Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
Sloane stood in the office of Montgomery Ink and tried to figure out what he was going to do next. His back hurt from bending over too long with the last client, on top of not being able to sleep that much the night before.
He hadn’t let Hailey spend the night, making sure he took her out to dinner before dropping her off at her place. But he knew she’d caught on that she hadn’t woken up in his arms. He’d never woken up with her pressed against him.
There was something wrong with him and he knew it. He had to talk with someone because not doing so would only make things worse. For Hailey.
There wasn’t much he could do about how he felt about himself at this point.
As soon as he finished her ink, he’d find a way to let her go so she wouldn’t end up hurt because of him.
Once she knew how he’d come to be, how he’d ended up in Montgomery Ink, she’d see.
It wasn’t fair to keep at it, to keep having her in his arms. He’d already told himself that he wouldn’t sleep with her again—even if his body ached for it.
It made him an asshole to keep having her with him, knowing he couldn’t keep her.
Yes, it was better for Hailey in the long run not to be with a man such as him, but it didn’t make it any easier.
“Sloane?” Callie came up to him, her hand on the barely noticeable bump at her center. “There’s a man outside asking for you.” She bit her lip. “I don’t think he wants to come inside, but I was out there trying to get some fresh air and saw him.”
Sloane’s senses went on alert. “Who was it? Are you okay? Should you be going outside alone in your condition?”
Callie shook her head, a smile tugging at her lips.
“You sound like Morgan. I’m fine going outside in the daylight.
I promise. But I don’t know his name. He only said he wanted to talk to you.
” She took a deep breath. “He’s wearing a uniform, Sloane.
But it’s old and dirty. He also looks strung out, but I don’t exactly know.
It could be that he’s homeless and tired, but it seemed a bit more than that. ”
Sloane froze at her description then cursed. “Don’t go outside, Callie. Stay here with Austin and Maya. Okay?”
She frowned at him. “Who is it, Sloane? What has you so worried?”
He lowered his head and kissed her temple.
“Just be safe, Callie. I’ll go outside and see what it is.
If it’s a drugged-out guy, though, I don’t want you anywhere near him.
” Nor did he want Hailey anywhere near him, but he couldn’t say that without drawing attention to the issue.
If Callie were worried about him, she’d bring Hailey over and then he wouldn’t be able to hide his past anymore.
And he needed to in order to keep Hailey untainted.
He left a confused Callie in the office and made his way to the front of the store, aware that Maya and Austin were watching him. He ignored them and walked outside in just his Henley, picking up his leather jacket from the hook at the front of the store on his way.
The hauntingly slender man in front of him was a blast from the past. The guy was a few years younger than Sloane, but looked at least fifteen years older.
It didn’t look like he’d shaved in over a year, nor did it appear as if he’d cut his hair.
Normally a buzz cut, it brushed the top of his shoulders and hadn’t been washed in far too long.
He wore an old uniform, as well as a threadbare jacket that hadn’t belonged to him in the past. He shifted from foot to foot, his attention on the sky above them.
“Jason.” Sloane’s voice was gruff, but firm. He didn’t know why the man was here today, but damn it, it tore at him that Jason was like this.
If it weren’t for luck and some determination, he’d be right by Jason’s side, living on the street, strung out and in pain.
“Ever wonder what it feels like to fly?” Jason asked, his eyes still on the clouds.
Dread filled Sloane’s belly and he did his best to keep his voice calm. “I used to, but I found I like my feet firmly planted on the ground.”
Jason met his gaze and Sloane wanted to break down.
The man wasn’t high, far from it. Instead, his old friend, the man he would have died for, the man he’d almost died for, felt everything.
There weren’t enough drugs in the world to hide the pain of what Jason was feeling—of what Sloane felt every day.
Callie had been right in thinking it could be a lack of sleep that led to the look of him, and now Sloane knew that was true.
Jason may have used in the past, but it had never been something he constantly did.
“If my feet are on the ground, then I know theirs aren’t.”
Sloane held back a curse as bile rose in his throat. “They might not have boots on the ground, but we’re here, Jason.”
“And they aren’t. You still dream of them?
Still dream of the burning. Because I do.
That’s why I don’t sleep, you see. Because if I sleep, they’re louder.
Now they’re just whispers, telling me I should move on.
Telling me I should stay. It doesn’t make sense, Sloane. Why doesn’t it make any sense?”
Sloane moved forward and slid his leather jacket over Jason’s shoulders.
It was old enough that Jason might be able to keep it for a bit before it was stolen by someone else on the street.
He didn’t dare give him something better in case someone thought it was worth Jason’s life.
He’d done that before and hated seeing the cuts on Jason’s lip from the fight.
He also could take Jason in or force him off the streets.
He’d tried that and had only ended up watching Jason walk away again.
His friend needed to stay where he was and Sloane could only help so much.
“You need to stay warm, Jason. Have you eaten today? Let me get you something to eat.” He wouldn’t take him to Taboo, though it was the closest. He didn’t want to bring Hailey into this. Or bring this to Hailey. She’d see the darkness beneath his skin and know the truth.
“I can still hear them screaming.” Jason faced Sloane fully.
“Why did we live? Why did I have to be in the truck behind you guys? I should have been in your truck like normal. But I got in the other one when we ran out of that last building. I got into the wrong one. And now they’re dead and I’m here and it doesn’t make sense. ”
Sloane clenched his jaw and put his hand on Jason’s shoulder. “Let’s get you something to eat, Jason.”
The other man shook his head. “I’m okay.”
He wasn’t. But then again, neither was Sloane.
“Let me give you some money for later, then.” He pulled out his wallet and took out the rest of the bills he had in there.
It wasn’t much, but it was something. He stuffed them into the pocket of the jacket he’d given Jason and squeezed the man’s shoulder.
“Be safe, Jason. Please.” Tears pricked at his eyes and he forced them away.
He didn’t have a right to cry. Not anymore.
“I always am, Sloane. That’s the problem. Isn’t it?” With that, Jason shuffled off, his hands in his new pockets.
Sloane stood there for another few minutes, watching Jason walk away and knowing he hadn’t done enough. He never did.
“Sloane?”
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, breaking inside once more. Hailey’s voice broke him into a thousand pieces, and yet he knew he couldn’t show her that. Wouldn’t. She’d seen it. What had she heard? What would she do?
“Go inside, Hailey.”
He heard her move toward him, but he kept his attention focused on the direction where Jason had disappeared.
“No. I won’t. You’re cold out here.”
“Then you’re cold, too. So go inside.”
“Sloane.” So much depth, so much emotion in that one word.
He wasn’t good enough for her. He was too dirty. Too unclean. He’d let the others die. He hadn’t been enough. Their deaths slid over his skin as if it owned him. He wasn’t what she needed. Regardless that he loved her. He was too rough, too on edge. Too full of guilt and sin.
She wouldn’t leave him, not unless he pushed. And if he didn’t push, he’d shatter her more. He’d have to break her right then.
“It’s over, Hailey. I can’t do this anymore. We had our time and it was fun, but I can’t do it. We’re just too different.”
“Look at my face when you say that. Look at my face when you try to end it without telling me anything at all.”
He turned then to face her. They stood in the middle of the sidewalk, though it was too cold outside for many people to be out and about. The others in the shop stood at the windows, staring, but he had to get this over with. He had to protect her from him.
“We had what we had, but I’m not made for long term. You’re made for so much more than me. So it’s over.”
She pushed at his chest and growled. “Stop it. Stop acting like this. This isn’t who you are.”
“I’m exactly this, Hailey.” He gripped her wrists and pushed her back. “I’m nothing. Don’t you get that? You don’t know me at all and that’s my fault, but fuck, everything’s my fault. So just walk away now.”
“You’re the one walking away. Not me.”
“Then let me walk.”
With that, he turned on his heel and headed to the alley that would lead him to the parking lot.
He had his wallet and keys and didn’t need anything else from the shop.
He’d just broken the one woman he’d promised to never hurt, but he hadn’t had a choice.
If he’d have stayed, she’d have been marred.
He’d let those close to him down before, let them burn and die and scream.
He couldn’t do the same to her.
* * *
Hailey watched him walk away and wondered what the hell had just happened. How could he do that? How could he leave her standing in the middle of the sidewalk as if nothing had happened?