes a season
18.17
So once again, Chrissie’s completely right. He’s an absolute poppet. Not that I can tell him that.
Thank you for being so understanding
18.18
I should be thanking you for getting between me & the doc. I’m honestly working on not popping off the whole time, but he hit a nerve
18.20
I know, but I really don’t think he understood why doping is a sensitive topic
18.21
Hmm, I could’ve worded that better. I can’t imagine Tony wants to dwell on the exact nature of last season’s gossip.
He sends a shrugging emoji and:
It was more how he spoke to you that set me off
18.22
Sorry-scratch that. I should’ve said it’s not right, talking to staff like that in front of players. You can’t exactly answer back to Mr boss
18.24
Maybe Tony wasn’t only taunting Gavin. Worryingly, that makes me surprisingly smiley, for someone who got all prickly about Tony interfering.
Honestly, I think Gavin was more than justified to be annoyed. But you’re right, I’d have preferred it if he’d spoken to me privately. I hate players feeling they can’t trust me, so I appreciated you doing some damage limitation
18.26
Having each other’s backs, it’s what mates do, yeh?
18.27
I didn’t exactly have yours & I feel horrible about it
18.28
Don’t
18.28
Me risking death by rondo to save you the trouble of texting the FA, maybe it can be the start of evening up the score between us? After the other night
18.30
That’s already forgotten
18.31
By you maybe. It’s still pretty fresh in my mind
18.32
I miss … delete, delete… I want … that’s worse… Can we … What is the actual matter with me?
You don’t need to say nothing to that
18.36
Except, I do. Because turning to switch off the lights, I see the hoodie, neatly folded on my desk.
BTW I completely forgot in this morning’s panic, thank you for the top. It’s lovely and very kind of you to pass it on to me
18.37
You’re welcome. They owed you. Having me there winding him up made LeMar’s photos way better than usual
18.38
I should screenshot that for Skylar. It’s definitely a freebie.
Katia showed me. You’re right, they’re SO much better-LeMar actually looks like who he is
18.39
And he really does. Before, the camera’s always transformed LeMar back to an awkward teenager, but in these pictures, he’s precisely the elegant young man he’s become.
If you mean a stuck-up little prince, then yeah, I guess he does
18.39
He told me the two of you got on fine
18.40
Depends what you mean by fine. He wasn’t exactly chatty
18.41
Give him time. LeMar’s cautious about letting people get close
18.42
Time fixes that, does it?
18.43
Yes-it’s best not to rush him
18.44
I wasn’t asking about LeMar
18.45
Weren’t y… I don’t ne… Let’s start ov…
Sorry, ignore that. I’m going to go now x
18.49
I pick up the hoodie and stroke along the soft stripes. Would it be so wrong to message him back? I mean, after today, I can’t pretend obsessing over Tony isn’t affecting my work. But he sounds sad, and… Gavin picks that exact moment, when I’m behaving like a child with a blankie, to snake his head around the door.
I try to make my voice absolutely assured. ‘Oh Gavin, I’m glad you looked in. It saves me emailing to confirm I’ve double checked the whereabouts details for the rest of the month.’
Gavin hovers in the doorway, presumably due to a misplaced fear I might pounce. But he nods in a kindly way, which I shouldn’t find annoying, before launching into a series of suggestions for improving our processes. All of which would be great, if we were monitoring high-security prisoners. I’m trying to find a non-defensive way to get rid of him, when he does his rueful ‘I can laugh at myself’ smile. ‘But this can wait. I only came up to reassure you, I won’t mention the mix-up to Monica.’
‘Oh.’ That’s kind. And unexpected. My understanding was Gavin kept Monica fully informed of every operational detail. I’d assumed it was part of the attraction. ‘Thank you.’
‘Well, we both know the budget’s tight this year. It’s not in anyone’s interests to highlight issues in Player Care.’ Which is code for Monica thinking we’re an unnecessary expense, while Gavin grudgingly accepts we’re an unfortunate necessity. Gavin pushes his curtain of mousy blond hair off his forehead. ‘And on reflection, I may have been a little abrupt this morning.’ Except we both know, if I hadn’t left Tony off the list, Gavin wouldn’t have snapped. Before I can begin grovelling, Gavin’s busy recovering from his own apology, by adding, ‘But you know how I feel about doping.’
I nod. Gavin’s a big fan of fair play. Seriously, it borders on a fetish for him. Like, I have seen, with my own eyes, Gavin attempt to persuade the manager that tactical fouls damage the club’s reputation. It’s the only time I’ve heard Monica really laugh.
‘But it can’t happen again. Garratt’s purchase, the European place, it all means extra scrutiny on Monica, on the club, on all of us. You understand that, don’t you? The last thing we need is negative press attention.’
‘Absolutely. I’ll be extra careful from now on.’
‘Well, good night.’ Gavin steps into the corridor, then turns back. ‘Except, well, this is a little, um, unfortunate. But on the subject of negative attention, there’s been some banter among the lads, about you and Garratt. Not all of it in the best possible taste. I thought you ought to know.’
I shrug, doing my best to hide the worry I feel that we’ve been noticed. ‘It’ll be because he’s been in and out of here a few times. Just for the usual new player stuff. But you know what they’re like. It’ll be something new next week.’
‘Perhaps, but it might be wise to distance yourself. Given your contract.’
Gavin walks away, before I can find the words for how ridiculous that is. Much as I hate Gavin’s helpful hints, he does mean well. I thought we’d been discreet, but clearly not enough. I flash back to an end-of-season barbeque, not long after we’d arrived at Covenly. Mark, one of the physios, had asked who I’d sign if we had all the money in the world. I said Tony, because who wouldn’t? But there was a bit of back and forth over exactly which of Tony’s stats had attracted my attention. And Gavin had made it crystal clear that wasn’t something he found amusing. Which it seems still bothers me, because my palms are every bit as sweaty now as on that drive home.