41. Chapter 39
Chapter 39
Hydessa
17 Years Ago
L ink doesn’t know when his birthday is, so I told him we are baking a cake today and from now on, today would be his birthday. It makes me sad that he’s never had a cake before, let alone a party. We have one every year, and the thing I like about it the most is the cake.
But instead of letting me make it for him, he said he would help. So now we are in the kitchen and there is flour all over our faces. I giggle as I throw some more in his direction. Mom won’t be happy, but seeing Link’s smile is worth it.
“Gotcha!” Link shouts, throwing a handful of flour back at me. We both burst into laughter, the kitchen quickly becoming a battleground.
“Okay, okay, truce!” I say, holding up my hands. “Let’s make a cake.”
Link grins and nods, his face and hair dusted with flour. We start measuring ingredients and mixing them together. The kitchen is a mess.
Suddenly, Link stops and his face goes pale. He falls to the ground, and I can feel my heart beating faster the longer he stays there.
“Link? Link, stop playing,” I say, my voice trembling.
He starts shaking, and I drop the mixing bowl and kneel beside him. “Mom! Mom!” I scream.
She rushes into the kitchen, her eyes wide with alarm. She sees Link on the floor and she quickly kneels beside him, her hands moving over his face.
“Dare, call 911!” she shouts.
My Dad rushes into the room, holding a phone to his ear. My Papa comes in too but he comes toward me, wrapping his arms around me and picking me up. He carries me out of the kitchen.
I don’t want to leave Link. I want to be with him, but Papa isn’t listening to me. No matter how hard I try to push away from him, no matter how hard I scream or yell, he won’t let me go.
Minutes later, though it feels like forever, the paramedics arrive. My mom and dad leave with them when they take Link away, they wont let me go too.
“Papa, please let me go with him. I need to be with Link,” I beg, tears streaming down my face.
Papa holds me tighter, his own face etched with worry. “Hydessa, they need to take care of him. We need to stay here. We’ll go to the hospital soon.”
I cry and plead, but Papa doesn’t change his mind. Eventually, I feel so tired, and he carries me to my room where I cry myself to sleep.
In the middle of the night, I wake up to my mom lying beside me. She’s holding me, gently stroking my hair. Her eyes are sad, but she tries to smile for me.
“Mom, can we go see Link?” I ask, my voice small.
Her face falls, and she looks so sad. “I’m so sorry, honey. He’s gone now.”
I feel like the world is falling down around me, and for a moment, I can’t breathe. I clutch my mom tighter, sobbing into her chest as her words keep repeating inside my head. Link is gone.
Days pass like this, and I don’t want to see anyone but Link. I know I can’t though, and it makes the tears start all over again. Everything hurts and I don’t understand it. It’s like I can feel the darkness and shadows inside me screaming for us to be reunited, but he’s no longer here.
I had two whole months with him. Waking up every day to see his face, and making it my mission to get him to smile. He was doing better, the darkness in his eyes didn’t seem to linger as much and he didn’t wake with nightmares as often.
So why did the world take him away from me? I was doing the right thing. I finally felt free to be me with someone.
My parents keep trying to talk to me, but I don’t want to listen. Nothing is the same anymore. He was my partner, and now I don’t have my partner anymore. Every time they try to comfort me, it just feels like another reminder that he’s gone.
After a week of them hovering, I finally get tired of my parents trying to tell me everything is fine and I run away.
I sprint into the forest to hide before they can catch me. I don't want to speak to anyone. I don't want to go back to the life I had before Link arrived anymore.
Once I’ve gone too far for me to hear them, I find a spot under a large tree and curl up, trying to make myself as small as possible. The forest is quiet, and it feels like the only place where I can be alone with my sadness.
How can I tell them that nothing feels right anymore? How do I explain that Link saw a deeper part of me than they ever have? How do I tell them that having him by my side was helping me embrace the darkness inside? That I’ll never be able to embrace it without him next to me.
I can hear them calling my name from my hiding spot, but I don't want to move. I just want to hide and be sad, even if I’ve run out of tears.
It feels like hours pass before I hear a noise near me. I don’t bother looking, I don’t need to look to know it’s Seanna. She crawls into my hiding spot with me and wraps her arms around my body silently, letting me continue to cry.
“I just want to hide,” I whisper finally.
“And you know that if you’re ever hiding, then it's my job to seek,” she says softly.
“What if I don’t want to be found?” I reply, struggling not to sob.
“Then, I’ll sit here with you in the dark,” she responds with a shrug.
She keeps holding me while I shake with silent sobs, and everything continues to hurt. I can feel the darkness inside me calling out for him, crying for him like I am.
“It hurts without him,” I whisper to her when I feel like no more tears will fall. “He said he would be my partner in shadows. Just like mom told us our dads are to her. Who will help me control my darkness now that he’s gone?”
She takes a minute to think. I’ve never talked about this part of me with anyone but Link until now, and she must sense it’s a big deal. “Then hide the memory of him in your heart with your darkness. Keep it safe there. No one has to know what you keep locked away.”
It takes a long time for the words to make sense to me, but finally I let her pull me from my hiding spot.
There are moments in life that leave a lasting impression. Moments that shape who you are as a person moving forward. Mine was when I lost my best friend and partner.