18. Dax
DAX
No one spoke as we descended in the elevator, which I was grateful for because I wasn’t sure I could keep from lashing out even at them right now.
Rage, unlike anything I’d experienced before, put me in a fog to the point I wasn’t sure I knew what my body was doing.
All I knew was I needed to get out of this building, or I was going to burn it down with everyone inside.
There had been many moments where I thought I’d seen the worst of myself, but the way I was feeling right now was darker than any pit I’d been in before.
“Void,” I said through clenched teeth.
“Little demon,” he answered, concern clear in his voice. “What do you need?”
“Find me a fight, one where they won’t miss the body after I’m done with it,” I stated as I pushed through the front doors and headed right down to the pier.
What I needed right now was space, not to be trapped by my past or the pain I’d endured through that.
When I reached the end of one of the docks, I sat staring into the water, my own reflection staring back at me.
I didn’t want images of that time flashing through my mind.
It was too much. They’d been locked away deep in my soul in a metal box wrapped up in chains, tossing away the key to never be found.
Those memories didn’t exist. I’d buried them away in a small hole that I never once visited.
“Dax,” Cam rasped as he came up behind me, shaking me out of my thoughts with no concept of how long I’d been sitting here.
I shook my head. “No. Don’t you fucking dare say one more goddamn word.”
“You’re right. I have no right to say anything. I wasn’t there,” he agreed, his own pain clear in his voice. “Void found what you’re looking for, and we have a ride waiting.”
Standing, then spinning on my heel, I headed back up the hill and found the ride in question was a Hummer limo. “What the fuck is that?”
“Mr. Three says he’s looking forward to seeing a sample,” Void answered.
Glancing at him out of the corner of my eye, I saw he wasn’t thrilled with this gesture. “Did you warn him there will be clean-up needed?”
“Yeah, he said, not a problem. They had trash to take out as it was.”
Not needing to hear anything else, I climbed into the limo and took a seat.
I spotted a row of liquor bottles, but I didn’t need what that would offer me.
What I wanted right now wasn’t to be numb and lost in a drunken haze.
The clarity I had about my life and how this was going to end was all I needed to keep me in control.
If the criminal world thought they could fuck me over and use the one moment in my life I was weakest, I would show them the hurt that came after it.
“Dax, I think it just needs to be said, we will never ask you about what was mentioned,” Sprocket said once we’d gotten underway.
“If you choose to share that part of your life, so be it, but we won’t be asking for it.
The woman we love is you here and now. Whatever happened in the past won’t affect that, so it doesn’t matter if we know or not. ”
My rage had reduced enough for me to absorb what was happening around me.
I looked at all of them, the men who loved me and all my sharp edges.
They didn’t question or fight me on this.
They wanted to be there for me, however I needed them.
Right now, they were doing everything right, just letting me process from this blindside and affirming we were alright.
How I ended up this lucky when so many others don’t was simply a miracle.
“Thank you,” I whispered and turned to look back out the window.
We drove for what seemed like a half hour, heading more inland.
The contrast to the nice polished Hummer we were riding in to the area the driver brought us to was quite drastic.
Most of the houses were boarded up, covered in spray paint with gang tags and other randomness.
The cars were older models, dented, paint peeling, and rust chewing away at the sides.
The driver turned off the main road and brought us to what seemed like an old factory area that had been shut down when work was sent overseas.
When we came to a stop in front of one of them, the overhead door rolled back, and two thugs stood in the entrance.
Shoving open the door I was closest to, I hopped out of the Hummer, landing with a thud on the broken asphalt.
My guys poured out using both doors and came to flank me as I approached the two lackeys.
“Mr. Three sent us,” I stated.
One of the guy's brows rose as he looked me up and down. “You’re the badass he told us was coming to blow off some steam?”
I blew a strand of hair out of my face, grabbed my gun, and shot the asshole in the thigh. He dropped to the ground screaming and clutching his leg. “Fucking bitch, you shot me.”
“That badass enough for you?” I asked as I walked past him into the warehouse.
The space was huge and wide open with the late afternoon sun streaming in from the high windows. Dust motes drifted about as a breeze kicked up from the door being open. In the center of the space was a circular fighting ring with chain-link fencing around it, making it into a cage.
I spotted a bench near the ring that I headed for, pulling off my jacket. Then taking a seat, I unlaced my boots and removed my socks. Before I handed over my gun to Void, I dropped out the mag and handed that to Eagle. Sick and tired of being shot, I wasn’t taking any chances.
Standing, I debated if I was going to keep my pants on or take them off.
While the leather was soft and pliable, I felt like it would still hold me back.
The guys started to grumble at this until they noticed I had on black boy shorts for underwear.
It would cover as much as what I would wear for fight night, so they let it go.
I’d worn a lace bralette under the crop top since if I lifted my arms, you’d see under boob, so I left the shirt as is.
“Who’s got a knife? I might need a backup?” I asked.
Cam pulled one out. It was a butterfly knife he favored using. I took a closer look and found it was the one I’d given him for Christmas when we were still dating. The bastard really hadn’t ever given up on us, had he?
“You gonna tape up or use gloves?” Void asked.
“Nah, I’m not expecting these to take that long,” I answered, shaking out my arms and legs. “All I’m going to ask is that no matter what happens in the ring, you let me handle it until it truly looks like I might be in danger.”
“You’re gonna need to narrow that down just a tad, loba,” Cognac requested.
I looked them all in the face for a moment before I answered. “Where I’m about to go in my head for me to release this, I won’t feel pain. I’ll take hits left and right, brushing them off until I'm so worn out, I can’t fight anymore. That’s where you all come in. I need you to protect me from me.”
That had the guys looking a little worried, well, all but Void. He stepped forward and gripped my chin, searching my face before he kissed me ruthlessly, biting my lip hard enough I thought it might bleed. “If your demons become too much, we will save you like we promised.”
Nodding once, I turned to the cage and entered, picking a corner to start in away from the door.
Since we had arrived, I hadn’t seen anyone here but the two thugs, but I knew somewhere people were watching.
My money was the Four were either up in some hidden box or watching through cameras a safe distance away.
It was a smart plan, and I was giving them a sample of what was to come.
This might be the stupidest idea I’d ever had, but this was the only way I could process what I was going through.
I’d tried therapy before, but talking about something you couldn’t change didn’t do a damn thing.
Right here, right now, I was in control of my fate.
How this fight turned out was all on me and my abilities.
My body had betrayed me before, and since then, I’d made a point to ensure it could never do it again.
Getting shot started this spiral, and I’d managed to hold it back.
Now I knew it was time. After everything I had gone through since that fateful day Kimber, my ex-sister-in-law, came to pay me a visit, shit had gone south.
Hearing someone step onto the mats, I opened my eyes and found a man standing there at the entrance.
His eyes were dead, holding no hope in them.
It wasn’t the same as him deciding to give up, knowing his death was inevitable.
No, this was the look of a man who’d killed so many people his soul had become blackened from the hit.
He would kill anyone he was told to, no longer caring about the repercussions of it.
“Knives or no knives?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “You can have a knife. It might mean you last a little longer in the ring.”
I cocked a brow at this. “Did they tell you who you were fighting?”
“Doesn’t matter, you’ll end up dead, or I will in the end. What good is knowing who you are or who I am?” he answered as he started to approach me.
Well, isn’t this guy a bundle of joy and roses. Guess this explains why they don’t care if I take him out.
Setting my blade on the edge of the ring, wanting to use Cam’s for this, I faced my opponent, feeling it was better just to use one.
There hadn’t been any established rules, but I didn’t really want any either.
Crouching into a low fighting stance, I took a deep breath and yanked open the door on my banked rage.
It exploded out, but instead of causing it to make me once more fall into that haze of fury, I used it to hone in on my target.
This man in front of me was where I placed all the pain, anger, and emotions I hadn’t dealt with over the years.