Chapter 38 Olena
OLENA
Sean’s terrified eyes bore into mine from across the room, the man’s knife pressed against his throat.
I struggle against the other man’s hand over my mouth, desperately trying to breathe.
Or scream. I can’t do either. My hands scratch at his forearms and my feet slide uselessly against the cold floor.
He’s so much stronger than I am; I can feel his breath on my face.
“Where’s our money, asshole?” the guy holding onto Sean spits in anger, pressing the knife deeper into Sean’s skin. Sean is barely breathing, petrified.
“Did you think we wouldn’t find you?” the guy holding me shouts, his voice booming in my ear, echoing as I struggle to get free. “Did you think we wouldn’t fucking find you?”
I’m thrashing against Jude’s arms when his voice cuts through the terror and reaches me at last.
“Olena!” he pleads with me, trying to catch my flailing limbs. “Olena!”
My last couple of swings soften when I finally realize where I am. The tension leaves my arms and I crumple forward. He scoops me into his chest as I heave racking sobs of fear, of relief, of exhaustion.
“Shh, you’re okay, it’s me. I’m here. I’m here.” He whispers the soothing words against my sweat-slicked hair.
My face feels both hot and cold and the damp sheets tangle my legs, restraining me.
I kick them away in a panic, the restriction on my movements intolerable, then retreat once again into the safety of his arms. I gulp breaths of air against his bare chest, my own chest heaving as my pulse hammers hard.
“Just breathe,” he reminds me.
I try. My breaths are ragged but slowing. I squeeze my arms around him.
“I’m—” I try to speak, but my voice is hoarse. “I’m sorry.” Hot tears spill over my cheeks.
“Don’t be sorry,” he says. He rubs my back and holds me until I can breathe more steadily.
I glance at the clock and see it’s just after five in the morning. I doubt we’ll get back to sleep.
Jude follows my gaze, seeing the time too. He brushes my damp hair out of my face and kisses me gently. “I’m gonna make us some coffee, okay?”
I can only nod. I curl up in the fetal position on the bed while he’s gone and try to forget about the nightmare—and about Sean’s threat to come to Lennox. He can’t show up here. He can’t.
Realizing I’m shivering, I pull the blanket over me. What am I going to do?
Jude eventually comes back with coffee and sets the mug on the nightstand. I sit up slowly as he pulls on his jeans. He sits down on the bed next to me.
“That was a smart move,” I manage to joke through my tears, raising an eyebrow at him as I glance down at his pants.
He smiles softly. “Can’t have you distracted.” He pauses, handing me the coffee. “You gonna tell me what’s going on?”
My brow furrows and I look away.
“Olena.” He gently pulls my face to his. “Look, I know something’s up. This isn’t normal. The nightmares…” He trails off.
I take a deep breath and look at him, tears falling again as I consider what I’m about to tell him. “Okay.” I try to blink away the tears. “You’re right.”
“Okay,” he says, a flicker of concern settling over his features. He watches me closely.
I put the coffee down again and wipe at my eyes, hugging my knees to my chest. “Sean has been texting me. And calling me, more recently.” I hesitate a moment before meeting his eyes.
He straightens and I see his jaw clench in the dim light. He doesn’t speak.
“He’s… I think he’s high sometimes when he calls.
He thinks he can convince me to go back to Seattle.
To get back together with him. I keep telling him no, but he…
” I turn my head and breathe out a long, shaky breath.
I don’t know how to explain the way Sean’s been acting—the way he’s been scaring me.
Jude looks at the floor, then back to me. “How long has this been happening?” he asks quietly.
“I don’t know, a few weeks? It’s not like it’s been all the time—”
“He’s been harassing you this entire time?” He stands, rubbing a hand down his face. “The entire time we’ve been… the entire time since I met you,” he says, gesturing between us, “this guy’s been bothering you? And you didn’t say anything?” A deep crease forms in his brow.
“Jude, I just… I kept thinking he’d stop, that he’d finally hear me saying no.” My shoulders drop at the obvious futility of wishing Sean away.
A pause. “Did he say anything else?”
I grimace. I can’t look at him.
Jude scoffs. “Is there more? What else, Olena?” His intense gaze bores into me.
My eyes meet his, pleading. “Look, please don’t be mad.”
He folds his arms over his chest, waiting, and I take a breath.
“Yesterday, when I came inside to take that call, that was him.” My voice is quiet, the shame that I’d lied eating me up.
He raises his eyebrows and a muscle ticks in his jaw.
“He… he got really angry.” I look down at my hands, grimacing. “And loud. And he said he was going to come see me, and talk sense into me… make me understand.” I can barely get the words out through uneven breaths.
Jude backs up a pace from the bed. He lets loose a breath and rakes a hand roughly through his hair. He’s silent for a moment, pressing his lips together. When he speaks, his deep voice is calm. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I exhale hard. “I don’t know. I was scared… I just want him to go away, and I didn’t know how to make him stop.” My eyes widen, looking down at the bed. “I tried blocking him every way I could think of, but he just keeps…” I let my forehead rest on my knees as fresh tears spill out.
“So, let me get this straight, you’ve got some dirtbag ex harassing you and fucking threatening you? And you didn’t think you could share that with me?” Jude gestures toward his chest, his disappointment palpable. “And when your dad asked the other night… you just lied to him?”
I look up at him, pleading. “I don’t want them to worry about me. I don’t want you to worry about me.” I push my fingers into my hair, letting my head fall into my hands.
“Olena…” Jude paces in front of me. “Don’t you realize there are people in your life who want to worry about you? Who care about you? Who—” He cuts himself off, shaking his head with a grim look.
I lift my head at his words. “I thought I could handle it, that I could make him understand.”
“So, you were hoping, what, that this guy just wouldn’t show up here?” he asks, shaking his head in disbelief.
“I didn’t think he would ever hurt me.” Am I that na?ve?
“But he’s all fucked up on drugs now and scaring you? Have I got that right?” He raises his eyebrows in an exhausted kind of frustration.
“Yes, but—”
“Olena,” he starts, his shoulders pulling up, “I don’t know what this guy is capable of. But this doesn’t sound good.” He rubs a hand down over his beard.
“Look, I didn’t know what to do, okay? I still don’t know what to do. What can I do?” I feel desperate.
He drops his shoulders, throwing his hands out at his sides. “You could’ve told me! I can help you. Protect you.”
I can tell he’s hurt that I didn’t trust him with this. But I didn’t want to make my baggage his problem. “That’s not fair to ask of you. You’re not my bodyguard, Jude.” I hold his gaze, my vision blurring.
He levels me with a look, his voice low and even. “So, what am I to you?”
I can’t answer. How can I find the words to tell him what he means to me? I let my eyes drop away from his. When I look back up at him, I see the flicker of pain in his expression.
“What is this, Olena? Is this just sex?” His expression is raw with emotion.
“No! That’s not what I’m saying…” Tears spill over. I can see in his eyes that he doesn’t understand, but I can’t find the words to fix this.
“What are you saying, then? Do you even know?” His words sting and I wince. His voice is distant now. “Sounds like you need some time to think, after all.”
My heart feels like it’s been hit by a freight train when he turns away from me, grabs his things, and walks out.
I hear Jude call Murphy’s name, followed moments later by the sound of the front door shutting firmly behind him.