Chapter 11
The dinner had been deadly boring, and I had far better things to do than sit through dull hours with some of my father’s indecent and annoying servants.
Even if I wasn’t required to attend and represent my people in Carnivalland, I still needed to know what was happening in other parts of the empire.
Especially now, with her here. Gwendolyn’s presence changed everything.
I had to move with more precision, speak with more caution, and act with more control, because for the first time in centuries, I had something to lose.
And I didn’t hate Lydia, but my sister being Seth’s mate made many things unsettling for me. Especially regarding her.
My gaze drifted over to Gwendolyn. Too often I caught her nervously tugging at her dress or about to close her eyes.
The third time I checked, I had to keep her awake by touching her.
Unfortunately, it had a completely different effect on both of us, and I hated all men that were able to smell her desire—a scent that was only made for me.
That sinful dress, her curves, her velvety skin, those doe eyes and her long copper hair that was just begging for a pull.
She leaned into me, barely keeping her pretty eyes open. The night must have taken her strength. She seemed tired, but yet wanted to stay awake.
I didn’t want to let her go. I couldn’t let the night end like that. She was so good, did so well with all of these vampires. She was the sweetest soul, and I’d give anything to let her know how I feel, without needing to tell her.
Without a word, I stepped away for a moment, grabbing a pink robe from the wardrobe in the hall, which I’d asked Marielle to leave for her.
There was no way she could stay in that sinfully pretty dress.
Whether it was comfortable or not, I couldn’t look at it any longer without wanting to bury my face between her boobs and sink my damn teeth into her skin.
“What’s this for?” she asked when I returned, holding out the robe.
I didn’t answer her, but she looked surprised.
She had no idea what I had in mind and at the same time didn’t stop me.
Almost like she wanted it too, but she wasn’t ready yet.
At least not right now. Not when she still wasn’t fully convinced how much the bond meant, not when she still wanted to go home—a place that was never meant for her.
“I thought you were taking me to bed,” she whispered so silently.
“I am,” I replied, brushing my thumb over her lips. “Eventually. But first... something else.” I wrapped the pink robe around her body, the silk cooling her heated skin.
There was one place she hadn’t seen yet, the place I built as a safe space—a sort of dream world. Although all of my dreams had been fulfilled with her in my arms, and especially in my bed. One day I’d have her there, begging me to claim her, screaming for a release only my body could allow.
Her soft jaw, the dark brown eyes, and her beautifully shaped lips that were made to be drowned in kisses.
All of this was mine, and I couldn’t believe such a bastard of a man like me would be given to her.
She didn’t protest any further as I guided her through the corridors, her hand warm in mine, her steps slow and quiet like a sleepwalker pulled between worlds.
I opened a huge door made of ebony wood and golden fragments in shapes of jesters, revealing a long and very wide staircase covered by a red satin carpet. The light cream walls on either side glowed with candle lights in golden sconces.
The entrance was bright and colorful, with swirling striped tent flaps, evoking the feeling of visiting a carnival fest.
As we entered, colorful butterflies, twinkling fairy lights and dragonflies hung from the ceiling, fluttering like a gentle breeze.
They weren’t real, but for anyone who entered this room, it felt real enough.
The room had very high ceilings that carried the same art style of glass panels as the salon in the castle.
It was like stepping into a magical circus-inspired library.
Book benches were shaped like circus wagons, each filled with a variety of beautiful books in all different colors, some of them even shimmering like stardust. In the center of the room, there was a cozy round sofa in a velvety red, draped with pillows and soft blankets.
This entire place was created to resemble a dream, as if one were stepping into the most magical storybook. My gaze drifted over to Gwendolyn and it made me realize she was lovelier than all the stories being buried here themselves. She had been the most beautiful story of them all.
I lifted her chin slowly up to meet my gaze.
“Do you like it?”
Her eyes widened, as if she was still too entranced by where we were.
“Yes. This is beautiful…” she said, her lips curving into a smile. “It feels… as though I’ve stumbled into my own Wonderland.”
What Wonderland was she talking about?
“What do you mean?” I asked, reminded once more that she came from a world so unlike mine, where there were no wonders or whimsical magic.
A world in which people worked to afford food and a house, and then die a few decades after.
But it seemed that they at least made-up weird stories to try not to think about how boring their world was.
“It’s a story. About a girl named Alice who dreams of a place called Wonderland filled with very strange creatures and a ton of weird things.”
“What strange creatures and weird things are we talking about, my dear?” I asked, twirling one of her long ginger curls between my fingers. Their softness was a grounding reminder of how much of me was already consumed by her.
“Well… there is a grinning cat who can appear and disappear out of nowhere, a furious Queen of Hearts who has had a broken heart ever since she was a little girl, a white rabbit who is constantly running late and a Mad Hatter who is whimsical, sweet and entirely confusing the entire story.”
“I think the last one suits you best,” I said with a teasing smile, lifting her hand to press a soft kiss against her wrist.
She raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “Really? Why the Mad Hatter?”
I kept her hand close, tracing her delicate skin with my thumb.
“Because he’s whimsical like you. A little strange.
A little too curious for his own good. Always saying things that make sense and don’t at the same time.
” I looked her up, my gaze embracing every inch of her in.
“He probably wondered his entire life if he could ever fit in somewhere… until he ended up in a place where no one is judged. Just like you.”
She blinked, her smile fading slightly as the last words slipped from my mouth.
“What about the confusing part?” she asked, her voice even quieter now.
I smiled amused at her curiosity. “Oh, this part I think fits you even better. The way you ask so many questions, the chaos inside your beautiful head making you speak sometimes in puzzles. And then there is the way I feel about you… your presence, your smell, your touch… this all confuses me.”
Her lips parted, maybe to protest, but no words came out of her mouth.
Instead of waiting for a response, my arms wrapped around her, her weight against me grounding and light all at once.
She lowered her gaze for a moment, then looked back at me. “You know, Wonderland wasn’t the Mad Hatter’s first home. He lived with his parents before… but Wonderland became his. In all its strangeness, its chaos. It was almost like he found peace in the madness.”
“And do you feel that here?” I asked, searching for her expression. “Do you feel at home in the madness Carnivalland is giving you?”
“I’m not sure… when I came here… it was all too much. But now it almost feels like peace. This place… it’s just as enchanting. And somehow, I don’t feel like a stranger in it.”
“You’ve never been a stranger here, Gwendolyn,” I stated, stroking my thumb over her lower lip. “Can you remember what I told you when you asked for the reason why you came here?”
She glanced at me, almost startled by the certainty in my voice.
“You belong here more than most of us, even more than me,” I declared, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “I said some people find their way and don’t recognize it.”
Her throat bobbed as she swallowed, as if she remembered the words. “Yes, and you still haven’t told me what it meant, right?”
I leaned closer, resting my forehead against hers.
“Because your heart will find out on its own, my love. You don’t have to choose right now.
Just stay here. Don’t question everything too much.
Let this place be your home, even if you’re still figuring everything out.
This place is yours, just as it is mine. ”
My love didn’t answer right away. But her fingers found mine and we laced them together.
She tilted her head, curiosity softening her expression. “What do you mean the place here belongs to me as well?”
“Everything you see here Gwendolyn… the castle, the library, the garden… was created with you in mind.”
“What?” she asked, her beautiful lips slightly parted.
“It’s going to sound strange to you…” I said, hesitating whether to confide in her or not. But her favorite story was all about strange things, after all.
“Tell me…” Gwendolyn said with a pleading tone, only making me want to open up to her even more.
I exhaled slowly. “I was a child once too,” I began, my gaze drifting past her for a moment before finding her eyes again.
“And even then, I dreamed of this place. Not exactly how it is now, but the feeling of it. A sanctuary. A hidden world, away from everything cold and cruel. I used to think it was just a place of escape, a refuge for a lonely boy who didn’t belong anywhere.
But now I think… it was more than that. I think I was dreaming of you.
Carnivalland was always meant to belong to you. ”
Her eyes widened slightly, and I felt her breath catch.
“To me?” she asked in disbelief.
I nodded, inching closer to her on the velvet bench where we sat.
“Carnival was never really me. I never cared for bright colors or playful chaos. And yet, when I built this place, I shaped it with those exact things in mind. Marielle even told me once that this castle doesn’t resemble me at all.
But this?” I gestured to the stained-glass windows casting soft rainbows across the marble floor.
“This wasn’t for me. It was for you.”
Gwendolyn’s eyes widened at my confession, she stayed silent for a bit and then she started smiling, tears transforming into her eyes. I quickly took her into my arms, her arms grazing against my back.
“I think this castle… this whole land… isn’t just mine, Gwendolyn,” I continued, voice softer now. “It’s yours too. It always has been. Maybe it was never about me at all.”
She stared at me, her body utterly still.
“I don’t even know what to say,” she murmured.
“You don’t have to say anything,” I said, sitting back and cupping her cheek. “Just stay with me.”
Then she looked at me, her expression uncertain. Her voice trembled slightly, as though the question had been waiting too long on her lips.
“What is on your beautiful mind right now?”
“It would sound strange to you too,” she said softly, almost as if she wasn’t sure she wanted me to hear it.
“Strange,” I murmured, brushing her knuckles with my thumb, “is my favorite.”
She gave a breathy laugh, but it quickly faded into a quiet truth.
“I’ve heard a voice… since I was little,” she confessed, voice barely above a whisper. “Not always, and never clearly. But it always felt… comforting...”
I gripped her chin, forcing her to focus on me.
“How did it feel?”
“It’s as if he’s wrapped in light and shadow at once. I never see him, but I feel him almost like a guardian protecting me. I used to think it was my imagination, but… lately, it’s been louder. More real. I was scared of going mad…”
I didn’t speak right away. I just watched her.
She gazed up to me, and her eyes were full of warmth and admiration, she looked like the rest of my eternity.
I’d never offer her the love or devotion of a mortal man, but she’ll be getting the hunger that has been burning inside me for centuries, when my soul was forced to endure without her presence.
And then I followed the instincts of my soul and pressed my lips against hers.
It wasn’t a simple first kiss. This kiss was desperate.
There had been so much heat building up inside me ever since she came here, ever since my soul and my mind had been wanting her.
Yearning for her. Her lips were soft and sweet.
As I pulled her closer, she responded with the same intensity, as if this was everything we both needed.
Everything we had held back in silence, in glances.
She clung to me, her hands finding their way into my hair as I deepened the kiss.
I fucking starved for so long without her taste on my tongue…
and now that I’ve tasted her it awakened a hunger inside my bones to worship her body and destroy everything keeping me away from her.
A hauntingly beautiful moan escaped her lips, and I almost forgot how to breathe. I pressed my forehead gently against hers, our breath mingling. “You are not alone,” I whispered. “I’m going to take care of you.”
Gwendolyn didn’t say anything. She didn’t need to. I pulled her onto my lap, settling back onto the crimson velvet bench beneath the window. I was just breathing her in, embracing every single inch of her skin in my arms.
Outside, the moon glided across the sky like it wanted to catch a glimpse of Gwendolyn, casting pale light over her copper hair. I wished this moment would last forever.
After a while, she drifted off to sleep in my lap. I stayed there for a while, holding the moment with the aim to keep it as sacred as possible. Then, when her breaths turned deep and slow, I stood and carried her back through the corridors.
The castle was quiet, my kind must have left through the Veil.
In our room, I placed Gwendolyn gently on the bed, pulling the sheets over her. I’d do anything to lay beside her and wrap myself in her sweet intoxicating scent. She would sleep cradled against me, like it was the only place she should be.
And when I finally pulled a mattress to the floor and laid down, watching how she curled into my sheets… I realized just as she was hearing the whispers of an angel, she turned my chaos into silence. She was my voice too.
The one I’d been wanting ever since I came here. The one I’d been building this place for. She wasn’t just the madness I have found my peace in. Gwendolyn was my home. And as I looked at her, I knew that if she was the Mad Hatter in my story…
I’d gladly get lost in her Wonderland.