Chapter 38 #2
And any one of them could be working with Crane. He was still out there. Four of my attackers had escaped, and Yarrow had only found Addax, the injured one.
What if Crane had allies among the courtiers? He and Wells had managed to find six other men willing to force a mating bond on me. I didn’t doubt that Crane would be able to easily find more.
The memory of his magic draining my strength slithered down my spine. My limbs had gone heavy, my vision spiraling into a dark tunnel. I’d been overwhelmed with the helplessness of knowing I couldn’t fight back.
“Let’s choose a dress,” Zinnia said, and I was grateful she didn’t push.
I stood and went back to the wardrobe in the bedroom, scanning the options with new eyes. Now that I knew color didn’t matter, I could choose based on what actually mattered: hiding my marks and satisfying the High Priestess.
My gaze caught on a gold gown near the back. It was the fanciest one in the wardrobe, with delicate beading that caught every flicker of faelight and fabric that shimmered when it moved.
The back dipped dangerously low, the fabric along each side of the gap and at my waist resting in loose, voluminous folds, and deep slits ran up both sides, revealing more thigh than I was comfortable with, but it was flashy. Eye-catching.
Like all the other dresses Quill had brought me, it would cover all my mating marks, but it was also, certainly, the kind of dress the High Priestess would expect at her ball.
If I was going to be forced to play this game, I might as well look like I was playing it well.
I pulled it from the wardrobe. “This one.”
Zinnia helped me into the gown, and the weight of the silky fabric settled over me, cool and heavy against my skin. I smoothed my hands down the front, feeling the intricate beading beneath my fingers.
Despite its coverage, I still felt naked.
Of course I’d probably feel naked in any of the dresses, so there was no point in changing my mind.
I turned to catch my reflection in the mirror, and for a moment I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me.
She looked like she belonged, with her jeweled eyes, and her delicately pointed ears. She looked like a fae courtier who’d spent her whole life preparing for nights like this, who knew all the rules and all the games and how to navigate them without getting destroyed.
She didn’t look like the woman who’d cut off all her hair with her boring brown eyes and her too-severe features.
She looked beautiful. Polished.
And utterly foreign.
Zinnia placed a hand on my shoulder and met my gaze in the mirror.
“You look beautiful,” she said. “Those men out there should be thanking the Goddess you’re even willing to speak with them.”
“Thank you, Zinnia. For everything.”
“You’ll be fine.” She squeezed my shoulder gently. “You’re stronger than you know.”
I turned away from my reflection, and for a moment I just stood there, trying to steady myself.
It was just a ball. I had Lord Rider, Talon, and Lord Quill to protect me. If I believed I could trust Sir West, I had him as well.
I drew in a slow breath, let it out, then walked through the door back into the sitting room.
Every eye in the room turned to me, and I froze, uncertain about their reaction and uncomfortable with the attention.
“You look—” Rider growled. His gaze darkened with an almost feral heat, sending a shiver of unwanted need racing down my spine.
I yanked my attention away from him, sending it to Quill. Surely, he was safe to look at.
But he rose from the couch with an expression so tender and caring it made my breath catch and my chest ache with longing for the one thing I could never have: unconditional love.
A heartbeat later, a flicker of heated desire caressed my skin, drawing my gaze to Talon.
He looked unaffected and maybe he was. Maybe his shadow was just hungry and saw a potential easy target in me, and that’s why a hint of his allure had caressed my skin.
Except if that was the case, why hadn’t his shadow fed off me when we’d been forced to have sex? I’d seen its appearance but hadn’t felt the chilling cold I’d expected.
I shoved that thought aside. I didn’t want their reactions. I couldn’t afford their reactions because I wasn’t fae.
I wasn’t who they thought I was, and no matter what I tried or wanted, I could never be what they wanted.
But even as I thought that, warmth spread through me that these men, these beautiful, stunning, powerful men looked at me with desire.
It reminded me of another man who’d looked at me with longing and heartache and a little bit of fear because he thought I’d reject him.
The warmth chilled, the moment turning sour, because the one man I wanted to see me as beautiful and feminine couldn’t be here because of the High Priestess’s cruelty.
An ache cut deep around my heart. I wanted him with me, wanted his warmth and safety and comfort, and like with everything else in my life, I had to make do without.
But soon. Soon Yarrow or Rider and the others would find Crane and bring him to justice. Soon I wouldn’t be trapped in the Divine Residence and I’d be able to be with Ash.
I squared my shoulders and raised my chin. “I’m ready.”
It was a complete lie. I wasn’t ready, I didn’t think I’d ever be ready, but I really didn’t have a choice.