Chapter 17 Olena
OLENA
Braiding my hair over one shoulder, I make an effort to shove down any thoughts about Sean’s unsettling phone call and focus on work.
I mentally check over my plans before I step out of the car, not wanting to risk getting cornered by Jude in the driveway to talk about what happened on Friday; I just want to get to work.
I step out with my bag over one shoulder and my notebooks and papers in my arms. Without stopping to look around, I make a beeline for Steph.
“Steph! Great to see you’re feeling better.”
She turns and smiles. “Hey, yeah, thanks, much better now. What’s up?”
There must be a look of wild determination on my face because Steph looks hesitant.
I relax my shoulders and plaster on a pleasant smile, trying to appear more casual.
“I was wondering if you had time this morning to help me get that wisteria planted and attached to the arbor; we want to get the branches training along the frame as soon as possible.”
“Oh, sure, yeah, I can do that…” My overeager facial expression must betray me because she raises her eyebrows slightly, looking surprised. “Right now? Oh, okay, yes, right now works.”
“Great!” I sound overly enthusiastic. Rein in the unhinged vibes, Olena.
“Okay, let me grab my gloves.” Steph motions that she’ll be right back.
Bless you, Steph.
I need to keep my head down and focus on concrete tasks. And, while I’m tempted to look around to find out where Jude is, I’m determined to ignore him today.
Putting my stuff down on a nearby tarp, I tug on my gloves and walk over to the arbor.
The wisteria tree sits in a large nursery pot on the ground beside it.
I grab the roll of garden twine sitting nearby and look around for a pair of scissors.
I notice Teddy and Dimitri leveling the last of the gravel path, finishing the job Jude and I abandoned Friday night.
I frown to myself as I remember tracing his nose with mud.
“Olena.” Jude’s voice stirs up the pain of rejection all over again. Damn it.
“Hi,” I reply, turning but barely meeting his eyes, and return to my search for the scissors.
“Look, I wanted to—” he starts.
“Morning, Jude.” Steph rescues me, returning with her gloves with perfect timing.
“Hi, Steph,” Jude says politely. “Listen, Olena, I was hoping we could talk when you have a minute.”
“Um, I don’t, actually… have a minute. I mean, Steph and I were just going to get this wisteria planted.” I meet his eyes with carefully controlled calm.
Steph glances between us and gives me a questioning look. She appears slightly uncomfortable. I smile at her reassuringly.
“Olena,” she says carefully, “did you want to leave that with me, or—? Like, if you two need to talk…” Her eyes dart between us again.
“No, it’s fine,” I blurt out. “I want to get this done. Let’s do this.” I clap my hands together. I can feel my forced cheerfulness hitting all the wrong notes, but I can’t stand the feeling of Jude’s eyes on me.
Steph raises her eyebrows but seems to accept she’s stuck with me in this awkward situation. She drags the pot over to where we can both lift the plant.
“Okay, uh, maybe later, then.” Jude sounds confused but I don’t look at him. In my peripheral vision, I see him turn, then pause. A pair of scissors lands beside my feet in the grass. He says nothing and walks off.
“Everything okay between you two?” Steph asks quietly when he’s out of earshot.
Having loosened the root ball and soil from the pot, we lift the wisteria up and place it on the ground near the arbor.
“Absolutely.” I smile. Absolutely fucking awful.
Steph glances over at Jude and turns back to me, giving me a skeptical look, but says nothing more.
I spend most of the day fixating on any task that means I don’t have to think about or be anywhere near Jude.
The site is busy with deliveries and decisions for me to make, so staying occupied is not as hard as I’d expected.
I quickly become an expert on monitoring his location out of the corner of my eye and make sure to walk in the other direction, finding any excuse to check on progress or inspect supplies.
I even snap a few photos on my phone just to create the illusion I’m thoroughly engrossed in the project at all times.
Even by colleague standards, I know my behavior toward Jude is poor form, but I can’t seem to snap out of it. The pain weighing heavily in my chest won’t allow me to be the bigger person. Not yet. God, why do I have to be so overdramatic about this?
Walking over to the sunken garden, I take my time inspecting the benches and cushioned seating that were just delivered.
Alone in this corner of the property, out of view of the others, I can drop the pretense of being cheerful and professional.
Relieved to finally have a moment to myself, I stand at the edge that overlooks the cliff-side and try to take a deep breath.
The air enters my body jaggedly, catching on every surface on its way into my lungs. I frown to myself and try again.
“There you are.” Jude sounds fed up.
Shit.
“I was just leaving.” I paste on a fake smile and move to walk past him.
As I pass, he catches my arm, the memory of how he grabbed me after our chase instantly vivid in my mind.
I can feel the same magnetic pull from his body now, but this time I’m hellbent on fighting it.
I sigh, rolling my eyes. “Please let go. I’ve got work to do. ”
“Olena. Please stop running away from me. I’ve been trying to talk to you all day.” His voice is low; he sounds tired.
I yank my arm out of his grip and we turn to face each other, my aloof facade finally dropping away. “Why should I? You made it perfectly clear you don’t want anything to do with me the other night.” So much for playing it cool.
His brow creases and he rubs his forehead. “Shit.”
“Yeah. I got the message loud and clear.” I raise my eyebrows.
“Olena—” he starts.
“No, you know what? Don’t. I thought… I thought you might’ve… felt what I felt.” I grimace at the vulnerability of the admission. “I don’t know why. Clearly, I was a fool for trusting you.” I cross my arms in front of me.
A look I can’t place crosses his face. “Wait, what does this have to do with trust?” His eyes search mine.
My anger and hurt is boiling over. “Don’t do that… Don’t play innocent!” I realize I’m raising my voice and drop it down a notch. “I saw you on Saturday,” I say more quietly.
“Saturday?” The wheels turn behind his eyes.
“At the grocery store. Buying flowers.”
His brow smooths out suddenly and I know I’ve hit my mark.
I narrow my eyes at him. “As if it wasn’t humiliating enough for you to reject me after Teddy showed up… then I find out you’re seeing someone else?” Tears threaten behind my eyes and I blink rapidly, trying to steady my breathing. I refuse to cry.
“Olena.” He looks at the ground.
“No, don’t bother.” I move to walk past him again and he grabs me by both arms, pulling me back to face him. His eyes are flaring with some emotion I can’t read.
“Olena, stop.” He takes a deep breath. His face is unusually calm, almost patient.
“What?” I’m the opposite of patient. My brow furrows as I watch his expression change, like he’s wrestling with something. “You know what? Nevermind, I don’t care.”
The lie is bitter on my tongue, but I need to get out of here. I break away from his grasp and walk a few paces toward the newly built steps leading up to the path.
His voice comes from behind me. “The flowers were for my mother.”
I freeze. Realization hits me like a wave crashing into a wall. I squeeze my eyes shut.
“For her grave, actually. Saturday was her birthday.”
The humiliation stabs deeper and I wince. I slowly turn around to face him.
He’s watching me with dark intensity.
“Oh, my God, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said…
I made an assumption. And I… I didn’t know.
” I wince. “I’m such an asshole. And, oh, God…
your mother died? I’m so sorry for your loss too.
” I’m burning with shame. I put my palm to my forehead, realizing I’m blathering again but can’t stop.
“Sorry, I know I should… I should just shut up. It’s just whenever…
” I look at my feet. I can’t bear this. I squeeze my hands into tight fists as I look up at him, my eyes pleading for forgiveness as he watches me flounder under his silent gaze.
“Ugh, I always do this. I just go on and on whenever I’m—”
Jude crosses the distance between us before I can react, sweeping my face up in his hands, the kiss desperate and devastating.
My eyes flutter shut. My body melts against his, all the tension and emotion rushing between us and out of me.
His lips are searching, his tongue sweeping softly against mine as his hands at the nape of my neck pull me closer, deeper.
My hands are pinned between us, pressing against his heaving chest.
Jude slows, softening, and breaks the kiss, pressing his forehead against mine. “I thought you’d never shut up,” he says, smiling.
I can’t help but smile too.
He kisses my forehead and my eyes close again as I exhale a shuddering breath, not trusting myself to speak. Jude sweeps a thumb over my cheek. “Look at me.”
I shake my head. I can’t; the shame of my accusation is unbearable.
“Olena,” he tries again. This man’s patience is impressive. He lifts my chin with a finger and I force myself to meet his gaze.
I almost look away again; the emotion in his eyes is so potent. “Jude, I—”
He cuts me off, his voice rough. “Of course I want you.”
I inhale sharply.
“You’re all I think about.” He leans down to kiss my cheek.
My heart hammers in my chest as he brushes his lips against my skin.
“I can’t get my head straight when you’re around me,” he says softly against my cheek. “I want you every moment of every day. I can’t sleep because I’m thinking about you.” His hands run down my arms and I shiver.
I want to fall into his chest and lose myself. But something nags at me. I remember the regret in his eyes from Friday and I pull back, searching his expression. “Then what happened the other night? Why didn’t you just kiss me after Teddy left?”
A pained look crosses Jude’s face. He blows out a breath. “I got scared. Scared we almost got caught. Scared about what that would mean for”—he gestures around us—“this. My business. My team.”
My brow creases with worry. “Well, are you still worried about that? Have we screwed everything up?”
He looks away and smiles. “I hope not,” he chuckles, meeting my gaze again. “Or, at least, I don’t think so. Not yet, anyway.” He tucks a loose wisp of hair behind my ear.
I look down and smile.
“I realized…” He pauses, looking for the words. “I realized some things are worth the risk. You’re worth the risk.”
I inhale a breath, my eyes meeting his. “Jude…” I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to take all of this in.
He furrows his brow. “I can’t believe I acted like such an ass.
” He shakes his head, looking pained. “I should never have pushed you away like that.” He runs his thumb over my jawline, his fingertips in the hair at the nape of my neck.
“God, even the idea of rejecting you is absurd. I mean, have you seen you?” He raises his eyebrows at me, his green eyes shining.
I snort out an awkward laugh. I must look awful—all flushed and distraught. “I’m a mess, sorry…”
“No.” He looks at me seriously. “Now, that I do reject.” He kisses my forehead again.
I can’t help but smile, but I’m still feeling cautious. I look up at him. “So, what now?”
“Well, we have to stop messing around like that on the job site, for one,” he says with a grimace. “That wasn’t very…”
“Professional?” I offer.
“Right.” He smiles down at me. “And I know I didn’t handle it very smoothly, either.
With you, I mean. After you left that night…
I instantly regretted hurting you.” His brow furrows as he looks at me.
“I’m so sorry, Olena. For making you think, even for a moment, that I didn’t want this…
” It looks like the idea hurts him physically.
His eyes drop to my mouth and I’m drawn in again.
“That I didn’t want you.” He pulls me in to him, pressing a soft kiss to my lips.
The kiss is slow and gentle, but, as our lips part, the heat in his eyes promises more.
Oh, God, I want this too.
“I’m sorry too,” I say quietly. “For jumping to conclusions like that. And for avoiding you all day.” I roll my eyes as I start in on the long list of things I’m sorry for. “And for putting my foot in my mouth and for not being able to shut up when I—”
His finger covers my lips, stopping me. The corner of his mouth quirks up into a half-smile.
“I was doing it again, wasn’t I?” I ask, grimacing.
He nods with a sober expression and drops his hand, both of us breaking into a soft laugh.
He glances at the path that leads to the reality we have to face. “Speaking of being professional, though, we should probably…” He trails off, meeting my eyes.
I realize we are still, very much currently, at work.
We take a reluctant step apart and my chest already aches with that space between us.
He reaches out and smoothes my hair, taking a deep breath. “Can we try this properly?”
I nod, holding his gaze.
“Have dinner with me. Tonight. I’ll cook.”