Chapter 8 #2
Everly swallowed. “He would fly off the handle, scream in my face—and I mean right in my face—when he got mad. Mock me or make backhanded comments about my body, that kind of thing.” She glanced at Grant and found him stone-faced, his attention fully on her and his coffee forgotten.
She turned away and continued. “But any time I tried to talk to him about it, tried to defend myself, he would turn it around on me. Tell me I was overreacting, or I was too sensitive, or I just had low self-esteem. And I’m not good with conflict.
I don’t think quickly under pressure. So I just…
stopped arguing. Stopped trying to make him see reason. ”
“He was abusing you.” Grant’s voice was oddly flat, devoid of emotion.
The word hung there for a moment, the word she’d always been too frightened to say, even to herself.
“Yes. Emotionally, verbally. Financially. That’s why I didn’t know about his multiple credit cards.
Or have access to our bank account. I never had cash because he insisted on giving me an allowance out of my own earnings—he said I was too careless with money.
” She stared out at the mountains without really seeing them, his verbal attacks playing in her mind like a highlight reel.
“He’d just transfer enough for gas and groceries into my account every month.
And I had to show him my receipts. I still have trouble buying things for myself. ”
Grant rose and stood in front of her. “Did he—did he hit you?” His fists curled almost imperceptibly at his sides, his breath coming faster than normal. He was angry, she realized. She’d never seen him truly angry.
“No. Well—not with his fists. He threw his keys at me once. Last summer, before the attack.” She turned her head and ran a finger over the faint purple line that marred the skin on her jaw, just underneath her ear.
Grant stepped closer and ran his thumb over the scar, and she shuddered underneath his touch. “What the fuck?” His voice was a harsh whisper.
Everly swallowed against the lump in her throat.
“Of course, when it happened, he swore it was an accident, that it was no big deal. But I knew then that I had to leave. He was becoming more unpredictable every day. Started talking about trying for a baby, even though he practically refused to have sex with me.” Her voice cracked.
“I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t bring a baby into that. ”
“So what happened? Did you ask for a divorce?”
She nodded, the moment replaying in her mind like a movie. “I did. Finally worked up the nerve one morning last October.”
“I need to tell you something.” Everly gripped the kitchen counter to steady herself, to stop her hands from trembling. He’d exploded at her again last night, and she told herself it was now or never.
Jeremy barely glanced up from where he sat at the table, his breakfast uneaten, his phone in his hand. “What the hell is it now?”
“I can’t do this anymore. I want a divorce,” she said, willing herself to look at him.
His head snapped up. “What do you mean, you can’t do this anymore? What exactly about your life is so goddamn difficult? You sit here on your ass all day while I’m out there putting my life on the line.”
She felt her resolve wavering and fought to suppress the urge to placate him. “You know what I’m talking about. This.” She waved a hand between them. “Your anger is destroying me.”
“Oh, my anger!” he sneered. “I’m so fucking sick of you. You purposely do this shit to piss me off so that you can turn around and bitch about how awful I am. You don’t know how good you’ve got it.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “I’m not trying to make you angry. You are angry. All the time. And I can’t handle it anymore.”
“Me, me, me,” Jeremy mocked. “You’re a miserable fucking cunt, you know that? Not everything is about you. You think anyone else is going to put up with your horseshit behavior?” His phone dinged, and he leveled a finger at her. “I’ve got more important shit to worry about right now.”
He stalked for the door, then pivoted and stormed back. Everly reared back in fear till the wall stopped her retreat.
He stood so close that she could feel his hot breath on her face.
“You are damn lucky that I don’t treat you the way you actually deserve,” he ground out between clenched teeth.
“It could be a hell of a lot worse for you.” Without warning, he slammed his fist into wall next to her head, leaving a massive dent in the drywall.
Everly finally let the tears roll down her face as he barged out the door and slammed it behind him so hard that a picture fell off the wall. She sank to the floor, knees buckling as the house finally fell silent.
“In hindsight, I should’ve just packed up and left one day while he was at work.
But my parents haven’t always been the most supportive.
They said I was being dramatic and needed to figure it out.
And I didn’t have any money. I didn’t know what to do.
” She sat back down on the sofa. “Anyway, that same afternoon, he texted me that he was leaving for a mission and we would discuss it when he got back.”
“The ring,” Grant said quietly. “That’s why he wanted to mail it to you.”
“Yes. When you brought it back to me, I realized he’d given me his answer.”
“Ev.” Grant still stood in front of the windows, his expression unreadable. “First of all, I believe you.” He crossed the room and sat next to her on the sofa. “I just—you seemed so happy. I never would have known.”
Everly shook her head. “No one did. I was so ashamed. I was convinced there was something wrong with me as a wife, as a woman. That I had some terrible flaw that I was blind to, that only my husband could see. He almost had me convinced that I was the monster.”
Her voice dropped to a whisper. “The worst part, the part you’ll hate me for, is that when I found out he was gone…
a small part of me was relieved. Like I’d been given an easy out.
A fresh start at life.” She swallowed hard.
“But I'd never wished Jeremy dead, I just wanted away from him. So then the guilt for feeling that way ate at me until I couldn’t function anymore. That’s where I was when Colonel Lockhart found me and got me to Dr. Schafer. ”
Grant took her hand, and Everly was surprised to feel his fingers trembling slightly. “I could never hate you, Ev. Not in a hundred lifetimes. I get why you’d feel that way after so many years of walking on eggshells.”
“Thank you.” She gave him a weak smile, but he didn’t return it.
Grant looked troubled, his brow furrowed and his jaw working as he scraped his palm across his chin, a gesture that she knew from experience meant he was thinking hard.
He brushed his thumb over her knuckles. “Thank you for trusting me with this. Puts a lot of things into perspective.”
Part of her didn’t want to know the answer, but she asked anyway. “Did Jeremy ever talk about any of this with you?”
“Not a word,” he said. “In fact, he talked about you very little. I always figured you had a very private relationship.”
“I think he hated me, but I could never figure out why. I guess on a basic level, we were never really compatible. But that doesn’t excuse the way he treated me.
” Everly twirled a lock of hair around her finger.
“I should’ve left the first time he flew into one of his rages. And all the times after that.”
“Sometimes leaving is easier said than done. Especially when you don’t have a strong support system,” Grant said. “You did what you had to do to survive.”
She nodded, his words bolstering her. “I’m glad I’m here now.”
“Me too, Ev.” He patted her hand and then stood. “Are you okay with being alone in the house for a bit? I need to process this. Clear my head.”
“Yeah, of course. Posie and I will be fine.”
“All right. I’ll be out back.” He left through the screen door without looking back.
“Well…at least now he knows the truth,” she said to Posie, who remained stretched out in the sunlight, ignoring her entirely.
Everly sighed and rose to go inside, pausing to watch as Grant emerged from the woodshed with an axe and a thick metal spike, then pulled a log from the stack under the eaves and set it upright on a stump.
He hadn’t scoffed at her or worse, tried to blame Everly for her failed marriage. So why was she disappointed that he’d walked out? She’d opened up to him and he had walked away.
A loud thwack drew her attention as Grant swung the axe overhead and brought it down, splitting the log clean in half.
He wasn’t walking out on her, she corrected herself.
Jeremy had been his friend, and she’d just dropped a bombshell.
He really did need time to come to terms with the truth. And the pain that came along with it.
She stood, watching the steady rise and fall of his shoulders as he split log after log.
Maybe she shouldn’t have told him. Maybe she’d just ruined whatever they’d built together these past few days.
Deep down, though, she knew that wasn’t true.
He’d still be there for her, even if only as a friend.
He hadn’t run. He hadn’t looked at her like she was broken, or worse, a liar. Grant was her friend. And for now, that was enough.