Chapter 9
Sage
I sat with Payne for the rest of the morning, keeping him company and quietly talking about him and Kit.
I learned that they’d joined the Black Guard at the same time and had become fast friends during novice training.
All the while, his amethyst eyes had sparked with warmth as he gazed lovingly at his mate, making my heart ache with longing.
Would anyone ever look at me like that? Like I was the only person in the world for them?
Like I mattered?
Would Ash?
I shoved that thought aside. It was foolish, and even if it wasn’t impossible, it certainly wasn’t practical, given my current situation.
“We flirted on and off for years,” Payne said, “but it wasn’t until two years ago that Kit told me my soul called to his.”
Heat crept up Payne’s neck and into his cheeks, and I bit back a smile at seeing this enormous fae warrior blush.
“I was so relieved when he confessed,” Payne admitted, his voice dropping even lower. “I’d had feelings for him from the moment we first met, but I never said anything. Kit has magic, so he was eligible for a female mate, and I didn’t want to…” He shrugged.
“You didn’t want to get in the way,” I finished softly.
“Yeah, but it turns out no one’s soul ever called to him the way mine did.”
He chuckled at that and told me stories about their time together as journeymen guardsmen and then when they formed a hunting team with Lewin and Hodge.
His expression darkened at the mention of Hodge, and he didn’t go into detail about how the man had died, but if it had been anything like the glimpse I’d gotten of the bear attack, I understood why Payne didn’t want to relive that.
We talked until the fourth bell rang and Flint returned with a new tray filled with food for Payne.
My stomach rumbled, reminding me it was lunchtime, but I didn’t really want to face all the silent glares from the guardsmen in the great hall. Sure, no one had tried to trip me since I’d threatened to kill Mikel in his sleep, but that didn’t mean they weren’t waiting for the right time to strike.
“Go on,” Flint said. “I don’t know if Quill will want to teach you meditation right away, but if he does, you won’t be able to concentrate with your stomach making all that noise.”
With a sigh, I returned to the great hall.
It was the same as breakfast where the guardsmen’s eyes would glaze over the moment they noticed me or they’d instantly look away.
No one tried to trip me, and I didn’t hear any snide comments, whispered or otherwise.
It was as if the men had decided my new punishment was that I didn’t exist.
And if that was all they were going to do…? Great.
I wanted to be invisible. Being invisible meant less opportunity for me to screw up and someone noticing I wasn’t a boy.
Except I couldn’t believe that ignoring me was the new plan. It couldn’t be. They had to be planning something, and I had to be ready for it.
I made myself another sandwich, pocketed another orange, and headed back to my room to eat. I wasn’t sure if Payne wanted more company during lunch, but I didn’t want to wear out my welcome. I also didn’t know if me showing up too much would bother Flint.
Flint hadn’t treated me like the other guardsmen.
Technically, he and the other healers in the Black Tower weren’t guardsmen and weren’t committed to a mandatory period of service like the other fae — or a lifetime of service like the humans.
But that didn’t mean Flint wasn’t a part of the Black Guard brotherhood.
And while he might not have shown his dislike of me because of whatever healing vows fae healers took, that didn’t mean he approved of me. I couldn’t mistake politeness for acceptance.
When I finished my lunch, I stepped back out into the hall to see a guardsman with a bundle of scrunched up clothes open the narrow door by the stairs and toss his laundry into the bin.
Grefin had said the bedding was only washed every two rotations. Did that mean everyone’s bedding, or was there a rotation where some guardsmen were one rotation and the rest were the other rotation so as not to overwhelm the guardsmen doing the laundry?
Given that I’d only been in the Black Tower for a single rotation, it was probably safe to assume I shouldn’t strip my bed and expect new bedding from the quartermaster.
That said, I needed to stop by his quarters to get my new clean uniforms as well as learn what my morning chore would be for the next rotation.
But first, I had to meet Lord Quill in the infirmary to talk about my fae-touched ability.
The guardsman who’d had the dirty laundry headed down the hall toward the sitting area, thankfully away from me. I slowly closed my door and followed after him, hoping his faster pace and longer legs would put distance between us.
Every muscle in my body hurt, and I prayed to the Father that whatever chore Lord Rider and the quartermaster gave me, it wouldn’t be as physically demanding as mucking out the stables.
I returned to the infirmary and slipped inside, not wanting to wait out in the hall.
Lord Quill arrived just as the fifth bell started to toll and offered me a tentative smile which confused me until I realized the last time Lord Quill had seen me, Sawyer, I’d collapsed on the running trail and thrown up.
I offered him my own tentative, tight-lipped smile. I needed to be careful and stay focused, so I didn’t mix up what I did in the Gray with what I did in the Garden.
“So,” Quill said. “Rider tells me your fae-touched ability is the sight.”
“Yeah.”
One of the guardsmen assigned to helping Flint walked into the infirmary’s main room, his eyes narrowing when he saw me. He wasn’t one of the men from last night which meant he wasn’t supposed to know about my magic, but I couldn’t tell from his expression if he knew about it or not.
Quill sighed and gestured to the hall where the private rooms were. “I think there’s an empty room in the back. Let’s talk there.”
“Right.”
I followed him down the hall, past Lewin and Kit’s room — noticing that Payne was back in the chair at Kit’s bedside — past three more doors that were closed and two more that were open then into the second to last room.
It was identical to all the other private rooms in the infirmary with a bed, a low long table, a chair, and a bathroom. My gaze instantly jumped to the bed and my pulse picked up.
No. Nope. Not at all. Not going to think anything about Lord Quill and beds.
Thankfully, Quill sat on the bed instead of giving me the choice of where to sit — which was good, since I honestly had no idea what I’d have picked. Sitting on the bed felt too exposed, like I was inviting him to join me somehow.
Except him sitting on the bed reminded me of how I’d jumped him and ridden his cock the other night in the Garden.
Jeez. What was wrong with me?
“How long have you been able to see things?” he asked as I perched on the edge of the chair, not committing to getting comfortable and forgetting where I was and who I was talking to.
“Not long.”
Unease tightened my insides. I’d been keeping my secret for so long that a part of me didn’t want to talk about my ability.
But another part, a bigger part that was terrified of what would happen, knew Lord Quill needed to know everything if he was going to help me…
or at least everything about my magic, not about me being a girl or my current predicament.
“I had my first vision the day—”
I bit the inside of my cheek. I was about to tell him I’d had my first vision that day he’d called Sawyer’s name for the lottery, but that risked him realizing my “sister” had acted strange and he might realize the truth.
“The day before my name was drawn in the lottery,” I lied.
“And you told your sister.”
“I…”
When Lord Quill had arrived at Herstind Keep I’d acted as if I’d already known who’s name he was going to say, but that had very little to do with my ability to sense the future.
I’d only had a bad feeling and years of experience living with my stepfather.
But I still needed to say something he’d believe.
“I told her I thought something might happen. I didn’t know for sure. Before that, I’d only ever gotten a sense that something bad was going to happen.”
“Bad, like what?”
“Like the sweating sickness would be worse than usual or that brigands were going to attack or that a nasty storm was coming. Nothing specific, just a sense of dread about some things.”
Quill’s expression darkened. “So it’s getting stronger.”
“And more frequent. It used to be every once in a while, and now I’ve had a—” Crap, should I say I’ve had a few close together? Would he want to know what other visions I’d seen?
Would he be able to save me if I told him about my impending death?
No, if I told him about that vision, he’d want to know why, he’d ask more questions about me, and I just couldn’t risk him learning I was a woman.
Not until I knew Sawyer was out of the Five Great Kingdoms and safe.
Then, maybe. If he’d proven that I could trust him and that he wouldn’t just hand me over to Rider to be punished.
“I’ve now had two close together,” I said, hoping he wouldn’t notice the slip of my tongue. “My name being drawn in the lottery and Payne being poisoned.”
“It just means your ability is maturing. You’re a little young, but you’re also human so we shouldn’t be surprised if it’s early.”
“When would a fae get his magic?”
Sadness flickered through Quill’s expression so fast I almost missed it. If I hadn’t known how much not having magic hurt him, I probably would have missed it. My chest tightened and I regretted asking.
“Men usually start manifesting an ability around our twentieth summer.”
If fae manifested their magic when they were twenty then I was an early bloomer since I’d been having premonitions for years. Except Lord Quill had said “men” specifically, which implied fae women were different. Not that I was a fae woman.