Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
PRESENT
I trail Julia, stopping in my tracks to button my tight-fitting cardigan again. My wrist aches with a deep bruise inside. I still feel lucky I didn’t get worse and I can still work.
I deliberated for way too long about what to wear to this barbecue. It’s the first non-Pacific Dreams party I’ve been to since I left college. It’s our chance to make friends. I shouldn’t care if Santi notices me. I shouldn’t have spent an hour debating what to wear. But I do care. And that’s dangerous .
It’s such a toxic femininity thing. I know it’s stupid. But in the end, I chose my most flattering, dressier dark-wash denim and a sexy but classy cardigan I used to wear with pencil skirts to functions at Pacific Dreams. The only problem is when Nic died, so too did the tight control over my diet. I’ve never exactly been small, and even then, cleavage spilled out this scoop neck. Nobody ever told me you could put weight on your boobs. I’m curvier everywhere than I once was and I had to wear Spanx to get these jeans over my hips.
My damn button keeps popping open because I could use the next size up. Maybe that’s being generous. At least when the temperature drops more I can wear my jacket. Anyway, I need to stop thinking this way. After having a day of rest Julia insisted on, I’ve concluded I need to use every bit of energy on figuring out who broke into the farmhouse and who set that trap, not having Santi’s eyes on me—which is as close as I’ll get to him touching me again.
I need to control myself not only for me and Theo, but for Santi, too. I don’t know much about fostering, but, certainly, he won’t be able to live on Julia’s couch when Owen is supposed to move in. He’ll need to go home at some point, and without figuring out what’s going on, I don’t want him to. I’d hate for Theo and Julia to be put in any danger. Having him there at night makes me feel safe.
I took time to go to the station today while Julia used stocking inventory with Theo as a sort of math lesson. I met with Callum and the officer who came to the farmhouse that day and stared endlessly at the note they found.
Traitors will be punished.
It was not my father’s handwriting. I was still sure about that. Did he hire someone else to leave it? Someone connected to the scandal at Pacific Dreams?
After hearing about just how dark he went with Santi, I’m now doubting I know him. Still, it somehow feels beneath him to orchestrate a break-in. But he would hire someone else to do it, right? But… why?
Is he worried I brought heat by moving, like I’m running away? That it might look suspicious to the feds and it will bring more weight to the case against Nic?
Pacific Dreams is everything to my father. I’m sure this case is killing him. It’s already made headlines in my news app, and he’s alone in his mansion, falling from grace without anyone to catch him. Maybe I should make sure he’s okay?
Teaching Theo integrity is important to me, and integrity is doing the right thing even when someone else isn’t.
When my dad’s long work hours that were actually affairs were revealed and mom ran away to Brazil with Jo?o, I was there for my father many, many times. From twelve, I tried to make him feel appreciated, because even though he’d done wrong, it also felt wrong that mom left. I was there for fancy dinners. Tried to make Christmases bright. I listened attentively to his endless long rants about political candidates and changes to local tax laws that would affect his fortune.
Why did I stay attached to that horrid man who never once listened to me in return? Fear? Survival?
No. I won’t reach out. I have to put my mental health first for once.
Keeper runs ahead of us toward the smell of cooking meat. I glance down at Theo holding my hand and I’m determined to give him better. Better than a narcissistic mom chasing her youth through younger men. Better than conditional love .
The sound of laughter and lively chatter bends around the corner of Enzo and Ava’s house, punctuated by the sizzle of a grill and the occasional pop of a beer can opening. When we turn the corner, the warmth of a family gathering is a perfect portrait before us. Julia opens the gate of the backyard fence, and Theo grabs my hand.
The second I step through the gate, I feel it—his eyes on me. Even before I find him, I sense the shift in the air, like his gaze alone alters the current around us. When I finally meet those brown eyes, damn do I want a do-over on that sofa bed.
He glances up from a deck chair on the patio. Mila sits next to him with her muzzle on his thigh and a ball at his feet. Santi has been concentrating on what appears to be a whittling project in his hands.
I wave bashfully. He left without saying goodbye this morning, but I expected it with him having horses. I’m sure he has earlier starts than even the shop hours at Heritage. Anyway, I didn’t want to face him then. The morning still felt too soon with his warm touch lingering on my lips.
I need to crush this attraction I feel toward him, but… I don’t want to. The jeans, the cardigan, the boots—I tell myself I did this because moms deserve glow-ups, too. But the truth sits heavy in my chest. I did it for him. I’m screwed.
Theo notices Santi and waves. Santi salutes him in return, and the pair share a smile. Since coming to Echo Valley, Theo has experienced more organic smiling than possibly in his whole life. Of course he’s smiled before, but it was always after I carefully orchestrated something that would create so much joy in a moment, there wasn’t a choice. The home he grew up in wasn’t a happy place, but I made sure there were happy moments. Here, there’s an ease.
Maybe Theo is finding his peace here, too.
“Mom?” Theo gazes up at me. “Can I throw the ball for Mila and Keeper?”
“Of course.”
He runs over to where Santi sits, and with my concern for Theo gone, there’s now only room for my own.
Thankfully, the welcome committee of Echo Valley is here. Ava and Luis rush over to me.
“Kat!” Ava exclaims, almost as if surprised to see me.
But I’m starting to gather this woman is just high on life.
Luis has two drinks in his hand and gestures to each one respectively. “Coke? Chimayo Blondie? I had my son-in-law, Logan, ship me a case of it from Starlight Canyon. It’s a microbrewery there, and it’s better than the big brands.”
“I’d love to try a taste of New Mexico, thanks.” A beer might calm my nerves.
I peek over at Theo who threw one ball but is now sitting tight against Santi in the oversized chair, watching the handsome cowboy work his craft. My chest squeezes at the comfort between the two. Apparently yesterday provided an opportunity for bonding, something that until now, I wasn’t entirely sure Theo was capable of apart from with me.
But he was smiling with Owen when I picked him up yesterday. It was the first time I saw him play with another child in a long time.
His childhood hasn’t been easy. Nic never just let him be a kid. The man had nothing but criticism for our son right from the moment he was born. Theo could do no right in his father’s eyes. I take a slug of my beer to cool the burn that claws at my throat thinking about that vile man. I hate that I had to stay with him, that I had to expose my son to him. I know so many people would say all children should know their fathers. But those people didn’t know Nic.
Luis brings me back to reality. “How’s the wrist?”
It’s still in a fabric brace, not the accessory I would have chosen with this outfit.
“It’s fine. It mostly hurts when I lift heavier things but not too much at rest. I didn’t even want to wear this thing, but Julia said to keep it on for support for a few more days.”
Ava fake whispers behind her hand, “Little tip? Always do what Julia says.”
I laugh lightly. “It seems like she wears the crown in this town.”
Luis turns his head to hide the smile that instantly overcomes him. He clears his throat. “Ava told me she’s giving a math lesson to Theo tonight?”
I glance over at my son. Theo’s head is dipped down, and he’s squinting in fascination at something Santi points to on his wooden art project. I tilt my head in his direction. “That might be a hard sell right now.”
Luis throws his hand in the air. “Ah. Look at those two. So sad my son isn’t a father. He’s so good with kids.”
I smile politely, somehow knowing exactly where his thoughts are going.
He proves me right. “How old are you, Kat? If you don’t mind me asking.”
Ava slaps his arm gently with the back of her hand. “Luis! You can’t ask that!”
I bite my smile down, knowing what he meant by it. I’m flattered. Santi is a catch by any measure. It’s a compliment he’d set me up with a man of that quality. A man who means the world to him.
Ava sighs. “There will be no end to Luis wanting all his sons settling down. If he sees any opening,” she claps her hands together like they’re diving into home base, “he’ll go for it. I’m sure he’ll be making bids for Gabriel and Rio with you next.”
She hitches her thumb toward four men behind her shooting the breeze with beers in their hands. It’s obvious who Rio is, a replica of Enzo, but with tattoos, no glasses, and an even bigger scowl. He stands with another handsome man who looks related—Gabriel, I suspect—and then another big, burly beefcake. It’s like I just walked into a hot guy convention.
Is there some prerequisite that a man has to be handsome to live in this town? Or am I noticing because, for the first time in years, lust reignited? Thanks to one kiss with Santi, my radar for hot guys is on again.
I glance over at Santi and he catches my eye. Until we talk again it’s going to be all tight-lipped smiles between us. If we’re going to be friends, we’ll have to break the ice again. Who am I kidding?
We’ll have to walk through fire.
Ava asks, “Do you want me to see if I can get Theo interested in those fractions?”
“You’d probably be better off trying to teach me right now,” I laugh lightly. “Actually, I’ve been thinking about that. Maybe it’s better if you teach a man to fish, you know? If you can help me get up to speed with algebra and fractions again, maybe Theo and I will get through the next few months.”
“I’m sure you can handle it. You went to college, right?” Her eyes are wide.
Wait, how would she know that? Did Ava snoop on me?
“Sorry,” she says, quickly reading my furrowed brow. “If Luis’ toxic trait is setting up his sons, mine is cyberstalking. Plus…” She hauls Enzo to her side from behind her. “He made me do it.”
Clueless as to what he’s being blamed for, he simply raises his eyebrows and takes a pull of his beer.
“Enzo likes to know who’s coming through the gates. Don’t you, boss?” She winks.
He squints one eye at her, neither confirming nor denying; he simply gathers her under his arm and kisses her hair.
They’re cute.
“Mom! Can you come here a sec?” Theo calls.
Saved by the kid. The last thing I want to do is tell Ava, Enzo, and Luis I was a dropout. Once the news broke about my pregnancy, my dad didn’t think college was a good idea anymore. I get the impression this family isn’t judgmental, and I know Santi didn’t go to college, but that period of my life was one of the darkest, and it’s not something I want to pretend was fine over burgers and beers.
I excuse myself and join my son, instantly enveloped by Santi’s aura.
Theo points to the project he’s been watching Santi work on.
“Mom, Santi said he’ll show me how to do whittling if you’ll let me use a sharp knife.”
“A knife?” I ask. “I don’t know if you’re old enough to use a knife.”
“I’m ten, Mom. Santi said that he started whittling when he was nine.”
I think of a nine-year-old Santi, and somehow, he was probably a lot more worldly than my ten-year-old. Theo has been sheltered. I bet Santi was roping calves by the time he was Theo’s age. Probably chopping wood with a ginormous ax, too.
But then, I suppose a person only gets skills by practicing them, and we escaped our fancy town for just this kind of thing.
Santi reads my hesitation. “I have a beginner’s knife with a rounded edge, and it’s pretty safe.”
That he’s willing to show my son how to whittle is very endearing.
“Come on, Mom. You always say that you want me to do something creative, and this is creative. Look how cool it is.”
He hands me the small piece of wood that has been carved into what appears to be Hermione Granger. I inspect the intricate carving closely. I miss being creative myself. And my art. Holding what was once just a piece of wood and is now a treasure—it’s remarkable.
I lift it in the air. “This is impressive.”
My gaze meets Santi’s, and I’m whisked back to our tree, when I brought him oil pastels. When he used to trace my butterfly tattoo with his tongue then bite it…
Theo bursts through the past. He’s getting excited sensing a yes is on the way. “Isn’t it, though, Mom? It’s amazing. Santi said I could make a pig.”
“A pig?” I laugh. “Is that what you want to make?”
“Yeah, I love pigs.”
I can’t help but smile. I turn to Santi. “So, this knife you have—it’s totally safe? It won’t cut him?”
“I didn’t say that. It’s just safer than the one I’m holding right now.”
I don’t want Theo to get hurt, but isn’t this what I always wanted? For him to play, experiment, and learn his limits in nature through creativity?
“What is this wizard for?” I ask, wiggling Hermione between my fingers, avoiding saying yes to my son wielding a knife, even though I know it’s my only option .
I hand the piece back to Santi and make the mistake of touching his finger. Oh my good Lord am I going to have to summon some serious willpower.
Santi pauses as if he needs a minute like I do. “Uh…” He runs his fingers through his hair. “It’s for my nephew. I’m making him a chess set.”
I wish he wouldn’t be so annoyingly perfect.
It’ll take Santi hours and hours to make an entire set of wizards and whatever other creatures he’s using for the pieces. He has more than enough money, I’m sure, to buy his nephew a gift, but he’s chosen to make something with his own two hands. That’s the most precious thing in the world.
When I was pregnant with Theo, I fantasized about painting him a canvas every single year and giving them to him on his eighteenth. Nic would always throw my paints away though, under the guise of them being toxic, so I secretly started a sketchbook. It’s only drawings in number two pencils, but I hope he’ll love them.
I squeeze Theo’s shoulder. “You can have a knife, but you have to follow Santi’s directions, be careful, and if you lose a finger?” I feign seriousness. “That’s on you.”
Theo giggles. Gosh, he seems so much lighter here. It makes me happy and sad all at the same time. So many years he must have been hiding in his shell.
Suddenly, there’s a looming presence next to me. I turn. It’s Rio standing there. The man gives off sexy grim reaper vibes.
He considers me carefully before saying, “You must be Kat.”
I nod. “By the power of deduction, you must be Rio.”
Apparently, he’s not one for small talk. Or even segues.
“Has Santi talked to you about Anton and Gabriel? ”
I cross my arms to question Santi. “No…”
Gabriel, and who I can only assume is Anton, appear next to Rio.
Santi gives Theo a gentle nudge. “Why don’t you go get that ball for Mila and Keeper and give them some more exercise.”
Theo heads off in the direction of where the ball last was, more than happy to play with the dogs.
Rio continues. “Santi said you’ve been having a few problems. Maybe the boys can help.”
I don’t feel comfortable that all these people are talking about my problems together behind my back. My body stiffens. I swallow hard. It’s one thing for Santi to be at Julia’s, to linger at the edges, offering protection. It’s another thing entirely for him to bring in more people. More eyes. I spent years being watched. Controlled. Monitored. Even if this is for my safety, I can’t shake the instinct to refuse.
Anton pulls out a business card and hands it to me.
Shadow Justice. Are these guys PIs or something?
Instantly I’m uncomfortable. I’m new in Echo Valley. I don’t want to be seen as bringing trouble to this sweet small town.
“Kat…” Santi seems to read my mind and tries to put me at ease. “It’s completely up to you, but it seems like having some skilled people looking into things isn’t a bad idea. What do you think?”
What do I think?
I can’t remember the last time someone asked me what I thought.
I trace raised letters on the card. “I guess it seems a little bit weird to be watched all the time. Is that what that means? Like you’d be staked out on the street at Julia’s? ”
Anton’s voice is so low it’s almost difficult to hear his words.
“Invisibility is our forte. You won’t know we’re around. We now know there weren’t prints at the farmhouse or in the outbuilding.”
I let out a long, slow breath. Have I just not yet been invited to the Echo Valley group chat or something? News rips through this town like a tornado.
Santi offers another thought. “We should also bring it up at the next town hall. But it’s not for nine days.”
“Town Hall?” This is moving too fast for me.
“Where we talk about town business. Community watch, seeing who needs help and what needs fixing. That kind of thing. We could get everyone keeping an eye out.”
Echo Valley sure has a beating heart.
But I’m out of my comfort zone.
I tap the tiny card on my palm. “I’ve spent my whole life being someone’s business,” I mutter, running my fingers over the card. “I don’t know if I want that here.”
A sly smile comes across Rio’s face, like what I’m saying is absurd and I’ll soon find out. I guess Echo Valley doesn’t let you fade into the background—it invites you to be part of its story.
I raise the card in the air. “Thanks, guys. Let me think about it.”
“Sure thing.”
Luis calls them over to the grill, asking them how they want their steaks cooked.
I watch their broad backs walk away.
“So much for privacy,” I mumble. “Or blending into the scenery…”
Santi chuckles. “ Michi , I hope you didn’t just say that. As if you could roll up in this town unnoticed. ”
Michi … The word is a ghost from another life. My heart clenches, desperate to cling to the sound of it. I can’t let it.
Santi clears his throat like the familiarity slipped out unintended, but he’s not the kind of man to ignore it. “Looks like some things don’t go away just because they should.”
My stomach explodes with butterflies. Big problem. Huge.
His voice drops, rougher now, but there’s no teasing in it. “Look, I’m not here to make this complicated. I just…” He shakes his head. “I don’t want to be some stranger to you, Kat. If we’re going to be something, even if it’s just friends, might as well be honest.”
He’s right. And as I gaze into his eyes, I realize he’s the only man who’s ever given me honesty without cruelty, without expectation. Love from others has always come with conditions, with consequences. That’s why even if Owen didn’t need him, even if the FBI wasn’t around, even if there wasn’t all this craziness… I’d still need to stay away. I need time to heal my wounds. Love has never been safe for me. And I don’t know if I can trust it anymore.
I shove my hands on my hips, and— pop . The damn cardigan button again. Like the universe itself is conspiring against me, determined to unravel me piece by piece. I throw my hands up. “What is my life?”
Santi’s playful laugh surrounds me and erases all embarrassment. I always used to feel supreme comfort around him. Like I could be whole myself. Not that smart all the time. Not that happy all the time. Whimsical. Head in the clouds, ready to be a college dropout or dealing with a wardrobe malfunction.
Whenever I meet those eyes of his, I’m more at ease, no matter how good or bad the moment. I shake my head and stick the button back through the hole, willing it to stay. “This cardigan used to fit me like a glove.”
“Now it fits you better.” He smirks.
He’s flirting?
I cock my eyebrow. “You better stop being so nice to me.”
“Or what?”
“Or it’s going to be really damn hard to be just friends.”
His lips press together. “I want to do right by you, Kat. But I don’t think either of us knows what that looks like yet.” He lowers his tone. “Plus… if you keep looking like that around me, it sure is going to be hard. Very, very hard.”
My breath stills.
“But no matter how hard that is, a real man doesn’t treat you like less just to make things easier on him.”
And you truly are the definition of a real man.
“Grub’s up!” Luis calls from what feels like a million miles away.
Santi is more serious now. “Think about Anton and Gabriel helping. Please.” He glances toward Theo, watching him play. Then back at me. “Don’t let pride keep you from taking what you need, Kat.”
As if it’s just that easy. Nothing in my life has ever been easy. Accepting their help means admitting that the danger is real. That I can’t protect Theo on my own. And I don’t know if I’m ready for that truth just yet.