- EPILOGUE
I met my mother three days after I moved into the Light Court.
I got three days of as much food as my too-empty belly could handle.
Three days of lazy or alternately energetic and inventive sex with Jasper, a shared bed with him at night, his arms around me when I woke in the morning, his comforting presence erasing the nightmares so I could rest peacefully, his constant digs a reminder that even though we had settled comfortably into love, Jasper was still Jasper and he liked to get a rise out of me.
And I was still me so I gave as good as I got.
I got three days of no fear, no anxiety, no constant swirling feeling in my stomach that told me there was another catastrophe on the way.
On that third day, after Ang had asked five times, I finally felt like I was ready to meet the woman who lost her mind to protect me.
The second she walked in, I knew exactly what I would look like in a few years.
She had the same long, dark hair, the same bone structure, the same somewhat full lower lip and the tipped-up ever so slightly nose.
She had the same long limbs and barely-there womanly parts.
The only difference was her eyes were dark like Ang's and mine were light like Cass and Jet.
It was a little freaky that, given how time passed differently in The Green, she looked more like an older sister to me than my mother.
She wore the same long white hemp pants as Ang and a white tunic that slipped low in the front, not hinting at breast because there was little enough there to hint at, but showing some chest and the ugliest necklace I had ever seen in my life.
But even as she walked in on her own two feet, seemed to be able to carry out basic everyday functions, it was clear that she wasn't there. You looked in her eyes and you saw nothing. She was absent. She was living and breathing, but a shell of a woman.
I closed my eyes tight at that realization as Ang sat down beside her, a foot or so in front of me and Jasper, her expression a little sadly hopeful.
Feeling awkward, but knowing it wasn't exactly appropriate to sit and stare or, alternately, to sit and ignore her, I smiled a little wobbily and reached out toward her.
"Hi, Mom." Okay, so I knew I shouldn't have expected a response.
My voice wasn't some cure for mental illness, but I was still just the tiniest bit disappointed when all I got was more of the vacant stare.
I got a whole new level of respect for Ang as she sat there, serene smile in place, because I knew how amplified her disappointment must have been to see no progress in her daughter for all those years.
I swallowed hard against the feeling, touching her hand.
"That's a really unique necklace," I said, mostly meaning it. It was unique... uniquely hideous.
Beside me, Jasper stiffened. "Cece, she's not wearing a necklace."
"Yeah, dear. We don't put jewelry on her in case she might get caught up and not know how to free herself," Ang said, her brows knitted.
Not quite willing to admit I was following the family tradition of going batshit crazy, I reached out toward her neck. "Really? Then what is this?" I asked, lifting it off her skin.
"What the fuck..."
"How..."
So, um, yeah. Jasper cursing and Ang gasping was never a good thing. I dropped the necklace instinctively, looking between the two of them. "What?"
"Pick that up again," Jasper demanded.
"Take it off her," Ang put in.
No less confused, but willing to play along, I grabbed the necklace and lifted it carefully up, reaching out with my other hand to untangle her hair from the clasp. "Here," I said, holding it in my palm.
"A spell?" Jasper asked, looking at Ang who nodded slightly. "For what?"
"I have no idea," Ang said, taking it from me and inspecting it. "It's powerful though. It vibrates like a hummingbird's wings in your hand."
"Does anyone else think it's weird that it was invisible?" I asked, thinking of my own disappearing necklace, wondering fleetingly if seeing it meant I had some sort of pixie ancestry too.
"No, spells usually are invisible. They cost fae a fortune for that kind of magic, but that is how they work," Jasper explained. "What is weird is that you could see it, but no one else."
"I will have some witches get on this right away," Ang said, standing, anxious to know what had been on her daughter since... well... no one knew when. "They can find out what this was used for."
I looked back at my mother, feeling like I had even less to say to her without the necklace to comment on. "I'm sorry I suck at this," I told her and Jasper's hand squeezed my leg.
And I almost swore that for the absolute barest of seconds, something flashed in her eyes.
But it couldn't have.
--
Jasper - 5 Days
Five days after Cece came to the castle, we were all sitting in the dining hall enjoying a quiet meal, the concept still novel to me and Cece so we did so with a small bit of anxiety, when out of nowhere, Dany looked at the servant and said no.
Ang's fork fell to the table with a clatter as everyone's eyes went to Dany.
But that was it. There was nothing else, just the no.
My eyes went to Ang who shook her head in confusion.
Her witches hadn't been able to give a clear answer as to what the symbols or vibrations of the spelled necklace were.
The best guess they could come up with was some kind of repression spell.
But for all they knew, what it did was repress the feelings she had as a young woman toward Cass. It made the most sense.
Under the table, Cece's hand found mine, her fingers slipping between mine and squeezing hard.
After a fair bit of head-butting and objections that she was in no way worthy of the throne of a 'freaking faerie Court!
', she had finally settled down and started taking her lessons.
She devoured the ones on history, on creatures, on healing and gritted her teeth on the ones about the laws and punishments, most of which she found antiquated and barbaric.
She was trying.
But I could also tell that she was perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop.
It didn't matter how much Ang assured her that she was safe in the Light Court, that no Dark king had set foot on Light land with ill intentions in all of fae history.
It also didn't matter how much I tried to calm one anxiety, another was always right behind it to pop up.
On days when she was sullen and detached, she would carry around her black moonstone so no one could read her. Especially me.
For all the bad, though, there was just as much good.
Cece met Light fae who meant her no harm.
She accepted gifts from well wishers who were excited to see an heir to their throne finally.
She talked with Ang, letting down some of her guards so she could get to know her family.
She sat with her mother. Best of all, she came to me.
She came and found me, eyes bright and smile huge when she learned something new and wanted to share.
She came to me shoulders slumped and frown lines creasing between her brows and fell into me, letting me wrap her up and hold her until she felt better.
Then at night, well, she came to me for other reasons and I took my sweet time showing her how much I appreciated it.
I knew Cece was un-trusting. I knew she had known men from a young age all the way up to the encounters with her father who had reinforced her belief that she was better off taking care of herself, not leaning on men.
So the fact that she turned to me, without thought, without hesitation, that meant a lot to me. It meant everything.
--
Cece- 3 Weeks
My mother started dressing herself. She bathed herself. She chose what she wanted to eat. Ang was beside herself with relief, her very breathing seeming easier. To me, it didn't seem like much. But I guessed to her who had been dealing with next to nothing for so long, it was huge.
"They're here," Jasper said, standing in the doorway to my room while I fretted over my clothes, something I did very rarely. But the occasion called for it.
Jade, Doyle, and Alex were coming for a visit.
Just a visit, Jasper had emphasized, making sure I didn't get my hopes up too high.
He said Jade was doing better, but that she wanted to stay at Baba Yaga's.
She found peace there. And Doyle, the loving, amazing, selfless man he was, built a small hut ten feet from Baba Yaga's property line, never leaving.
Most nights, Jade would walk out of Baba Yaga's and fall into his arms, trusting him to keep her safe, to help ease the memories.
To be perfectly honest, I was nervous about seeing Jade. I was worried I would do the wrong things, say the wrong things, not be the support system she might need.
"Stop," Jasper said, walking up behind me, wrapping an arm around my waist and settling his chin on my shoulder.
"You be you. If you try to be anything else, she will know it's not genuine and she'll resent it.
She doesn't need you to coddle her and be her therapist. She needs her friend.
And, to her, that means you be a little blunt, a little hardass, but do it with love. She misses you, Cece."
I nodded, swallowing hard, feeling intolerably stupid in the white pants and tunic that seemed to be standard ware for the Light Court.
"Leave it to a chick to worry about her fucking clothes," Jasper said, goading me on purpose.
"Leave it to a guy to be a dick," I shot back.
"You ready?"
I exhaled hard. "Yes."
We walked out into the courtyard to find Jade half-folded into Doyle's side, his arm around her shoulders, making her slump just the slightest bit, but I had the feeling that she enjoyed the pressure. Alex was talking to Ang, her demeanor easy, as if the two had known each other at some point.