20. Rowan
Rowan
Two days pass.
Seth doesn’t reach out.
I know I shouldn’t wait around for him—in a way, I’ve been doing that for too long. I told him to find me when he’s ready, and now that the confidence charm has worn off, I’m unsure if that will happen.
How do I know if kissing meant anything to him?
But then why did he kiss me again? Why did he hold my face like I mattered—like I meant the world? Why did he kiss me as if he needed me?
But he hasn’t called, and a few kisses can’t make me forget my prior engagements. So, when Dave texts me to ask if we’re still going to the ball…
I say yes.
Aspen has too much fun dressing me up, and I suppose my sister’s happiness makes it worth it. She curls a piece of my hair around her finger. Most of my hair is held back, with just my bangs and a few face-framing pieces at the front.
“I know that look,” she says conspiratorially. “You’re thinking about him.”
By him, she probably means Dave, and I wish I were. That would have made it all so much easier.
“How did you know?” I ask in a dry voice.
“A love witch can always tell.”
A love witch. Right.
Love, a field of magic and life that I feel so completely ill at ease with. Lost. My goddess, Athena, has no interest in helping me with love—and I have no interest in enlisting her in it. Perhaps Aspen will help me instead, but rather than asking, I accept her blessing and finish getting ready.
I slip on my shoes and meet Dave outside in his nice, reliable car. A kind, intelligent, hard-working, creative man. The sort of person I would like to be with; he’s so much closer to any of my exes than… well, than Seth.
But I’m still thinking of Seth. Still glancing at his house. Still wondering how I arrived here, at this place with someone so different.
Dave smiles, and I smile back, but my heart isn’t in it.
“You look stunning,” he says.
“You too.”
It’s easy to return the sentiment. David’s suit is dark and classic, but with pops of burgundy in the undershirt and pocket square—a color that nearly matches my hair.
His locs are tied at the nape of his neck, and he’s always had lovely features, but it’s even easier to see on a night like this.
His dark eyes sparkle, and his smile is blinding.
He’s beautiful. I want badly for him to be the one—if there really is just one person, that is. I’ve never been the type to believe in something so romantic, and hope that if I try, I can give David the attention he deserves.
But it may be just another thing I’ve failed at.
First, the hex. Now… this.
“Will your parents be in attendance?” I ask as he drives.
“Uh-huh. Already dropped them off. I wanted a minute alone with you first.”
And our time alone isn’t terrible. He makes me laugh and takes my mind off the things that have been running through it for days.
He asks me about my work, my knitting—which I still haven’t had time for—and my plans for the spring solstice, which I haven’t begun taking care of.
Time passes quickly, and then he’s helping me out of the car, his strong, calloused fingers holding onto mine so naturally as we enter the sparkling venue.
Pink. Red. Flowers.
This is Aspen’s idea of beautiful, but to me, it’s another night.
It’s for charity—the money David spent on our tickets goes to caring for the hungry and unhoused, which is important in winter in Maine.
That’s why I’m here. It’s why I’ll spend extra on drinks, slip extra cash into the donation boxes around, and spend the night dancing with Dave.
It should also be a lovely distraction—until I spot Seth.
Of course, he’s here, with a volunteer badge pinned to his suit. Laurel is nearby, sticking her own badge into the front of her green dress.
I don’t look at either of them for long. David. My attention is meant to be on David.
“Do… you dance?” he asks, narrowing his eyes.
I grimace. “Not well, but this is a Starbrook event, so I’m not worried about impressing anyone with my skills.”
“Oh, really?” He leans closer and lifts an eyebrow. “You don’t even want to impress me?”
I shake my head. “There are other things I can impress you with, I’m sure, but dancing will not be one of them.” I take his hand again. It’s easy to do, even if it doesn’t make my heart race—even if I can still feel Seth watching.
I lead David to the dance floor, and he sweeps me up in his arms, proving just how good a dancer he is—something I’ve already known from dances past, when I'd spotted him twirling around with other partners. That’s the problem with a small town. I know everyone he’s dated.
Luckily, I don’t think his love life is as messy as Seth’s.
“You’re a good lead,” I whisper. “So, before you compliment my dancing, it’s important that you keep that in mind. This is all you.”
He guffaws, and his lips brush against my ear. “Don’t worry. I wasn’t going to.”
The rest of the night goes on like that.
We share a few dances and drinks, then circle the room to speak with friends and strangers.
His parents seem happy to see me, but they spend most of their time dancing together.
It’s been that way for as long as I can remember—the two of them blissfully in love, and taking any opportunity to show off David’s mother’s skills.
She’s a retired ballroom dancer, after all.
It’s pleasant enough. Until we’re interrupted.
By Seth.
I’ve tried not to look at him, but I couldn’t help myself, and each time I was surprised to find that he wasn’t dancing. Wasn’t flirting. He was just… there. And now he’s here, smiling at me like we’re old friends—and I suppose we are, but we’re more to me, and he knows that now.
My heart plummets into my stomach.
“Can I steal a dance?” he asks.
David lifts an eyebrow and looks from Seth to me, waiting for the answer. My answer. It’s my decision, one I’m forced to make with too many eyes on me, too many nosy people listening in.
I clear my throat. “Yes. Of course.”
To David’s credit, his expression is still polite as he steps away. If he’s jealous, it doesn’t show…
And he doesn’t know he has anything to be jealous about, does he? I should probably tell him about kissing Seth by the end of the night. All my denials when we first met, calling Seth just my friend, it feels like a lie now.
Even if it’s still true. This is likely a friendly dance, nothing more.
It isn’t the first time Seth and I have danced at an event, though it is a rarity, and it would be stranger for me to deny him.
I told him to find me when he was ready. Does this mean he’s ready? Has he broken the hex already?
He takes my hand and pulls me so close that my body is engulfed in the flames of his presence. He never looks away, and I hardly notice as David slinks off into the background, leaving us alone in a crowd of dozens.
“Ro…” Seth’s voice is raw. Broken. “You look beautiful.”
There’s something about the way he says it, about the way he looks at me, that makes me believe he can see me that way.
Beautiful. Like art. His eyes drag over me, soaking up every inch of bare skin, until they finally land on mine with hunger.
The hand on my waist flexes, his fingers digging in a way that makes me weak in the knees.
“Thank you.” I clear my throat and hold my head high, letting him guide me through the movements.
Neither of us is as good at dancing as David was, but there’s still something comfortable. Familiar.
“You look nice as well.” My lips turn up at the corners. “Did Laurel help you pick it out?”
His suit is more colorful than David’s, a bit less classic. Floral patterns, no tie… It’s laid back. Very Seth, like he could take off the coat and go for a run, still looking perfectly in place.
“Little bit.” We’re quiet for a moment, swept up in the music, and I refuse to be the one to break the silence.
He does it for us.
“Why are you here with him?” he asks. “I thought we—”
“Don’t. Unless something has already changed for you, don’t.”
His jaw flexes, expression more serious than I’ve ever seen it. “Seeing you together…”
“So that’s it?” I let out a bitter laugh. Slow music floats around us, and others are falling in love with it, but my frustrations are bubbling. “You’re jealous. You don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to have me?”
Maybe he wants me, but he still hasn’t said it in so many words, even after I made leaps for him.
I broke down my walls for him and admitted secrets I’ve hidden for years.
It wasn’t enough for him to do the same.
What am I supposed to think? Seth, with all his great confidence, can’t tell me how he feels?
It’s more likely that he doesn’t know, or that he’s ignoring it, and either option is frustrating.
“That’s not it.” He peers at me so earnestly that it makes my heart twinge. “I didn’t know you wanted me until… until a few days ago. It’s a lot to process.”
“I have always wanted you. It’s not my fault that you couldn’t tell.”
It breaks my heart to say aloud something he should already know. How much must I spell it out for him, and when will he do the same for me?
“Please,” he says. “Don’t give up on me so fast. You’re the only—”
The song ends, and David reappears, tugging me from Seth’s arms. I let him. Even though I don’t love David the way I want to, his hand wrapped around mine brings me a moment of security. Back to my date, drawn away from the one I don’t want to keep loving.
“Good night, Seth.”
Seth’s hands drop to his sides, and he remains there as David and I float away.
David takes me home a little before midnight. We’re quiet on the drive home until we get out of the car and he walks me inside, his coat still over my shoulders as we go.
“Be honest with me,” he says. “This was a good first date, as far as I’m concerned, but…”
I should have seen this coming.
David and I had a lovely night, and there was never an awkward moment. But he’s too perceptive—or perhaps I’m just too obvious—and a perfect communicator. Unlike Seth.
Gods, I need to stop comparing him to Seth.
And I hate lying to a witch. It’s pointless. Each of us, whether or not we’re a divination witch, is too intuitive to be duped. And not only that, but he was friends with Seth. I have a feeling he knows him too well.
I sigh and give him a remorseful look, shaking my head. “You’re a great person, and I’m certain you’ll make a spectacular partner.”
“But not for you?”
“If only it could have worked out that way.”
I glance at Seth’s home thoughtlessly. The lights are still on.
“I get it,” he says. “I got it from the start, but I had to shoot my shot. You have feelings for him after all, don’t you?”
“I’m afraid I do.” I lift my shoulders. It’s getting easier to say. “I’m sorry for not telling you the truth in the beginning. It’s something I never admitted to anyone, and I truly didn’t want to hurt you—”
“You didn’t. I appreciate the honesty, and we still had a good night.” He holds out a hand. “Friends, yeah?”
I take his hand, shaking it firmly. “Friends.”
There’s something more that flickers behind his eye—something soft. Concern. “I just hope he doesn’t hurt you. I know a thing or two about that, in case you forgot.”
Of course, I didn’t forget. It’s still a wonder to me that David could have an interest in both Seth and me, considering how different we are, but I’m not complaining. Our first date was a good one, even if it turned out to be the last.
“Yes.” I chuckle and let my hand drop to my side. “As do I.”
I remain there in the cold after David leaves. I can’t stop staring at Seth’s house, where I know I can wait for him, talk to him…
But I won’t. Not tonight. It’s his turn.
Finally, I turn around, my fingers brushing against the cold metal doorknob. The sound of a car approaches, tires crunching in the snow. A car door slams shut.
And then, there’s the voice I know so well.
“Ro?”