Chapter 21 Olena
OLENA
The tension is palpable as we climb into our seats.
I search Jude’s face for signs of the fun and flirty energy, but that seems to have suddenly evaporated.
His expression is dark and pensive as he starts the truck and pulls out of the parking lot.
I want to apologize and explain about Bradley and his vapid art gallery friends, but I don’t know where to begin.
Fuck.
In an attempt at lightening the mood, I try to channel some of the flirtatious vibe we had going earlier.
“So, do you think that was just beginner’s luck, or have I discovered a new superpower?
” I venture with a wry smile, remembering all the delicious touching and teasing we shared while throwing axes.
Spurred on by Jude’s approving gaze, I’d felt like a badass at The Battle Axe—like an invincible sex bomb with a blade. I desperately want those moments back.
Jude glances at me out of the corner of his eye and grunts softly in response, my efforts falling epically flat.
I exhale a breath, not sure how to get back to where we were before Bradley showed up and soured everything. The dreadful weight of rejection twists in my stomach. I pick at the rough edges of my fingernails, shifting in my seat.
“I had a lot of fun tonight,” I say, trying again. “And those burgers were amazing.”
“Yeah,” he replies quietly. “They were good.”
More silence. Ugh.
“Running into Bradley was…”
“Awkward?” Jude offers, smirking slightly.
“Yeah, that’s one word for it.” I laugh nervously. And now we’re all awkward. Fucking Bradley. “Is something on your mind?”
“Just thinking.”
“About what?” I ask. Come on, I’m dying here.
“You,” he says simply, glancing my way.
“Oh.” I can tell he doesn’t want to say more, so I drop it.
The truck rumbles along the dark road as we sit in silence, the streetlamps rhythmically illuminating my legs, the dashboard, and Jude’s hands, in sweeping orange swaths of light. I don’t know how to fix this.
After what feels like an eternity, Jude finally speaks. “You really went out with that guy?” His voice is low and quiet. He keeps his eyes on the road.
A pang of humiliation hits me in the gut, both at the memory of that awful date and at how Jude must think differently of me now by association.
A pained expression crosses my face. “Yes, but only once. I don’t know why he made it sound like more than that.
That date did not go well.” I look out the window.
“Is that what you want?” he asks.
“What do you mean?” I almost laugh. I’m flabbergasted he’d assume anything about that pompous display would appeal to me.
“You know, the art gallery, the fancy dates, the fundraisers? Is that your scene?” he asks as he pulls the truck into his driveway and kills the engine. He shifts in his seat to look at me. It’s dark, but, even in the shadows, I can tell his expression is serious.
“Oh, God, no,” I reply quickly. “I mean, clearly I wouldn’t fit in with art gallery people.”
“He seemed to think you did. He invited you to that fundraiser,” he replies.
I can’t tell what he’s getting at. “He doesn’t even know me.
” I shrug, a bit defensively. “Obviously, going out with him was a huge mistake. That experience… the people there made it clear I didn’t belong.
They were… not my people.” I cringe at the memory of everyone staring at me as I almost had a very public panic attack.
“Then why’d you agree to go out with him in the first place?” he presses.
“Does that matter? I told you it was a mistake. Can we just forget about it?” I know I wish I could.
“Just humor me.” His voice is calm. He doesn’t sound jealous or territorial, but curious, like he’s found a puzzle piece that doesn’t fit.
“Okay…” I breathe and pause to reflect. “I guess I didn’t know what I wanted.
I felt like I should get out there and try dating after I moved back here…
and he offered, so I said yes. He seemed nice enough when we were chatting online.
I thought maybe an art gallery could be interesting…
that maybe I could blend in with the fancy crowd.
I don’t know. Obviously, I was na?ve to think that. ” I look down at my hands.
Jude scoffs. “You don’t have to do that, you know.” He pulls the keys out of the ignition and turns away from me, climbing out of the truck.
Confused by his reaction, I don’t immediately follow. What the hell? Then, realizing I’m sitting in his truck alone in the dark, I cautiously climb out of the passenger seat.
He unlocks the front door for Murphy, who’s been lounging on one of the porch benches. Murphy briefly raises his head to look at Jude before pushing up and slowly stretching. He hops down from the bench and heads into the house, apparently content to avoid the human drama unfolding outside.
Jude paces on the front porch.
I walk over to him, hugging my arms across my chest. “What do you mean I ‘don’t have to do that’? Do what?” I ask, thoroughly bewildered.
He runs his hands through his hair and lets out a breath. “You don’t have to shrink yourself to fit into someone else’s story, Olena. You don’t have to keep apologizing for existing.”
His words hit me in the gut. “I’m not apologizing for existing. I don’t know. I just make bad choices, I guess. I’m not fancy or put-together or successful. I don’t have my shit together, okay?”
He looks almost angry.
“Why does it matter?” I ask again, frustrated. “It was just one date.” I don’t understand why he’s stuck on this.
Jude puts his hands on his hips. “That prick didn’t deserve one date with you.”
“I don’t know about that, I mean, I’m not perfect either, I—”
In a few strides, Jude is in front of me, grabbing me by the shoulders, pulling me in close. “Bullshit,” he whispers, silhouetted by the dim porch light behind him.
I can feel his breath on my face and the heat from his body pressing against mine. I turn my head away, trying to avoid his words.
He slides his hands up the sides of my neck and gently raises my face to look up into the darkness of his own. “You’re incredible. It kills me that you can’t see how brilliant you are.”
I look down. “No, I’m not. I’m a total mess.”
“Stop it,” he says abruptly.
I meet his eyes. “Stop what?”
“Talking about yourself like that!” He releases me from his grasp and turns back to the porch, looking exasperated. He circles back to me, looking as if he’s weighing what to say next. “Do you know why I left in such a hurry that first day at the property?”
I shake my head, confused, watching him closely.
“Because I looked at your portfolio, Olena, and it blew me away. Your work was…” He looks like he can’t find the words. “You’re an incredible designer.”
“I don’t understand.” I watch him warily.
“Look. Even from the moment I first saw you, when you were shouting at me on the side of the road, soaking wet, calling me an asshole…”
I look down in shame and he steps closer.
“You were beautiful.”
I close my eyes.
He reaches a hand to my cheek. “Olena.”
I blink back the tears that threaten to fall. No one has ever said anything like this to me.
“Look at me, Olena.”
I draw a shaky breath and meet his shadowed eyes.
“When I asked for your portfolio… I was hoping it’d be mediocre.”
My brows furrow in confusion.
“I was hoping I’d find some problem with you—with your work. Some flaw… because, I guess, if you were average… if you were boring…” He inhales. “I could find some way to ignore how you made me feel.”
I exhale a messy breath, my heart twisting.
Jude draws me in close and presses his forehead to mine. For a moment, he just breathes with me. “But, as it turns out,” he adds quietly, brushing a stray lock of hair away from my face, “you’re both gorgeous and talented.”
My cheeks redden, though he can’t see me blush in the darkness.
His voice is low now, the deep rumble vibrating against my body. “And that scared the hell out of me. So I ran.”
Understanding clicks and I pull back to stare at him in disbelief. “Wait, I intimidated you? I intimidated you?” I let out a cynical laugh as I shove his chest gently, but he doesn’t let me push him away, his strong hands gripping my lower back.
His face is serious.
My teasing smile fades.
“Yes. You did,” he admits, holding my gaze intensely. “And that time Teddy interrupted us… I ran then too. I pushed you away because I was scared again.”
“About getting caught,” I remember.
He pauses. “It was more than that.” His words are quiet, his voice a low rasp in his throat.
“What do you mean?”
He looks up at the night sky like he’s searching for the words. “I was worried that if…” He takes a breath, looking back at me. “That if I let you into my life…” He’s struggling to go on. The vulnerability he’s showing is breaking my heart.
I stand on my toes and kiss his cheek softly, then pull back to meet his eyes again.
“I had my heart broken pretty badly. Years ago. She left me when I was going through something really rough and…” He takes a steadying breath. “It was awful. And now… I’m just used to being on my own here. It’s familiar. Predictable. Uncomplicated…”
“Safe,” I add quietly.
He pauses. “Yeah.” He sighs. “You’re changing all of that.”
“I’m sorry,” I say sincerely, then realize the irony. I feel Jude suppress a groan at the fact that I’m apologizing yet again.
“Don’t you start with that,” he smiles ruefully at me. He reaches up and wipes a tear from my cheek with his thumb, then slowly traces my jawline with a finger.
Heat flushes through my body, my eyelids fluttering at the sensation. When I open them, something in his expression darkens; even in the dim light, I sense a shift in him.
“Though, yes, how very unfair of you,” he teases as his lips brush mine softly, his hot breath filling my senses, need gripping me deep in my core.
I slide my hands around his neck as he runs his hands down my back, over my ass.
“But Olena…” he rasps.
I hold my breath.
“I’m done running.” He lifts me up, wrapping my legs around his waist as he carries me into the house. The front door bangs loudly as we crash through the entryway and he kicks it shut.