26. Chapter 26
Chapter 26
A part of Naz remained on edge, waiting for that moment when something would take Meg away from him. He was convinced the cartel would find them or, worse, Meg would realize she wanted more than he could offer and leave.
She never pressured him for sex, and he slowly stopped expecting her to.
She’d found a buried pair of workout shorts for him to sleep in, loose and stretchy, though the waistband was a little tight. Wearing them was more comfortable than wearing his jeans at night. They also kept him more covered than the underwear, so he didn’t have to repeat the nightmare that waking up wearing only a scrap of cloth had been.
Her head on his naked chest and her body snuggled up against his became soothing again. Some mornings he woke with a partial erection. Having one brought the voices back, so he tried to ignore it with varying results. Going limp was easiest without Meg in sight.
Just like with eating, talking around Meg became easier each time he did it. Words that he repeated more often took less and less effort, thought they always took a bit of focus. The delight in Meg’s eyes, and her smile, made trying worth it. Nothing came as easily as saying her name, and Meg still lit up every time he said it.
The days together stretched into what felt like a lifetime, but Diego hadn’t sent his weekly text again, not yet. Naz tried to absorb every moment deep inside himself. Four abusive years of his life had blotted out everything that had come before and had overshadowed most of what had come after. His time with Meg became precious shards he tried to piece together into something that would remain, even after she left.
The laughter and voices and dimming vision only happened in those moments when he became hyperaware of his dick. Fear of the next step swamped him. That even Meg avoided talking about it both soothed his nerves and made anxiety hover in the air around them, ready to smother him at any moment.
Even with that, the days with Meg were the best days Naz had ever experienced. He couldn’t quite find the right word for what he’d found with her. Happiness didn’t feel like it was big enough. There was a sense of peace and rightness mixed with more. Meg and him. Him and Meg. Linking them together in his mind was better than the pleasure of coming he’d experienced.
Her body against his, fully entangled while they slept, both soothed him and kept him awake. The steady pressure the wound in his side had become didn’t help.
Her breathing grew even, and he thought she’d fallen asleep first, like she did most nights. He buried his nose in her hair, wanting more of her scent.
Meg’s hands tightened on him. She lifted her head, almost smashing his nose. She didn’t like to sleep in the dark, so he always kept the corner lamp on for her. The yellow glow of it made her amber eyes more shadowed than usual.
“Meg.”
Her eyes shut, as if she was absorbing the word.
“Can’t sleep?” He was proud of the reduced amount of time between his words. It was easier when he held her; his mind was more settled.
Her eyes grew moist when she opened them and stared into his. A single tear slipped out and dripped down her face.
“Meg?” he asked, his hand untangling from their wrapped bodies so he could wipe the dampness away.
“I love you,” she said, her words freezing his hand. “I love you, Ignacio. I love you so fucking much. I just love you.”
Every repeated instance of the words slipped inside him, filling him up more and more until he felt like it was too much. His feelings for her were more than his body could contain.
Naz wanted to say the words, but his focus splintered, her confession echoing in his ears.
She licked her lips, another tear slipping down her cheek. “And I—shit, don’t hate me. Please don’t hate me.”
His thumb traced along the wet tracks on her cheeks, wanting to erase them, but her tears kept flowing.
“Ne-ver hate,” Naz said, the need to reassure her breaking through his stuttering mind.
Meg loved him.
The knowledge made everywhere they touched extra sensitive, as if the overflowing emotions inside him were slipping out through his pores. He continued wiping at her tears, his thumb tingling as he did.
“Love you,” Naz said.
Meg began to sob—noisy, snotty sobs that caused her body to shake and jerk against him.
“Oh, God!” she burst out between heaving breaths before burrowing her head into his neck.
He gathered her as tightly against him as he could, wishing again that he could tuck her whole body inside his own.
Her sobs mixed with the echoing words he’d never forget.
Meg loved him.
She’d also soaked his neck in her tears. As her hitching breaths began to quiet, her fingers dug into his back, clutching him tighter.
“I want to be closer,” Meg whispered against his neck.
Her words soothed him. She felt the same way he did. She wanted to crawl inside his body so they could stay together forever.
Only she was easing back in his arms. His skin felt cold and empty without her pressed against it.
She licked her lips, and he thought she wanted to kiss him. Instead, her hands found the hem of his black shirt she slept in and dragged it over her head.
Meg was naked. Her body lowered against his. It was even better than before. Her skin brushing over him made his own sensitivity drown him, especially the feel of her breasts. They were soft except where her hardened nipples dragged against him, sending a sudden bolt of lust down his body.
His dick was hard and cuddled between her thighs, only his shorts separating them.
Meg rocked against him, her warm heat making him even harder.
“Touch me,” she begged.
His hands slid down her back until they clutched her ass, his thumb swiping over her birthmark, loving the way her skin felt.
Her thighs parted, her heat enveloping his erection as much as it could with the material in the way.
His hips pushed his dick against her, meeting her next rock, and he couldn’t seem to focus on anything but the sensation, which made a sound strangle in his throat.
Meg whimpered, cupping him more firmly between her legs. Her mouth found his ear, the only voice there. “Can you take them off? Would you be okay being naked with me?”
The waistband had ridden up, digging into his wound. His hands left her to drag it down. He kicked the shorts free, and then Meg was back in his arms, cuddling his erection between her soft thighs.
His hands moved back to her ass, hitching her against him as she rocked. His dick thrust between the gap in her legs. It felt so good. The way her thighs gripped him each time she moved was making dots dance in his vision.
“Please,” Meg moaned against his jaw as her hips tilted. “Please.”
The head of his dick pressed against wet heat.
Meg was trying to have sex with him. She wanted him inside her.
The realization sent fear through his body, fear that replaced the pleasure.
His erection flagged.
“Oh!” Meg tried to angle, tried to push herself against his dick, which grew even softer. “Oh, no.”
A chill ran through Naz’s body, and his hands fell away from her ass.
Meg wanted to fuck him. He’d known that, and a part of him had hoped it might work. Her heat against his limp penis brought reality into sharp focus. He was weak and pathetic and would never be able to give her what she needed.
Shame filled him. It was a different kind than usual and yet familiar. He’d been feeling it for days. He waited for the voices from his memories to laugh at him, but they were strangely silent.
Meg’s movements stopped. Her hands found his face, cupping it and dragging it down, forcing him to look at her.
Naz closed his eyes. He didn’t want to see her disappointment.
“I’m sorry,” she breathed across his lips.
He was the one who was sorry; sorry he was a pathetic, limp-dicked man who would never satisfy a woman like Meg.
“I’m sorry. I did this all wrong. Tried to trick you.”
The men had tricked him at times. Manipulated him. His body grew colder.
“I convinced myself it would be easier, but I was really scared to talk to you. I was scared to tell you how much I wanted you.”
Meg liked sex. He should offer her his fingers. His fingers would stay hard inside her.
Only he was still frozen, unable to move at all.
“Ignacio, look at me.”
His eyelids twitched, lifting over burning eyes. Meg’s beautiful face was blurry behind the film that had gathered over his vision.
“Sor-ry,” Naz choked out.
“What? No!” Meg’s grip on his face grew harder. “Fuck that. You’ve done nothing wrong. I’m the piece of shit.”
He tried to shake his head, but she held it firmly.
“I love you, Ignacio. I love you so, so much.” She leaned forward, pressing her lips against his but not moving them. It was a brief stab of sensation, there and gone. “I was being selfish,” she whispered, her eyes meeting his, her hands gentling on him, her fingers brushing moisture away from his cheeks.
He was so pathetic, he was crying. He tried to blink it away, but that just let more tears leak out.
“Love isn’t something I’ve had before. I’ve never…” She swallowed, searching his eyes as she continued to capture his pathetic tears. “I’m the one who’s a mess, Ignacio. I’ve been fucking people since I was eleven, but I’ve never been in love with anyone. I’ve barely even liked the guys I fucked, and some I’ve hated. I just learned to get my own, to satisfy a craving. It’s never been about love.”
Her fingers drifted along his skin, the warmth from them starting to sink inside.
“With you, it’s different. I want to because I love you. It’d be making love.” Her smile spread, though not the small, genuine one. No, it was wide and joyful. “I want that experience so much.”
Meg deserved everything she wanted.
If he was going to lose her—he knew he was going to lose her—he didn’t want to lie to her. He didn’t want to give her false hope. “Not e-nough,” Naz forced out.
“What?” Meg’s eyebrows pulled together. “What’s not enough? How much I want you?”
“Me.”
Her hands firmed on his face, and she shook him. “Stop that. You are the only person I could ever feel this for. You’re enough. It has to be you. You’re the one I love, Ignacio. No one else.”
The words slid deep, thawing him.
“The question is, do you still love me?” Meg asked. Her lips trembled. “Even after I’ve been awful?”
“Meg.” He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her face into his neck where it belonged.
She acted like his love was a choice. Loving her wasn’t a choice. It was more like breathing.
“Love you,” Naz told her.
Meg relaxed against him, nuzzling his neck. “You’re too sweet. If you forgive me too easily, I’ll just try it again. I have no shame.” Her lips brushed against his skin, making him shiver. “But I can wait. We will make love. Whenever you’re ready, no matter how long that takes.”
The idea of it not being sex or being fucked, but a different way to love her, drained the rest of the tension from his body.
She laughed into his damp skin, making him tingle. “You may need to stop and listen before entering rooms from now on. Just the thought of being with you makes me horny as hell. I’ll need to take the edge off and plan on touching myself while thinking about you as often as I want. I told you, I’m selfish as hell.”
Meg liked when he touched her. Naz liked touching her.
His arms found her shoulders, pushing her away from him so he could see her. “Touch you?”
Her eyes widened. “You’re so good to me.” She lunged for his face, kissing him, her tongue sliding over his bottom lip and sending sensation straight to his dick. “You should make me suffer, but you want to make me come instead.”
His hands found her breasts. Her nipples had smoothed, but a few brushes of his thumbs had them hardening again.
Her moan into his mouth made his thoughts fade as his hand moved down between her legs.
She pushed against his hand, rolling him to his back so she could widen her legs over his hips. Pain seared his side, but feeling how wet she was let him ignore it. He touched her clit, not circling it but stroking in the same way his thumb stroked her nipple.
“Oh, fuck. I’m close. I’m already close.” Her teeth clamped down on his bottom lip, nipping it and making his breath stutter.
He stroked her harder. Her hips arched into him, the entrance to her pussy brushing over the head of his aching dick, making it damp from her.
Meg cried out, her orgasm already fluttering against his fingers and making her and him even wetter.
Naz had an erection. One that strained toward her.
“More!” Meg was already begging, rolling her hips against his hand and dick.
He thought about pushing his erection inside her. Meg would like that.
Only, what if he came? Meg hated leaking cum.
Naz released her breast to scrabble for his wallet. His other hand left her clit to take out the condom she’d put there.
Meg braced herself on her hands, watching what he was doing. “Ignacio?” she asked, hope in her voice.
He tore open the condom, reaching for his dick.
As soon as he held it to try to roll the condom on, memories flooded him. Memories of other hands.
He went limp and soft, breathing through the darkness that mixed with frustration. He couldn’t get the condom over his soft flesh, but he no longer even wanted to.
Meg’s lips brushed over his collarbone, the sensation chasing some of his memories away. The men had never been into kissing him. “It’s okay,” Meg said. Her lips brushed him again. “We don’t have to.”
He dropped the condom, reaching for her pussy instead. She was so wet. He pushed two fingers inside of her.
Meg bore down with a cry, taking his fingers deeper.
“Yes,” she hissed, thrusting onto his hand. “Harder. Do it harder.”
He matched her speed, her moans and whimpers clearing his vision. The angle was awkward with her on top of him, and when she pushed down hard, his fingers curled, rubbing along the wall of her pussy.
Meg let out a choked scream as she rocked, brushing his fingers inside her instead of forcing them deeper. Her eyes squeezed shut, and her fingers dug into his chest as her hips tried to swirl. “Again. Do that again.”
His fingers straightened and then curled, probing against her walls.
The euphoria he loved filled Meg’s face. She came around his fingers, squeezing them and gushing around them, dripping on his newly hardened dick as it strained toward her.
Watching her come made him hard.
His free hand fumbled for the condom, trying to roll it on without holding himself steady.
The feel of his own fingers made it soften again.
A choked sound escaped his throat as his head fell back against the pillows.
“We don’t have to use it,” Meg offered, leaning down to kiss his lips. “I’ll take you bare.” She sucked on his bottom lip, sending tingles through him.
Meg had been the one to lecture him about using a condom. She preferred them.
“No, Meg,” Naz said against her lips.
She shuddered, squeezing around the fingers he pushed back inside her.
“I love feeling my name on your lips,” Meg said, stroking his lip with her tongue as if she wanted to lick up his words. “Make me come again.” Her hips moved against his hand.
If he couldn’t get his dick inside her, he wanted his fingers to fill her up. His other hand clamped on her ass, dragging her down as he thrust his fingers inside the way he imagined his dick would have thrust.
Meg’s back straightened, and she took him even deeper. “More,” she begged, her ass vibrating against his hand. Her thighs flexed, and she lifted, taking his fingers almost out before lowering to take them deep again. “Deeper. Harder.”
They moved together, faster than before, Naz’s fingers spearing inside her. He told himself one day it’d be his dick.
One of Meg’s hands patted around the bed even as she moaned. “Fuck. I’m going to come again.”
She found the condom. To his shock, her mouth widened, and she popped it inside.
His hand stilled at the image, but Meg thrust down, another orgasm clenching around his fingers.
Meg popped off before he could fully feel it, shoving herself down the bed.
Her mouth enveloped the head of his penis, then more of him. It didn’t feel like hands on him at all. Her mouth was warm and soft. He choked on a cry. His hips thrust up, helping her lips finish rolling down the condom, his dick now fully inside her mouth.
Her hands forced his hips down, but her mouth made his ass writhe against the mattress. Her lips dragged up and off his penis, and he was painfully hard, aching to come.
“There,” she said, her lips spreading in a smirk as she scrambled back in place, her pussy pressing against his condom-wrapped dick. Her smile faded as her eyes locked onto his. “I love you,” she said.
Meg pushed down, taking him inside her.
The sensation was better than her mouth. Her pussy was hot and slick, sliding over him instead of gripping like hard fingers.
Naz’s head lulled on the pillow as his mind scrambled. He couldn’t think; he could only feel.
Meg’s body lifted before pushing back down to take him deeper. The second time was even better. “Oh, God!” Her thighs clamped around him as he thrust up inside with her next pass. “Love you. I love you.” She lost herself, moving over him fast and hard.
His dick was inside her. The piercing thought skittered in his brain while she surrounded him, keeping him hard and erect with how good it felt.
Men had mainly raped him from behind. A few had liked to curl his legs toward his chest, fucking his ass face to face, making him feel even more helpless.
He’d never been flat on his back. He’d never had the most gorgeous creature bouncing on top of him, her breasts swaying, her nipples hard, her head thrown back as she came.
The squeeze of her pussy carved him into one tightly strung, aching nerve, all centered on his dick. It was too much, but his orgasm didn’t come. A whimper escaped his mouth. His hands clamped on her hips, and he dragged her down as he thrust up, forcing himself deeper inside of her.
Saliva overflowed his mouth. The drip down his cheek toward his ear was just another sensation to add to all the others.
He kept jerking up into her, their hips moving together, her pussy continuing to flutter and squeeze.
“Please!” she was crying, guttural groans coming out as her orgasm extended, or she came again, he couldn’t be sure.
It felt good. So fucking good. His dick was surrounded in pleasure, and he waited for it to break, for his body to let go.
Meg collapsed on top of him, taking him even deeper, which made it harder to thrust. Her pussy still fluttered, extending the ache, and he squeezed his eyes shut, needing it to end, only it wasn’t ending. Another whimper slipped out.
Meg’s hair brushed along his skin, raising goose bumps as her head found its spot on his shoulder. Her finger found his lips, stroking the bottom one, sending tingles straight down to his dick, which physically couldn’t get any harder.
“I love you,” she whispered in his ear.
Naz’s hands grabbed her ass, pulling her down onto his dick as the sensation inside of him finally burst.
“Meg!” He cried her name while his body jerked and thrust and came, deep inside the woman he loved.
His mind melted.
He couldn’t catch his breath, not by breathing through his nose.
He held her, needing to touch her, to hold on to something while the world disappeared.
Awareness slowly seeped back in. His dick had softened inside her. He wasn’t sure when that had happened.
His drool was getting all over her hair.
“We made love,” Meg said in his ear with a soft giggle.
Naz didn’t have the energy to pull out of her, and they remained close together, linked to each other.
Meg eventually rolled off his body, separating them.
His dick looked slick. The condom was gone, which confused him. The glistening had to be his smeared cum, but he remembered she’d dripped on him, too. He had both of them on his dick. Her and him. Him and her.
But where the fuck was the condom?
Meg giggled, reaching between her legs. Her hand pulled the condom out of her pussy. She lifted it to dangle, messy from his cum. “Guess we waited too long. I’ll get rid of it.” There was a skip to her step as she headed to the bathroom.
Naz still couldn’t move. His body had been wrung dry.
Meg returned, crawling onto the bed and taking her normal position in his arms. She didn’t seem to care that his dick smeared a damp mark on her thigh. Her head felt right resting on his shoulder.
“Love you,” he said. The words took no effort. They were a soft exhale he just had to release.
Meg’s fingers stroked his chest. “I know you do. Now, I really, really know.”
His mind was still fuzzy as exhaustion pulled him under, Meg’s happy hum in his ear.