Chapter 10
ten
HARLOW
“Shit! Shit Shit Shit,” I angrily whisper to myself. I just let my boss finger me on his kitchen counter. “Shit!”
Don’t get me wrong. I wanted it. Wanted him.
I still want him. I can feel the ghost of his fingers on me, inside me, and it makes me want him even more. But I can’t have him. I’m only here to save money and be the first one to break the news on Ezra. Whatever that turns out to be.
That’s it. Just business.
“Business.”
“Just business.”
“Don’t fuck your boss.”
If I keep repeating it like a mantra, maybe I’ll believe it.
A knock sounds on my door, and I know who it is before he even speaks. “Harlow? Let me in, Firecracker. We need to talk.”
I sigh and drag my feet to my door. I open it just a crack. Cal stands right outside, eyes on me, a sad and pleading look in his eyes that almost breaks me.
“Can I come in?” he says softly. I nod, turning to take a seat on the small sofa in my room. Maybe if my back is to him, this won’t hurt as much.
That plan is shot to shit when he takes the seat next to me, his thigh firmly planted against mine. The woodsy smell of his cologne surrounds me, making me weak.
Business. Just business. Don’t fuck your boss. I repeat it in my head as I wait for him to speak.
“Harlow, I —”
“I think we need to have a strictly professional working relationship,” I blurt out before his words can sway me.
I can’t look at him. My eyes are firmly locked on a very interesting spot on the wall.
“Professional working relationship?” The hurt in his voice cuts through me, but I stick to my resolve. “I care about Cora too much, and I need this job. I can’t risk it just to be another place for you to stick your dick while you wait for someone new and hotter to come along.”
I feel Cal stiffen beside me. He sucks in a shocked breath, and his eyes burn into the side of my head. I can’t look at him. I’ll take everything back if I do.
A tear slips down my face at the realization that there’s truth in what I said. Cal isn’t the serious type of guy. His friends joke about it constantly. But that’s not who I am. I can’t do casual and not get hurt.
“You think you’re just a place to stick my dick?” he asks, anger seeping into his words.
“Aren’t I?” I ask the wall, still refusing to look at him.
He doesn’t speak right away. With every moment that passes without a sound, I get more terrified. Terrified that I’m going to lose this job.
Lose him.
I never really had him, but the thought that I might never be in his presence again is scary. Cal attracts people because he shines so brightly. I don’t want to be without that light again, and I’ll take it in whatever form he’s willing to give.
As long as that form keeps my heart safe.
“Fine. Professional relationship it is.” Cal stands and a moment later, my door slams shut.
I curl into a ball, inhaling the faint smell of him that was left in his wake, and cry until I fall asleep.