Chapter 8 #2
The problem with working with other species is that they’ve all got better senses than me. Hearing, sight, smell… and somehow, that also equals them being more graceful and stealthy.
Which is how Sam manages to walk up behind me and see what’s on my computer screen at the one time I’m looking up something that’s not work-related.
“Noah?” he gasps, and that’s the first indication I get that someone’s there. I yelp and leap about three feet in the air. The office was empty! Everyone was out doing fieldwork or in meetings—that was the only reason I succumbed to temptation.
I grab for the mouse, desperate to close the browser window, but somehow in my haste, I fumble and end up clicking one of the search results.
The porn clip starts autoplaying, the voices filling the office.
“I’m going to fuck you so hard, you’ll feel me in your throat. Maybe that will shut you up.”
“Yeah? Just do it from behind so I don’t have to see your damn face.”
I close my eyes and bury my face in my hands. What kind of office doesn’t have a filter that blocks porn sites? I want it to end, but I’m too afraid to try stopping it for fear of making it worse somehow. Although, the only way this could be worse would be if Andrew walked in right now.
Fear clutching my gut, I jerk my head up and look toward the doorway. It’s empty. Thank sweet baby Jesus and all that’s holy.
Sam leans across me, grabs the mouse, and stops the clip. He then hits the back button and returns to the fateful search page.
“Uh, Noah—”
“I wasn’t looking for porn, I swear,” I choke out. There’s not much that’s more unprofessional than watching porn on company time and equipment, and I don’t want Sam or anyone else to think I’m that irresponsible.
“No, I can see that,” he says slowly, still staring at the search bar. The place where I typed Is hate sex okay?
Maybe it would be better for the man who thinks of himself as my big brother to believe I’m watching porn on the job. Because I have a sneaking suspicion I’m about to get a Serious Talk that’s going to make me want to die.
“Is it consensual?” he asks, and I’m so surprised that I just blink at him like a dummy.
“What?”
“The hate sex. As long as it’s consensual and you don’t feel bad about yourself after—or made to feel bad by the other person—then there’s nothing wrong with it.”
A long, awkward silence stretches between us.
“Uh, thanks.” I suck in a breath and force myself to meet his gaze.
He smiles casually. “Have fun with it. Oh—do you have any questions—”
“No!”
The smile falters, and I race to soften my shout of denial.
“Thanks, Sam, but I’m not… I mean, I’ve had sex. I just…” wanted to make sure I wasn’t psychologically damaged .
He leans against my desk. “Sex can mean a lot of different things,” he says.
“What’s sexy to one person might not be to another.
I used to have a friend who was into BDSM, and he told me the most important thing was that sex is safe, sane, and consensual.
I think that should apply outside of BDSM as well.
For me…” He shrugs. “I’ve never been into anything fancy, sexually speaking, but consent and respect have always been my hard limits. ”
I give that a second to sink in. Consent and respect.
I figure Sam means respect for each other’s wishes and limits, but maybe also respect for the person you’re with?
Because I might not be sure if I like Andrew, but I know I respect him.
I might not want a relationship with him, but I wouldn’t feel shame for having fucked him.
“Thanks, Sam.” I can hear the confidence back in my voice. “I’m sorry I was looking this up at work. And I swear, I was not going to look at the porn clips.”
“Who’s looking at porn?” Alistair says as he strolls in. “And why wasn’t I invited?”
Sam rolls his eyes and straightens, going over to his own desk. “No one’s looking at porn,” he says. “I swear, I don’t know where you come up with these ideas.”
Alistair starts to protest, and Sam shoots me a conspiratorial little wink. Which, yay, glad he’s keeping my secret, but I really hope he doesn’t suspect who I’m thinking of having hate sex with.
Who am I kidding? He totally knows.
“…just saying, people should stop making out like porn is a bad thing,” Alistair is saying. “We all watch it. As long as it’s produced under safe and nonexploitative conditions with consenting adult participants, there’s no reason to consider it anything but wonderful.”
It’s shockingly unsurprising that Alistair has a porn disclaimer. Although, I can’t disagree with him about any of that.
“Alistair, why are you talking about porn?” Elinor asks exasperatedly as she walks in and goes to drop the file she’s holding on her desk. Seriously, why is everyone here? They were all supposed to be out for the afternoon. I was supposed to have the office to myself.
I go cold at the thought that someone other than Sam could have walked in first. Sam will keep his mouth shut, I’m pretty sure. Alistair or Elinor would never let me forget. I’d be hearing about the day I watched hate porn in the office until I breathed my last.
“I didn’t start it,” Alistair insists. “Sam and Noah were watching porn when I got here.”
“ What? ” Andrew’s delighted shout bounces off the walls. I want to crawl under my desk, but instead make myself look toward the doorway again, where he’s standing with a huge grin on his dumb/sexy face and David and Gideon slightly behind him.
It could be worse. They could all have turned up five minutes earlier.
“We were not watching porn,” I insist huffily as Gideon gives Andrew a shove and pushes past him.
“Why were you watching porn with Noah?” Gideon asks Sam—is he pouting ? Sure, I’ve come to terms with the fact that he’s not quite as fucking terrifying as I thought, but seeing him pout like a kid whose favorite toy—
Whoa. That analogy is waaay creepy when the topic is porn. I’m backing away from that fast.
So. Gideon pouting equals weird.
“We weren’t watching porn,” Sam tells him patiently. “Alistair made that up.”
“I did not .” Alistair sounds completely offended.
“Okay, maybe you weren’t watching it right then, but you were definitely talking about watching porn.
If you don’t want to invite me, fine”—the injured look he gives me makes it clear that it’s anything but fine—“but at least be secure enough to admit that you watched porn instead of gaslighting me.”
My jaw drops open. We weren’t actually gaslighting him, were we?
Before I have a chance to get my brain in gear, David steps in.
“Regardless of who was watching or talking about porn or not,” he says in his sensible, calming way, “this is probably a conversation we can leave for another time.”
I love David. I think he might be my best friend. At this moment, I would literally kill someone for him if he wanted me to. Especially if that person is Alistair, who has a mulish look on his face and is opening his mouth to argue.
“Or,” Andrew butts in, “we can talk about it now and then again another time. In fact, we should have a porn party!”
Dead. Silence.
“A… what?” Elinor asks, leaning forward in fascination. “I’m not into orgies, if that’s what you’re getting at. Besides, with this crowd, my share of the action would be really limited, and a girl can only watch for so long before she wants to join in the fun.”
Oh. My. God.
“Sweet baby Jesus,” I whisper.
Andrew rolls his eyes. “I keep telling you, Noah, he was just some random do-gooder sorcerer. Look him up in the archives—by all accounts, he was a nice guy, but he came really close to outing the community with his insistence on helping humans.”
“Forget about history,” Alistair insists. “I want to hear more about this porn party. Exactly what does it involve?”
With a shrug, Andrew finally moves away from the door toward his desk. “Well, there are different kinds. The most fun include sex, of course. But since I have no desire to get naked with David—”
“Hey!” David exclaims, then shakes his head. “Why am I complaining about that?”
“—the kind we’d have as a group would include very bad porn and shots every time something cheesy happens.”
“Are you high?” Gideon asks, but Sam looks faintly intrigued.
“You could also have shots for every time certain words and phrases are used,” he suggests. “Like ‘do me harder.’”
All eyes turn to him, and he flushes. “What? I watch porn.”
“That’s right, you do,” Alistair teases. “You watch porn and use the World of Wangs.”
I really want to ask, but—
“Okay, someone has to tell me the World of Wangs story,” Elinor says. “Because it keeps coming up and I still don’t get it.”
“Nothing!” Sam insists. “It’s nothing. Not important at all.”
Oh, Sam. It’s like he doesn’t know them at all. He may as well have just thrown chum to circling sharks.
“Well, El,” Andrew starts, a wicked gleam in his eye, “it’s like this. Sam—”
“We were talking about porn!” I yell, even as I wonder what the ever-loving hell I’m doing.
“It was my fault. I-I-I asked Sam some… questions. Um. About… sex. Porn. Things I’d seen in porn.
Because… I’ve only had vanilla s-sex.” Oh, holy fuck, shut up, Noah!
Across the room, Sam’s eyes are as wide as saucers and he’s mouthing “thank you,” but if I could take the last thirty seconds back, I totally would.
My face is so hot, you could fry eggs on it. And there is no way in hell I could possibly look at anyone right now.
“Well.” Surprisingly, it’s Gideon who breaks the silence.
“That’s your business, Noah, and not anyone else’s.
” There’s a warning edge to his voice, and when I peek up, he’s glaring at the others.
Alistair shrugs, though he’s grinning, and Elinor holds up her hands in a gesture of surrender.
Andrew, though, is staring at me with a weird expression… part shock, part… I don’t know.