Chapter 43
43
Tony leans into the sofa cushions. His face is like Roudie’s when he sees an automatic door. ‘I still don’t get why he did it.’
‘I’m not sure I do either.’ I play with Tony’s fingers, thinking it over, then look back into his eyes. ‘It might be that leaving me for Monica and all her lovely money, it didn’t fit with Gavin’s idea of himself, you know?’
Tony shrugs. ‘Can’t have much self-knowledge then. It’s exactly what I’d expect of a wanker like him.’
I smile. ‘Umm, but Gavin sees himself as such an upstanding citizen. And he always thought I had terrible judgement. So, this whole thing might’ve been his twisted idea of making amends.’ I roll my eyes. ‘Stopping me from doing something “unwise”.’
It does sort of fit with how Gavin was about the divorce. He was always so solicitous, like it was an illness I’d inflicted on myself, not a separation he’d chosen.
But Tony shakes his head. ‘Nah, I don’t buy it. What he did, it wasn’t just him trying to keep me away from you, it was nasty. He was trying to make it look like you weren’t doing your job properly and get you into trouble.’
I shrug. ‘Well, who knows, really?’ I look up at Tony, half hesitant, in case he’s offended by what I say. ‘But from what he said, I think it might be more that everything about you is, well, big. Isn’t it, darling?’
Tony laughs. ‘Glad you’ve noticed.’
I laugh back. ‘I had. But I meant more loud. Flashy, maybe.’
Tony tilts his head with a smile. ‘Yeah, perhaps. What of it?’
‘Well, Gavin’s like my family. Conservative with a small “c”.’
Tony looks confused.
‘They think the worst thing in the world is to draw attention to yourself, to get people talking.’
‘And you reckon he’s worried it’ll stir up gossip, his ex-missus turning out to be the woman who tamed Tony Garratt?’
I giggle. ‘I’m not sure I want you too tame, darling.’
Tony kisses me to prove he isn’t, and it takes me a second to get my breath back. ‘It could be something like that. Gavin’s ego took quite a hit, when I wasn’t devastated after the divorce. He kept hinting to anyone who’d listen that underneath, I was barely coping. That I’d been unstable, a burden, all through the marriage, and he just couldn’t keep supporting me any longer. Because I was too damaged to ever be a functional partner.’
‘And that don’t fit with us being in-your-face together, all over each other in public?’
‘No. And I’ve always been, well, a bit of a fan, so Gavin would’ve known I couldn’t resist you, if you took the slightest interest. I think he might’ve been worried a story about us would draw attention to exactly how he and Monica got together. We’d always hushed up exactly how much overlap there was. And it’s the sort of little snippet the press loves, isn’t it? How the owner’s husband cheated on the star player’s new girlfriend. Gavin would hate everyone knowing. He can’t bear being in the wrong.’ I pull a don’t-care face. ‘But why he did this doesn’t really matter, so long as we’re rid of him.’
Tony hugs me, holding me tight. ‘Only you sure you’re OK, are you, beauty?’
‘I am. Very sure, thank you. And Tony, I’m sorry you had to be part of that.’
He shakes his head, vigorously, like Roudie after a bath. ‘Nah, I’m sorry you had to go through it. Not just tonight, any of it. Cos I think I’m only starting to see now how, like, controlling he must’ve been.’ His hand rests on mine. ‘The stuff with Mike and Darren, the red car, it was never like that, promise. It was just I was dead worried ’bout you. And…’ He looks down for a second, then straight into my eyes. ‘I needed to know you was OK, when I weren’t around. But I didn’t wanna come over like I was telling you not to go out, or nothing like that.’
I kiss his forehead. ‘I know. But next time, talk to me, OK?’
He nods quickly. ‘Yeah, for sure. And you know, don’t you, you don’t need to worry about nothing any more? Cos I’m going to make you, like, boringly happy. Like from now on, you’re in clover. It’ll just be kisses and cuddles and me telling you how amazing you are, how I’m dead proud of you, all that. Till you’re sick of hearing it, OK?’
I lean into him, my arms tight around him, my cheek flat against his chest, his chin on my hair. He holds me for a long time, until I look up at him. ‘Tony, do you see now, when I said you were right for me, that you are? It’s what I love about you the most, that there’s no chill to you. You’re all warmth.’
He kisses my forehead. ‘That’s a real nice way of putting it, love. And I can see, hundred per cent, why you need warming up a bit. And I’m, like, over the moon glad you trust me enough to take the line you did. But I don’t get why. I mean, isn’t Angharad where the trouble between us came from? Well, that and me not knowing how to get a woman I actually care ’bout into bed, without screwing it up?’
I snuggle into him. ‘Umm, but I got the wrong idea, didn’t I?’
‘You did. But I was trying to explain I didn’t love her or nothing, it was only ever lust and feeling old and being a bit of an idiot. Nothing like what I feel for you. But it came out wrong, cos I was that wound up over thinking you was done with me.’ He nuzzles my hair. ‘Sorry, beauty.’
‘No, I’m sorry. And embarrassed, about getting so silly and jealous. But it was the thing with the ring…’
‘What ring?’
‘I signed for the custom ring you ordered.’ He’s trying to interrupt and I hold my hand up. ‘No, darling, it’s all right. I thought you buying an engagement ring for her, it showed things weren’t really finished between the two of you, when you first arrived. Only you’d told me they were, and I got in a bit of a state about you, well, editing the truth, I suppose. But I’m over that. And of course, I know there’s nothing between you now. If there was, you’d never have said you loved me.’
Tony looks confused. ‘But what I don’t get is why’d you think I was planning on giving Angharad your ring?’
I sit up, eyes wide. ‘ My ring?’
‘Yeah. Didn’t you see the rubies in the band?’
‘I saw them.’
‘And you didn’t think that looks like your lamp?’
‘Um, well, yes, I did sort of think that might’ve given you the idea for the design.’
He cuddles me in. ‘Ah, I think I’m getting an inkling ’bout why you was so upset. Poor Genie. You thought I’d taken something special to you and used it for someone else?’
I nod and swallow hard.
Tony kisses my forehead, my brows, the lids of my eyes, my cheekbones, then rubs his nose against mine. ‘No, I’d never do that, promise.’
I want to believe him, but the timing doesn’t work. I look down and pull at the rip in his jeans. ‘But Tony, I know how long custom orders take. You must’ve put in the commission almost as soon as you joined us.’
‘Yeah, I did.’ He drags his hand over his face. ‘Look, Genie, when we’re done with this conversation, you’re gonna need to put in a good twenty, thirty minutes of telling me how fucking great I am. All right? Cos this is gonna be like toe-curling for me.’
I smile. ‘We could watch today’s game, if you like? And I’ll spend the whole ninety minutes pointing out how you’re not only the most tactically gifted player on the pitch, but also by far the handsomest.’
He grins. ‘Yeah, I’d like that.’
‘I thought you might. But you need to do your explaining first.’
‘Yeah, OK. So, I’m not saying I knew you was for me right from day one…’
I laugh. ‘No, I’m sure you didn’t. I was a complete bitch to you on your first day.’
‘About me, not to me. There’s a difference. And that didn’t stop me fancying you, obviously. But it might’ve delayed me noticing you was the love of my life by a day or two. Only I did start to see it real early. Like you love the pup more than anything, don’t you?’
‘Well, apart from you,’ I whisper, covering Roudie’s ears.
Tony smiles and strokes Roudie. ‘But you shared him with me. Just cos you knew that’s what I needed, a bit of unconditional affection and country air. And that was like the most generous thing anyone’s ever done for me. But the thing that sealed it was seeing you can stand up to me. Cos I reckon that means you could handle me day to day.’
I lean over and kiss his hair. ‘It’s not that difficult.’
‘You ask one or two of my exes, they might feel different. But anyhow, you know when me and you was joking around at Monica’s party?’
I nod.
He wraps his little finger around mine and his face is serious. ‘Well, that’s when I first decided, me and you fitted, one hundred per cent.’
I lean my head into him, breathing him in.
‘Only I wasn’t sure you was getting the same vibe.’
‘Sorry, Tony. I got scared.’
‘I know. And I get why you’d be frightened I was gonna hurt you. Cos I did some dumb stuff when I was younger that’s followed me round since. But like I’ve told you before, you’re dead good at hiding stuff. So, it took me a while to cotton on to what was going on in your head.’
I nod, my teeth sinking into my lower lip.
‘So, when I went and picked up that present for my niece, I wasn’t feeling great, ’bout how stuff was going between us. And then I saw this ring sitting in a display case. It was just a band with the little rubies all scattered through it, and I got the idea I could commission one that looked kind of like your lamp. So I thought, you know, if you was who I wanted to be with, I should, like, dig in. Properly commit.’
I narrow my eyes at him. ‘Hang on, you’re seriously telling me, you commissioned an engagement ring, when you’d kissed me once, and we were barely talking?’
Tony grimaces. ‘Yeah, yeah, I am. But I wasn’t like totally sure I was ever gonna give it you. I was just thinking wouldn’t it be dead romantic, if I got lucky and you ended up on the same page as me, if I could show you the receipt for the ring? And you’d know I bought it like a month after I met you. So, I paid for it and picked out the stones. But then I had to have Claudia wait till I could check I’d got your ring size about right…’
I rack my brains and then it comes to me. ‘That’s what the palm reading was about?’ I ask, laughing.
He covers his eyes. ‘Yeah, yeah, it was. Cos I needed to know that before I could say to her, go ahead, put the diamond on it. And it’s been sitting in my sock drawer ever since, waiting for you to realize you can’t live without me.’
I run my hand over his chest. ‘Oh, Tony. But why didn’t you tell me when we spoke in the meadow? Not about the ring, obviously, but that you definitely wanted something serious?’
He laughed. ‘Well, I’m not an idiot, am I? I mean, the last time I’d seen you, you was running out the house half-naked after I’d borderline assaulted you. You don’t need to be the most sensitive to see that’s not the ideal starter for the “I wanna wake up next to you for the rest of my life” conversation.’
‘You didn’t assault me.’
‘Nah, but what I did was all wrong. And me being all clumsy with you, that was tied up with me saying about adopting and it scaring you off. So I wanted to make sure, if we was starting fresh, I wasn’t putting on no pressure.’
‘But I told you, that wasn’t why I stopped picking up the phone.’
‘Yeah, but that was you glossing over it, wasn’t it? To be kind.’
‘No, no, it definitely wasn’t.’
His smile is dazzling. ‘That’s great, cos I’ve got to admit, sometimes I see how you are, with Sky and stuff, and I can’t stop thinking how you’ll be a lovely mum. But I know it’s still early doors. I’m only telling you about the ring cos you kind of forced my hand. Obviously, I’m not asking you for an answer now. I get you’ll need to feel this out, check being with me works for you, before you start making big commitments. But see, it’s your ring. And I promise you, Genie, it’s never crossed my mind for a minute to give it to no one but you.’
I reach up and kiss him, dragging his mouth down onto mine. ‘Thank you.’
‘What for?’
‘Being so lovely.’
‘You might wanna hang on till I’ve got the game loaded before you start that. Cos you’ve promised me a solid ninety minutes of it, and anything before that, it’ll not go on the clock.’
‘I don’t mind putting in a bit of extra time. But Tony, I think we should move this to yours.’
He sighs. ‘Why’s that? Your internet not working or something?’
‘No, it’s just I’ll do a much better job of the praise if I’m wearing my ring.’
He looks at me, like he wants to be sure, then smiles slowly. ‘So, not too soon?’
I shake my head. ‘No. Not too soon at all.’
He kisses me so hard I’m bent back against the sofa cushions, and his hands are busy trying to work out how to get my knickers off without interrupting the kiss. I break away from him. ‘I’d wait, darling. Until we get to yours, anyway. Because I think you’re going to love the things I’ll do for diamonds.’
He laughs, his best, happy lion laugh. ‘Yeah, I bet I will.’ He practically drags me onto my feet. ‘Almost as much as I’m gonna love being married to you.’