Chapter 4 #3
She pressed closer and he had to hold back a groan. They were in public—her shop and place of business. It wouldn’t do to have him pick her up by the waist and place her on the counter so he could get a better angle at her mouth.
He’d have to wait for them to be alone for that.
When he pulled back, she licked her lips again. “See you at my place,” she breathed, then took his hand and led them to the parking lot.
The relief that hit him was heady. He’d been afraid they’d have to hide this since things were so new, but that wasn’t the case. He hadn’t thought twice about leaning down to kiss her once he’d seen her, and he was damn lucky she hadn’t pulled back too quickly.
They needed to talk, but first…first he needed her taste.
As soon as they entered her home, she locked the door behind them and pressed her back against the hard wood.
“Hungry?” she asked.
He nodded but set the bag down on the entry table. “Yeah, I am. But I think food can wait.”
She smiled then. “Good.”
He cupped her face then crushed his mouth to hers. Her lips parted for him, and he tangled his tongue with hers, both of their resounding moans going straight to his dick. She put both hands on his back, her fingernails digging into his beat-up leather jacket.
That wouldn’t do.
He wanted to feel. He pulled away then tugged off his jacket and threw it on the floor before doing the same to hers.
“You want this, Hails?” he asked, his voice ragged. He needed to know before he moved on.
She reached up and bit his chin, sending a shock down his back.
“Yes. I want you. I’ve wanted you for years.
I wanted you to come over today and kiss me good morning, but I’m glad you didn’t.
Because if you had, then I’d have taken you to my office and had you right there on my desk.
Probably not the best way to try and get work done. ”
He stared at her a moment, then threw his head back and laughed.
“Jesus, I’m so fucking glad I’m not alone.
I tried to keep you off my mind like I have for so long, but it didn’t work.
When I wasn’t thinking about if I should come over to your side or not, I was thinking about what I wanted to do to you as soon as I saw you.
It’s bad, Hails. I want you so much that I don’t know if I can be gentle. ”
“Sloane…”
He ran his hands up her rib cage and stopped right under her breasts. “You need to tell me what to do, Hails. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You can’t hurt me,” she whispered, though they both knew that wasn’t quite the truth. But they didn’t talk about that. Couldn’t talk about that.
When he moved to cup her breast, she sucked in a breath. “Tell me what to do.” She didn’t feel any different than what he’d thought she’d feel like, but damn if he’d hurt her.
“You’re doing it. I’m not made of glass, Sloane.”
He leaned down and pressed his mouth to her temple. “You’re far stronger than glass, but I want to make this good for you.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s impossible for you not to.”
He kissed down her neck, and she tilted her head to give him better access. “I’m not going to make love to you for the first time against a door. The first time we’ll be in your bed.” He kissed her again. “Next time we can be against the door. Or on the table. Or in the shower.”
She let out a shuddering breath. “I take it you have this all planned out.”
“Not quite that, but I’ve thought about all of it.”
She tilted her head up to meet his gaze. “Me, too.”
He pressed his mouth to hers and pulled his hand away from her breast. As she wrapped her arms around his neck, he reached around to cup her ass in his hands and lifted her off the ground.
She let out a little squeak along his mouth, and he kissed her harder.
When he moved toward her bedroom, she wrapped her legs around his waist, her heat pressed hard against him.
Fuck. He wasn’t going to last long.
As soon as he got to her bedroom, he set her down and pulled away so he could study her face.
She bit her lip then tugged on the bottom of her shirt.
“I…I’ve only been with one other person since the surgeries.
I know you don’t want to hear about other men, but I wanted to make sure you know that you won’t be the first to see my scars other than my doctor.
” She pressed her lips together. “You’ll be the second, actually. ”
He ground his teeth together at the thought of her with another man but pushed it away as fast as he could.
She was telling him this for a reason and he got it, but it didn’t mean he had to like it.
From the hesitant way she moved, he had a feeling the asshole before him hadn’t done his job.
Sloane would be damned if he’d allow that to happen again.
“Like I said, tell me what to do.”
“Just make love to me,” she whispered. With that, she pulled her shirt over her head and let out a breath. He could see the scars on her stomach, the port scars on her chest. The bra she wore covered most of her, but he could tell she’d had surgery.
He moved closer then put one hand around her back to the clasp of her bra. He leaned down and kissed her softly. When he undid the clasp, she moved her arms so the bra fell on the floor between them, tangling with their feet.
“It’s not pretty,” she said, her voice stronger than before. “But it took me a long time to realize I’m beautiful despite the scars.”
Sloane pulled away and looked into her eyes before dropping his gaze to her chest. His heart constricted at the sight of what had almost taken her from him.
“You’re beautiful with the scars, Hailey.” And that was true. Her surgeon had done a fantastic job, but even if they hadn’t been as precise as they obviously were, she’d have been beautiful.
Long scars bisected each breast and smaller ones marred the undersides. Parts of her skin had dimpled or scrunched together as the tissue and muscles underneath had been moved around during her healing.
“I don’t look like I once did.”
He tilted his head at her and nodded. “No one does. You look like a fucking survivor, Hailey. That’s all that matters to me.
You get that? You’re here. You’re here to be with me and that’s what I know.
You’re alive, breathing, fucking thriving.
What more can I ask for? So you don’t have nipples? So what? You’re here.”
Tears filled her eyes and she reached up to wipe them away. He took her hand quickly before wiping her tears away himself.
“I’m not going to lie to you, Hailey. I won’t do that.
I know you don’t look like you once did, but fuck, I don’t either.
” He pulled back and took off his shirt.
Scars covered his back and sides, as well as most of his chest. Surgical scars, scars from cuts and abrasions, as well as a few burn scars dotted his skin.
“Oh, Sloane…” She reached out and brushed her fingers along the largest one—a mix of burn and jagged lines. “I didn’t know.”
He shrugged but put his hand over hers before pulling her palm so it rested over his heart. “I hid them like you hid yours. No reason for others to know and not know what to say, to feel. But you’re not anyone. You’re Hailey. We’re both scarred, but we’re here.”
And those he’d left behind weren’t.
But he wouldn’t think about that now.
Not when he had Hailey in front of him, bared in body and soul.
“Will you tell me about them?” she asked.
At first he thought she was talking about the men he’d lost, but then he knew she was speaking of the scars. Of course, they went together in a way, and he knew he’d have to tell her everything eventually.
“Not right now. Let me love you first.”
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll hold you to that.”
“Just let me hold you.”
Sloane kissed her again, running his lips along her neck before kneeling in front of her.
Hailey’s body shook, but she placed her hands on his shoulders.
When he kissed her left breast and the scar that resided there, he felt the first tear drop on his head.
He kept going, kissing each scar, each mark that had cost her, but in the end, had saved her.
Without the pain, without the scars, he would have lost her before he’d had her. And he’d never forget that.
While Hailey might not be able to feel his touch here the same way she once might have, he wanted to love her in every way he could. They both would come tonight, would make love until they were spent, but first, he needed to love her body.
All of her body.
He might be too large, too jagged, too haunted, but he’d make this special for her.
He couldn’t suck on her, play with her the way he might have with another woman, but there were still things he could do. By the time he moved his lips across her chest, and then down her belly, she had her hands on his head, pressing him closer.
He pulled back and grinned. “Bet you wish I had hair for you to pull right about now.”
She sniffed, though her eyes were dark with desire. “I…I felt that, Sloane. It wasn’t…it wasn’t like before, but you kissing me…”
He quickly moved to his feet and crushed his mouth to hers. She gasped and pressed her body to his. His hard cock rocked against her belly and he groaned.
When he pulled away, he moved them both to the bed then pulled her pants down in a quick move. She gasped and laughed when they caught on her shoes.
He snorted, then undid her shoes and threw her pants across the room. “Next time we take our shoes off at the door.”
She met his gaze. “Deal.”
He quickly pulled off his clothes—shoes first—and climbed into bed with her. They kissed again, their hands roaming over each other’s bodies until they were both left breathless. When she went to grip his cock, he stilled her.
“If you touch me right now, I’ll come and ruin the rest of our night.” He groaned when she slid her foot up his calf. “I’m not as young as I once was.”
“I forgot I’m dating such an older man.”
He let her go, only to reach around and smack her ass. “Sassy.”
“You know it.”
Sloane licked his lips then cursed before getting up and searching for his wallet and the condom he’d left in there.
“That thing still good?” she asked.
“Yep,” he said and came back to her while rolling the condom on his length. “I put it there this morning.”
“Feeling cocky?” she teased.
He covered her body before he pressed the tip of his cock to her entrance. “You’re about to feel my cock.”
She groaned. “Bad joke, Sloane.”
“True, but you’ll still feel it. All of it.” With that, he kissed her again, thrusting his hips and filling her in one move. They both groaned, their bodies shaking.
“You’re…bigger than I thought.”
He couldn’t help but grin. “Thank you.” He kissed her. “And you’re fucking tight as hell.”
“Thank you,” she teased then gasped as he moved.
He tangled their fingers together and kept his gaze on hers. Her eyes darkened and her mouth parted as they made love, slowly, eternally. They’d be different another time, be harder, hotter, or whatever they needed. But for now, for that moment, they were them.
He wasn’t a poet, wasn’t someone in touch with his feelings, but with Hailey under him, her trust and body in his arms—literally—he felt like he could die right then and find heaven.
Though he didn’t want to leave her, didn’t want to lose her.
As he thrust once more, her pussy clenching around him like a vise, he came with her, their hearts beating as one, their breaths coming in pants.
She was his, if only for the moment.
And if he tried hard enough, he might not fuck it up. But he knew himself, knew his past.
He wanted her, wanted this until the end of his days, but he was Sloane Gordon, and he didn’t get happy endings.
He never had…and he never would.