13
Beatriz looked around the hostel room, especially at the thick and useless bars that blocked the windows and doors, and told herself that she would never understand interior designers. It wasn’t because of her age: she had never been interested in superfluous beauty or useless ornaments. She still remembered how she had stifled her yawns every time Martin chattered excitedly about this or that plant: was a blue mass of hydrangeas better than a circular pergola dotted with passion flowers? Would the tall lines of a cypress or a fluffy privet be more suitable for that hedge?
If it had been up to her, she would have paved it all over with concrete so it could be hosed down for easy cleaning.
Vesna, however, was different: she took after her father. Beatriz was aware of this and told herself that she had to be careful when telling her daughter the story, or things could end very, very badly. So, she chose her words carefully before continuing.
“The same year we got married, your father opened his own landscaping company, appointing his good friend and business partner, Andreu, as assistant manager,” she said as if only a few minutes had passed since her last conversation with her daughter. From an objective point of view, time had ceased to have any meaning for her. “Those were very happy years... at least for him. He spent most of his days in the office, designing gardens for wealthy families or traveling all over Spain to supervise his employees. He began to do very well financially. The company was the fruit of many years of work, studies, and experience: a dream come true for Martin Br?ljan.”
“It”s a pity you left it to rot as soon as he died,” her daughter interrupted, gunning for a fight, as always. “If you had taken care of the business instead of drinking so much, I wouldn”t be here now, hiring witches to find my inheritance.”
“Can I go on, or do you have any more reproaches?”
“Of course, of course, please continue. It was just a remark that came to mind.”
Beatriz looked her daughter up and down. Vesna”s eyes glittered with belligerence as she took off her earrings and laid them carefully on the bedside table, behaving as if she’d never made a mistake in her life. Beatriz snorted but decided to refrain from commenting. If she had wanted to, she could have reminded Vesna that those sparkling earrings had been a gift from her married lover.
“So, while Martin was fulfilling his dreams, I spent my days alone. I was bored out of my mind,” Beatriz continued cautiously. “We didn”t lack money, and I was able to quit my awful job as a sales clerk. I started to drink every day to combat the loneliness. At first, it was just one drink with dinner. Then it became two... Sometimes, Andreu would come by the house, pretending he was looking for your father, and he would cheer me up with his jokes. I drank less on those days. After a couple of years, I considered escaping my zombie-like life and leaving Martin once and for all. But then we found out you were on your way. I only stayed with Martin because of you, although now I understand it was a mistake.” She paused to watch Vesna”s expression, but her daughter remained impassive.
“I know your father loved me very much. However, the business absorbed him. He wanted to do everything by himself and control absolutely everything: he did the bookkeeping, looked for clients, drew landscaping plans, and, if necessary, he wielded the hoe or the pruning shears, beavering away under the hot sun just like his subordinates. He was the first to arrive every morning and the last to leave in the evening. He drank coffee day and night and often forgot to eat. Every day, he was more emaciated, and the good looks that had once attracted my attention began to fade, ruined by excess and fatigue. The fifteen years” difference between us became increasingly noticeable, and I began to see him more as a father than a husband.”
Vesna looked at her in disgust and rummaged through her suitcase until she found a pair of pajamas.
“To tell you the truth, I don”t remember what Dad looked like anymore. I was four years old when he died, and you got rid of all the pictures. Although Indira”s mother always says he was handsome, yes.”
“He was,” Beatriz admitted. “But that is rarely enough.”
She wanted to tell Vesna that she was sorry, that she could have done better, but the words stuck in her throat, and she couldn”t get even one out.
“Go on, get on with it,” said Vesna impatiently. “I”m so tired.”
“Yes…” Beatriz closed her eyes, returning to the past. “I still remember the day your father asked Andreu to accompany me to the gynecologist for a checkup. Work overwhelmed him, and he didn”t know how to please me anymore. But can you imagine sending your pregnant wife to the doctor with a coworker? I was in my seventh month, and I found it the most insulting thing he had ever done to me. But Andreu, as always, brightened up my afternoon with his sense of humor and jokes. For him, any excuse to get away from work was a good one. And even more so if it was with me. Although he never said it openly, I knew he hated being Martin”s subordinate, following the orders of a foreigner who had managed to make his way better and faster than him. Andreu might have been fun, but I suspect he was also silently jealous and slightly xenophobic at times. He secretly envied Martin and all that he had achieved in life... including marrying me. When I look back, I’m unable to understand why. Martin was never a happy man, while Andreu spent his days laughing his head off.”
“I guess it”s hard to be happy while your wife is screwing your best friend,” Vesna mumbled.
“It”s funny that you, of all people, should criticize me for that.”
Vesna kicked the suitcase shut.
“Finish your story, please. It”s getting late,” Vesna snapped, sitting as far away from her as possible.
“Don’t worry. It won”t be long now. The day you were born, I was at home alone. In the afternoon, I called your father at his office: he told me to take a cab and that he would come to the hospital as soon as he could. The second I hung up, I dialed Andreu”s number. He was the only one I wanted by my side, the only one who could comfort me at a time like that. In five minutes, he was parked outside the door, waiting for me with the engine running. He seemed much more concerned than your father, who, during our phone conversation, had seemed more interested in the forms he had to file with the IRS than my labor pains. You were born at 4:44 a.m., and your father didn”t come to see you until ten in the morning after he finished his damn taxes. When he came into the room, your grandparents and Andreu were there, and that was the first time he showed such unequivocal dislike for his business partner. Without much beating around the bush, he threw him out of the room.
“What are you doing here?” he shouted at Andreu. “Only family members are allowed to be here.”
“You should thank him. It was Andreu who brought me to the hospital yesterday,” I said, defending him. I felt bad for Andreu. “He”s been with me all night.” Unlike you.
Andreu gave Martin a couple of pats on the back, trying to dispel the bad mood that had pervaded the room.
“Hey, boss, don”t get mad!” he said, gathering his things. He had deep circles under his eyes and looked as exhausted as I was. “Actually, I was just about to leave. Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl! You can tell me what her name is tomorrow. I guess you”ll be taking the day off to be with them, won”t you?”
Beatriz brushed a curl away from her face. She decided not to tell Vesna how, early that morning, before the visitors arrived, Andreu had kissed her on the forehead while holding her newborn daughter in his arms. After the birth, they remained silent, the three of them alone, united in an embrace as warm as it was improper. Nor did she tell Vesna how she had wished that this child had been Andreu”s and not her husband”s. That had been the only happy family moment that she had ever known in her life, the only time she had experienced the warmth and union of having a partner and a child. But sadly, it had been with the wrong person. That was the only day in her life when she had felt the joy of motherhood. Unfortunately, dawn arrived to remind her that she was still married to Martin, and Andreu was only a good friend.
Oblivious to all this, Vesna took off her wooden peg pendant. She left it on the bedside table beside the earrings, and Beatriz sighed as she looked at it. That pendant was part of the story, too, but she wasn”t allowed to tell her about it… at least, not yet.
Vesna picked up her toiletry bag and stood up.
“I didn”t expect that from Dad. I always thought at least he loved me,” she said with a hint of sadness. “But then again, it’s not so strange, I guess. I”m going to take a shower now. I”m not in the mood for any more stories tonight.”
The room had no en-suite. Looking dejected, Vesna went out into the corridor. Beatriz felt guilty for having ruined, even more so, the idealized image Vesna had of Martin.
“Vesna, wait,” she said, floating across the room. “You should know that when your father saw you, he realized he was the last one to meet you. But that didn”t stop him from falling in love with you instantly. He always loved you very, very much. In spite of all his faults.”
“I don”t know why you married Dad. You ruined everyone”s life. Yours, his, mine. Sometimes, I wish I’d never been born, if I”m honest. You made a horrible mistake marrying him, and now I”m the one paying for it.”
“Marriage is almost always a mistake,” Beatriz muttered. “One thinks that the infatuation will last forever, that the bliss of the first days will never fade. But that never happens. Youth blinds us, and people change. Or they don”t change, which can be even worse. And if you’re one of those few who choose the right person, destiny takes care of putting other obstacles in your way. If you don”t believe me, look what happened to your grandmother... have you reached that part of her diary yet?”
“Which part?” Vesna raised her eyebrows, sounding a little more interested. “All I know is that she enlisted with her brother.”
“Ah, so you haven”t read it yet... well, you”ll soon see for yourself.”