Chapter 5
Hold on to the Nights
I’m still jittery as the lock clicks into place when Daniel leaves. He knows he caught me off guard.
We’ve always flirted. Playfully. All the guys flirt. They’re guys. Jace’s flirting usually ends with bickering and Sam’s ends with me checking his homework, but DC and I tend to push the limits until one of us laughs.
Obviously, we scaled back our nonsense and spent less time together once I started dating Nathan, but recently it’s made a comeback. Our flirting is a third wheel that stays with us like an ironic chaperone.
I turn on my lamp and flip through the notebook on my nightstand.
I’ve always wanted to write stories about love and friendship.
And I do write. Always have. Sort of. This notebook is full of words scrawled on page after page of unfinished songs, memories, and random scenes—bits and pieces of conversations and funny lines—both my own and witty phrases I’ve heard over the years along with comforting words unsuspecting heroes have poured into me when I needed it the most. I’m too tired to put them together most nights, but one day I will.
“If you were mine, I wouldn’t let you out of my sight without kissing you so thoroughly you couldn’t wait to come home to me.”
My breaths quicken as I scribble the words on the page, hurrying like someone might find out I kept something that didn’t belong to me. I set my Bret Michaels bobblehead back on top of it to hold my page, then plug in my phone and turn off the lamp as I lie down.
Daniel’s light turns on and then off, and I text one last message before I sleep.
Me: Happy Birthday, DC.
He sends back a heart and then a second message.
DC: Thank you, LG.
LG is Little Girl, but I’m not sure why. Because I’m short?
Me: Why do you call me LG?
DC: You’re breaking my heart.
He sends a link to the Lynyrd Skynyrd song that was playing when he caught me falling off the counter the day we met.
Me: Aww. I remember.
DC: You better. Now SLEEP, LG.
I reply with double hearts and a shaka sign, then text Nathan. It’s three thirty and he’ll leave work soon.
Me: Got home late and fell asleep when the power was out. I know you’re working but call me when you wake up tomorrow. I need to figure out where to get my car fixed. Good night. Love you.
I cringe at how I ended the message. Habit. Thanks to Sam, I say it to most people I’m close to. Nathan hasn’t said it in weeks, but I don’t want my frustration to dictate my attitude.
Love is a choice, not a feeling, right?
He shouldn’t say it if he doesn’t mean it, but being clear about his feelings was one of the things that drew me to him.
I stare at my phone screen until it goes dark, remembering the first time he said the words.
He was sincere. I know he was.
The Crappie Branch Sweet Pea Festival hosts live music, food trucks, and carnival rides every weekend in April before Johnson City steals the spotlight all summer.
Nathan wanted to go but hadn’t mentioned it ahead of time, so I went home to change while he stayed to chat with Dave. “Go ahead. I always keep a change of clothes in my car. I’ll meet you there.”
Once I got to the festival, I’d wandered awkwardly around the edge of the crowd for a few minutes before someone grabbed my arm.
“Ah-HA! Caught you!”
“Holy crap!” I gasped, hands over my heart as if to hold it in.
Nathan laughed. “Who’d you expect?” He gave my arm a squeeze and kissed my cheek before handing me a large Styrofoam cup and nodded toward a table. “Wait here. I’ll get some food.”
He didn’t ask what I wanted, but since he cooked for me at work, I figured he could guess. Jitters from the jump scare were slowly replaced by butterflies as I took in Nathan’s aviator glasses and warm smile.
Minutes later he brought over a paper boat of fried spiral potatoes and a handful of napkins. “I figured we’d share. Festival food’s expensive, and my hands were full.”
No nacho cheese. No bacon. Just salty potatoes.
“Sure. I could’ve helped, but this looks good.” I took the lid off the cup and took a sip, trying not to react to the bitter despair that is the flavor of unsweetened tea and cheese-less food.
“I knew you didn’t drink anything with sugar,” he said proudly.
He was close. I don’t like syrupy regular soda. I do prefer my tea sweet if that’s what I’m drinking. I’m still Southern.
But I’d never complain. He was so thoughtful.
“You don’t like cheese or bacon?” I didn’t want to sound picky, but I was genuinely curious.
He made a disgusted face before smiling. “No pig for me. And that stuff was definitely not cheese. Trust me. We’ll both live longer this way.”
Okay, sure, but also sadder.
I took a few bites while he told me about his new promotion.
“You won’t believe this. I’ve already been offered a shift manager position.
At this rate, I’ll be able to quit Pop’s and pay off my school loans in a few months.
My past is almost behind me. And I think my future is right here. ” He tapped my nose with a grin.
“Wow! That’s the second promotion since you started!” I’d never seen anyone make such big strides so quickly.
He made some horrible decisions at eighteen, but don’t we all?
He lost his golf scholarship when he was busted for underage drinking and failed some classes.
Loans and fines from the one year he was away at school forced him to take the second job at Pop’s, where he’d worked during high school.
“All those mistakes eventually led me to you, so I guess it was all part of the plan,” he used to say.
He was upfront about his shortcomings, and the determination to turn his life around was inspiring. His fathomless mocha eyes and perfect olive skin didn’t scare me off either.
He reached for my hand after wiping his on a napkin. “It’s because of you. You’re my angel. God knew what I needed to change my life. My family says you’re an answered prayer.”
My face warmed, embarrassed at his words. “I love that. But you’re the one doing the work. I’m so proud of you.”
I’ve always done what I can to support Nathan’s goals. I was content with inexpensive dates like the Sweet Pea Festival and family cookouts. I liked being with him. He treated me like the bravest, most interesting person he’d ever met. And I loved his drive and his honesty.
“Lucy … yesterday, a woman I used to see texted me. She wanted to meet up and watch the game at Double Play.” He flashed a look of regret, and instantly I knew they’d done more than watch baseball at a sports bar. “I told her I couldn’t see her anymore. For you. I’m done with that life.”
It was uncomfortable to hear, but he wanted to show how committed he was.
“I’m glad to hear that.”
He tugged me up from my seat and threw our trash away. “Let’s ride the Ferris wheel.”
“Ohhh, let’s not.” I laughed, attempting to sound nonchalant.
“I’m not a fan.” No giant circle of death for me, thank you.
It’s the combo of motion sickness and height that gets to me.
Waterslides? Great. Scrambler rides? Usually fine.
But the Ferris wheel is not my friend. “Let’s see if there’s a band playing tonight. ”
“Please, Lucy? For me? Just try something out of your comfort zone for once. You can do it.”
So, I tried.
He changed his whole life. The least I could do was suck it up and ride a Ferris wheel.
But the minute that thing moved, I attached myself to him like a starfish.
“Lucy, relax.” He laughed and wrapped an arm around me, making the seat sway with his movement.
I closed my eyes and turned into him, though his laughter shook the swinging bucket of doom even more.
“Please don’t move. Please,” I begged.
“Your makeup will never come out of this shirt.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll get it out,” I promised. “Just don’t let go.”
“Okay, I can do that.” He pulled me close and leaned in to kiss me. I tried so hard to appreciate the moment. He wanted it to be romantic, and had I not been terrified, it would’ve been.
“Hey, angel, look at me.” I bristled slightly. Angel felt a little patronizing in my current state.
What I needed was that angel in a trench coat to grip me tight and raise me from perdition. But Nathan wouldn’t get a Supernatural joke, and I couldn’t get the words out anyway. I just had to block out everything around me and breathe.
“You’re fine,” Nathan cooed patiently. “You know why?”
You’d think staring at him in terror, like he might open the safety bar and shove me out, would kill the mood, but it didn’t deter him. He smiled and held me perfectly still, repeating the question. “Do you know why?”
“Why?” I choked out.
“Because I love you.”
I stared helplessly into his coffee brown eyes. “Oh. I-I love you too.” I focused on his intention, since my discomfort wasn’t his fault.
“I see my whole future with you, Lucy. Kids playing in the backyard, birthday parties, and Sunday dinners with grandparents. No one else ever made me want those things before. And my family already loves you too.”
The butterflies from earlier were dropping like flies under a wave of nausea. I just wanted off the stupid ride.
Once my feet hit the ground, I had jelly legs like I’d been at sea for months. I took slow breaths, still attached to him as we walked around looking at crafts.
Nathan found a booth with homemade soaps and candles made by a friend of his sister, so we stopped near the end where a stage was being assembled. DC caught my attention and dropped a sheet of plywood to come greet us.
He patted the phone in his pocket with a questioning look before Nathan saw him approaching, letting me know he’d texted. I pulled mine out discreetly to see the words “You okay?”
I nodded, wondering when he’d spotted us.
“Hey, Lu. And you must be Nathan.” DC extended a hand like he was in work mode. “Daniel Crawford.”
“Uh, yeah.” Nathan shook his hand. “Nathan Roberts.”
I forced a smile, not because I was worried about the interaction but because I was still feeling a little green. “DC’s the facilities manager for the townhouses. And a friend.”
I held Nathan’s arm for support as I looked up at DC. “I thought y’all were playing next week.”
He looked me over, knowing very well I was sick. “We are, but I always help build the stage.”
“Will you be on bass? Who’s singing?” I tried to strike up a conversation about music, thinking Nathan might be interested and we’d have something to talk about, but it didn’t work.
“Bass and guitar … but we’ll all sing. You want to?” He grinned at me before turning to Nathan. “Man, have you heard her sing? You have to bribe her, but it’s worth it. Come next weekend and help us talk her into it.”
Nathan shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah. She sings at work. Constantly. It’s cute, but we might have plans.”
“Sure.” DC shot me a curious look before his expression softened. “You feel okay, Lu?”
“She’s fine,” Nathan interjected.
“She’s pale and shaky,” DC countered without looking away from me.
“Ferris wheel.” I hooked my thumb in its direction. “I’m fine.”
“Okay. Well let me know if you need anything. Good to meet you, Nate. Take care of her.”
“It’s Nathan,” he corrected. “Good to meet you too. I’ll keep an eye on her.”
“Guys … I’m right here,” I teased. “Bye, DC.”
I expected Nathan to question me, but he only asked how Daniel knew I felt sick. I told him the truth, which was we’d known each other longer, and he seemed satisfied with that.
He got me some clear soda and asked if I needed to sit down or get some crackers. There were no signs of pouting or the silent treatment back then.
Other than not wanting to see the guys play, there was no sign of jealousy. He said he wanted to keep me to himself a while longer since we were new. It seemed reasonable.
There had been flirty tension between DC and I months before, but New Year’s Eve was an obvious failure to launch. No matter how much we teased each other, it never amounted to anything.
I accepted DC for the lovable flirt he was and moved on.
I set my alarm for ten to figure out the car situation before my one o’clock class.
Realistically, I’ll need a plan long before Nathan’s out of bed.
I got paid. I can handle it now, not that I have much choice.
I turn on some classical guitar sleep music and mentally remind myself not to forget that it’s Daniel’s birthday.
My thoughts become hazy as I drift off. Pie. He wanted a pie. I can do that.
I’m almost asleep when I hear my phone buzz, jolting me wide awake. I reach for it on the nightstand and see Nathan’s reply.
Nathan: K
Not “okay,” “OK,” or “K, busy night, love you, talk later.”
I’ll get through this. All I have to do is tone down my snark, be patient, and keep my feelings out of it.
I survived every one of my dad’s temper tantrums and mood swings.
This is different. It’s only temporary.