Chapter 19
April was tiptoeing back to Violet’s room when Tanner’s door flew open. She startled badly and nearly dropped the glass of water she’d brought up from the kitchen. Nerves always made her mouth go dry.
Tanner stood in the doorway, eyes hard, muscles tense, like he was ready to pounce.
“I was just getting a glass of water,” she whispered.
“Violet’s sound asleep thanks to that children’s pain reliever we gave her, but I can’t seem to close my eyes, and I didn’t want to wake her.
I promised her I’d sleep with her tonight.
Ned always made me leave by a certain time.
I never got to check on her, or be there for her when she had a nightmare.
I never even knew what happened after I tucked her in. ”
Tanner pushed off the door frame and came to stand in front of her.
His large build overshadowed her much smaller one, but she didn’t feel threatened, or even scared by his presence.
He might be questioning her intentions toward him, but she’d long since crossed the line of getting to know him, and sailed right past the one where she had a schoolgirl crush on him.
No. After everything she’d seen, and how he’d taken the news that Violet was his, April pretty much knew she loved him.
Not that she’d ever tell him. Tanner had enough on his plate already. Besides, her first priority was Violet.
“She’s never going back there again, April. I don’t care what I have to do. If I have to leave the country with her and become a fugitive, I’ll gladly do it before I let Ned take her back to that hell hole.”
April winced. If he made good on that plan, chances were high that she’d never see her niece again.
Or him. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.
” She just hoped it would be anything but what he’d just said.
Then she gave him the words she sensed he’d been needing all this time.
“I trust you, Tanner. I would’ve never brought her to you if I didn’t. ”
The way his gaze on her softened and his muscles relaxed, even if his posture was still ramrod straight, told her it was exactly what he needed to hear.
“And I will never give you reason to doubt that trust,” Tanner said.
“Ever. I want you to know that no matter what happens between us, you will always be welcome here. You can see Violet and spend as much time with her as you want, forever as far as I’m concerned. ”
April sighed; her eyes glossy with tears. “I broke an NDA agreement, Tanner. Ned has every reason to have me thrown in prison.”
Tanner smiled. “It takes a little more than that to get someone thrown in prison, as you so eloquently put it.”
“You don’t understand.” The words came out soft, like they were being ripped from the depths of her soul.
She didn’t want to tell him about her past mistakes.
Didn’t want him to know how far she’d fallen before being lifted up by the worst person she’d ever known.
“When I told you that Ned saved me, I wasn’t exaggerating.
I did something in my past. Something I’m not proud of.
Ned helped me. He made it all go away on the condition that I come work for him with Violet.
I saw it as a saving grace, not realizing the hell I was about to step into. ”
Tanner stared at her for a long moment, his gaze soft as he pulled his shoulders back, making himself appear even larger than he already was. “Do you trust me enough to tell me?”
April swallowed, hard. That was the problem.
She did trust him, more than she’d ever trusted anyone, except maybe her mom and Zara.
She turned and started walking away from him, then looked back, inviting him to follow her to the guest room.
She set the glass of water down on the nightstand, and sat on the edge of the bed.
After patting the spot next to her, she waited for him to sit beside her.
Just like that day in the garden that now felt like a lifetime ago.
She’d never actually told anyone this story.
Ned was the only person who knew, aside from the fancy lawyer he hired for her, the assistant district attorney back in Los Angeles, and whoever else was involved in her case back then.
She hated being so vulnerable in front of Tanner.
She’d put up such a tough girl act for him, never wanting him to see her as weak.
But all that would end the moment he knew the truth.
He’d never see her the same way again, and that was what she dreaded most now.
He already questioned her feelings for him.
Now, he’d question his feelings for her.
He sat beside her on the edge of the bed, waiting for her to start talking.
The sound of his breathing in the otherwise quiet room was slow and steady.
She imagined his heart rate was much the same, unlike hers that felt like it was about to drum right through her ribcage.
“It was after Casey died. I had a hard time dealing with it. I did some things…” She looked up at him then.
“Drugs. Coke and some Meth. It got pretty bad. I thought I had gotten it under control, but I was leaving work one day, and I wasn’t paying attention. I hit a kid with my car.”
Tanner sat perfectly still, like he was letting her get it all out with no judgement.
“The boy made a full recovery, but I was fired, of course, and there was a lawsuit. I was going to prison. I knew I deserved it. But then Ned stepped in, threw some money around, and made it all go away.”
Tanner listened, without interrupting. She felt his entire being focused on her. Not judging. Just being. Here. With her. Present in the moment.
Drawing on his quiet strength, she continued.
“I went to a thirty day rehab facility to get clean. Pretty much quit cold turkey and never looked back. Violet needed me and that was more than enough to keep me sober.” She let out a long sigh.
“There were definitely days I thought about using, and Ned used to drug test me randomly the first year. But I honestly never even came close to touching the stuff again. I just can’t seem to forgive myself for hitting that little boy.
And I never want to put anyone else in danger like that. ”
“That’s why you don’t drive,” Tanner said.
“That’s why I don’t drive,” she confirmed. The words felt like a huge weight being lifted off her shoulders.
“Survivor.” Tanner’s word fell into her lap like an anchor no one had thought to toss her way as she continued to drift further out to sea.
“What?” April looked at him as if she couldn’t believe what he’d said. This man had a gift of making her feel like more than what she was. And he’d just done it again.
“That’s what you are. A survivor. You messed up, sure. But you pulled yourself together and sacrificed everything to be there for a little girl who needed you. That's a special kind of strength most people don’t have. That’s the kind of grit only survivors have.”
April shrugged. “I don’t know. It feels like I’ve been treading water for the most part.”
“You were,” he agreed. “But that doesn’t make you any less of a survivor. No matter what you did in your past, you are the best thing that has ever happened to Violet.”
April knew that wasn’t necessarily true. She’d held off telling him about his daughter. Hadn’t even told Violet that she’d found her biological father.
“Hey,” he said, taking her hand into his warmer, much larger one. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“I came to Dallas wanting to make Violet’s life better.
But after meeting Ned and signing that NDA, I knew I was just as trapped as she was.
Every night, I hoped and wished and prayed for a miracle for her.
I didn’t even care what happened to me. I would’ve gone to the police so much sooner, but aside from having so many cops on his payroll, Ned also has lawyers, and he would’ve denied everything.
Then he would’ve gotten rid of me. I couldn’t let that happen to Violet.
Every time Echo came to take her away, she’d look back at me to make sure I was still there.
When she was done, her eyes would immediately search for me, seeking me out.
If I ever gave Ned a reason to fire me… she’d have no one.
She needed me.” April heaved in a breath, and Tanner’s grip on her hand tightened just a bit, grounding her.
“I think my fear of leaving her alone with Ned was what really kept me from coming to you. Even after I knew you were a good guy, I was so afraid that Ned would get to us before we could get to you, and then it would all be over. It was Violet’s idea to run today.
If I hadn’t listened to her, she’d still be under that monster’s control, and I’d still be consumed by my fear. ”
Tanner sighed, his expression a mix of sadness, compassion, and something else she couldn’t quite read. “But you did listen to her, and you’re here now. You overcame your fear, and everything worked out. For both of you.”
She glanced up at Tanner for the first time since inviting him back into the room, and met his gaze.
Without hesitation, he dropped his head and kissed her.
All coherent thoughts instantly flew from her mind.
She turned and leaned into his hard body, her tongue slipping out to meet his in a playful dance.
A soft moan came from the back of her throat.
Tanner adjusted himself on the bed, angling his body more toward her, turning his head to deepen the kiss.
Time seemed meaningless as he chased her tongue back into her mouth and proceeded to devour it. Ravage it. Slow. Purposeful.
Everything he did, from placing his hand on the back of her neck, to softly brushing a hair out of her face, to pulling her off the bed and onto his lap, she was there for it. Every touch. Every kiss. Every breath.
Until he pulled back, leaving her breathless and needing more. Much more. Tanner thumbed her cheek and rested his forehead against hers. “I can’t believe I was worried everything we shared was all in my head.”
She smiled, a mixture of relief and contentment. “Only if your head lives in mine, because I started falling for you weeks ago, Tanner Rhodes.”