Chapter 31
Fresh Eyes
Ipunch my favorite Mexican restaurant into Jude’s phone as we step into the balmy evening air.
His footsteps behind me release flutters of anticipation from somewhere once locked deep inside.
It’s silly to feel this way. We’ve gone out for nachos together countless times.
It’s been a while since we’ve gone out alone, but I can’t convince the butterflies in my chest this isn’t the first time.
There are few things I hate more than shivering in a restaurant while I eat, but it’s still a little warm outside, so I let my jacket fall off my shoulders and hang at my elbows, exposing the open back of my dress.
Jude instantly closes the gap behind me, his warm hand sweeping my hair to the side to inspect my tattoo in the natural evening light.
Chills begin at my neck, sending shockwaves down my arms and back at his touch. I stop walking—partially to give him a minute to look but mostly because I don’t trust my legs to work when his finger begins tracing the words.
Nothing, however, and I repeat, NOTHING could have prepared my nervous system for the tickle of his hot breath on my shoulder, his mouth skimming kisses along the curve of my neck as he tugs my jacket the rest of the way over my hands and completely off.
Screw dating.
If I can keep this man, I don’t want to go out.
We fit. I want a ring and a courthouse and forever and ever in that one-room cabin.
Okay, maybe not forever in a one-room cabin but, like, a month.
Then a small house where I can always hear his voice and whatever instrument he’s playing.
I’ll make nachos and pies with plenty of whipped cream for the rest of our lives as long as his mouth keeps—
“Lu,” he breathes on my neck, blurring my wild domesticated fantasy.
“Hmm?” I whimper.
“Turn around.”
“Why?”
“You’ve already wrecked me with the view from back here. I want to see the front before I ruin your lip gloss.”
He turns me around as we reach his SUV, but before ravaging my lips as promised, he takes two steps back and snaps a few quick pictures with his phone.
“What are you doing, weirdo?” I laugh, pulling him to me, but he resists.
“Give me a minute to look at you, Punk. I’ve had to play it cool for months. Do you know how hard it’s been for me not to back you against a wall and tell you how gorgeous you are every single day?”
My face flushes. No one’s ever looked at me like he does.
I don’t hate it. “You haven’t played it all that cool lately.”
He grins. “Glad you noticed. Now hold still. These have to last me a while.”
He holds his phone up, snapping pictures as I pull him in to kiss me before we leave.
We pick at the pile of chicken nachos between us but end up talking more than we eat.
“Thanks, Grace,” I say to my favorite server as she sets a fresh Diet Coke in front of me and tops off Jude’s water.
“It’s good to see you, Lucy. Don’t be such a stranger.” She winks and hurries back to the kitchen.
Jude grins. “You have no friends in this town, but the manager knows your order?”
I shrug. “It’s my favorite place. Well, Tio’s and Ralph’s Donuts.”
“We’ll never fight about where to eat.”
“You like any place with food, so I doubt it.” I smile at him, fully content on love and queso.
“I hate to bring this up in your happy place, but Sam’s pretty sure the comments on the video were from Nathan. Annie blocked two accounts, and she’s watching for more. Have you had any messages on your accounts?”
“I haven’t looked,” I admit. “I turned my alerts off for exam week and haven’t turned them back on.”
“You need to check. I have to know if there are any threatening messages.” He’s all business again. Devastatingly competent.
I open my phone and check my direct messages while Jude pays. I didn’t think to block Nathan on social media, but it’s probably good that I didn’t so I can see any activity.
Regardless of how he treated me, I moved on at lightning speed. My heart shifted from what I thought was love to survival weeks ago. There’s no way I’ll come out of this appearing anything but deceitful and callous.
Nathan posted a few cryptic updates like “I’ll watch my back from now on” and he learned his lesson about trusting the wrong people but didn’t mention my name.
My stomach twists when I pull up the direct messages from Nathan.
I knew there had to be rants and accusations somewhere since I blocked his number.
There are other messages from friends who saw the video and one from Jackson, who politely asks for clarification since Nathan threw his name in the mix too.
This isn’t how I want to spend the rest of my only date with Jude.
“Let me see, Lu,” he says, holding out his hand for my phone once we’re back in his SUV.
“Bossy,” I mutter as I hand over my phone.
“You can say no. I just want to be sure you’re safe while I’m gone.”
“I know. Go ahead.” I lean my head against his shoulder in the darkened car while he scrolls through my messages.
“Ooh, the author of your rock star book has one coming out about a doctor. Make sure you preorder it,” he teases.
“Give me that!” I lunge for my phone. He laughs, leaning over to kiss my head.
“What? I liked it. Maybe I want this one too.”
I roll my eyes with a grin in the dark. “Are you even looking at the messages?”
“Yeah. Trying to make us both laugh so I won’t use all your least favorite words.”
I squeeze his arm, grateful to have him even though I know this is bound to get ugly. “Jude, should I answer him? I’m so tired of defending myself. Nothing I say ever changes anything, except I did do something wrong this time.”
“No, Lu. You didn’t. You weren’t married, and he rejected you.
Constantly. There was no ring—just a guy who claimed to have the same goals and never proved it.
He got away with being a selfish prick while you worried about not being supportive enough for him.
” He holds on to me as much as he can over the console in the parked car.
“You knew he wasn’t good for you. I just gave you a safe place to land. And I always will.”
“I was so naive.”
“You weren’t,” he insists. “You saw potential, and it’s my fault you didn’t see it with me.”
“I should’ve broken it off sooner. I was …” I pause, rethinking my words. I don’t want him to worry about me.
“Scared,” he says gently. “I saw it. I didn’t want to make it worse, but I made myself clear. I need to know what happened the night you stayed in my room. I won’t blow up or blame you. I promise.”
I knew I’d eventually have to relive the humiliation.
It’ll be therapeutic to get it out, but I never wanted to burden Jude with this knowledge.
I explain briefly, watching his face redden.
“The screaming and swearing shocked me. I thought we were done. But then he acted normal the next time I saw him, and I was afraid to bring it up,” I admit.
“I thought maybe he just had a bad day and it wouldn’t happen again if I watched my mouth.
That’s how I’ve handled it my whole life. ”
“Handled what?” Jude asks with heightened concern but never raising his voice.
“Volatile people?” I’m not afraid of confrontation in theory.
Jace can vouch for that, but I know how to manage certain personalities.
“My dad, mostly. Sometimes customers or coworkers. It was easy at first. To keep Nathan happy, I just didn’t say or do certain things. But the list of things kept growing.”
Jude combs his hand through my hair. “You didn’t have a choice with your dad, so it took a bad experience to learn when you did.
Nathan left you stranded and in tears. Repeatedly.
We weren’t sneaking around. I just showed up.
You made a choice, and he doesn’t have to like it.
” He kisses my head the same way he has for the better part of a year and remains calm.
“It’s over, and he wasn’t going to accept it whether it happened now, five months ago, or ever. ”
“If I had known—”
“I know. I’ve been over it a million times.” He tips my face up and wipes the tears I’ve been trying to hide. “So here’s what I suggest.” He pauses for a quick kiss. “Answer Jackson. Let him know what really happened. He’s reasonable. I’m sure he knows how his brother is.”
“How do you know?” I ask.
“We’ve crossed paths in business. He seems like a good guy. Screenshot everything, and please don’t go anywhere alone, okay? I doubt Nathan will bother you in person, but keep Annie or one of the guys with you while I’m gone.”
I take a second to let that sink in. How does he stay so calm? “Nathan accused me of having a thing with his brother and then shifted it to Sam. I don’t know if he even remembers you.”
“I assure you he does, but I’ll be happy to remind him if not.”
Holy hotcakes. Assertive Jude.
I still have concerns. “He’ll try to convince people I was with three different guys before this all goes away.”
“Well, hang around with Jace while I’m gone and see if we can make it four,” he quips sardonically.
“Gross, Jude.”
“I’m sorry.” He laughs. “I shouldn’t joke about it. But the more absurd the accusations, the less likely anyone will believe him.”
I huff out a tired laugh. “I’d rather laugh than cry.”
“If you need to cry, I’m here. But I’ll do everything in my power to make sure these are the last tears he gets.
” His eyes examine my face. “We’d better go back to your mom’s.
It’s getting late, and I need more than a few minutes to give you the kind of goodbye that’ll last until I come back home to you. ”
I’m dying to experience his idea of a proper goodbye.
I just don’t want him to leave.
“This thing has got to go,” Jude mumbles against my mouth as he pulls me over the center console onto his lap.
Let me tell you, I’ve never been so thankful for my short legs and a roomy vehicle. Somehow, we’ve added truck koala to truck kiss, and he’ll be calling this thing The Love Shack if I don’t get out of here.
“I’ll be home Friday,” he says. I nod solemnly, looking down at my second favorite tattoo while I twist and turn his bracelets, which now include a pink hair tie. “Look at me.”
It’s impossible not to smile, even if I might fall apart later.
“I love you, Punk,” he reminds me again.
“I think I need it in writing.”
He kisses my nose and begins to unbutton his shirt in the narrow space between us. “I can’t reach a pen, but how’s this?”
“Well, if you insist,” I tease, confused as to why he’s giving me a show, but he’s not getting an argument from me.
He reaches to turn on the dome light and shift his shirt off the side where the bandage had been. “It’s not completely healed yet, but I think you can see—”
The band on his forearm has officially been knocked down to third place.
I gasp, slipping my hands under his shirt, pushing it off his shoulder to look at the sun and clouds tattoo spilling over part of his chest.
Feminine eyes with irises in a kaleidoscope of greens now peer out of the clouds, and dainty diamonds drip like tiny tears of rain. It would be trippy and psychedelic if it were any brighter, but it’s subtle and understated, blending with a scene he must’ve been adding to over the last few months.
“And to be clear, my Lucy in the Sky,” he says, shifting back so I can see, “I mean it in every way you could possibly interpret this. I put it in writing.”
“I don’t know what to say.” I kiss him gently while my fingers dance through the soft hair at the nape of his neck. “I love you.” I lean back to look again, softly running my fingers over Lucy’s eyes in the sky. “When?”
“Last Tuesday.” He smirks.
“Oh.” I smirk back. “You packed a lot into that birthday.”
We’re soaking up the moment as a fitting song plays on the radio, and I’m stalling his departure with every ounce of my being.
He groans and squeezes me tighter, same as always.
And I realize this is what I’ve been scared to lose. Not that thirty-six hours proves anything, but his touch has become so familiar. It’s security and contentment, with the scent of his leather seats and wintergreen Tic Tacs.
I won’t take it for granted.
I reach for the driver’s-side door, ready to awkwardly maneuver myself around so I can slide off Jude’s lap and onto the running board, when he pulls me back and claims my mouth again. His hands deftly travel over my exposed back as if carefully signing his name all over it.
One hand settles around my hip while the other finds my neck, his thumb gently caressing my jaw and tilting my chin from angle to angle, finding the exact one that steals my breath and makes me forget there was ever a time I thought we weren’t meant for this.
His lips, his tongue, his hands—gently assertive as the rest of him—communicate his message to every molecule of my body.
We will have challenges, but he won’t be one of them.
And he wasn’t lying when he said he’d kiss me so thoroughly I wouldn’t be able to think of anything else. He might as well take a Sharpie to the bottom of my boot, because I’ll never belong to anyone but him.
I reenter the house with swollen lips and mussed hair like I slept on it, then promptly trip over the rug in the foyer because Jude’s kiss left me completely intoxicated.
“Lucy? Are you all right?” Mom calls from the kitchen.
“Yep, I’m okay!”